Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
Ok, so on to the questions. veganmama.. and all the mamas for VERY gentle parenting, how do you handle tantrums? what do you think I should do when Valentina is screaming and crying and if I approach her, she will try kicking me? I would love to find a more gentle alternative than screaming back "please stop" and hugs will NOT WORK. I have tried comforting her DURING a tantrum, but it only makes it worse.
What I've learned to do is to stay very near, maybe crouch on the perimeter or, if that's too close to him, to be away but still available. I say to him very clearly that I'm there for him when he's ready.
Occasionally, too, humor breaks through, but it has to be the exact right moment (just going on feeling) and I have to be super careful. It's pretty risky - sometimes it's exactly right and sometimes it couldn't be more wrong (which leads to more explosion).
|what about me needing 5 minutes to catch the end of a favorite TV show?|
Seriously, I think this is one of those situations that just has to be avoided. It's apparently a trigger for both of you. You'll probably get to a point eventually where she'll be okay with giving you five minutes but it's probably not going to be for awhile.
|for the other train of thought.. the same questions. what would you guys do in this case? in the middle of a tantrum, do you use bribes ever? how do you feel about punishment? I don't like these but I do want to know what works for you and why.|
Do you talk with her very much about feelings? Does she have a rudimentary understanding of her feelings? Maybe in a quiet time, while she's happily occupied, painting, etc., you all can discuss the feelings that she during those times. Put names to them... talk with her about ways to handle them. It's a big thing for these small people to have such HUGE wells of emotions and not have the tools to process them. It's our job to help them discover those tools... we can't expect them to just figure them out.