How do I explian death?

[Starfire]

Two weeks ago my very close cousin and her one year old where in a car accedent. Her daughter died and the mother was very injured. They have finnaly gotten my cousin home (the accedent was two states away) and tomoorow they will have the funeral for her baby.

My son who is five keeps asking why she died?
Is she all bloody? And I tell him no she is not and he doesn't get that.

I am sure when we go to the funeral he will see her, but I am not usre how much that will scare him. They played together once a week at least, so they were very close. And it is the first person in my life to pass on. So I am very emotional, and I am not sure how I should be in front of him while veiwing the body. And in our tradition we cut our hair and bury it with the passed one. It is funny how my son remembers that from stories, and asks when I will cutting my hair and how much.

Ok well enough of me babling. Have any of you had to deal with a young death before? And what is some useful info to give me?

Thanks a bunch
Starfire

[lisamarie]

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Most of my losses have been with adults or teenagers. But I do remember one of my friends from preschool, getting in a car accident and dying when we were probably 4 or 5 yo. I didn't go to the funeral, but I still remember talking to my mom about it.

My ds lost his father when he was 3 yo. We didn't go to the viewing and he didn't see his father at the funeral. We did try to explain things to him prior to the funeral though. How it would be, we had some things put into the casket from us, etc. Now that he is 6 yo, he is asking more questions about "How did he look when he died, etc.". I just try to be really honest with him. There is a really good kids book called "when dinosaurs die". It talks about different ways people pass on, some funeral customs and is very honest, but gentle.

(((BIG HUG)))~

Lisa

[festivus1]

I second the When Dinosaurs Die book. I bought it to have on hand and frequently loan it to friends with children who have had someone they know die. It is EXCELLENT and I even think it is healing for grown-ups.

[Starfire]

Can you tell me who writes it?

The Funeral was very informational to both of us. I have not had any one pass on before, so it was hard for me too. I was joking with my mom because she got us a dog 14 years ago, and once I asked her if she got him for the reason of death, and how to deal with it. Well at the funeral every one was crying and I just turned to her and said "your plan did not work our dog is still living" We laughed for a while cryed for a while and no one got up set at my son for all the questions he had.

My son even went and talked to my cousin, who loves children and let him sit on her lap and told him stories of Mika's life and how much she loved her, and that even though her duaghter is gone he is welcome to play with her. She will be in a wheel chair for a couple more months, and we have a date to push her around tonight. My son is very glad she is so happy even though he knows she is sad. We saw her the other dy and my son told her it was ok for her to cry. It was very sweet. Well Thanks for listening.

Starfire

[lisamarie]

Starfire~

Good to hear from you. The author is Marc Brown. He also is the author of the Arthur Series of books.

Much Love~

Lisa