Toothbrushing Hades... losing my center.

[Dragonfly]

Good lord... this is such a battle.

Every night it's been the same story - ds doesn't want to brush teeth. Sulk, moan, cry, play, hungry, anything but brush teeth.

I finally broke down and instituted completely unrelated consequences. No brushing teeth = straight to bed, no story. I hate this for so many reasons. It feels so disrespectful. But I don't know what to do anymore. He cannot NOT brush his teeth. He has deep crevices behind his front teeth from hitting them so many times when he was small and not brushing will most likely lead to cavities.

I've tried everything I can think of: Making it a game, brushing while he watches in the mirror, letting him brush my teeth first, explaining why it's necessary, doing it together (as in having him and I both control the toothbrush), etc. It's still the same 'ol thing... and it TOTALLY pushes my buttons. I'm exhausted. I don't want to stand at the sink for a half hour while he messes with whatever bathroom accoutrements he can find and gives me an occasional swipe at his mouth. I have to grit my teeth and count to ten to keep from flipping out.

I tried the no brushing teeth = straight to bed, no book thing out of sheer desperation a while back and it didn't work because I didn't follow through. He learned that I would say it and start to follow through and then, when he begged for one more chance, I'd relent. Now that's become part of the pattern. Carry on until I bring on the rule, beg for one more chance, mama relents.

Tonight, there was no relenting. I warned him. I told him that I was very tired and simply could not stand there waiting for him any longer - said that we needed to brush now or he'd have to go straight to bed, no story. He didn't cooperate, so I followed through. He cried... I stayed with him... and he finally went to sleep. I didn't get his teeth brushed (so failure on that point), but I'm hoping we can talk about it tomorrow and it will help the process along. It still feels crappy, though.

It's a total power struggle and I have NO IDEA how to address it anymore.

Any thoughts? S'il vous plait?

[nuggetsmom]

I don't knwo how old your son is, but we use all sorts of tricks. We play dentist and we even have amask like the dentist wears. She can choose if she wants to brush her teeth in the bathroom or on the floor or bed or whatever. Or we use an egg timer to time the brushing which she likes to do for some reason.
And if she stalls the logical consequence in our house is that there is less time for stories because bedtime is at 8:30 period. I know some people hate logical consequences, but for us it keeps the routine moving along. If she goes to bed later she just gets too tired and then all h*ll can break loose. So I remind her that she will only have time for two stories, and she can tell me when she is ready to brush and I will start to go do something else. I dont' think I say this in a threatening way at all. It is just a reminder.
HTH

[mamaduck]

We've used a lot of "tricks" too, but the best seems to be, "You choose who should brush your teeth. Mommy, Daddy, or you." Once he makes a choice, he tends to hold himself to it.

[Dragonfly]

I've done the dentist and the choosing location, but I haven't tried the eggtimer, nuggetsmom. That's a great idea.

Mamaduck - I can't tell you how much I wish that were an option. We're a one-parent household here, though. Toothbrushing time is the one time that I might feel a slight tinge of regret at getting separated.

[mamaduck]

Yeah, Dragonfly, I bet you have your moments! It sounds miserable. Maybe you could take the general concept and make it silly.

"You choose who should brush your teeth. Me, you, the cat, or your teddy bear?"

Sometimes lightening the situation with humor helps cooperation on a little.

[sm3247]

So sorry you're dealing with this - we've gone through the same thing with our son and regrettably we didn't follow through enough early on. Now he has some early stage cavities in his front teeth so we have to be absolutely vigilant about brushing twice a day.

DS seems to have worked through his hatred of the toothbrush and tolerates him now, but this is one of those unpleasant things you have to do whether your child likes it or not.

Best of luck.

[Ynez]

My DD sometimes resists toothbrushing and I've found that having lots of different brushes (she has 5) with her favorite "characters" (pooh, barney -- ugh) helps. She gets to choose which one she wants to use and that ususally helps to make it more fun.

[mtm]

my ds needs surgery for 4 cavities so I understand the need to brush their teeth but making it a power struggle helps no one. What we found helped was an electric toothbrush, his is a firetruck, the barney toothpaste that makes noise (I think the music plays for 90 seconds, music stops, we stop). When barney starts he knows it is time to brush his teeth. He also gets choices about who does it and he gets a turn brushing who ever's teeth he wants (mine or dhs). Good luck.

[Peppermint]

Could you take him for a special trip to the store? Tell him that you hate arguing about this, and you were thinking that maybe he would like to pick out what he likes from all of the very cool toothbrush and toothpaste options. There are so many kinds of toothbrushes, my kids love their spinbrushes, ds has a firetruck one that even has flashing lights and a spiderman one. There are also sooo many flavors/colors/characters in kid's toothpastes.

When you get home, let him open the packages and put the toothpaste on himself, let him brush on his own, with you modeling what to do with your own brush in your own mouth.

That's all I can think of really, but I am sure others have great ideas too. I would definitely move the situation out of the bathroom.

[NatureMama3]

btdt!

what we did to get them out of that bad habit was this:

got hot wheels toothbrushes (there's a plastic mold of a racing car on the end :LOL)
invented a "song" to brush to that borrowed on their desire to both be "big boys" and be like people they admire (fire fighters, train engineers, police, etc). Goes like this:

I brush my teeth like the fire fighters do!
like the fire fighters do, like the fire fighers do!
I brush my teeth like the fire fighters do,
Cause I'm a big boy too!

