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newborn down the hall? - Page 2

post #21 of 106
Thread Starter 
You're right! Being flexible is key. I was just curious as to why some people automaticly put their new baby in a room down the hall.
post #22 of 106
I wanted to add to this post. I am a first time mom, and of course i have heard it all. Esspeically on the sleep situation. My DS sleeps pretty much anywhere when he's full and tired. This includes his crib in his room, in my bed and even a chair in the living room. There are some nights when he sleep with my DF and I. There are other nights when I put him in his crib. It just depends on several things. IF I am tired he doesn't make it to his crib, if he's fussy he doesn't go in his crib, if my DF and I feel like we need some time alone DS goes in his crib.

Do I feel comfortable leaving him in his crib all night, yes and no Do I feel comfotable with him sleeping with me, Not all the time. There's some nights when I cannot sleep with him in the bed next to me.

So for me, whatever the night time brings is what I do. So I am not consistant, but really is life that consistant.

BTW, if I had a bassinette or co-sleeper i'd use it in our room, but he'd probably out grow it before I could reap the finacial benefits, he's only a month old and almost 13#'s
post #23 of 106
Thread Starter 
I bought one with my first so I had a bass but I gave it to my friend for her baby. I had to buy another cozier bass for my second who was a tiny preemie. She used it for a year so I got my moneys worth already. I can understand some people not being able to do that or getting moneys worth out of one like I did.
post #24 of 106
My DS slept in his room/crib from the time he was 4 weeks old. His room was acrossed the hall from ours and we kept both doors open. Like a pp mentioned he was a very loud sleeper and I could simply not sleep with him in the room (I even had the co-sleeper all ready) He had absoulty no problems sleeping in his crib and slept much better that way. I almost *always* woke up before he did ready to nurse and within minutes I would hear him wiggiling around - so that was never an issue (plus for the first 2.5 months I had to set my clock to wake up and pump before he woke up since we had nursing issues) Anyway it was never a problem for either of us and I don't see anything really wrong with it unless the parents are doing some sort of CIO to 'make' the baby sleep there.

My DD otoh wanted nothing to do with the crib and so I slept with her the first 15 months of her life. Even thought it was *very* difficult for me to sleep that way at all - but there was no way I could 'make' her sleep in the crib so I did what I had to do.

With this next baby I will see how he likes the crib - but it will be in our room since we only have 3 bedrooms. But I will still be willing to cosleep if dosen't like the crib like DD but if he has no problems with it I will start him in it right away.
post #25 of 106
I would not feel comfortable with this at all. only now, my dd being 3 years old, I have come to a point where it's ok for her to take that step. I truly believe babies, especially newborn babies, they need their mothers to be right next to them. I am a big continuum concept believer and I could not imagine having my newborn sleep in a whole separate room. plus, besides it being negative for my babies, I could not close my eyes for one second. I need to see my baby right next to me, safe and sound, for me to be able to sleep.
post #26 of 106
It really pisses me off how all over this board people are like "I'm not judging anyone but...." and then proceed to outright bash parents who do things differently or to passive-aggressively and indirectly insinuate that they are bad parents.

I've tried cosleeping with my daughter (because I've been reading a lot on this site about AP and am the type to be open-minded about different ways of doing things) and, honestly, I hate it. I just can't sleep at all worrying about not suffocating her ... she likes to bury her face in my armpit or worrying about moving too much b/c she always jolts or gets awoken even by the tiniest movements or worrying about the cats getting on her b/c they're used to sleeping between DH and I and have tried to sleep ON the baby to take their spot back or worrying that DH has slept with cats all his life and is used to just swatting or shoving them off the bed in his sleep when he wants to change positions so one night he started to shove the baby and i had to wake him. These things are real dangers and even if they didn't happen .... what mother is a good mother on NO sleep at all on most nights every night?

Of course, now someone will say why not keep her in the same room even if not the same bed ... well, we have six cats who are used to sleeping in our room and in our bed and start peeing all over the house and fighting with each other if their routine or space is changed. When we've locked them out of our bedroom, all hell breaks loose ... we tried this and ended up having to bring one to the vet as his ear was practically bitten off in a fight. They NEVER fight otherwise - it's always related to DH and I cramping their space by locking them out of somewhere. So, we just know better than to kick them out of the bedroom at night. But, if we keep them AND the baby in the room, then we have the problem of cats wanting to sleep on top of baby or with baby (suffocation dangers).

WHY have I bothered to give all this information? To hopefully illustrate that everyone's situation is different and that you REALLY can't judge their decisions (and I mean REALLy, not just a false "I'm not judging anyone but...) because you just don't know what is best for them and their family. Our baby sleeps in her crib in her own room most nights. She has also slept in our room in a bassinet or pack and play and has slept in our bed ... we've tried all methods and the one that is working for us is the first.

