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Dh open to homeschool, but not to unschooling

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
Hey every one!

I'm sure there has been threads about this before, so feel free to PM me and or show me a link.....

My dh is very open to homeschooling, he thinks it is great. But he does not want me to do unschooling....well, in our case we would have to deschool first.

My children want to return to public school next year, but I left the option open for homeschooling...and I am biting my tongue WAITING for them to say they are ready, so is dh!!!!!

BUT--When the time has come (which I have faith that it will) I want to deschool/unschool. Dh wants me to have a schedule/curriculum. For some reason, I feel around October my children will be ready to be at home....I hope.

Any thoughts on this, I want to be ready, and try to help dh see the great benefit of unschooling....

TIA mamas & papas!!
post #2 of 23
One idea would be to transion slowly. Your ideal would be to decshool and then unschool (if I understand correctly). But a compromise might be to use a loose curriculum when they come home to homeschool. Maybe give your husband a chance to adjust as well.

I have not BTDT so maybe someone else will have more ideas for you. My husband is curious how we can homeschool without workbooks and 'School time'. My oldest would start K this fall and I think he half expects me to 'start homeschooling' in Sept. I am hoping we can show him how unschooling works. If it became an issue I would consider trying to use a curriclum for a short time, because I think my husband is a smart guy and I know he would appreciate my considering/respecting his ideas. I would do this, for a short time, and I think he would eventualy agree with me I would try anything to be able to homeschool. I hope this dosent sound to wishy-washy.

Will he read any homeschool books? Maybe John Holt, Teach Your Own.
Good Luck!
post #3 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thank you!

I was also thinking, that if dh stands his ground, maybe I could just sit with the kids an hour a day so that we could do some kind of work, and then let the rest fly out the window. And I could try to make that hour fun. I just don't want dh to spend $$$ on a curriculum that I don't want or have plans to use that much.

Plus Valerie aka Boysrus lives close by and we get together---maybe she could help me with ideas to pursuade dh.

Thanks for the great advice--I just ordered some books from amazon, now I'll have to go back and check on that book :LOL

Thanks again!
post #4 of 23
I agree a graduaol transition may be just as effective as deschooling. We started out with a loose cirriculum and have just gotten looser and looser ad looser. And even though my kids never went to school they knew what to expect as far as assignments and doing school work etc., . . It aslo helped my dh to see that yeah we have stuff around we do it occaisionally and she is learning etc. . . .

Also have you talked to your kids about what a good compromise for them would be? Of they are excited about going to school they might like the structure and it might be scary for them to think of themselves as just not having anything to do all day etc. .. . Perhaps it would help them decide to stay home if they knew that some of what they know would remain the same. i was one of those freaks who cheered every fall when the structure of school rolled around. I hated the here and thereness of summer break and longed for school. most of it.
post #5 of 23
If the compromise is to use a curriculum, is he open to you and the DC making your own? What if they decided what they wanted to learn, set goals for themselves, and you took it from there? Like if one of them picked ocean animals, they could get books and videos on it from the library, make a notebook of pictures and facts about what they discovered, etc. Maybe even plan a field trip to an aquarium or whatever.

Or you could get a "real" curriculum that is laid-back.
Sonlight is basicly a lot of great, real books that you read and discuss. It covers everything. www.sonlight.com You can order a print catalog.

Or maybe your DH would be happy if you just picked a method, yk? You can say we are "doing Charlotte Mason" or "doing unit studies" or whatever so it looks like you have a plan.

HTH.
post #6 of 23
I do not know if this belongs on this thread but here gose. I am very familer with homeschooling as I was and am planning to consider homeschooling my children depending on their needs, but I am hearing more and more about unschooling. I would like to know what exactly is it and how do you make sure your children continue to learn the basics with it............. Very interested in this so If some one would share with me I would apriciate it.


Amanda

mommy to Charlotte 3 and Grace 8mo
post #7 of 23
I use the Calvert curriculum and advisory teaching service for various reasons, so I am not a BTDT unschooler. However, I wonder if your husband would be more at ease if you appeared to have some goals for your children by the end of the "school year." The idea of unschooling may simply seem too loose, and some goals, either your own or based on something else, like a curriculum you've seen or state standards or one of those "what your nth grader needs to know" books, might make him feel that there's "something" getting "done." Sort of like taking a vitamin supplement, while knowing that's not a substitute for eating good food, if you take my meaning.
post #8 of 23
Thread Starter 
Great points made, thank you! I think my children would like some structure at first. Then, depending on them we could loosen it up a bit. Great advice, thanks.

