UC Thread #8, August '04

[laurata]

Past Threads
uc thread #1
uc thread #2
uc thread #3
uc thread #4
uc thread #5
uc thread #6
uc thread #7

roll call

andrea88 -- UC 8/03 story
Aurora -- UC 10/03 story
Whit -- UC 11/03 story
2much2luv -- UC 1/04
thechrysalis -- UC 1/04 story
Mothernature -- UC 1/04 story
indigolilybear -- UC 3/04 pics
citizenfong -- UC 3/04 pics
Carrieanders -- UC 4/10/04 story
Chaka Falls -- UC 4/04
amyamanda -- UC 5/04 story
Karenpl -- UC 6/04 story
bookwormmama -- UC 6/04
wildthing -- midwife-attended 6/04 story
grnbn76 -- emergency cesarean, 7/04 story
Hathor -- UC 6/29/04 story
Mamajaza -- UC 7/04 pics
ChildoftheMoon -- born still 7/19/04 peacefully at home
gr8fulmom -- UC 7/04 story
Klothos -- UC 7/04 story
Chandar -- UC 7/04
luna13mama -- UC 7/04
madrone -- August
TinyBabyBean -- EDD August 18th (3rd UC)
Oshunmama -- EDD August 26th
JesseMomme -- August/September (first UC 11/02, story)
violet -- August/September
StacyL -- mid September
4xmamamia -- September
mellie-bellie -- EDD September
lovemygirl -- mid to late September
blueviolet -- late September (first UC 7/01, story)
rachel -- EDD late October
DancerMom -- late November
FowlMommy -- late November
Ame -- first half of December
laurata -- December (first UC 3/02, story )
Lula's Mom -- December
AmyD -- EDD December 7th
nikirj -- EDD December 30
Dandylion -- January/February 2005
Chiromom -- January/February 2005 (first UC 2/03, story)
mehndi mama -- late February 2005
sprinkle pocket -- late spring/early summer 2005
Jenniebug -- EDD March 23 2005
Mama2Lennon -- March 2005

Please PM me to make changes.

[cottonwood]

Thanks Laura, I think the cat topic was probably a good place to leave the last thread.

So... it appears that I may have a fellow UCer or two visiting me in mid-late August. There are currently some posts about it on CBirth, for those of you who are members there. Anyway, if there is anyone here from Oregon (especially mid-Willamette Valley) who is interested in meeting, that would be a perfect time, and I am happy to offer my house for that. So send me a PM if you're interested in getting more details.

[laurata]

So ya know what?

I'm just about halfway through my pregnancy! I've only been seen by a doctor once, and it totally KICKS ASS! Even though this pregnancy has not been completely blissful (physically or emotionally), it's been AWESOME to just BE ME, to just LIVE. It's so NATURAL! I know I only had 2 prenatal appointments my last pregnancy, but that was just totally different. (They were at ~11 and 17 weeks. And definately prenatal *s*care visits. My one appointment this pregnancy was not specifically a prenatal one -though I was 12 weeks- but to check on an ovarian cyst- which had gone away!)

Anyhow, I just wanted to share!

[majazama]

Just want to subscribe to this wonderful thread again Don't have anything to say right now.

[laurata]

Originally Posted by *Mamajaza*

Just want to subscribe to this wonderful thread again Don't have anything to say right now.

Hey, I don't know if anyone else realizes this, but... Did you know that if you click on thread tools (same line as the "read new posts" and "search this thread") you can subcribe w/o posting! I was tickled to make that discovery, so I thought I might mention it.

[ComaWhite]

I havent stopped in here for a while, I cant believe how many uc mommas!
Just saying hello!

[madrone]

I had read Chandar's question last night, but I had no idea on it. Just bringing up about her feeling open and losing a piece of the sac in hopes that Pama will see the question and respond. Maybe she would be the only one around here that would know if it's something okay or not?

