Homebirthing Moms 2005 - Page 2

[jessitron]

Oh, so BC is not so great after all. Here, the only legal midwives are CNMs and they have to work in the hospital under direct supervision of OBs. That is useless. The hospitals around here mostly don't even let the CNMs deliver babies.

We went the "birth attendant" route. Direct-entry midwives are illegal here, too. So we have to pay out of pocket and find one by word of mouth. The good part is their fees are very reasonable ($1500 total) since they don't have insurance, and no doctors are telling them what to do. I don't have a problem with the lack of licensing; the two I've met have lots of references and experience. I met several women who had home births with my midwife at the Friends of Missouri Midwives meetings. Love those!

Karen, hi! How long have you been a midwife? (before or after your first child's birth?) Hmm, since both you and Heidi recommend fibbing about the due date, that's starting to sound like a good idea.

I'm excited about having a big belly too. I keep slouching down to make mine stick out more and then rubbing it.

[saharasky]

I third the 'fibbing' about the due dates (that's cause I am too )

My family carry late (anywhere between 42 and 46 weeks) ... and because of the 42 week rule I was pressured into inducing with cohosh last time ... this time I'm giving myself an extra week so that I can avoid the pressure (that and everyone calling to see if you've had the baby yet ... when you're blown up like a BIG beached whale and wishing it were all done already).

[Malama]

Originally Posted by jessitron

Karen, hi! How long have you been a midwife? (before or after your first child's birth?) Hmm, since both you and Heidi recommend fibbing about the due date, that's starting to sound like a good idea.

I'm a new midwife- just graduated from my apprenticeship. It's hard for me to even admit that I am one, but geesh, I've been putting in the time and effort and deserve the title. We don't have licensure here, so there was no statewide goal to go for, though I am working towards becoming a CPM.

If you give out a due date, and then go over- as many many 1st time moms do, on that date, or even before, the phone calls will begin... "SO... have you had the baby YET?" "You're STILL pregnant?!?" "weren't you due yesterday/last week ?!?"
You gotta remember that a due date is an ESTIMATE- not a date of birth. We tend to get so focused on those DATES- which mean little, IMO. And if people want a date, just add 2 weeks on to yours.

[jessitron]

Karen, congratulations on your graduation!

I expect to be late too, so maybe I'll start telling people I'm due around V-day. That's a nice, easy day to remember.

My husband made meatloaf for me today. Yum! He is great.

[2sweetgrrls]

Can I jump in? I'm actually due end of 2004 (December) but there isn't a thread for that, that I've seen.

I'm Mel, my hubby is Dan, and we're expecting our 2nd child around December 17th. We're in central florida, and we already have one beautiful daughter, Cordelia Daniela (Cordie) who was born at a standalone birth center at 11:02pm on August 30th, 2003...almost exactly one year ago now. While our birth experience with her was good, and we were able to go home as a family four hours later, I just felt it wasn't complete and it would have been better had we stayed home. We were going to the birth center for the first 19 weeks of this pregnancy, then a few things arose and I finally said "that's it, we're not going back" and I started looking into finding a LM for a homebirth. I found a wonderful midwife a few days later, and I've been seeing her since and we plan to have this baby girl born in the same home she'll grow up in, surrounded by her mother, father, and big sister.

[jessitron]

Hi Mel! Sure, you're close enough. You could go late and have a 2005 baby after all. Was Cordie born before or after her due date?

Whah, that one guy who posted about how unsafe he thinks home birth is sure was annoying this morning. My blood is still boiling a little. I tried to resist posting back but couldn't do it. It's like he heard about women who plan home birth and signed up here so he could warn us and save us from our impending doom. What a ratfish.