Does this mean I dont' love snuggling with her, does it mean that I am an uncaring mother, does it mean I'm putting her at risk??!! That's not for you to decide!

The trouble with AP parenting and why those people like me who are slowly trying to inch in taht direction and to be open-minded and learn about alternative ways of raising my child (I am delaying vaccination, baby-wearing, exclusively breastfeeding .... ALL because of this website!) get turned off is because some people are just so damn judgmental and rigid about it being "done right". It's like you have to follow the "AP Manual" or you suck as a parent! I, honestly, am just a parent and I'm not AP nor mainstream nor whatever other "types" of parents are out there ... I just do what works and what feels right and what makes sense for us and I read and I listen and I am flexible and I try different things.

Sorry to those of you who are having a reasonable discussion... I'm just fed up with the holier-than-thou attitude that is common around here...
post #27 of 106
Snowbaby-- The tone of your post is a little off-puttting. I'm not sure I understand the vehemence of your generalizations. The OP asked for opinions and it seems to me that that is what people gave--I saw it as people speaking from their own experience about what feels right and necessary to them.

We have a co-sleeper and she starts the night out there about 50% of the time. I can't imagine not having her any further away. I often wake to her noises and can most of the time intuit her gassy grunting from her hungry grunts. I love being able to be so responsive to her needs even if I'm barely awake.

In the beginning I was also afraid of her rolling into me so I now put her slightly on her side w/ her back to me and this seems to help. She also seems to stir/flail less when she's snuggled super close to me like this. I also sleep w/ my arm around her still and this seems to help DH know where she is. He also prefers to sleep on his side facing her when she's in between us so he has a better sense of where she is.

Our cat slept w/ us before C was born and now prefers the foot of the bed. As soon as she came home we introduced a spray bottle to keep her (cat)out of the cosleeper and bed when she was getting pesky. I don't worry about the safety aspect as much as I worry about the waking the baby problem.
post #28 of 106
"Here's my question; Would you and do you think it's safe to put a nb in their own room down the hall?"

Absolutely not. That's too far away for me to be able to hear and sense that she's doing alright. There are of course other reasons I don't want her separated from me, but safety is a big one!
post #29 of 106
With all due respect, Snowbaby, I think your reaction is rather extreme. You sound very defensive about not cosleeping, and I don't think that's necessary. You won't lose your "AP" badge just because you crib-sleep, it's about putting your baby to bed where he/she wants/needs to be. For most people, that's right next to mama. But there are exceptions. Meeting your child's needs is what's important. It just so happens that most babies want to be by mama, and most mamas want to be by baby.

I'm not judging people when I say that *I* could never sleep a wink without my baby next to me. That *I* worry about SIDS and the baby's safety if I'm not right there. It's my reality, so that's how I feel. And therefore I cannot relate to those who sleep better with baby down the hall. However, I certainly don't disbelieve them that they sleep better that way, and so long as baby is happy, what's the problem? I don't think forcing people to cosleep when they are miserable serves any purpose. Being AP is about listening to your baby's cues. Some parents have babies who sleep fine in isolation. Therefore it's up to them which road to choose.
post #30 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowbaby
It really pisses me off how all over this board people are like "I'm not judging anyone but...." and then proceed to outright bash parents who do things differently or to passive-aggressively and indirectly insinuate that they are bad parents.



Of course, now someone will say why not keep her in the same room even if not the same bed ... well, we have six cats who are used to sleeping in our room and in our bed and start peeing all over the house and fighting with each other if their routine or space is changed. When we've locked them out of our bedroom, all hell breaks loose ... we tried this and ended up having to bring one to the vet as his ear was practically bitten off in a fight. They NEVER fight otherwise - it's always related to DH and I cramping their space by locking them out of somewhere. So, we just know better than to kick them out of the bedroom at night. But, if we keep them AND the baby in the room, then we have the problem of cats wanting to sleep on top of baby or with baby (suffocation dangers).

...
Hmmm, well maybe I had a *holier than thou* attitude, not sure, I was pretty certain I was speaking from expirience.... but now maybe I will take on the attitude??? We'll see how this goes.

To me, In my opinion (blah blah all that good stuff), to choose your cats over your babies is ridiculous! Sorry, but it is.

If it was ME, I would do something with the cats (find them a new home???) and bring my baby in my bedroom.

Obviously, this is all what *I* would do.

Cosleeping is ancient. People coslept to protect their babies. They slept with their kids to keep them safe. Obviously, there are not many dangers now a-days BUT it frightens me to no end, that there may be a fire and I can't get to my kids. I want my kids by me so I know that they are safe.
post #31 of 106
Thread Starter 
I'm sorry this thread took an ugly turn mods. I was serious and curious also. I wasn't trying to start anything but a good topic.

