Was your birth empowering?

[Artisan]

Do you consider your birth to be an empowering, transformative experience? Why or why not?

[MommytoTwo]

Not at all .. mainly because I had the typical 'cascade of interventions'. Induced at 38w because of 'big baby' ...cytotec, pitocin, epidural, AROM, c/s. During my c/s they didnt hold up the baby, they didnt say its a boy, nothing. It was like they were changing a tire. I only happened to see him because the scale was up near my head when they weighed him. (At this time they informed me that he was posterior and thats why I wasnt progressing)DH held him for a few minutes and then he was taken away and I didnt see him again for 4 hours, where I was allowed to hold him for 2 minutes before they took him to the NICU for 3 days. I was able to visit him the next day. I was not empowered because I laid there as he was taken out of me, I was not "allowed" to mother him for days. It was and is heartbreaking.
However the experience has empowered me, in that I have done nothing but read about birth and its interventions for the last almost 2 years and I will not repeat the experience.



edited to add- he weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces. So big huh.

[pamamidwife]

Empowering, no. At least, not in the short term. But, it was highly transformative and eventually created opportunities where I grew as a woman, mother and spiritual being.

[jessemoon]

Absolutely! Scary...difficult and transforming as well. Giving birth terrified me and was the scariest thing I had ever contemplated doing in my whole life. I am so glad that I did it. I had him at home and he was huge (10 1/2 lbs)! There were some complications, sut they ended up being o.k. I feel like I can do anything now!

[hipmamawnc]

Yes, Yes, and Yes!
With my first it was empowering because despite an incompotent homebirth MW (she may have been fine in a hospital setting), a transfer, being abondoned by my MW, very slow progression, and the threat of C/S I was able to birth my daughter.

With number two I learned just how calm and centered I could be and how to give into my body. I was able to laugh and enjoy most of my labor, and I loved my NEW MW. I was so empowered by how good I felt, how strong. (I pushed my 8lb 10oz boy out in 8 minutes, I was amazed.)

With number three I managed to have just the birth I wanted, despite location. It is empowering to know that I was able to make this birth just what I wanted in spite of circumstance, I did everything just the way I wanted without interferance or negativety. ( due to finances we had to follow insurence guidelines and go to the hospital, luckily my MW has privilages at a small contry hospital where I had a wonderful birth.)

[shelley4]

i felt that my son's birth (my first) was totally not empowering, because i had lots of interventions (even tho i had a midwife, and researched and knew what i did and didn't want, i felt helpless during labour). i had planned a home water birth, but i didn't happen, i was really upset

my daughter's birth, on the other had, was soooooooooooo empowering!!! i had her at home, i felt "in control" (as much as you can during labour LOL), and i had no interventions. her birth was amazing, i had that 'after birth high'... for months!!! i still feel very powerful when i think of it!

[plantmommy]

My first, no, although other than stadol and an unwanted episiotomy, it wasn't very interventionist. What made is disempowering was the OB, who had something negative or fearmongering to say every time she came into the room. "You DIDN'T let them give you the enema?!" "You're STILL ONLY 4 cms?" "Are you REALLY SURE you don't want the epidural?" (that during transition).

My waterbirth, oh, YES! It was transcendental. (I'm pretty sure I misspelled that) It was an amazing, transformative experience, and I can't think of the experience without smiling, even now, nearly four years later.

[Raven]

Originally Posted by reader

Do you consider your birth to be an empowering, transformative experience?

Oh absolutely! Whenever I am asked this type of question I always think of a line in the book Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper that goes something like Birth is sometimes painful but always transformational. While some woman dont feel as though their birth experience transformed them for the better, I believe that the fact that we become mothers transforms us in itself.

For me both my children's births transformed me for the better. The actual birth experiences brought me closer to my intuitive and primal self. I learned to trust my body and appreciate the innate beauty it has because of it. I also felt very connected to my emotions in a way I had never been before. I cherish my birth experiences as each one taught me something - many things actually - about myself, by body, the power of pain, trust and intuition.

