9 yr daughter crying all night!! WHAT THE HECK TO DO?? - Page 7

[Yummymummy74]

Originally Posted by DreamerMama

LDSmomma, I am going to try and say this nicely; but hon, you need some parenting classes asap.
Good gravy, why did you have a ton of kids if you just wanted them to SHUT UP!?

UCK : posts like this are really making me feel sick..and to be honest your comments are not at all helping LDSmama, Out of curiosity just when did you become so all knowing and self righteous...

I guess I will bow down to you then , you must be the uber mom if you have never been sleep deprived or raised your voice at one of your kids..

UCK UCK!!!!!!

[G-Dawg]

Sometimes it is hard to listen without judgement when a thread hits close to home. I find it very interesting that some of the snarkiest replies have come from people who later admit that similar things happened to them when they were young. Some felt neglected in large families, some felt needs were not met emotionally. I don't see how it is constructive to read your own autobiography into ldsmama's situation. This is apparent by the fact that people are assuming intentions and even quoting her as saying things that she never said. It is called projecting and it is harmful. That is an issue to take up in your own therapy session.

90% of the board doesn't seem to be critical of LDS mama. They seem to be trying to cushion the blow of the 10% who are trying to get back at lds mama for things their parents did to them.

In case it isn't painfully clear to all, she came asking for advise. She wouldn't have done so if she didn't think there was a possibility that her thinking wasn't clear.

Some have said that no one was overly judgemental!!! I believe she has been called cold, heartless, acused of having too many children...the list goes on.

Some have suggested therapy for her and her child. I hope a professional would be able to listen without judgement, avoid name calling, and offer some helpful advise. It's a shame that someone should have to pay for services that they should expect from their friends.

Thanks to all moms that offered support.

LDS mama...There is really some awesome advise here, once you sift through the negativity.

[pumpkin]

The first thing I thought after reading the OP was that bedtime rules might need to be relaxed right now. Then I read the post that said your daughter had fallen asleep on the couch while you were gone. That really led me to believe that the routine needs to change. Here are my thoughts.

I have a really hard time getting my brain to turn off when I need to go to sleep. I was this way when I was 9 and I’m still this way today.

The only way I can ever get to sleep is to distract myself. Generally this is either reading or watching tv. Sometimes I listen to the radio, but it has to be something with a thread to follow, not just music. I have to give my brain something to focus on other than my own thoughts. The best thing my parents did was just accept that this was true for me. At 9 I was allowed to have the radio on low or read as late I wanted. Sometimes I read until 2 or 3 in the morning, but most of the time I’d read for an hour and then fall asleep. My parents didn’t have to stay with me while I did this but that is what fit my personality.

Clearly something is bothering your daughter. The previous posters have given lots of suggestions on how to get to the root of the problem. Regardless, placing less focus on actually having to fall asleep might help your whole family get the rest they need.

[SaveTheWild]

wow, so many things to say about this thread...

but I'll restrain myself...

OK, on to the substance.

First off, I agree with the posters who say that this is something serious and that you need to figure out the cause. Sleeytime tea, etc. is all fine and dandy, but it is a band-aid at best for a serious issue.

that said, here are my thoughts:

1) Do you live in Utah? If so, has she been hearing news/ following the story about the Lori Hacking kidnapping/murder? (She was reported missing exactly two weeks ago today)

Have you been talking about it as a family? Are cousins/other kids/friends talking about it? The kidnapping/murder would be very, very scary for a kid. Either way. If she thinks that the woman was kidnapped, that's scary. If she thinks the woman was murdered by her husband...very scary. If I were 9 and I were thinking about it -- I'd be very scared. [ETA -- looks like the news just reported that they arrested Mark Hacking -- I guess the "kidnapping" story he told was untrue]

2) ITA with folks about the timing with the cousins' visit. You need to look into that.