[rubysmomjess]

Hi I'm going to jump in too. Even though we're not quite sure and I haven't found a midwife (dh not quite on board yet)...but I'd really like to follow the thread, if that's ok.

who are you?
I am Jessie (gosh there are a lot of us!). I am due with second child at the very end of January, 26th I think. Although I think my dates may be off, it's in my favor, so I won't correct it.

where are you?
Boulder, Colorado...we just moved into a big house on the very north end of town. I love the house, not so keen on the neighborhood. Hopefully I get used to it though.

how many children do you have already?
Just one lovely girl, born December 2002. If you ask her where the baby is, she lifts up my shirt and kisses my belly...really funny.

why did you choose home birth?
I want to do a homebirth because it just seems nice and relaxing and the way it should be. I labored at home the last time and left for the hospital at the VERY last second. Laboring at home was so nice...I paced all over house and went for walks around the neighborhood, all with my dh or by myself. When we got to the hospital everything was very hectic and i ended up being fully dialated. DD arrived 45 minutes after we got to hospital. We only stayed for 24 hours 'cause nurses kept coming in out of the room and I hated when they took dd away for the tests and bathing. The birth announcement DoulaSarah posted is exactly what I want. Also, I would like to have some one dedicated to taking care of me through out my pregnancy. OBs are just too busy. I think it would be nice to have midwife to talk to...and someone who can check in on me and the baby after the birth. Also, I have depression, so it would be nice to have the less medical take on my struggles with this. Drs. just whip out their prescription pad...

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble...

Happy pregnancy vibes all

[saharasky]

Jessitron ... ditto on the 'warning' post this morning ... seemed to have the same undertone of total ignorant paranoia that is pervasive in my 'mainstream' relatives and their uneducated attempts to guide dh and I in our choices. The fact is that we (and I include all homebirthing mama's and fellow birth junkies) have looked into our options VERY carefully ...and we know more about birth and the risks involved than the average person. I chose to ignore him. People like that seem to pop up around here periodically to try and 'save' us.


There' sure are a lot of Jes's around here ... I wonder if there's some sort of significance in that LOL?

I need to go eat some more ...stuffing food in my face seems to be the only thing that keeps the MS minimal.

[jessitron]

Mmm, food. I just ate and you're making me hungry again, Jessi. (With an i, an opposed to an ie, which is rubysmomjess - wow!) So far 36% of the posters on this board are a form of Jessica. And I thought my name was not very common in my age group!

Jessie, hello! What do you like most about your house, and least about the neighborhood? New houses are exciting. I asked my DH for recommended reading for men on homebirth. He is fully on board with ours, so maybe he can help.

[rubysmomjess]

Our new house is new...which is so nice after spending the last 4 years trying to fix up our run-down 1978 townhome. The master bedroom is HUGE, I think it's my favorite room right now. We bought a king size bed and a toddler bed that goes right next to our bed. The cat and the dog sleep with us too... it's just nice and cozy. There's so much cupboard space too! Everything can be put away!

The neighborhood, is well new and kind of fancy. Not really my style. Everyone has kids about dd's age but no one cloth diapers, and I get dirty look for hanging my clothes out to dry in the sun. A lot of the nieghbors are just kind of snobby...although our next-door neighborhoods are awesome. I didn't realize that the neighbor would be so much different moving from one part of town to the other...Boulder really isn't that big.

Mostly I miss the trails at our old house. They are so beautiful and uncrowded...the trails at our new house require the dog to be on the leash always and they are kind of crowded. And people in Boulder are generally very competitve about sports and outdoor recreation. Also the neighborhood is still under construction so it's hard coming from an older neighborhood. Mostly I'm just a big whiner

My dh is mostly concerned 'cause I did hemmorage a bit and got pitocin after the birth of our first. I reassured him that a midwife will have it as well. Also, I don't think he's ever known anyone who's homebirthed so for him it's just out of the norm...he has said that if I find a midwife I really like he'll be on board. I just want him to be comfortable as well. I know it's my body, but it's his baby (and wife) too.

Man, this is a long post!

About the guy this morning...how could you possibly not think hard about any of the birth choices, especially homebirth? However, I know a woman who didn't take a birth class (dr told her not to) and blindy had a c-section when dr said she was too small to deliver vaginally. So maybe that's where he's coming from...

[jessitron]

Jessie, That's great that your DH is willing to go along once you find a good midwife. Are they easy to find there? (Like, can they publicize themselves, or are they underground?) Your new house sounds great, esp the huge master bedroom with plenty of room for big beds and little ones. Do you have a jacuzzi tub? Those are handy for home births.

On the poor father who decided to post here: it sounds like maybe he and his wife ran into some home birth mothers who were insensitive about the c-section. That has somehow soured them on home birth and homebirthers. I'll take that as a lesson to be really careful around moms who had one. It would suck enough to get stuck with a surgical birth, and it would hurt to have other people remind me of how disappointing an outcome that is. Even for the best reasons, it would still be disappointing.