I think I am more trusting of my instincts since my births as well as a totally different attitude toward my body. I used to hate my body, but since my births I have cultivate a deep sense of respect towards my body and my perceptions of what makes a body beautiful has shifted.

[homemademomma]

i had a wonderful homebirth with my son. . . . . and it forever changed me, but it wasnt what i wanted. my midwives assistant didnt make it in time, soi my midwife (with my permission) called my neighbor, who is a former midwife and an administrator at my midwifery school. the assistant came just after he was born, so there were 3 people, plus dh and ds. then my roomate and one of my friends came home- they are also student midwives and had been at a birth all night. they came in and were all excited- my midwife had to kick them out.

too many people. not private enough. im having a UC next time unless i can get a midwife who will sit in the living roomthe entire time and let me and dh do it ourselves.

[annakiss]

I suppose that it was transformative, but mostly in retrospect. Empowering? maybe a little, but again, only in retrospect. My first thought was that I had barely gotten through it. And it was one of those perfect, quick homebirths. Not so easy, as there was a lot of back labor, but it went smoothly none the less. Kind of like an unstoppable train, actually.

I really think that my son being born with a cleft lip & palate colored my idea of my birth, however. I think that I missed out on something because there wasn't a "perfect" baby at the end of all the work. So I guess I made him, and I birthed him, but since he was incomplete and it was so hard, I felt like I barely made him and I barely birthed him. Maybe next time will be different. But I'm terrified that it won't be.

[Village Mama]

Absolutely! i felt so empowered just knowing what my body is capable of. Ihad two hospital births as well, and eventhe not so perfect details, were really things that brought me somewhere emotionly/mentally where otherwise I would not have known my ability to cope. I feel much stronger now

[MomInFlux]

Absolutely!

Shelly4, are you sure we aren't the same person in different bodies :LOL ? The birth of my son was in a hospital with a cascade of interventions despite my planning for a natural birth. The birth of my daughter, tho - WOW. I ended up having an unattended birth on the floor of my bathroom - only DH and I in attendance. I had planned a homebirth, but labor progress so quickly that I didn't ask DH to call the midwife until it was too late. Honestly, though, I'm glad she didn't make it. I honestly experienced what hypnobabies describes as birth surges - my contractions were intense, but not painful. Despite childbirth being a process that cannot be controlled, I nevertheless felt in control, because I was the one making the decisions about my body. I believe that the birth of my daughter was incredibly empowering and transformational, and not just for myself. My DH remains in awe of what a woman's body can do, and I think he has become more open to other, health-related things in terms of trusting our bodies to do what they were designed to do (heal themselves, for example).

[pamamidwife]

I totally agree with Raven! I mean, I hear all these stories about not feeling empowered, but so many of you mamas were EMPOWERED for your next birth BECAUSE of that first experience! That is totally transformational!

I feel so bad when I hear women say, "well, it's my first baby, so I should have it in the hospital...maybe with my next birth I'll have it at home". I just want to scream, "NO! you are better off having your FIRST at home, and all the rest in the hospital!" I feel sad by the number of women I meet wanting to have a better experience than their first. Needing to heal wounds and deep trauma through a homebirth.

It should never have to happen.

to all you mamas! I'm so encouraged by what I read here!

[laurata]

In many ways, yes, both my births were.

My first birth, only in retrospect, as it empowered me to look deeper and do something different with my next birth. It was a very good birth, as far as hospital births go. My second birth was a UC, followed by a transport after the birth. It was extremely empowering, and yet normal. I am nothing but thrilled that the birth turned out the way it did, even if we did transport after the fact.

[AmyB]

My 1st birth was a typically awful hospital birth but it actually was empowering. I made some decisions against the advice of the medical people and I believe that the self-confidence it took to go against them ultimately saved me from unnecessary c-section.