[sprinkle pocket]

i'm still out of town, but staying in a home with a computer for a few days...

madrone~~do you still want me to list the affirmations i have? i don't know if you've already gotten some ideas. sorry it's taking me so long!! i'm finding a peace with my mind being a sieve and enjoying not feeling so responsible/in control!

i'm still chugging along. i got *symptoms* so early on that it's hard to believe i'm still so new to the pg world! all the car travel i've been doing has me queasy alot--feeling overstimulated. i miss my dh! (i'll now step down from the whining podium) :LOL

i'm curious to hear a knowledgeable response to the 4 inch piece of whatever. it's just a guess out of thin (or hazy) air, but could it be that your body's wisdom allowed some toxins to be held separate from your system in that piece of the sac and released it when it had grown more tissue to replace it? does that sound to woo-woo? well, i know your body has the wisdom to do anything it needs to do, that's not woo!

hi to everyone

[Chiromom]

Hi all!

I had my first UC in Feb of 2003 with my second child (DD)following a midwife assisted homebirth of first child (DS). I am currently planning my second UC in Jan/Feb. Well, I guess I wouldn't say *planning* because in my experience/philosophy, UC requires very minimal planning. I am just taking extra good care of myself and paying very close attention to my intuition/innate intelligence as I *monitor* the pregnancy. I am not seeing any outside caregiver outside of regular chiropractic appointments (which I do normally anyway...I'm a chiro and so is DH). I haven't been measuring anything or peeing on anything. I am well educated as to what constitutes a healthy prenatal diet and lifestyle and if I feel *off* then I will consider trying to see what the problem might be. But for now....I am healthy and hangin' in there.

I love love love to talk about ideas surrounding UC and the philosophy of birth. My little sister is expecting her first child next month and would like me to attend her birth. I have attended a handful of other births as a chiropractic doula and I am fascinated how the experience will be for me at this point in my life seeing the evolution of my personal preferences in birthing from support-wanting to pretty much hands off. With DD's birth I wasn't even sure if I wanted DH to be there.

I posted the story of my previous UC in the homebirth thread at the time DD was born and I would post a link...but seriously, I can't figure it out. I'm a bit computer illiterate sometimes. Anyway, I look forward to future discussions!

Mar

[cottonwood]

Chiromom! Congratulations on your pregnancy! It's good to see you here. Laura, let's get this woman on the list! Btw, here's your UC story: http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=42323

[Aura_Kitten]

OMG chiromom, the toilet part of the story totally reminded me of Elyssa's birth :LOL ~ i remember thinking, this is NOT the sort of waterbirth i support :LOL

*~*

on birth certificates: i will be going to get one for my little sprite w/in the next few days, and wanted to update you all one what is needed for cali, at least in my county, in case anyone is wondering...

they (county clerk / recorder's office) said that i needed to bring in:
* photo ID
* the baby
* the person who delivered the baby (i very much considered saying, "yeah, that would be ME"... but that would just be snarky. they mean, bring in who caught the baby... which i kind of wish could've been me too... )
* a note from a dr verifying that i was pregnant

they also told me that the person who delivered the baby would have to fill out a lot of forms and it is going to take us "about 45 minutes to an hour."



when i first called and told them i wanted a birth certificate, they said, "ok that'll be 15 dollars... wait... her name isn't showing up in our computers..." so i said, "uhm, no i mean i want to get a new one? because we haven't filled out anything yet...?" and she said, "oh, well you had her in the hospital right?" and i said, "no, we had her at home" and there was a loooooooooong pause and the lady said, "oh well then you'll need to bring her in... and bring in a photo ID... and... hold on... let me get the list."

i don't know what's up w/ the paperwork for my SO. all we had to do w/ my son was get a witness signature and fill out one form. how much paperwork could there possibly be to fill out?

i'm kind of looking forward to seeing the clerk's reaction when she finds out we had a planned unassisted home birth.

[FowlMommy]

Klothos, ?