I loved school as a child as well!
post #9 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
However, I wonder if your husband would be more at ease if you appeared to have some goals for your children by the end of the "school year."
Hey, another great idea!! Thanks!
post #10 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by baskina
I do not know if this belongs on this thread but here gose. I am very familer with homeschooling as I was and am planning to consider homeschooling my children depending on their needs, but I am hearing more and more about unschooling. I would like to know what exactly is it and how do you make sure your children continue to learn the basics with it............. Very interested in this so If some one would share with me I would apriciate it.


Amanda

mommy to Charlotte 3 and Grace 8mo
I would recommend that you read Teach Your Own by John Holt and The Unschooling Handbook by Mary Griffith (or Griffen..?). Both are really good and say a lot more than I can fit in a post.
post #11 of 23
we use curriculum and spend less then an hour a day , usually two or three at max 20 minutes sessions is all it takes to hs elem. with a relaxed eclectic approach, maybe that is a good compromise for you. Homeschooling with curriculum had gotten a bad rap and it does not mean you sit at the table at home for hours every day.
My kids have been ps, prvate school, and homeschool & now onto college and deschooling was not needed for my oldest at all going back and forth to home from ps, my next took some time but he withdrew during a conflict during the school year in 1st grade.
mom to ds16, ds10, ds7, dd 5
post #12 of 23
You could have him come here and ask why anybody would want to unschool and how it works.

As for your kids wanting to go to school -- well, every year I was excited to start school too. There is something about the fall air, the sense of expectation and something different happening in life, changes in the cycle that make you want to go out and do something new! And for the first couple of years of school I wasn't disappointed, because there was a lot of play and creativity interspersed with and used as a basis for learning. Eventually, though, the increased focus on learning as work, and the debilitating effects of lack of freedom, the "lord of the flies" tendencies of childhood society, and the inability of the system to tailor instruction to my needs, all made school seem less and less appealing and eventually I was routinely lying about being sick in order to try to avoid going. Not all kids have that experience, or have needs that aren't met through school, but I suspect the majority do, and if that's the case for your children, you won't need to convince them to stay home!
post #13 of 23
In reference to children thinking they want to go to school, I thought blueviolet summed that up very well!

One thing I found is that my dh came around to unschooling fairly slowly. When we started out he said we will "try" this homeschooling for a year and we can always put the kids back in school. Now, I knew I that wasn't going to happen, but he needed to see how this "experiment" of homeschooling was going to work. (btw, that was over 15 years ago, and we have "graduated" 3 children on to college and the working world since then!)

We started out with spending the morning exploring math and phonic, science and history together, through books, maps, etc. and spent the afternoons reading or exploring nature, museums, and the world around us. The kids love reading and so we enjoyed reading and discussing many of the classics.

So, after the first year, things looked pretty good. The rhythum of our days was pretty well established and I relaxed what little structure we had, which was minimum to begin with. Every year in Aug. I still write out a plan of instruction (something our state requires anyway) which is losely what I expect we will learn and explore in the comming year. Kind of a syllubus. It helps me to focus on the things I think the kids will like to do, but is very much subject to change as the wind blows. It mostly helps dh (who is a music teacher in the ps) to see how what we do (0r don't do) fits into the language of the educator.

Dh has come along way....he is very much a homeschooling/unschooling advocate, although he dosen't like the term unschooling. He thinks it sounds too much like unlearning, which of course it is the opposite of!

