private schoolers: do people give you a hard time about paying for school?

[mamaley]

(this is the 5th time i've tried to post this! if there are duplicates out there that i haven't seen, i'm truly sorry.)

ds has been going to a montessori school for a year and a half, but this is the first time he'll be going when he could go to pre-k in public school.

this is our only big expense. our neighbors are all college students (family student housing) and are understandably trying to get by financially, for the most part. we're lucky, we have family help, a lot saved and a decent income. when people ask us about where he goes to school, i just say he goes somewhere else for now, and if they ask more and i answer they sometimes get defensive, or think we're careless with money for doing this.

it doesn't bother me too much, but i was wondering if these reactions have more to do with our environment or if this is typical.

[lauraess]

well, Im sorry but I dont get any reactions of the sort. just "looks" and "Oh"- followed by more "looks"
basically I think they are thinking something negative but just cant say it. And frankly i dont really care.
Laura

[mamaley]

maybe i'm misreading the "tone" of your post, but did my post offend you?

[wednesday]

This is just my take from what you posted, but it comes across like maybe you answer a bit evasively when people inquire about where he goes to school, and that in itself is what puts people off? I guess I just can't imagine why anyone would be judgmental over a child attending a Montessori program. It's not like it's Exeter or something, you know? If it were me I would just answer matter of factly with the name of his school and leave it at that. Or are they specifically asking you why he goes there instead of the local public? You could just say he had such a good pre-school experience there you wanted to keep him in that environment for now, and that he loves the teachers and his friends there, whatever. It just sounds a little to me like you are being pre-emptively defensive about something other folks probably don't think twice about until they pick up on your vibe about it. I could be wrong though, I don't mean to invalidate your feelings!

[Mollie]

yes, both of our kids are in a private Christian school, and people ALWAYS look at us like we are crazy for "paying" for school when they could be going to public school for "free." and, all the time people are asking us how much we are paying for them to go there!!??!! oh well, I know we are doing what is best for our family in this area and in this situation, so I try to let it just roll off my back..

[lauraess]

Mamaley: hey, no- not at all. What i meant about not caring was that I just dont care about their opinions. It's not their children therefore not their opinion. I do state plainly where my child goes but can always tell when I get that vibe that I think you are experiencing- judgemental- and so I just chalk it up to nonacceptance of something different. so, basically it's typical.
Laura

[mamaley]

You could just say he had such a good pre-school experience there you wanted to keep him in that environment for now, and that he loves the teachers and his friends there, whatever

i should have been more specific. this is actually what i have always done, and told them the name of his school, until last week when i got tired of the questions, comments and looks. i got asked all kinds of questions and comments: "well, WE like our school" (when i don't say anything about the school at all), "why pay all that money, don't you know ps is free?" or a sarcastic sounding "Ohhh" with a smirk on their face, things like that. so i thought that maybe if i started to just say "he goes somewhere else" (i usually add that it's the same place he went to preschool and he likes it) then i might start getting different reactions...

I guess I just can't imagine why anyone would be judgmental over a child attending a Montessori program. It's not like it's Exeter or something, you know?

because we live in a low-income area, and it's considered weird to pay for school.

i'm not saying this is a problem, i really was just curious about if others get these these comments, questions, etc too.

[mamaley]

lauress--ok, cool

[wednesday]

Originally Posted by mamaley

because we live in a low-income area, and it's considered weird to pay for school.

Okay, I get it...I guess all you can do is work the "he really thrives there" angle. Those people sound like rude jerks anyway.

[mamaley]

T
wakeupmama, i like your sig

[wednesday]

Thanks...it's my reminder to myself to not be a rude jerk...which unfortunately comes far too easily to me

[mamaley]

:LOL

[Deborah]

I think it has gotten worse, but it is not a new problem. Twenty years ago when my daughter was in 2nd (?) grade one of our neighbors invited her to an open house at the local public school in an attempt to get me to consider something other than waldorf. Besides having to pay tuition I had to drive her up there! My goodness.

My daughter happily went to the open house and came home somewhat horrified. Her comment: "They have machines to teach them." This was before computers but they had some sort of teaching machines. She had tried one out and hadn't liked it much. She stayed at the waldorf school through 7th grade and then we moved to Missouri where she did 1/2 year of public school and then decided that home schooling would be better. Eventually she went to high school at the waldorf school in Toronto (her choice). I don't know what local folks would have said about her going away to a private school...I didn't tell anyone but my close friends.

It is amazing the way people feel the right not only to judge your choices in child raising but to interfere!

Nana

[Rhonwyn]

People have asked us why we don't go to public schools when they are free. I tell them that none of the public schools offer a Waldorf education. Until they do, we will stick to private. If they ask more, then I tell them why we chose Waldorf. Most people accept this even if Waldorf doesn't sound appealing to them. I think once they know it isn't a snooty, classist thing, they are accepting.

[mamaley]

hey, that's a great answer!

[grisandole]

I get that, and my kids don't even go to private school (they would if we could afford it). Mine go to a very good charter school- not the local public school. Everytime I mention it I get looks and questions. It's a great school- multi-age classrooms, excellent teachers, very small. The staff knows the parents by name

When I took our foster daughter to the psychologist, he asked why we chose that school instead of the local public school. Um, because it's a good school?

Ugh, I don't get it, either.

Kristi

[mamaley]

today dh got these comments from co-workers, 2 of the 3 make way more money than him, and are in debt from spending it on things. they told us that we are "throwing away our money" and got really defensive about the public school system.

[comet]

Yes, I do get that question a lot. Dd just started a Montessori school and almost daily someone tells me that they couldn'lt afford it, it's so expensive, or a luxury, or snooty, or whatnot, but the general impression they want to leave with me (it seems) is that it's a lot of money to spend.

My answer is an easy one for now. I work and she needs to be in daycare somewhere for 25-30 hrs/week right now. Typical daycare/preschool costs $620/month for that amt of time in my town, but Montessori is only $459/month. So Montessori is actually about the cheapest game in my town. In my case, there is no free public school for her at 3 yrs old, so I pay either way.

I think they're just being defensive. They tink you're saying that public school is not good enough for your kid, but if they send their kid to public school.... I can see where they are coming from.

[mamaley]

but why does it have to be about good enough? i just really like montessori education. why can't they just assume ps isn't montessori enough?

[Mommasgirls]

Yes. Our oldest DD went to private school for preschool and kindergarten. Last year she went to public for first grade and was very bored because she had done the work in kindergarten. So this year we have both going to the same private school for preschool and 2nd grade. When people give me a hard time about it I tell them that the classes are half the size of public school and that to us early education is just as important as college.I want my girls to love school and being in over crowded classes just doesn't cut it.
We also live in low income housing and get plently of comments from neighbors. At first I tried to justify our decision now I just ignore them.