when toddlers hit....

[ktcl]

DS is 16 months old. He has recently started hitting DP and me. This usually happens when he's overtired. THe part that makes it worse is that when we tell him no, or that hurts, he laughs! At first I really liked the idea of "time in"-- wearing him in the sling when he does something like that because the hitting is some sort of indicator that he's feeling detached. But today when I tried that, he kept hitting me. I know he understands that it hurts because he knows the sign for hurt and uses it regulalry...even when I've just told him that it hurts.

Any similar stories and/or suggestions??

Thanks,
Katie, mamma to dear sweet inquisitive quinn :

[mrzmeg]

We've had this issue for quite a while and have found two things that help, at least to a degree. One is to say "gentle" or "soft" very insistently and put our hand over his to help him touch the person gently. The other was to teach him to give "fives"---a socially acceptible way to 'hit'. When we see a hit coming, we put out our hand and cheerfully say, "give me five!"
We have figured out that his hitting is usually him having a strong and sudden urge to be physically close to someone and this is a way that he can have that, but (especially in the 'fiving' situation) still have the strong sensation he's wanting.
Oh, and if he is hitting with something, we take that away.

Interested to know what others do---

[MamaE]

DD (also 16 mos) just started hitting yesterday. I was hoping we'd bypass that lovely phase. So, I'm here to sympathize and get some help myself!

I love the 'high 5' idea. I'm going to try that one tomorrow. I've been trying the "gentle touches" approach - doesn't work. She also thinks it's funny to hit. A couple of times I just walked away hoping I was sending the message "you hit me, I leave." Don't know if that was right or not.

Can't wait to hear what all the BTDT mommies have to say...

[MarissasMama]

Well, we have definitly BTDT! Marissa is almost 18 months. She still hits occationally, so we dont have a "cure". We deligently us the "gentle" while showing her with her hand technique. I even use it pre-emptively, if I think she is about to hit. I just remind her to be gentle. I think the laughing is normal. At this age, they are trying to get a reaction. I have found that simply looking very stern seems to help, especially after a few times. Marissa does do Hi 5s now and that is good too. We have a rule in our house that if she does anything again after being told to stop/be gentle/etc that she is seperated from us. If Im holding her (generally am when she hits) I put her down, If we are nursing and she bites, I un-latch her, etc. I have found that some kids need to know that there are undesirable consequences to their actions. Marissa is a very stubborn child (like a lot of toddlers) and we always start with gentle redirection and work up to stronger discipline (though we never hit/spank).

[Raven]

Moving this over to Gentle Discipline

[birthmommom]

dd went through this awhile back, i did the "gentle touches" thing. it worked ok. what really seemed to help is when she hit me i put her down and told her that we dont hit! She would usually start to cry and then i would pick her up and tell her again taht we dont hit and it hurts. if she hit me again i put her down again.

i guess it worth a try!

good luck

[Mizelenius]

DD has never hit much, but sometimes she gets a little rough with the cat. in addition to the suggestions above, we also are very specifc about how to "be" gentle. For example, if DD starts petting roughly, we remind her to open her hand all the way and pet that way (she can't grab fur with her hand open!). For hitting, you might try first saying, "Hitting hurts. You may not hit. Then, be specific about what he can do: "Touch me on my face [or wherever you were just hit] with your fingers" and then say "That's a gentle touch!"

Also, (VERY IMPORTANT) if you see that your son is laughing, remember this . . .he probably doesn't think it's actually funny. He may be feeling nervous/anxious because of being tired/overwhelmed. If he really does think it's funny, then he thinks it's a game, so you could try starting off saying "You want to play, but hitting hurts . . ." In any case, remember NOT to take it personally!