Help me help a friend see the light with her OB choice!

[Magnoliamama]

Sorry if this is long and a bit chatty....

A dear friend of mine is planning on TTC in the next year. She is currently searching for a new OB practice. She is in the western burbs of Chicago, IL.

I tried to gently suggest that she look for a practice that uses midwives as a part of the routine care for pregnancy and birth, and that she even consider natural birth locations and methods. I started out by suggesting birth centers or midwife-attended hospital birth (I don't think she is going to go for anything more alternative than that, unfortunately).

I found my way through my pregnancies and deliveries and found my midwife by doing a lot of reading (I repeat: A LOT OF READING), and I read some books which served to further my understanding and underscore my firm wishes for a non-medicated, midwife assisted birth.

HOWEVER, given that my friend is not in this mindset (she's not petrified of a hospital birth like I was), what are some good books or resources that I can suggest so that she may change her conclusions herself, rather than coming off like a pregnancy and birth radical (which I am, but I have found that persuasion works best if approached gently at first)? And further, what else should she look for in an OB practice? I just hate the thought of an OB practice, it makes my skin crawl, so I can't even think of a positive thing to say to her....

TIA in advance, mamas and papas!

[cottonwood]

I've found that a really good book for people who are just starting to think about birth choices is Birthing From Within. It is very friendly and non-threatening for the more mainstream-minded. I usually offer a disclaimer with it, though, that the art therapy portion of the book is not for everybody and I myself didn't even get into it. Sheila Kitzinger's Birth Your Way is quite good also.

[Eman'smom]

What about "A thinking womans guide to a better birth", "having a baby naturally", and Ida May's new book, well new last year.

I don't think giving her a few books can hurt.

As far as ob questions, how about c-section, induction, and epesiotomy rates? Those are things that even most mainstream moms want to avoid. Also asking about the epidural rate, if something like 95% get epis, you know that you probably will too.

[Changed]

Be careful. Unless you know her full gyn history it's not fair to assume she should use a midwife. Not only that, though midwives are great they are not for everyone. Nor is homebirth. It's very thoughtful of you to care about her prenatal care! She's lucky to have a friend who does but that should not mean your philosophy has to be hers. I really liked birthing from within too. I don't see it as mainstream at all though. I think perhaps just steer her away from the what to expect and girlfriends books.

Please don't think this means I think you sould not present the idea of MW or HB, that's good info to have no matter what you choose.

[MommytoTwo]

I am going to suggest A Thinking Womans Guide to a Better Birth. I think its mainstream enough so that someone who might pick up "what to expect" might pick that up also, kwim?

[rochellep3]

Though I enjoyed "The Thinking Woman's Guide" I probably would not recommend it to someone who was very mainstream. On the other hand, I think that "The Birth Book" by Dr Sears was very open minded, and even handed. I've heard good things about "The Pregnancy Book" as well but haven't read it. I hope you have better luck than I have had. So far my sisters and sisters in law remain completely unmoved by anything I have to say. Sister #4 is TTC and I am so excited as she needs no moving at all! (That said, she still won't homebirth because of insurance issues-but at least she reads!)

As far as what to look for in an ob practice-I'd say look for a practice where HER doctor will most likely deliver HER baby. Many of the horror stories I've heard come from the dr on call. MY ob with #1 delivered almost all her own patients-and was completely true to my expectations.

HTH!

Rochelle
Mommy to Meg 5/00, Peter 6/02, #3 due anyday!

[shelbean91]

My mom has been seeing an OB is schaumberg for almost 30 years and he is wonderful. He is very progressive and open to many things. From what she's told me, he seems very close to a midwife mindset. My mom now drives about an hour to see him- well worth the trip she says.

Some examples- back when shaving, enemas and tying moms arms down, he didn't do any of that. My mom's PCP said she needed a hysterectomy b/c of her bladder problems (after 5 kids)- the OB said- 'why, there's nothing wrong w/your uterus' My youngest sis was born vaginally after my moms water had broken (on it's own) almost 48 hrs before and she was transverse until only 1/2 hr or so before she was born and he didn't even begin discussing a c-section until a few hrs before that.

If your friend is anywhere near shaumberg and interested, I can give you his name.

[mistisa]

i second the Dr. Sears Birth Book. it is very easy to read and I think a little bit more mainstream. I liked Birthing from Within, but I don't think I would give it to a mainstream mama, it's a little crunchy to give to someone off the bat.

[Magnoliamama]

ITA -- that's what I'm trying to avoid -- pushing my philosophy inappropriately! Your post captured it perfectly. Thanks!