We don't have to use that anymore, but it SURE worked to get them out of that particular battle of the wills!

edited to add: we brush teeth at the couch

[mittendrin]

yeah, it's a neverending struggle. no matter how much gd you wanna be, it's gotta get done no matter how, imo.
ds is 23 months and hell breaks lose whenever i brush his teeth, twice a day
we got him a cookiemonster electric toothbrush, that made it a bit funner the first two days and then it was back to screaming, kicking, crying....trying to make it a game didn't work. we gave him a little mirror, sang songs, tried to make him laugh to open his mouth. now i just hold him tight and brush. he screams, i sweat, and 2 mins later it's all over. o well, by the time he gets married he'll hopefully be ok with the procedure, or else his wife's gonna have her hands full

[Dragonfly]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! All of these great ideas!

Ds is with his father tonight, but it looks like we'll be going shopping tomorrow.

NatureMama - the song!

jakobsmami - You made me laugh with the wife comment. My mother was cracking up the other day when I was going to great lengths to try to dredge some information from my son about what he wanted me to do. I told her I was trying to do his future mate a favor by teaching him early on that other people aren't mind-readers and that if he wanted something to go a certain way, it was important to spell it out.

It's so hard for me to be on and fun when we get to the end of the day and I'm so tired... it looks like I need to try a little harder.

You all are great!

[nuggetsmom]

Another thought is that I brush and then try to guess what she had to eat all day. "I see some gummi bears... Did you have gummi bears???" Oh here is some rice, better get that out or the cavity bugs will find it. We have a book about going to the dentist too so on occasion we have to get quite elaborate in the dentist game...

[chapulina]

here's what finally worked for us:

"open your mouth...i think I see Elmo in there....Oh! there he is!!" and any other silliness you can pull out of your head at the time. DD was under 18mon. when a friend shared this trick with me and its worked for us ever since. Now I basically do some kind of crazy story while working on her teeth.

It was the mother of all struggles before this. good luck!

[LdyBluNH@aol]

similar techniques here...

i see the sugar bugs, hey get that bicycle outta here; those are having a picnic etc.

to be honest there have been a few and i mean maybe three times - when dh and i did forced brushing. one would hold the hands and the other brush.

dd is now getting fillings so i'm wondering if natural consequences will come into play at all

dh found a thing of "you dont know how to do that.. thats a brush for your ears not your teeth" and she's liking the game this week glad he thought of it, i wouldnt have

[hipumpkins]

We "tickle" teeth around here. DD lays on the bed and I say I'm gonmna tickel those teeth. She does get to brush (read chew) first.

[mommabear]

Ds likes to pretend to be different people/animals/things, and so when it's time to "do sugar bugs" I ask him, "So, who's sugar bugs am I doing?" He thinks about, tells me, and then I say, "How does ---- open his/her/its mouth?" and he shows me. Then we think of things to brush off that are related to that character. He also loves doing "sb's" with his dad when dh pretends the toothbrush is tools like a 'recip' saw, or pressure washer, or power sander, etc. We used to struggle with this too (and sometimes still do). I've found that I need to allow myself enough time to do all that needs to be done without going off my rocker. We also floss, and ds loves seeing whatever we can get off his teeth and onto the floss (even if it's invisible I ask him what he sees -- the more outrageous the better!)
Good luck! I know it's hard -- we, as parents, know the necessity of it and they are just learning.

[Fianna]

It is SO hard when you are tired or in a hurry and just want them to brush their darn teeth already!!

I've had success with a few different tricks at different times. Picking out fun toothbrushes is always a good place to start. That one has worked for us. When the newness of the toothbrush wore off then I switched to other tactics. Sometimes I would brush my teeth first and let my little one inspect my teeth. When she declared them clean I would act so relieved, telling her I was so glad I had brushed my teeth so I wouldn't get holes in them. Usually that was enough to get her to start brushing too!

Other times I would let each girl pick out a favorite book to read before bed. Then after they were all excited about reading those books I would "suddenly remember" that we hadn't brushed our teeth yet. Then we'd all hurry to brush our teeth so we could get to those books! Sometimes making something else the focus and the toothbrushing just another thing to get done with (like going to the potty before bed) before the fun stuff can happen takes the control aspects out of it.

Good luck!

[srain]

How old is he? We've had enormous success in fully engaging my son in the problem-solving when we have this kind of conflict, but he's 4, and I don't think it would have worked with him before 3. We'll list possible solutions (both the ones I come up with and those he comes up with) until we come to one we both can live with. We've been willing to do trial periods of solutions he's come up with that we don't think will work at all, and every single time they HAVE worked because it was something he chose and is invested in. You've gotten some creative ideas here which will likely do the trick, but they're even more likely to work if you make your son part of the process of choosing and implementing them.

[StarMama]

Not much as far as suggestions to get your kiddo to brush, but could you maybe adjust your schedule to brush his teeth earlier? Bump dinner or snack up or something? You said you didn't have patience because of the time... maybe if it was earlier you could handle it better? Just an idea