or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › newborn down the hall?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

newborn down the hall?

post #1 of 106
Thread Starter 
I'm just curious as to everyones opinion on this. I hear people say alot that they put their nb n their own room but until recently I've never heard of a nursing mom doing this. A friend of mine tol dme the other day that her 7 week old has been in his own room for 4 weeks already. I was shocked! How can you sleep? I'd flip out. He's SO tiny and still nursing at night right? Yes, he is she said, I go into his room to nurse because I feel bad about him waking my husband. My sister is TTC and sure that it's FINE to put a nb in their own room. Why waste the money on a bassinette and crib? Cosleeping is OUT of the question.. I'm so suprised everytime I hear this. I myself am not terrible comfortable with cosleeping in the same bed with a nb, I've never done it. But I cosleep with my 2 year old sometimes in my bed and always next to it if not.

Here's my question; Would you and do you think it's safe to put a nb in their own room down the hall?
post #2 of 106
We put DS in his own room in a crib when he was 6 weeks old. He was such a noisy sleeper- moaning and grunting all night long. We had an extra bed in there so that when I went in to nurse I could lie down with him. He was sleeping for long stretches already at that point so it worked. Now he is in bed with us (at 9 months) b/c his sleep cycles are shorter and he refuses to sleep on his own, so we cosleep.Whatever works for mom and baby.
post #3 of 106
My kids have never slept apart from me (well except now when they go visit their dad). They were always in my bed as newborns. I couldn't imagine having this little bitty baby all by themselves away from me. It is so much easier to roll over and nurse your baby when they wake, than it is to fully get out of bed to go nurse. And plus, I always awoke instantly when my babies did, if they were in another room I would worry about how long they had been awake and fussing.

I don't think it is safe to have the newborn down the hall away from mom. I have suspicions that many more SIDS cases are related to newborns being alone and not *awoken* by mom's breathing and movements during sleep. I think they fall too soundly asleep to wake up by themselves. This is debatable for sure, since no one really knows, but there have been some studies done on this. The only thing that sleeping with baby that would be dangerous is if the mother or father drink heavily or smoke.
post #4 of 106
If I'd slept in the same room with my grunting snoring moaning newborn, I would have been too tired to nurse her because I would not have slept for even 5 minutes!
post #5 of 106
The new Health Canada SIDS recommendations say that you should sleep in the same room as your baby until they are 6 months old so from a safety point of view, I definitely think that newborn is too young to have their own room.
post #6 of 106
Originally Posted by my~hearts~light
Here's my question; Would you and do you think it's safe to put a nb in their own room down the hall?
No way! Newborns are not meant to be that far from their mamas. What if the baby is cold, or hot, or stops breathing, or gags on spit-up, or...or... no way! Besides it's so much easier to roll over, pop in a boob and fall asleep than it isto walk down the hall.
post #7 of 106
There's no way I'd get any sleep with my baby anywhere but right next to me.
post #8 of 106
Originally Posted by KKmama
There's no way I'd get any sleep with my baby anywhere but right next to me.
post #9 of 106
My SIL said she slept w/ her oldest for about a week but said she drove herself crazy "always checking to see if she was breathing" so she ended up putting her in a crib in her own room. WTF? How does that help?

My baby was a noisy sleeper too for a few weeks. Thank God she grew out of it! I was seriously considering moving her too, but knew that I'd get even less sleep getting up to nurse & check on her.
post #10 of 106
Dh and I brought dd home from the hospital and she has slept in her crib every night since (barring trips away from home.) We were completely comfortable with this. THe distance from my bed to her crib is a total of 10 steps (i've counted) and I can count on one hand the times I've slept thru her crying and dh has had to wake me. In fact, in the first couple months of nursing, I always woke before she did, full of milk and read to go, so she never cried for food. Our mama/baby bond was/is very tight and although she was not in the room, I could hear and sense her.