The four good decisions I made were I took Bradley Method classes, I insisted on going home instead of staying in the hospital for high blood pressure with no other symptoms of pre-eclampsia, I stayed home for two days after my water broke and I refused pain killers so I could actually feel what was going on with my body. Oh, I also made a good decision with my choice of OB but that was pretty nearly undone by a bad choice of hospital facility.

So I made some bad decisions too, but in the end the good decisons saved the day and that did make me feel empowered.

--AmyB

[Artisan]

Before reading the responses to this thread, I would have answered that my first birth was not empowering. But now I see that it was tremendously empowering.

My first baby was a planned hospital birth with a midwife. The labor hit me like a ton of bricks -- my water broke, and I never had a break between contractions. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I was begging for an epidural, despite intending to use alternative pain control methods for as long as possible. I had no complications, the midwife was nice enough, no episiotomy, and delivered a healthy 10 lb boy.

But as I reflected on his birth over the past two years, I saw how dissatisfied it left me. I couldn't stand what happened AFTER he was born -- the forced separation, the hospital stay, the eight weeks of pain from the three stitches I needed. I decided to do it differently next time. I guess I was empowered by his birth to make different choices.

I gave birth three weeks ago at a freestanding birth center, and the experience was completely different, completely empowering (in a different way), and very transformative. Most people thought I was nuts to go from having a relatively easy hospital delivery with an epidural to choosing a natural birth. I don't have many crunchy friends in real life, so had to explain over and over why I was making the choices I was.

So, was the second labor far more painful than the first? Of course. But throughout most of my labor, I felt in control and I wasn't afraid of what was happening. I could feel my baby being born, I felt like an active participant in her birth.

And afterwards... that was heaven. (OK, except for the afterpains -- those sucked eggs. ) That sweet little girl was in my arms immediately, looking me in the eyes, nursing, snuggling. She never left my sight, didn't need to be "observed" or "warmed up" or "cleaned up". She didn't need ankle bracelets to keep her from being stolen or sent home with the wrong family. We instantly fell in love with each other, something that took a little while to happen with my first baby. And the intact perineum... now THAT was worth the pain of labor. I could sit down easily an hour after her birth. By day three, I had no discomfort whatsoever. Because she was able to nurse so much, my milk came in about 30 hours after her birth, so she was not very fussy.

My mother, who had three unmedicated births, told me on the phone minutes after my daughter was born that I did a great job, that she was so proud of me, and that I should be proud of myself for giving my baby the tremendous gift of being born without being drugged.

This birth has given me so much confidence in myself as a mother and a woman. I am already contemplating number three being born at home.

[doctorjen]

I think all of my births were empowering. I'd go further to say that my first pregnancy and birth changed the whole pattern of my life. I conceived my first child at 16, and birthed him at 17, the day after I should have started my senior year in high school. I chose an OB for that pregnancy, with my only criteria being that he wasn't my lifelong family doc who always made me feel stupid (my other choice in the town I lived in) He was nice enough, and actually gave me a copy of the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding at the first visit, as well as a book about pregnancy and a book about exercises during pregnancy (he gave all his patients these books.) It was the reading and decision making during pregnancy that changed my life. I took Lamaze, and read Bradley, and prepared for a natural birth. I signed up to use the "alternative birth room" and made my doc promise me no IV. In the end when my contractions started up with almost no break 15 minutes after my water broke, I really wasn't sure this was even labor. I called my doc and he had me come to the office first. I was 5-6 cm there, and by the time I arrived to the hospital I was 8 cm. My labor nurse was wonderful, and encouraged me to do whatever I wanted. My labor actually kind of roared through me like a freight train, but I was able to deal very well by walking, leaning over the bed, and having constant counter pressure. I climbed into bed only to push the baby out. Pushing was not any fun, and took me nearly 2 hours, but I pushed him out all on my own, and the doc handed him up to me immediately, as I grabbed for him. I remember laughing and crying, and the first coherent thing I said was "I think I could have 3 more!" which cracked everyone up. I then asked the nurse if I could try to nurse the baby, and she said "Honey, he's your baby, you can do anything you want with him." And that was the key for me for this birth being so empowering. Despite the fact that there were things I would change if I could (Pushing in bed, for one, and an unnecessary episiotomy for another) there was a general attitude the whole time that "it was my baby, and I could do whatever I wanted." I didn't realize at the time how unusual that was, especially for a teenage mom birthing in a hospital.
Having this birth experience made me want to be involved with birth for the rest of my life. Having felt so empowered and in control carried over into my early days of mothering, and made me more confident as a mother. I will be forever glad that I had the first birth experience I did!