[wtchyhlr]

the guy this morning had WEIRD post energy. What a bizarre thing to put on a board full of women who've done the research to make themselves comfortable homebirthing in a society that is so medic-centric. (is that a word)

the big thing he harped on, the whole liability thing... just blew my mind. I KNOW my midwife doesn't have malpractice insurance. I have a trust relationship with her where I TRUST her to get me or the baby to the hopsital if there's an issue.

[SagMom]

Hi All,

I'm Joan. (Bet you'd never guess that.) And live in NJ (another statement of the obvious) with my dh and 3 children.

My 13 y/o was born at a birth center with a midwife, which at the time, was a radical choice. My 9 y/o would have been born there also but she was an "oops" homebirth.
Our 4 y/o was a planned homebirth and we'll be using the same midwife this time around.

We've chosen hb because I have no issues that would make a hospital birth necessary. I love being able to labor in familiar surroundings, having my kids present for the birth and then being able to curl up in my own bed afterwards.

I've never had any prenatal testing (AFP, CVS, ultrasound, etc. etc.) done but this time I'm being cornered into an ultrasound by my midwife's backup OB due to my age. I know, no one can "force" me into testing, but the fact is that there are no other hb midwives in my area and the OB will not back up my mw unless I do this. It's either ultrasound or UC.

So, that's my story--I'm trying (very unsuccessully) to not think about the whole US thing and just focus on enjoying this, my last, pregnancy.

[jessitron]

Joan, hello! Wow, you got on the right side of this birth thing very early. Maybe the ultrasound will be fun, since you've never had one before. Your older kids will like the pictures. Considering the circumstances, it sounds like a good idea, just to keep things smooth with your midwife. When does it happen?

We opted out of all the optional tests, of course. Our friends do think we're weird for skipping the ultrasound, though.

Joy, I never would have thought of "WEIRD post energy," but you're right. My hackles went up when I logged in this morning and saw his topics.
It is odd that a man can zero in on something like liability insurance. That trust relationship is very important, and if you have that right, then liability insurance is a moot point. And he thought that would make us blink!

[mimim]

Hi, I'm Molly, from Chicago, and I have two boys. This is my last baby, due late March/early April. I'm enjoying every second of this pregnancy, even the nausea and constipation!!

Both of my previous birth were in hospitals. My first was with a group of CNMs who turned out to be a LOT more medical than I expected. The hospital had a birthing center in it, but I wasn't allowed to use it because I refused to be induced. My Ds was born at 43 weeks. I said to myself that my next baby would be born at home. However, by the time I got pg with my 2nd 7 years later, I had kind of lost track of my conviction to birth at home. Our family doctor was wonderful, we were trying to save as much money as possible, we had an excellent relationship with him, so I decided to go with the hospital birth after all. This birth was a fantastic, fullfilling, and empowering experience. My doctor followed my birth plan as closely as possible. I had no interventions and I squatted on the bed to push my baby out. We went home when DS was 8 hours old. I'm sure no one has ever had a more natural hospital birth.

So why at home this time? There were still several annoying things about the hospital. The main one was having to break my concentration, get dressed and get in the car. My labor was really fast, so I was having intense contractions and puking constantly on the way there. Also, the nurses were a pain. As carefully as I chose my doctor, I had no control over the attitudes of the nurses at all. They went along with what I wanted but were obviously not thrilled about it.

I want to use a midwife, but there are money issues there - insurance won't cover, of course. So, I'm using the Homefirst practice. I've heard lots about them here and irl, good and bad, but I really liked their philosophy when I met with them. Form what I'd heard I expected them to be a lot more medical, but they were even less medical than the midwives I met with. Other than the fact that I won't know which of the four docs will actually assist at my birth and that I'd like to support the midwifery community, so far I'm satisfied with this option.

[SagMom]

Molly, did Mothering do an article on "Homefirst" a while back? I remember reading about an OB homebirth practice, but don't remember if it's the same one.

Jessi, the US will be around 20 weeks--the end of Oct. (I'm due 3/20.)