3) the daily timing should be looked at too -- its bedtime when this happens. Either she is scared to sleep because she is having nightmares, or she is scared to sleep because she is afraid of what might happen while she is asleep (either to her or to others).

I know you probably know this already, but I really think it is important to not ignore this, and to not punish her for her feelings. something's wrong.

Sorry you are both going through this.

I hope this came across as it was intended (caring advice) and nothing else...

[DreamerMama]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmuma

UCK : posts like this are really making me feel sick..and to be honest your comments are not at all helping LDSmama, Out of curiosity just when did you become so all knowing and self righteous...

I guess I will bow down to you then , you must be the uber mom if you have never been sleep deprived or raised your voice at one of your kids..

UCK UCK!!!!!!

It might do you some good to read the rest of my posts in this thread where I clarify and recant some of my remarks.

[DreamerMama]

Originally Posted by chemigogo

But i urge you to ask God to help you lay down your resentment, and get wisdom from him on how best to help your child, who really does need you.

Thank you chemigogo, that post was so beautifully written, this part especially.

[AllyRae]

The one thing that jumped out at me.... She's 9 years old...is it possible that she just started her first period? I know that when I started (I was 11), I was afraid to tell anyone about it...I was upset and cried.

Also, there was the mention of a visit with the cousins. DEFINTELY investigate this.

What about school....maybe something happened there with a boy, or a friend, or a teacher...

Does she watch the news? The news nowadays is enough to scare the crud out of anyone...

Your daughter is scared...is there a favorite aunt or friend she can talk to?

[Overproducktion]

I just got off the phone with my SIL, my neice started her period at 8, (i thought she was 9).

Weeks before it happened, she lost her appetite, and didn't sleep well. Definatley some thing to look into.

She also said that her oldest step-dd went through a stage similar to what lds is speaking of with her dd, and they later found out it was caused by symptoms of IBS. Irritable bowel syndrom (sp?)

Geez, there is so much to think on here....just trying to shoot some more ideas on the thread.

[Yummymummy74]

Originally Posted by DreamerMama

Why do you feel need to quote me? I NEVER said what you are implying. Btw, it might do you some good to read the rest of my posts in this thread where I clarify and recant some of my remarks.

I quoted exactley what YOU wrote!!! please don't deny your own words.

I have read the WHOLE thread and was one of the first few posters on it last night when it started!!!!! thats why I am again following the thread today, this mom needs help not critisicm, and wholier than thou comments!

What lds needs to hear is that we are here, to listen to her and to help her bounce ideas around ..I thought the purpose of this forum was to lend an ear, and a place to vent outside of the real judgmental harsh world we all live in ..that is very often not alternative living or AP friendly.

I digress, but its important I think to step back and not cast stones when you have not walked a mile in her shoes..

I come to MDC because its supposed to be a safe haven really...or so I thought I vibrant community of eclectic thoughts..If I wanted to read and participate in common flaming/troll threads geez I could sit around at all other other online parenting forums.

Back to LDS mom!

I agree that rescue remedy is a fabulous idea! I have used this with much success on my preteen, in addition we go through times where she has a tummy ache..or a back ache or just plain insomnia...all of these are of course stemming from the reason that she just does not want to sleep! I have also seen her "melt down" at night..if she has had alot go on during the day she can just start to cry for seemingly no reason.

Its never an absolute..often its more of a shot in the dark this can be a very interesting age with young womyn!! I am also really agreeing with alot of the posters who felt it might be something related to hormones..they can do weird things to us you know! LOL

In the end I would trust your instinct and gut more than any outside advice you get..only YOU know your child..and this may well be a variation of normal preteen behaviour! if you sense its more than that..then follow that, but dont make anybody here make you feel like less of a mom because of whats going on, and dont make anyone here pressure you into seeking outside assistance if you really truly are not into that sort of thing.

I really do wish you well..parenting is such an interesting journey! and having 8 kiddos myself I know FULL well the trials and tribulations of the large family.