Hey what if you don't have a doctor's verification? I don't. And I didn't plan on paying to get one, either. So what, will I be unable to register the birth of my little muffin (due end of Nov)?

When I had to get ds' cert, in sac county, we had a helluva time getting it and we had midwife's and doctor's notes saying I had been pregnant. Maybe if I just show them the pee test stick...?

Janet

[TRIBE]

Janet you can go into Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test (even in your 9th month) to get your pregnancy verified.

[sprinkle pocket]

warning: this is partially a mil-complainy message

has anyone been through the birth cert. rigga-ma-roll in nm? the state tends to be more lax on things, esp rurally (which is where we are), but not always. they can be lax or close-minded (regardless of the law), one never knows which will be encountered, so i'd love to hear from others who have blazed the trail.

good news~ my bil/sil just found out that they're having a girl--the first girl in a loooong time in the family. my mil is just *thrilled* and apparently said, "i didn't know *we* could have a girl!" she's rather controlling in a "mean girls" (the movie) kind of way. she doesn't mean *we* in a 'welcome to our family' kind of way, she means, this is her little girl that she never had, weird kind of way. she'll be filling the new one's closet/mind with all kinds of frilly ideas of how a girl should be, i'm sure. the dreams that dh, friends, and i have all had about our babe have all been the same little girl in each of our dreams, so dh and i (who live a rather earthy, practical life) had fears of having the first girl in the family and mil dolloping all the estrogen on our girl before she even has time to figure out who she is for herself. they're due a few mos before us, so IF we have a girl, hopefully, theirs will keep her occupied! whew! we're very excited. also, i have hopes that their birth and everything else will keep her more occupied and less wanting to be in our business--though i don't want to discount her ability to worry .

anyone else have difficult inlaws that they told about uc plans...anyone completely avoiding telling family that they're close to about uc?

dh is figuring out how to deal with family, mil especially, with all of our choices. i doubt his family will be ever told of our uc-ing ways! one time around the thanksgiving table, bil/sil announced that they'd decided to put their ds in public schools rather than homeschool and everyone acted like they'd been holding their breath, they all sighed soo loud, and then they went on to slam homeschoolers as weird/maladjusted. dh and i just made eye contact across the room. it was the 1st time i realized what we'd be in for when we got around to having kiddos. i could see telling them about our uc's once we're done having kids, but jeez, to let them (esp mil) know before then, i might as well voluntarily sign up for a mental torture chamber. i know, i know, it only bothers me b/c i have issues, and she's really gifting me with the opportunity to work on them... also, the anticipation of dealing with it bigger than going through it--especially since dh has given me free reign to tell her what i think, rather than always giving him the space to deal with it.

dh was trying to decide if it would be best to educate his mom about uc/ec/unvax etc etc etc, or if she would just worry more. i totally think she would just have more details to think about if he told her about it. she'll worry either way. the big difference is that then we'd have to hear about it in specifics, whereas if we just tell everyone that we're not discussing our prenatal/birthing plans, she won't have anything to grab onto mentally. (this woman didn't like where we registered for our wedding, and registered for us, to tell her friends a more appropriate place to shop!, also she told sil she wondered what else she could get away with before the wedding!) i compared the questions we know she'll be asking (in making her case about how stupid we are for wanting uc), to her calling someone with an ob/gyn and asking the same questions--you know, what are their credentials/safety records, do we know how unsafe a hospital birth is, how could we imagine giving birth in that setting--she would never do that to someone with an ob/gyn. and it sounds silly to *gasp* question an MD. she would ~never~ think to do that. in talking about it, i said i thought it would be extremely self-centered/disrepectful of her to involve herself in our birth plans (b/c of how she would be involving herself). her job (and she does it really well and sweetly, luckily) is to love the grandchildren and snuggle them; we're the parents. (thanks dr phil!) i know i sound rather bitchy about her, but i've learned the hard way that if she's given an inch, she doesn't just take a yard, she takes a mile. so we're trying to set up clear boundaries early--something people tend to be afraid to do with her.