So, be patient with your dh and your children, they will see the benifits of the unschooled mind in time. Try to put some of what you do into "educational terms" and that may help to ease those fears of "doing nothing" so all of you can relax and enjoy life and learning together.
post #14 of 23
Yes, I think "unschooling" might be an unfortunate term from a PR perspective. To some it might sound too much like doing nothing, just as "homeschooling" sounds to some like the child is at home totally alone with mother, whereas most homeschoolers I know are hardly ever home, they are so busy with classes outside the home! They do lots more extracurricular activities than the schoolkids I know! So just pick you phrasing carefully. I do know some folks who "unschool" and do seem to think that means the children will glean whatever they need without any input on the parents' part, so the concern is not entirely unjustified. I have found that with some people it helps assuage their concerns if I sound critical of some things. It might seem underhand or deceitful but pointing out how you wouldn't do x y or z makes it sound as though you have put a lot of critical thought into it. If you point out the drawbacks or disadvantages yourself and how you plan to work with them, or ask for suggestions, it also might make your husband feel you have a realistic, not idyllic, grasp of what homeschooling will entail. It will all work out fine, of course; this is just about smoothing the way, like you do with the state also.
post #15 of 23
I just had a thought why not just do whatever you want to but do not call it 'unschooling' perhaps it is the word that has insinuations of not learning to your hubby, Liz's post made me think that. And she has good tip, but you know s/o best and if you are being sneaky about hs method I dunno how great it would be in long run, but if he does not grasp what unschooling is and the term scares him, just be homeschoolers that unschool KWIM???
post #16 of 23
Thread Starter 
I like that idea, thanks! :LOL

I got a lot of great advice here. I need to take it slow with the kids and with dh...and thinking of a different name to call it, well..I like it.

I liked reading other's experience with this...I just may have success!
post #17 of 23
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Not all kids have that experience, or have needs that aren't met through school, but I suspect the majority do, and if that's the case for your children, you won't need to convince them to stay home!
I was thinking the same thing. I brought up the idea of staying home this coming school year, and left the option open to them. I decided not to say any thing more to the kids about it. But my oldest ds does have a lot of problems in school and didn't want to go back mid-school year last year, but then he changed his mind. So, I guess we will see how he does this year, and what he decides. And, knowing Nathan, if big bro. stays home, he will want to stay home as well. But yes, if they continue to have success in school--or in Tyler's case--improve in school, I probably will just leave it alone. (but, I'm an odd sort, and I can't WAIT to homeschool..ahem, unschool. :LOL)
post #18 of 23
When we started the term unschooling was synomous with homeschooling. We called ourselves Home Educators which is a term I still like to use. I think for those outside of the homeschooling movement it gives a better discription of what we are really about. Our goal, like parents of schooled children, is to educate our children. We are simply taking the responsibility for that education ourselves rather than giving it to the government schools or some private institution.

I also think that the term Home Education has the implication that learning is going on in the home, rather than the term homeschooling that implys that schooling is going on, or the term unschooling that simply implys that no schooling is happening. After all, learning is what it is about, not simply avoiding schooling.
post #19 of 23
You've gotten some great ideas here, Tamera. Another idea that helped both my husband and me to accept a more unschooling type of approach was notebooking what our kids actually did during the day, and seeing how those activities were contributing to their learning all the time.

I went to an office supply store and got two teacher's daily plan books for about $7 each. I wrote the days of the week across the top, and subject categories down the side. If the kids asked me about the upcoming presidential election, I entered that discussion under "Social Studies.": discussed presidential election/electoral college, etc.

If my kids played Monopoly, or Life or chess that goes under "Math." So did cooking, building activities, counting their money, grocery shopping, purchasing their own treats and toys, going to the bank. Since we read everyday - and now they read on their own everyday, I jotted down the books we were reading together, and the books they read on their own: Often reading books can go in two categories: Language Arts, and Science, or Language arts and History. My kids play outside daily, or go swimming, or skating, or whatever - P.E.!, if they sketched, or painted, or had their dad show them some new chords on the guitar - that went under Art and Music.

And around here, science exploration is huge! We're always learning about animal habitats and adaptations, studying the natural environment, doing simple experiments, etc. We're docents at the Natural History museum too.

Then, after you and your husband see all the amazing things your children are doing, and have put their activities into "educationese" long enough - you can throw away the notebooks if you want to. (Or not, sometimes it's fun for the kids to look in the notebooks and see all the things we've done.). Personally, I go back and forth between keeping a notebook, and blowing it off for long periods of time. My kids think they're pretty cool, though.

Laura
post #20 of 23
Depending on your state's requirements you may need to keep such a record book anyway; I think they can be wonderful but can't keep one myself. One of the advantages of using a curriculum and ats is I need do nothing to assuage the state.

Realizing the educational value in all activities is important but not formal enough to convince everyone. I'm sure you can find a compromise that will work - and if you're doing the work it will all be up to you anyway.
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