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If you could, would you have started having children at a younger age or older? - Page 4

post #61 of 105
My first was born when I was 23, and I think it was almost perfect. Before meeting dh, I planned to start having kids when I was about 28 (because, in my little plan, I would marry at 27). But when it's right, it's right. Right? So, I might have liked a little more time, but I've no complaints!
post #62 of 105
Well, I do not regret anything that has happened so far. I had DS#1 7 months ago when I had just turned 29. Dh is 30 and is a wonderful hubby and dad. We have been married for 3.5 years and are financially stable. So now can afford to concentrate on the baby. We spent our 20s attending Grad schools, getting full time jobs and enjoying single-married life/travel. I would certainly like to have another baby but have not thought of a time as yet. Whatever we decide ultimately I would like to bring up our son (children) as good-mature people.
post #63 of 105
Reading this thread made me realize what an 'old' mom I am among Mothering readers -- which I had suspected when I partcipated in some of the threads. I had my first at 37. Many times I have wished I started sooner. I feel awful that so much of my youth was premised on children being a burden. Because now my husband, at 49, feels he's too old to have any more. He's like, "I'll be in my 60s when Rene graduates high school!"

On the other hand, all the years of working paid off because when I did have my daughter, I was in a position to negotiate a great part-time schedule and we have not had to worry about money as we would have in our 20s.

Still, to all of you who started in your 20s, be glad. I wish I had too.
post #64 of 105
My ds was born when I was 28. I had wanted to start sooner but we felt it was important to pay off college debt and buy a home first. I am glad we did. We are now in a position that allows me to be a SAHM which is very important to me. If we started sooner that would have been impossible. The only down side is that I now must choose between spacing my kids 3-4 years apart or having more kids closer together. I originally wanted 4 kids spaced far apart. As I get older I realize I must compromise on one of those desires. When all is said and done I would have started sooner if our financial situation then was what it is now.
post #65 of 105
I had my first at 30. I wish now I had started earlier so I could have 3 kids spread out more. I will probably have just 1 more now. I want to retire young, so I can't have them too much later. We wouldn't be able to retire and have 3 kids in college. But, DH and I were not ready until a year or 2 ago, so we did it as soon as we were ready.
post #66 of 105
I was 32 when DD was born. Perfect age for me as I had a lot of growing up to do... I wouldn't be the mom I am today if I had started earlier. The problem is that DH is 44 and doesn't want more, and I do!! One must also take the significant other's opinion into account...Sigh.
post #67 of 105
I got pregnant with my first child just after I turned 30. I had my second child at age 34. I may or may not have another child.

Before age 30, I did NOT feel ready to take on the responsibility of tiny little person! I worked really hard in my 20s, I advanced in my career, I tried different graduate school ideas on, we got married in our mid-20s, we bought a condo, we bought a house, we saved money. My husband went back to school for another degree and changed careers.

For us, having kids in our 30s has been totally right. We are in a good place with our work, I was able to cut down to part-time at work and then leave paid employment for now. I'm studying and teaching yoga right now and we are okay financially without me bringing home any real money.

I felt that we had our 20s to be together as a couple and now we are focusing on raising small kids. I know that this time is short, so I'm glad that we had YEARS together beforehand to really know each other (since my husband I RARELY have time to just hang out and talk to each other these days!)

I don't think of myself as an older mom at all (my mom started having her children at age 30 and had 4 kids), but I am constantly surprised by how many of my friends have had fertility issues. For me, I can't imagine having had children any younger.

Kathleen
post #68 of 105
Well, yes but I started at 32 and I would have liked to have started at 25 or something. But I didn't know that then. But then I could have lots more kids because I love them so.
Still, I don't think I would have been as good a mother as I am now because I was in a different emotional place
post #69 of 105
No regrets at all! My 40th birthday is when I decided I was "ready" to start a family. We conceived and I gave birth 3 months before my 41st birthday! Married nearly 10 years, I'd already done my partying in my early 20's and had a satisfying 20-year career. I LOVE being a SAHM to my ds. He'll be 5 years old soon and I'm just as active as he is! But only because I get as much sleep as he does! :LOL
post #70 of 105
Other than wishing we hadn't had to have our hearts broken to get here (and therefore also getting pregnant about a year earlier), we were at the perfect time to start a family and I'm glad we are where we are awaiting our first baby I JUST turned 30.
post #71 of 105
Quote:
Interesting to me that by far most of the posters in this thread are/were in their 20s (and seemingly early 20s & younger) when they had kids.
I'm really not trying to be snarky or anything, merpk. I'm just wondering why you would find this interesting. Are you trying to insinuate that mothers who had children in their early 20's may possibly regret the fact that they had their children at that age? Just wondering...no snarkiness, I swear.
post #72 of 105
I had my son at 30. At the time, I thought it was just about perfect.

Now, really knowing how much I love being a mom, I would like to have 3 children instead of the two I planned on before. And, I also didn't know that I would be still nursing at 2.5, and not able to space my first two less than three years apart.