ahhhh, thanks for letting me rant! i actually deleted much of my rant, just getting it out of my head and into words helped! waiting a number of months to tell his fam about our pg has been really great so far to help us solidify as a couple and how we feel about our plans and how to share or not to share. also, telling some friends 1st has given us some time to practice talking about uc and avoiding talking about uc, depending on the friend. it was cute to hear dh telling his best friend about our pg on the phone...i heard him say, "well, actually, we don't have a due date, b/c there seems to be a 9 week window of when a baby can be born healthy; the 40 week thing is just an average." my cute new knowledgeable birth-rights activist! so cute to hear him talk about it, or see his eyes well up with tears over it. ahhh....

[TRIBE]

I have been really lucky in the UC department with my own dad. He thought it was pretty cool we went UC, but he is an old hippie.

My MIL wasn't thrilled about our decision mainly b/c of what happened to Nates cousin when she had a hospital birth. That is a huge rant and that hospital should have been sued for malpractice. It took a lot of explaining to my MIL that what happened to her was not something normal and would be well avoided in a homebirth. I still don't think she really "got it" and she worried but she never said anything negative to me about what I was planning, for which I am thankful.

This time around we do have a midwife for back up. My DH is very nervous about his command out here. We are going to pull the "midwife didn't make it/baby came to fast" speech if we have to. I wish I could ease his worries about his command but since i don't know them and I know things are much stricter out here I am going with the flow to ensure he is stress and worry free while still being able to achieve my UC.

[DancerMom]

Sprinkle Pocket--

There are many things in your post I'd like to address, but I will probably forget most of them by the time I finish this sentence. I have "difficult" in-laws. I mean, I don't feel that way all the time, and they're certainly not toxic or anything (I read MUCH worse stories here at MDC than anything I've experienced) but they are definitely not supportive of UC (and everything else we do).

We chose to tell them for a number of reasons, and I spent the two months leading up to it meditating/visualizing it going well. I set my intentions for it to be drama-free and "opened myself up to the best possible outcome." (A quote a friend of mine uses a lot.) The conversation was the calmest and least dramatic I have ever had with them. It was truly amazing. My MIL, who cries at the drop of a hat, didn't even shed a tear. And they weren't happy about it, but they didn't freak out.

I do have to say though, that if it was my first birth I wouldn't be quite so open. I had a midwife assisted homebirth last time, and I had very little support. Most people's attitude was that I didn't know what I was doing (since it was my first) and I'd be "screaming for the drugs" in a really condescending "you'll-see-dear" kind of way. And of course, there's no response to that, because I HADN'T given birth at that point. And UC is soooo much less accepted (or even known) that I think it would have made it that much harder to explain to people.

Are you doing any prenatal care? Even one or two appointments? If so, you can make casual references to "my midwife" and most people will assume you mean a CNM in a hospital. That makes it easier to just avoid the situation. One of my problems with my in-laws is that I talked with great enthusiasum about a friend who had a UC long before I'd ever considered one, and so now they know it exists, and kept asking us if we'd hired a midwife. (We are doing a UP so it was hard to be evasive in the face of such direct questioning.)

I think you are very very smart to set up strong boundaries as early as possible. We did the same thing. We said no one could visit us for a month (we lived far away so it wasn't like they could drop in for two hours and then leave us alone) and no one could stay with us when we came and things like that. It is always easier to relax the rules that already exist than make up new ones.

On a completely different note (this is where I should insert the off-topic smilie but I don't really like using smilies that much) I have a question for everyone. The last three times I've gotten a minor cut or scrape it's gotten infected, and that never happens to me. I feel like I might have some little deficiency but I can't think what it would be. I feel like I should know, and once I figure it out I'll feel silly for not thinking of it myself, but does anyone have any idea why this might be happening? Once it's infected I use a homeopathic ointment and it clears up right away. I could be more careful about washing right away, but these are really minor scrapes and I haven't changed my regimen (until they get inflamed). Any advice?