I'm very fortunate in that our ins does cover midwifery care. I don't really understand why they wouldn't--it's certainly cheaper for them to cover mw than an OB/hospital.

[Pam_and_Abigail]

Well, we met with the midwife yesterday. I really liked her, but there is one other mw in NS that I think we should meet, so we can say we've considered them all. The one we met yesterday trained in Oxford, and she seems to have 'European' ideas about doing things, which I like. In her mind, midwifery is the normal way to deliver, and in England, she worked in hospitals as well as at home. She considers her role to be "Guardian of Safety" and will intervene only when necessary or requested. money. They offer a sliding scale of $900-$1900, and ask you to place yourselves. Their policy is to never turn someone down because they can't afford it. Well, we aren't rich, but we aren't poor. We have a fair amount of income, but loads of student debt. And I am always the bargain shopper, so of course I want everything as cheap as possible, but this isn't just a sale on clothes, it's the birth of my second child, in the most amazing way I can imagine- in my home on my terms. So, for any of you who have dealt with a sliding scale, how did you decide how much to pay?

[Human_Being]

This is kind a of a pet peeve of mine, after doing work like this for 7 years, so I'll jump in. When I was a doula, we proposed people use the sliding scale this way. Now as midwives we take Medicaid, and are flexiable with payments, so we no longer offer a sliding scale per say. But we actually often take reduced fees for a number of reasons. But this was what I tell people:

If you have trouble buying food for your family, pay lowest
If you have trouble buying hair cuts for your family, hardly ever go out to dinner, and think buying a car wash is an out of the question luxury, pay middle fee
If you take vacations, especially if you travel by airplane, you pay the highest.


Sliding scales are courtesy to true low-income people, and people who can pay should pay or the compromise the ability to offer this service t othose that really need it. It irks me as a midwife because I have to say I resent working as hard as I do to find out I gave a discount to someone who has a better lifestyle than I do. I do my visits in office and then the home visit at 36 weeks, and so I don't really know how someone lives until the money is a done deal. As a midwife, no kidding, the only few people who have really troubled me to come down on my price live on the beach in huge houses ! The ones who only have basic food in their cupboards always scrape together the money to pay, and do so on time. I lose respect for clients that don't respect me by being financially responsible, or paying in a timely way. It sends a message that they don't value what they are getting.

I really believe in money karma, and that it is spiritually healthy to give generously to people that do good work. I have seen that people who were looking for a discount were less open to receiving the many blessings that came their way. Less flow of love/money out, less flow of love and money in. I like to feel grateful when paying bills that I have the money to pay them. My midwives this time are my two best friends, and I could easily expect a discount or free service. It will be a hardship to pay them. But birth a very karmic event, and I think you get what you pay for. I am paying them what I expect to be paid for a birth, because I want to show respect for their work. Just my thoughts on sliding scales.

Also, in the US, where we don't have the option of national healthcare, home birth costs half of what a hospital birth costs. I always say it's the only thing you can get that's twice as good for half the price! In my area, a hospital birth runs $8000 and up, and home birth is $4000. So you are getting a deal at $1900 no matter how you look at it.

[mimim]

Originally Posted by Joan

Molly, did Mothering do an article on "Homefirst" a while back? I remember reading about an OB homebirth practice, but don't remember if it's the same one.

Yes, it's the same as the one in the article. I should find it and reread it actually. They are the largest physician's group of homebirth providers - 6 doctors total. They are actually mostly family docs, not OBs. They provide general care for the family - and are totally anti-vax too.


Heidi, your advice about sliding scales is really helpful.

[plantmommy]

Heidi, what you say is exactly how I feel, and I have to say that my midwife asks for $500 down on a $3500 bill, and she submits to insurance and what she can't get them to pay, the clients typically pick up later, one way or another.

Knowing that, and also that she won't turn anyone away, I was in the position to be more financially generous, and just gave her a check for $2000 up front. My reasoning is that if I can pay more up front, then she has more flexibility to be able to provide care for someone else who can't, and still get her bills paid.

I think it's incredibly unfortunate that anyone should NOT have a homebirth because of financial constraints. It breaks my heart to hear of women in that position.

I rather feel that it's my responsiblity to support my midwife so she can support those other moms and that, in some small way, it perpetuates the right that all women should have, to birth their babies where they choose.