[Stacymom]

This thread has me crying happy, emotional tears.

My first birth was like so many other's on here- induced at 42 weeks, epidural, big episiotomy, etc, etc. I felt so separate from things in a way. It was so surreal that after all that time being pregnant, I now had a baby. I can't really explain it, but somehow, being in the hospital like that, with an epidural so strong that I couldn't move anything below my breasts, took away the connection I had with the experience. It was like I was an observer instead of a participant.

That feeling was the main reason I wanted a natural birth so badly the second time around. I was pretty obsessive about it, pouring over birth stories, and reading what seemed like every book on natural childbirth ever written. We had an unexpected uc- in our car on the way to the hospital. It was such an amazing experience. To feel what was happening every step of the way- no matter how painful. I am so amazed everytime I think about how my body just started pushing without me doing anything. And my most choice memory of that birth is my dh handing her to me right after she was born, me sitting half naked in the front seat of our minvan, her wrapped up in a purple bath towel, quiet and observant. I was instantly in love. You know, even though it definitely wasn't the birth that I planned, and it isn't something that I would ever want to repeat, it is and was one of the defining moments of my life. I can't think about details like that without getting tears in my eyes. And even thought it sounds silly, when things get hard, sometimes the thought runs through my head "You gave birth to your child on the side of the freeway with no Dr's and no drugs. You can definitely do this!" :LOL

[2BMamaof3]

The three children I have given birth to...not only have they changed my life...but the births were all very transformative.

I had my first when I was 19. I would have done anything and everything I was told. I ended up with a crunchy CNM catch my baby, as my doctor was on vacation. It was such a serendipitous thing. She gave me my birth. She empowered me...when I said I had to push and I was only 8cm dilated, she said, go ahead (of course my pushes then weren't like the pushes of birth). She educated and informed and trusted me...ME! It was so amazing.

With my second I went with midwives for prenatal care as well and eventually planned a homebirth. I had my homebirth, but was very disempowered because while I was dilated to 3-4...I was very much going through transition (I have had 2 births now show me that dilation means nothing...my cervix expands to let baby through when baby is ready) and I was told I was not in labour. I went to the bathroom to "have a poo" and had a baby about 15 minutes after being told I was NOT IN LABOUR!! That tranformed me to get my *^&%^ together for my next birth.

#3 was an amazing experience. I was able to do what I needed to have an empowered birth and own my experience and GIVE BIRTH regardless as to what ended up happening (I took a birthing from within class). We planned a homebirth, I worked with different midwives and really communicated with them (something I didn't do much with #2) and I hired a doula (and my mom and friend ended up fitting into the mix of my labour as well). Babe #3 ended up having thick meconium and ultimately, I decided to transfer...but my birth was no less empowering or wonderful. Other than having to transfer and the ambulance ride, I felt quite in control, and I definately owned my experience (even in the ambulance...though if you can avoid it, don't do it that way LOL).

My children continue to change me...and each transformation with each child is just as stressful (good stress and bad stress!). Giving birth is the most amazing thing I've ever done. I have more confidence in myself and know I can do whatever I set my mind to.

Abby

[Evergreen]

My birth was empowering, but I didn't feel empowered during the actual labor. It was a long natural birth and I spent much of it in water.

After the birht, looking back upon it, I realize just how amamzing I am and how amazing all women are.