Need a nutshell defination

[PuppyFluffer]

I have been reading threads and cut/pasting things that seem relevant and just lost the document. UGH!!

Could you gentle discipline gurus lend me a hand?

I had a situation with a friend who told our daughter "No" in a stern voice while we were all (Dh, dd - 2 yo, myself and friend) sitting at a table at a restaurant. I was handling the situation actively by removing her foot and asking that she keep her feet on the seat. I was a bit surprised that friend took the situation in her own hands and scolded dd from across the table.

I had another situation with this friend a few weeks ago where she was tapping....sort of smacking....dd's leg while she was puttign her foot up on a table. I told her to please not tap her like that and she immediately stopped.

I can see that I need to have a talk with friend. I am looking for a good explainatin of GD in a nutshell. I know our friend will be receptive to an explaination of what we are doing and why. I believe her reactions to dd are based on her own upbringing and she will be very willing to see things in a different light if the basic premis is explained to her. She has no children but thinks it is really great that we are doing alot of "AP" things with dd. She really embraces cosleeping and extended nursing for example...

So in an effort to educate someone, how would you sum up GD?

[rachdoll]

I define GD as that - gentle.

No one likes to hear "no", especially if it is not followed by an explanation "no, we do not put our feet on the table because the food will be here soon and your shoes are dirty from playing in the park all day" or "please do not do that, tables are not for feet" (in my experience, it can be hard to give a long explanation of why feet don't belong on the table depending on the dc's age, kwim?)

We do not hit/spank/pull/drag/etc. the child because that is not gentle. We do not yell or scream because that is not gentle.

For us, I always try to say "please blah blah blah" instead of "DO THIS NOW!"

I try to get my daughter's full attention when explaining a situation to her, which is quite hard at 2yo, but I'm working on it!

One way that I have explained to people specifically about "no" is that we have eliminated as many "no"s as possible - any situation where we start to say "no" frequently, well we rearrange things so that that is no longer an issue.

Good luck talking with your friend.

[monkey's mom]

Gentle, respectful guiding and teaching--focusing on problem solving with the assumption that the child wants to do the "right" thing.