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9 yr daughter crying all night!! WHAT THE HECK TO DO?? - Page 5

post #81 of 211
When I was maybe a couple of years older than your dd, we were shown photographs of the Holocaust in school. I was horrified and scared. Our family Dr. gave me a very mild sleep sedative because I was afraid to go to sleep. I was ashamed to tell my parents what I was afraid of (not sure why). I only used a few of the pills, then I was able to sleep on my own.

Perhaps your dd is afraid to go to sleep. I agree with the poster who suggested asking her sisters. Maybe she has confided in them.

I would definately consider seeing a therapist who specializes in children, if things don't improve. Your dd sounds terrified.

post #82 of 211
She may need to talk to a counselor specializing in children- someone neutral who is not a parent or relative. There may be something that is bothering her and being nine she is uncomfortable talking to you about it.

I understand your frustration. Also, though this child needs someone in her corner who is not sleep deprived and can listen to her without judgement. I remember being 9/10/11- very tumultuous time and not able to talk to my mom.

There could also be something that happened that is more serious and she is ashamed about, seeing a counselor could help rule that out.

Good luck.
post #83 of 211
LDSmomma, I am going to try and say this nicely; but hon, you need some parenting classes asap.

When I was nine I had a mental breakdown and cried for weeks because I had/was being molested. My mother was compassionate and let me sleep with religious music playing. She never yelled at me to SHUT UP, she held me and talked to me. I STILL didn't ever tell her what went on and I eventually stopped crying.

I have a nine year old and if she cries over a stubbed toe I would hold her until the crying stopped. I would seek medical care if she didn't stop. That is my suggestion to you, to seek medical help.

Good gravy, why did you have a ton of kids if you just wanted them to SHUT UP!?
post #84 of 211
Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamerMama
LDSmomma, I am going to try and say this nicely; but hon, you need some parenting classes asap.

When I was nine I had a mental breakdown and cried for weeks because I had/was being molested. My mother was compassionate and let me sleep with religious music playing. She never yelled at me to SHUT UP, she held me and talked to me. I STILL didn't ever tell her what went on and I eventually stopped crying.

I have a nine year old and if she cries over a stubbed toe I would hold her until the crying stopped. I would seek medical care if she didn't stop. That is my suggestion to you, to seek medical help.

Good gravy, why did you have a ton of kids if you just wanted them to SHUT UP!?
wow, it must be nice to have never lost your temper with your child. :

ugh.

c'mon, sleep deprivation makes people very cranky! don't be so nasty. it's one thing to lose your temper and yell at a child, it would be very different if she locked her in a closet or called her horrible names or hit her.

cut this mama some slack. I agree there is something really big going on with this girl, but you don't need to be so vicious.
post #85 of 211
can't get past page two

whether these members are 'trolls' are not they are right. The child needs help.
post #86 of 211
Quote:
I don't understand the bashing of the new members. None of them were overly judgmental or critical--they gave advice based on concern for the CHILD. LDSmamma's OP sounded harsh, and I think that new and long-time members came in with posts that addressed concern for the girl. Why dismiss new member advice that is EXACTLY the same as long-time member advice? Because it's new? We were all new once.
Yeah, well some of them where saying things that the OP never said.


Quote:
Good gravy, why did you have a ton of kids if you just wanted them to SHUT UP!?
That was plain rude! : I've yelled before, and I have 4 kids. Just because of this incident lately with her dd, that is causing her and the family lack of sleep, which can impair your judgment and make you grumpy, you are telling her she needs parenting classes and are questioning her reason for breeding?

Please, let me know when the perfect parenting classes start, I can't wait to join.
post #87 of 211
Quote:
Originally Posted by LDSmomma6
... She is crying for no reason...
Children't don't cry every night for two weeks for no reason. If this were a nursing baby, would you still think she was crying for no reason? That you can't solve this by nursing her doesn't mean it's for "no reason." But I think you know that because then you wrote...

Quote:
Originally Posted by LDSmomma6
... Will not sleep. Says she is scared. Scared of what??...
She's scared and you don't know of what yet. That's not the same as "for no reason." In fact, it's the opposite of no reason.

I started having anxiety at night around 10 years old. Sometimes my parents tried to help me and other times I got told to just go back to bed, they didn't yell but they did speak sharply to me. I remember being so scared I couldn't sleep (&, yes, I was sleeping in with my sister) and I couldn't even articultate why.

If this were my child, I would not hesitate to take her to a child psychologist. Sometimes just one or two sessions with a compassionate, trained professional can be all the help a child needs.

I wish so much my parents had done that for me, I'm not exagerating when I say I think it could have changed my life (I still deal with periodic, unexplainable anxiety)
post #88 of 211
Yep, sleep deprivation does funny things to you...I have four kids so I guess I would know. I have yelled at my kids...I don't even pretend to be perfect. OTOH, I wouldn't let my child cry for two hours, let alone cry for two efing weeks! This is an AP site, right? We are supposed to be striving for an attachement to our child...any other person would get flamed to hell and back for posting something like this.

