I don't know whether to be offended or worried

[pilesoflaundry]

Dh is not really ok with me homeschooling, he thinks I should just enjoy the break and be happy that I can 'go to work' as soon as the littlest one is 3-4. Um no that is not my life plan TYVM.

Today he even told ds that he would be going to the big school next week except mommy didn't sign him up so I'm teaching him at home. I was livid, ds got upset thinking he was missing out on some prize or something and got very mad at me. WTH did dh have to do that? I told him how ticked I was to undermine me that way and not to just discuss how he felt with me not infront of or with ds. We tried public school already and it didn't work for ds but anything described as the "big school" "big store" insert word here sounds exciting to a 5 year old.

He said today "well what if by the time ds (and the other kids in time) hate us for homeschooling him, like what if he doesn't learn right?" This was because the kid couldn't spell words that were in a k-3rd grade workbook and they were on the last pages of the book. Hello he is 5 and I have never gone over spelling with him so what do you expect??

I'm not sure if I should be offended that dh thinks I can't properly educate our children or worried that he could be right.

[Brenoi]

offended and worried - not worried that you can't do it because you can, but because he may see every lapse as "your fault". I think you and dh need to have a real heart to heart about hs. If he is really willing to let you have a stab at it then that means no comments and an open mind.

I would also reassure him that you have the same doubts - we all do! But the reverse maybe true too. How would you feel as your ds feel through the cracks at school?

Keep track of his progress and keep a personal portfolio for you and dh to review to see all that he has done and accomplished at the end of a few months. Good luck! I had a reluctant dh too and now he is a great support.

[wonderfulmom]

I'd tell ds that the "big school" wasn't big enough- that I wanted him to use the whole "BIG WORLD"! Then take him someplace cool- like a new library, a construction site, a bridge, or river, or tall building, etc. and explore-learn-& enjoy yourselves! (If your dh can't be supportive, he needs to keep his mouth shut for a while and just observe.)

[pilesoflaundry]

Thank you both .

Dh I think doesn't understand not doing the 'normal' things everyone else does and makes little comments. I don't know if he hears it from family (I have gone round and round about the family bed with them) or why he feels the need to make little digs about things to me. But at the same time he will say "no I don't want the baby in pampers" "no I don't want her to sleep alone" etc etc so why does he have to make digs then??? The hsing isn't the only one, it's pretty much all of my crunchy stuff.

I guess to dh if ds fell through the cracks at public school it would be the school's fault/the system in general and as long as him and I didn't look like stupid parents it's ok. : He is the type of parent that wants to be his kids' friend and doesn't want them to grow up and hate us. I follow the logic that I am not their friend, I love them, I like them but I am not put on this earth to be their best friend. I am here to teach and guide, nurture and grow them to adulthood. So if in the end they blame me for something like cds or cosleeping or bad homeschooling, well I guess I'm ok with that but he isn't.

Sorry I rambled!!!

[Openskyheart]

Dh I think doesn't understand not doing the 'normal' things everyone else does and makes little comments. I don't know if he hears it from family (I have gone round and round about the family bed with them) or why he feels the need to make little digs about things to me. But at the same time he will say "no I don't want the baby in pampers" "no I don't want her to sleep alone" etc etc so why does he have to make digs then??? The hsing isn't the only one, it's pretty much all of my crunchy stuff.

I think that for some people being crunchy and stepping out of the mainstream feels natural and good. There is no internal conflict about fitting in - or if there is, the internal conflict remains internal because the belief in crunchy alternatives is so strong, it overrides the conflict. For others, even though they feel crunchy is best - it is uncomfortable for them to make decisions that are out of the mainstream, and to then feel judged by the mainstream. The internal discomfort is at the same level as the belief in the crunchy alternatives, the desire to fit into the mainstream is just as strong as the desire to make what you see as the right (crunchy) decisions for your children.

I fit into category #2 in some ways. No circ, veggie food, family bed, sling wearing, breastfeeding all felt fine. But..I still feel a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach when someone asks my kids if they are looking forward to going back to school, and my kids cheerfully and loudly proclaim: "We don't go to school! We're homeschoolers!" And we've been homeschooling for 2 years, and live in a very homeschooling-friendly town. Of course, if someone asks me where my kids go to school - I also say without hesitation and happily: "They're homeschoolers!"

It's those old childhood tapes about fitting in that keep spinning. I'm betting in your husband's case, the tapes are spinning, and he's saying his fears and anxieties out loud so that he can get some support for his feelings. Just guessing here, though, since I don't know your dh.

I think that once you have experience with homeschooling, and your dh sees your kids learning all the time, he'll become more comfortable with it. My husband has always been comfortable with homeschooling, but was uncomfortable with unschooling. Then, my dh met a guy at work whom he really admires who unschooled 5 kids. My dh has suddenly became an unschooling advocate! :LOL.

Laura

[Electra375]

I feel for you
I don't know why men do those things. I'd be more frustrated by it than anything.
My dh won't let me hs. I'm still praying he will have a change of heart before school starts. Somehow, I think it won't be that easy.