So, ideally I would have gotten married a year earlier (DH and I dated for three years and drew out the engagement) and started trying for children right away instead of waiting for over a year after our wedding. But, I still wouldn't have wished for children in my early 20's. I had too much of my own stuff to deal with first and wouldn't have been a good partner or mother to anyone. I have more energy now than I did in my twenties, due to my much healthier lifestyle!

That said, I do envy people who will be very young grandmothers. I think that must be amazing for both woman and gc.
post #73 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamaya
I'm really not trying to be snarky or anything, merpk. I'm just wondering why you would find this interesting. Are you trying to insinuate that mothers who had children in their early 20's may possibly regret the fact that they had their children at that age? Just wondering...no snarkiness, I swear.
I am surprised too (And I'm one of the young pups). It's probably because I hear so much about women waiting until their 30s and "advanced maternal age" etc. And also, most of my old friends do NOT have children yet and some aren't even married yet. Even my friends at playgroup range from my age (23) to about 32 I think.

But I'm not merpk so I can't tell you what she meant.
post #74 of 105
For me, having 2 babies in my teens was probably not the right thing, but I would not trade them for anything (most days, lol) Most of who they are is how we were then. My 2nd 2 in my 20s were probably perfect age. N0w I am having my first 30s baby, and wondering if I am supposed to have 2 kids every 10 years!

My aunt put off having kids till later and never carried a baby to term. My mom had 2 in her early 20s then lost all the rest. I always felt that because of that I was on a time table and I had to have all my kids by 26 if I didn't want to suffer like mom. Silly I know. But I am not sure how I would have felt to have problems because I put off having kids. Not that we have ever tried, either.

I don't think there is a right age to have kids. Yes, I would like to know what some things are like- those things that would have involved not having kids so young. But I don't feel a loss for missing them, if it makes sense.
post #75 of 105
Please, mamamaya, am so totally not into the age-ism thing. Really. *Am* totally interested in the large number of young mothers responding to this thread, and the very small number of older mothers (of whom I am one) responding. Or at least on a cursory reading it appears to me.

Purely interesting. No underlying agenda, promise ...
post #76 of 105
Nope! I think we are given our children right when we are meant to have them.

I had my children at 23, 26, and 37. And I hope to still have another (and we went through the whole - we are SURE we are done and vasectomy and then reversal and then IVF route...you just never know you may feel about a decade down the road)

There are great things about having them early and great things about having them later. (I think 23 is pretty early...I really wouldn't have felt mature enough before that point even though we had started ttc when I was 21)
post #77 of 105
I had my DD exactly when I'd always wanted to have a baby - at 27. (Married at 25, baby at 27, per my goals as a kid :LOL ) I think it was a great age to have a baby.
post #78 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamaya
I'm really not trying to be snarky or anything, merpk. I'm just wondering why you would find this interesting. Are you trying to insinuate that mothers who had children in their early 20's may possibly regret the fact that they had their children at that age? Just wondering...no snarkiness, I swear.

I think it's interesting, too. I grew up in the 80's, hearing about the "trend" of leaving motherhood until later. Since I always knew that I wanted to have my kids in my mid-20's, I felt like I was different. What's noteworthy about this thread isn't all the younger mothers responding-- there are more women here in their 20's than in their late 30's-- but the fact that the majority of people who do wish they could change the time they had kids are the older mothers. The women who've responded that they were in their 20's when they had kids have, for the most part, said that it was/is the perfect time in their lives to have children. Many of the older mothers have said "I wasn't ready when I was younger, but I wish I'd gotten an earlier start," or something along those lines. Very interesting!
post #79 of 105
I don't wish I'd started earlier, because I would've been a crappy mother in my twenties. I'm much more sure of myself now, in my thirties, and it's perfect for me.

What I've noticed is that younger mothers who have been raised in loving, attached families, are ready, much earlier, to have children themselves. They are more grounded and more mature than I ever was, at the same age.

Coming from a brutally abusive background, I needed ten years to come to terms with my own childhood, before I could provide anyone else with a childhood. The young mothers I see who are really terrible mothers mostly come from the same background as me, only they didn't give themselves time to work through their issues. I work as a volunteer child advocate at a battered women's shelter, so I come in contact with very young mothers quite a bit.

Through my LLL group, I've met lots of twenty-something moms who are just terrific mothers, but they almost all come from loving, stable families.

Maybe it's an overgeneralization, but I think the really good young moms have loving families of their own, while the older moms have come from slightly more troubled backgrounds, and they needed time to sort themselves out.

I guess it means that we should be prepared to have our own children have children young. That's cool. We'll still get to be grandparents!
post #80 of 105
No worries Merpk! I get ya.

I started having kids at 20 and now at 24 will have my third. I don't wish I had them later. But sometimes I wish I had spaced them farther apart. Three kids under age four is going to be tough on my mental sanity.

I think there are different issues for people who have children younger and those who have them later. But generally, most of the parenting issues are the same. It depends on the person. I've seen a lot of younger people who definitely had kids too early, and I've seen a lot of older parents who still work all the time and never spend any time with their kids. It's like ok, why did you even have a kid?
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