Mama needs slack???!!!! WTF!!??? Uh...I think the kid needs some slack. Who is going to stand up for this kid?
post #89 of 211
Yes dreamermama, but what are you going to accomplish in helping this mama help her dd by posting some thing as you did?
post #90 of 211
what's viscious? Sometimes when I am making questionable parenting choices I feel like a good honest talking to is a good thing. Honestly, did she post for hugs and support or advice? No one is being mean here. Just honest.

If a child is showing signs of being that disturbed, it's not beneficial for the mother to act like she's being a drama queen and disrupting the family.

I thought this was a sight for attachment parenting? AP goes beyond the ones in diapers. Sometimes it's a good idea for us to remind each other of that.
post #91 of 211
Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamerMama
Good gravy, why did you have a ton of kids if you just wanted them to SHUT UP!?
Nice. :
post #92 of 211
Quote:
Originally Posted by happymomwith4
Yeah, well some of them where saying things that the OP never said.


That was plain rude! : I've yelled before, and I have 4 kids. Just because of this incident lately with her dd, that is causing her and the family lack of sleep, which can impair your judgment and make you grumpy, you are telling her she needs parenting classes and are questioning her reason for breeding?

Please, let me know when the perfect parenting classes start, I can't wait to join.

Step back hon...I have four kids too, your not alone. I don't yell at my kids to shut up. Not even when we haven't had sleep for weeks, baby has colic, we have stomache bug, I have morning sickness...I JUST DON'T. Neither should you. No one should yell at their child when they are obviously in distress. Can you imagine yelling at a newborn that CAN'T tell you what is wrong? Yeah...just as productive as yelling at this child.
post #93 of 211
Quote:
Originally Posted by happymomwith4
Yes dreamermama, but what are you going to accomplish in helping this mama help her dd by posting some thing as you did?
Did you READ my post at all? Or were you just skimming? I told her what happened to me and my advice. Now, go back and read carefully...mmmkay?
post #94 of 211
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raven
Nice. :
Don't you have anything constructive to add?
post #95 of 211
okay pull out the perfect mommy badges

dreamer good for you. You should be proud. But this thread isn't about you and what you would do or not do. It's about ldsmommy. And while I agree she needs to wake up and smell the coffee so she can help her daughter, lost of moms slip up and act like jerks. It happens. It's not okay, and that's why this thread is so big. I am glad people are telling her it's not okay. But telling her how you would NEVER do such a thing isn't really helpful, is it?
post #96 of 211
Oh this poor mama.... she comes here for help and gets what? Give her a break. Do you think she came here to get pounded on and have people tell her what shes doing wrong? please!!! Obviously she KNOWS shes not doing something enough for her poor dd. She came for help. She was honest and forthright in what she has tried, is doing and what she can handle. Maybe she has pms herself right now and just CAN NOT handle the crying anymore.

Did OP even say that she just lets her cry? She has been trying to console her but it won't stop.... thats the issue. NOt that she LETs her cry.

Some people are so mean and unkind. Like my mom said if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all....
post #97 of 211
Quote:
Originally Posted by pie
okay pull out the perfect mommy badges

dreamer good for you. You should be proud. But this thread isn't about you and what you would do or not do. It's about ldsmommy. And while I agree she needs to wake up and smell the coffee so she can help her daughter, lost of moms slip up and act like jerks. It happens. It's not okay, and that's why this thread is so big. I am glad people are telling her it's not okay. But telling her how you would NEVER do such a thing isn't really helpful, is it?

I wasn't responding to her pie, I was responding to happymomwith4...she asked me if I had ever yelled at my kids.
post #98 of 211
so what? You still don't need to make it about you. I am glad you don't yell at your kids ever but the reality is that most of the world does from time to time, and right or wrong, it doesn't help matters along to hear how you wouldn't be caught dead.
post #99 of 211
HOLY SNARK FEST, BATMAN!

It sounds like the OP is tired. It sounds like 9yodd needs some attention, can you take some time, LDS?


Just as a P.S.: does it really accomplish what you want by writing "ummmm, " and "mmmkay", condescendingly? It just sounds so negative and ridiculous to me...
post #100 of 211
Quote:
Originally Posted by pie
...If a child is showing signs of being that disturbed, it's not beneficial for the mother to act like she's being a drama queen and disrupting the family.

I thought this was a sight for attachment parenting? AP goes beyond the ones in diapers. Sometimes it's a good idea for us to remind each other of that.
ITA.

I agree that some of the comments in this thread have been out of line. But I don't agree that showing compassion for this little girl is the same as not supporting her mother.

Some of us have been that little girl, have been dismissed by our parents as "crying about nothing" (which is just about the most hurtful thing a parent can say. And even if they don't say it, children pick up on a parent's lack of patience and compassion) and I think it's understandable to want to rush in and speak on this little girl's behalf.

I really wish this thread had not gotten so heated.
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