Now that she is older I am still glad that we put her in her crib from the beginning. This might not be all 'ap' and all that, but it worked well for us. And the logistics made better sense-- to nurse dd as a newborn, I had to have the light on, my boppy, i had to sit up to get her latched correctly, then change her diaper--it was an affair, and dh had to get some rest, because somebody had to go to work, and it wasn't gonna be me!
post #11 of 106
I honestly have no idea how any mother can stand having her newborn that far away from her. As KKmama said, there is no way I could sleep with baby away from me like that.

I'm not trying to pass judgement on anybody. I just cannot for the life of me relate to feeling better with baby in another room (or frankly, even in another bed in the same room), it's just so outside my own experience. It seems very unnatural to me, and yes I would worry about SIDS. I strongly believe that SIDS is an arousal disorder that is greatly exacerbated by solitary sleeping, since we know that a cosleeping mama regulates her newborn's breathing, heart rate, and sleep cycles.
post #12 of 106
Thread Starter 
What I can't believe is the reasoning I hear sometimes. I must be really inconsiderate of my DH. We BOTH work. He leave and I stay here but we both work hard and earn a living. I don't try to avoid waking him or worry about him being tired at work. He will get up as much as I will and has with all our babies. What if I'm tired all day? I'd rather him be grumpy to strangers than me to our children. It's a partnership.
post #13 of 106
my~hearts~light - I can see both sides to this issue.

Our DS is a 14 month old who I co sleep with and BF. Prior to DS's birth, I knew nothing about babies, NOTHING at all about breastfeeding and I had never heard of "co-sleeping". I have only 2 girlfriends with kids and they both breastfed their children and they put them in cribs in their own rooms. I thought, this was the only option! My friends' babies all seemed to come home from the hospital and sleep in 4 or 6 hour stretches - within weeks of being born! From what I understood, the moms' routine was simple: hear crying, go to baby, nurse in a rocking chair, put the baby back in crib, go back to sleep for another 4 or 6 hours. After a few weeks, these LUCKY moms children were sleeping through the night.

Ha ha. Then I come along assuming, ignorantly, that this will happen with me. My son had reflux and was, a more normal baby actually - wanted to be with mommy and woke constantly. My doctor discouraged co-sleeping and no one else I knew was doing it. After about 6 weeks, I was going crazy with getting 1 or 2 hours of sleep a night. My DH works nights and I was just thinking I was in some sort of hell. Then, I finally read some decent mothering books, used my instincts and took my son into the family bed. And, life got better.

DO I think it's safe for a newborn to be in a crib? I don't know - I guess it depends on the baby, the distance, the parents, etc. In my case it wasn't safe because I was sleep deprived beyond all measure of sanity. Do I think all parents are making a mistake by putting their baby in a crib? Certainly not. I do think that I wouldn't trade the experience of co-sleeping for anything. I also think, despite the presence of Mothering.com and like, there is still a lack of information from mainstream medical profession and parenting media regarding the advantages of co-sleeping. I felt very guilty when I first started co-sleeping with my son because I had repeatedly been told it was "wrong" and was going to cause problems down the road. In fact, my worry at the time was I was increasing the risk of SIDs! Fortunately, I read Meredith Smalls' Our Babies: Ourselves which helped me immensely. You may think, how could she not know? But, I didn't. I knew nothing about babies. I was so naive, so inexperienced - had never even changed a baby's diaper - what did I know? So, I don't think it's fair to judge people. Besides, visit any baby department in any retail store - what do they sell? Cribs, decorations for baby rooms, monitors, etc. This idea of sleeping in a separate room is a big marketing thing, too. Luckily, I thought that part was a "scam". Our crib was a hand-me-down (from people who I later learned co-slept with their children but didn't admit it until later!!).
post #14 of 106
Thread Starter 
There *is* a happy medium though. Why do these people not use a cradle at bedside or something? I've never done the family bed thing. I put Meg in my bed if she's fussing but not just for sleeping. I have our bassinete all ready for this next baby. Washed and ready at the end of the bed, waiting. For the record, I *do* have a beautiful nursery ready to go. I wanted it regardless of how much it will be used for sleeping. I intend to cosleep (both babies in my room) until at LEAST 6 months. After that I'd feel ok putting them in their own shared room because I"m getting one of those camera monitors. That will help me feel more secure and keep me from going to check up every 5 minutes. I'm hoping anyway.....

