There are people that do this!?! (a bit of a vent)

[Annais]

We just spent a weekend at the beach with dh's family. His cousin has 2 year old twins. First of all, they spank. Then one morning one of the twins was crying while his mom was dressing him.. No big deal, I thought, because dd sometimes doesn't like to get dressed, either. But the other twin asked his dad where his brother was, and his dad said Timmy's in the bedroom getting his ear twisted because he's crying. What?! Hello!!!
And they kept offering to watch our dd, no freaking way!
Sorry if I sound judgemental, I was just astounded. Now I'm not even sure if I want dh's mom to watch dd, because she thinks this is fine!

[maya44]

I just don't understand this. I am a "tough" parent compared to some on these boards. I beleive that the parents not the young kids should be in control and make most of the decisions in a family. BUT I would never, ever hit my child. (I don't even punish my kids, just use logical or natural consequences).

Why do people think that they need to treat kids this way?

[wendyk]

So, what would you do if they spanked their children in front of you? I am genuinely curious. I am visiting home soon where my brother & SIL believe in spanking my 2 1/2 year old neice. I'm not sure what how to react if they do it in front of my or my dd. Just wondering how others handle this.

Wendy

[lilylove]

I think that type of behavior is, sadly, common. It really makes me feel like crying myself I have a family member who treats his children this way and my heart just breaks for those poor babes. When ever I am around them I try to give the children extra love and patience.
Wendyk, I am really bad with confrontation so when I say anything, it usually comes out way to lame to make a difference. sorry no help here.

[Annais]

Originally Posted by wendyk

So, what would you do if they spanked their children in front of you? I am genuinely curious. I am visiting home soon where my brother & SIL believe in spanking my 2 1/2 year old neice. I'm not sure what how to react if they do it in front of my or my dd. Just wondering how others handle this.

Wendy

That's a good question...I don't know. I know dh would be mad (since it's his family) if I said anything, because he's a "to each his own"-type of guy. While he agrees that we will use GD with our dd, he gets annoyed with me if I comment on what others do. Plus, I'm like lilylove, not confrontational at all. In fact, I'd rather just be a wallflower around his family. They also CIO. It's so tough. I wish I were ballsy and just said what I felt, but I've never ever been able to do that, in any area of my life.
I would like to see how otheres handle it, too.

[maya44]

Since I am so "tough" on my kids, I modeled by GD around my spanking SIL (this is the non-AP one).

Since she saw me being tough she commented that her kids would never listen to her, the way mine do me, unless she spanked/punished them. This gave me my opening. I told her that they might if she simply tried and I told her a few of my strategies.

She told me she never wanted to be like our other SIL who is very GD but involves her kids in every decision and every decision is a constant series of compromises (e.g. AP SIL tells kids to pick up toys. Kids say no. AP SIL discusses why they don't want to. When they might be willing to and what plan is for clean-up. This takes awhile.)

I told her I am not big on compromise/democracy with kids. But that is no reason to hit them. I tell my kids that they have to pick up the toys. But if they don't I ceratainly don't hit them. As a matter of fact, I don't do anything to them. I just tell them I didn't like it that they didn't pick them up. Most of the time, they do as I ask, and that ennough for me.

Non-AP SIl did say that she was impressed, and is "thinking" about what she should do.

[MarineWife]

What to do when you see someone else spank their child? I've wondered this so many times. If you call the police or cps, they won't do anything because spanking isn't illegal as far as I know. I want to grab the child and run, but obviously can't or I will be arrested. I guess the best thing to do is model your GD as much as possible and, if anyone ever asks, explain what you do from your perspective without being judgemental. "We do it this way and it really works for us," rather than, "You shouldn't spank because it's wrong," or, "We don't spank because it's wrong. We do this instead."

[Stevie]

I don't have any advise, but it amazes me too when people are surprised that you won't leave your child alone with them.
I had a friend who snapped DD on the mouth with her fingers when she was just a baby because she was grinding her teeth!!! I called her on it and told her that it is not permitted to hurt my baby EVER... she sputtered about it stopping her babies from grinding (WTH?!?!?!?!?!) But i just repeated that it's not allowed for MY baby... I see her once in a while and she is always so gooey and wonders why we don't get together more! It's been 4 years but I don't trust her in the same room with DD and now DS. LOL in fact, she was at a function that I was at and went to "pet" DS; my kneejerk reaction as to snatch the baby out of her reach LOL she was so puzzled what a ditz. She's baking #4 and from what I can see her kids are all well behaved, but I wonder at what expense?