[sprinkle pocket]

dancermom~ those are some good thoughts, thanks. i especially like the "open myself to the best possible outcome"! that's totally the kind of thing my friends and i would say. i should be working on that b/c i need to start getting clear on some things that she will be bringing up. like that we live in the woods in a camper with bad heat/no inside plumbing. (and we haven't started building our house yet *gasp*) she's going to flip that we could possibly think that we could care for a baby in such *dreadful* conditions. for an intelligent woman, she sure is close-minded to anything outside the upper class mentality, much less outside the american life-style mentality. i guess dh & i are clear on it, i just need to help dh be clear that it doesn't matter what she thinks when she finds out. i've been using the mantra "we're the parents" with him. she's had such a strong influence over him through his life that it's taking some really loving encouragement for him to see that he no longer lives with her & doesn't have to bow to her pressure just to avoid her making his life miserable. boy, what is it with *some* men and their mom's. it's really different than alot of mom/daughter relationships. but i know that once the baby is here, she'll be more fascinated with her/him and some of the pressure will go away, i'm sure. and no, no midwife here...i'm up/uc all the way. i'm not into misleading, even though i wish i could be. it's probably better for me to say nothing than try to say a little something. plus, she's a prober. she'll want to know allllll about our plans, so she can fix them for us. i'll be surprised if she doesn't try to make a ped. visit for the baby, just for "her own curiosity", under the psycho guise of "helping us out/doing us a favor". when dh was sick a couple years ago for 10 days, she vehemently told him he was just stupid for not seeing an md.

luckliy my mom is awesome support. very laizze faire (sp?). she knows i'm bright and make wise decisions and doesn't pretend to know more than i do about how to live my life.

we've also talked about taking a babymoon and not having visitors for a while. our family also lives a ways away and can't just pop in! i'm sooo grateful for that. i'd like some time not just for quiet family time, but time to get the hang of it enough that we don't get the "i told you you couldn't do it" speeches while we're just acting like new parents with alot to learn.

as for your infections, i can't think of anything off hand except vit c as far as nutrition goes. infections don't tend to worry me though. have you tried taking a dose of baccillinum nosode? maybe there are just some toxins trying to come out that the bacteria are enjoying feeding on.

[DancerMom]

SP--

It sounds to me like you're going to have to tell the MIL. One thing that made a huge difference to me was to tell them in my middle trimester. After I was done feeling crappy (and had also had time to adjust myself to our decision and feel really solid about it) and before my last tri, when all I want to do is focus on my birth.

The other thing we did was decide on a couple stock answers and decided we'd just be broken records if necessary. Ours were "If I or the baby are in trouble, we will go to the hospital." I liked this one because any specific "what ifs" could be answered with it, regardless of whether the what if in question was something we really considered "wrong." We were also careful to phrase things so that we were making informational statements (ie: "We have made the decision to do this alone.") rather than opening it up to discussion. They were welcome to ask questions, but we made it clear that our decision was NOT up for debate.

It seems (although I could be wrong, there are so many of us on this thread now) that many UCers do not tell their families (or not until after the birth). If you decide to tell her, I hope you have a lot of support from friends, even if only a few, because it takes a lot of processing, both before and after. Also, I had my husband tell them, since they are his parents, and then it wasn't about me being so "different" but rather a decision we had made together.

Good luck!

[sprinkle pocket]

yeah, i'd be surprised if we tell them. dh hasn't really established a good communication pattern with his folks. even though they all get along at holidays on the surface, he avoids seeing them. this would be a *doozie* of a way to try and open the lines of communication that are chronically closed. she hasn't responded to my attempts to be open with her. she's too controlling/manipulative--open communication takes some ability to flow with it, which she can't control.

thanks for the feedback, dancermom!

[rachel]

I'm not planning to tell my family that we are planning UC...it's just not worth the aggrivation of having to defend my choice. They all assume that I am having another midwife assisted homebirth...they can assume all they want!!