[Yummymummy74]

Originally Posted by DreamerMama

It might do you some good to read the rest of my posts in this thread where I clarify and recant some of my remarks.

Hmm why did you edit this post after my post quoting what was originally in here?

*shaking head*

[DreamerMama]

edited. I don't want to have this inane conversation with someone who can't bother to read an apology.

[DreamerMama]

*

[triste]

I am sorry to hear that your daughter has been crying for awhile already. I hope you can find out why , so it can help you both sleep. Good Luck

[Yummymummy74]

Originally Posted by DreamerMama

Now, pissoff.

Wow! how articulate of you

I have one better! but I wont give you the pleasure of telling you what you probably already know you are

Have a great one!

[DreamerMama]

Originally Posted by Marsupialmuma

Hmm why did you edit this post after my post quoting what was originally in here?

*shaking head*

Ok, I'm going to play nice. There is a little thing called time delay. I edited because it didn't say what I meant it to say. Good enough?

[Yummymummy74]

Originally Posted by DreamerMama

Ok, I'm going to play nice. There is a little thing called time delay. I edited because it didn't say what I meant it to say. Good enough?

No further comments needed.

This is getting away from the support and help LDS mama really needs right now

[Overproducktion]

[AllyRae]

Ok LDS....I made a comment up there...a really nice one with some possibilities. It is going to get lost in the snarkiness, I'm sure. I'm sorry if any of my comments were repeats...I chose not to read pages 2- 6 because it was snark after snark and I really just wanted to offer support. So, please go up a couple posts and my ideas are up there.

[BusyMommy]

Come on, for Goodness sake, get off of her thread. If all you can do is try to have a pissing contest, go somewhere else. DreamerMama, you obviously are angered and upset. Don't take it out on the OP and hijack her thread. She has a real issue and she's turned here for support. IF you can't be constructive and respectful, then leave it alone.

[Jennifer Z]

If she is anything like I was at that age, she just doesn't know *what* is wrong, but the whole world is just wrong. I cried myself to sleep almost every night for a couple of years as a pre-teen. I was suicidal many times and my mom, as irritated and hard as it was for her sat by my side, rubbing my back, and told me over and over again how important I was to her, how much she loved me, and things along those lines. Even as an adult when I feel overwhelmed I can close my eyes and hear those words. Those are the kind of words you want her to hear in your head the rest of her life.

It is likely she is pre-mentral or mentral, and much like peri-menopause, the hormones are out of balance and cause feelings and emotions she has no experience handling.

If she has a stomach ache, it could be cramps, post-nasal drip (sometimes my allergies are mild enough they don't really bother me during the day, but when I lay down I feel like throwing up), or any number of diseases that cause discomfort. If she has physical symptoms, take her to a dr. and keep taking her until you get somebody that takes her seriously. My mom, in her late 50s now, is still angry that nobody took her pain seriously when she was a child. When I had pain, she literally kept taking me to drs. until somebody listened. The positive effect of her taking me seriously extends far beyond just helping me with my pain and helps me to know I am worth taking care of. (btw...I was dx with endo at 13yo)

I would recommend that you take her to a dr. and make sure there isn't something wrong. Sit down with her and make a plan...get a pm yoga tape, relaxing music, warm bath, visualization, sleepytime tea, or just rubbing her back or singing to her, or holding her hand while she cries...anything is going to be an improvement at this point. These are the last precious years where she is still a kid, she might just need to know that you are still there for her and love her as much as the little kids that I suspect require more immediate attention. Insecurity is such a large part of being a pre-teen and since they are so close to being independent, I think it is hard to remember that they are still kids.

I do feel for the sleep deprivation though...it really screws with your emotions, especially if it hits you at the wrong time of the month.

As hard as this is for you, and it is hard, it is a thousand times worse for your daughter because she simply doesn't have the insight and coping skills that come with age.