I'm just not comfortable with a newborn being more than 2 feet from me while I sleep.
post #15 of 106
Originally Posted by my~hearts~light
There *is* a happy medium though. Why do these people not use a cradle at bedside or something? .

I don't know why for everyone but as I said, for me it was because my kids were just tooo noisy. My daughter was so loud a sleeper that even her first night in the hospital they had a doctor come to my room to try to see why she was snoring so loudly! She said she was fine and 9 years later, she certainly is thriving though she snores like a 200 pound man!

I simply would NEVER have slept if she was in the room with me. When she was next door there was just ennough of a sound barrier that I could hear her cries but her snores were blocked.

Hopefully you'll never have a baby with these issues.
post #16 of 106
I could never have slept without my baby next to me.
It was the only way I could relax, knowing he was right there in the safest place in the world.. next to his mama.

I am not judging anyone else.. but I could never have had him in another room. I would have been a wreck.

He has started sleeping in his own bed at 27 months.. he seems to need his own space now, and I STILL miss him and worry and get up and check on him.

Sometimes he still climbs in our bed to snuggle in the wee hours and I am always so glad!

But a newborn in another room? I would have been a nervous wreck.
post #17 of 106
My baby slept in our room until she was 3 months. Sometimes in a bassinett RIGHT next to our bed, sometimes in our bed. Then she moved to her own room. it was easier on her then on me. I also could not imagine having a newborn that far away. But once she got older it seemed like thr right thing for us to do. but every baby is diffrent and every fanily is diffrent how boring if we were all the same.
post #18 of 106
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by maya43
Hopefully you'll never have a baby with these issues.

It's strange but my first did snore and grunt horrible loud. I was too tired to care though. I was a very scared first time mom. My second was on an apnea monitor for her first year and I had to keep her really close but couldn't have her in our bed. With this baby I hope I will feel more confident and less afraid of sids ect. It'll be nice to just do what comes natural this time without being afraid or haivng the restrictions of monitors.
post #19 of 106
what's the matter with flexibility? All three of our sons did a combo some part of the night in the crib (usually the beginning) some in the bassinet and some in the bed. If we were extra tired he slept in bed with us, If he was cranky he slept in bed with us. If we wanted to have some adult time he went to bed in the crib and then when he woke up came to our room. Our third son is a very noisy sleeper and he moves around a lot while asleep so he was the earliest to be in a cribe more or less full time (about three months) although he comes for wee hours visits to the big bed, as do all of the boys still.
It is so important to be flexible when you have children and to do what works best for you, your baby and the rest of the family, as long as everyones needs are being met everything should work well
post #20 of 106
My parents didn't co-sleep, but all the babies slept in their room until they were almost three. They figured it was just easier that way.

When Schmooey was born we tried to put him in a separate room, but that was just too hard. He was a very restless sleeper all by himself and I was so tired, that bringing him in was the only way to get some sleep. Turns out, the whole family manged to sleep including the cats. He stopped being a restless sleeper and I no longer had to get out of bed. I can't imagine a baby in their own room. I would, and did, spend too much time worrying about them over there alone. Besides, it didn't make sense. I slept in the same room with dh and two cats, why should he sleep all by his lonesome.

If and when we have number two, we already know that co-sleeping is the only way to go. To me, it doesn't matter if the baby snores, whimpers or whatever in their sleep. I am just glad to know what is going on. It can't be any worse than the cat or dh's snores.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Co-sleeping and the Family Bed
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › newborn down the hall?