I'm sorry that some people feel very defensivly about this thread. We all do what is best for our families. I just can't understand how putting a newborn off in another room would be best for the *baby*.

I'm not interested in what's best for your pets, sorry.
I don't feel that attitude you speak of snowbaby but I can't imagine why one would bother posting just to say how sick of the members here you are. That's your issue. If you *HATE* cosleeping then this forum is not going to be a benefit to you, obviously.
post #32 of 106
Quote:
I just can't understand how putting a newborn off in another room would be best for the *baby*.
That is because for your baby it wasn't best. Like I said in my PP my DS didn't care either way - in fact in the month he slept with us I would say he slept *worse* then after he was moved to his room (but maybe it was just how he slept early on, we will never know). The reason it was *best* for him was because 1) he slept soundly and peacfully + 2) I was able to sleep soundly as well = I was a well rested mommy for him day and night and he was a well rested and happy baby. It really isn't that difficult - it is just the way it was.....

And as I said before I am not anti co-sleeping - I slept with my DD for 15 months, because that is what was *best* -FOR HER- and I was willing to do it, even though it was a very serious stain on me physically (I sleep TERRIBLY with anyone in bed - including DH. I can't have anyone touching me or I literly lay awake until my eyes just close out of pure exhaustion) and emotionally since I *know* the lack of sleep was a definate factor in my year long battle with PPD that I had after having her......

So, while I can see how for *you* it may be difficult to understand or even accept - for others it is simply not so black and white.
post #33 of 106
Thread Starter 
Sorry, I didn't mean in cases where the baby can't sleep well ect, I meant when a mother puts a newborn in their own room either by default or because the mother doesn't want to have the baby near her for her comfort. If a baby truly can't sleep with or near mom then by all means you have to do what helps that baby to sleep.
post #34 of 106
This babe sleeps best on our pillowtop bed, and sleeps longest when I'm asleep there too. If I need irrationally to check on him, he's there, and for me not having him reach fully-awake-and-crying means nursing back to sleep is easier. I was less nervous about my dd tho when I put her to bed in a crib I usually moved her to my bed when I retired.

I do feel my husband needs sleep more bc he has to leave the house to work and that is different. I know I work just as hard, but having to be dressed and among people and driving and travelling is harder in some ways. So he sleeps in his office for now, and that's fine.
post #35 of 106
I've now logged 7 years of co-sleeping. I've slept with noisy toddlers, grunting newborns, even a 5yo whose tonsils were literally the size of ping pong balls and they made her snore so loud you could hear her across the street. (No, I'm not exaggerating. You could walk across the street and hear her)
I can't imagine having to actually move to check on my sleeping babies. I think the noisier the better...if they're grunting, they're breathing, and you barely have to open an eyelid!
Nope...my newborns need their parents, so they sleep right in between us in the middle of our bed. I've always just known that's where they've belonged.
post #36 of 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by my~hearts~light
If a baby truly can't sleep with or near mom then by all means you have to do what helps that baby to sleep.
Exactly. And I've never seen anybody here advocate any differently. Moms whose babies sleep just fine in isolation have that option. And if it works for them, why not?

On a slightly different, but related, topic I've often wondered what makes a mother unable to cosleep successfully. I mean, most mothers seem to find that Nature takes over and their bodies adapt remarkably to the presence of a baby next to them. Many of us find the thought of being separated from baby quite distressing. But others seem to find they get anxious, or they get no sleep, when baby is in bed with them. I wonder how much of this is social conditioning (those who fear smothering their babes, for example: a common misconception that is spread around our culture as if it were fact) and how much of it is personality (is the mama just a naturally nervous individual, for example?? Or perhaps it is related to any sleep issues the mama might come into the situation with (chronic insomnia, for example). Anybody have any guesses?
post #37 of 106
We had a fire at our neighbor's house that almost burned our house- it did a lot of damage to the side of our house, and was put out just in time- so that has compounded any nervousness I might have had about being near baby. The fire was during the day, and thank god no one was hurt, but when the mind starts wandering into unrealistic territory late at night, I wonder how far the fire would have spread at night before someone noticed, and if my baby were across the hall or somewhere I would be in a panic. It's bad enough my ten year old is across the hall. In my paranoias I think about getting to her in an emergency. I don't think like this often, I want to point out, but it is definitely part of wanting to be close to a newborn. Newly postpartum women can be subject to all kinds of imaginings, and for me having him nearby alleviates them.

I have wondered about what contributes to different levels of comfort, too. I notice some of my doula clients, for instance, and friends are happy to have the baby in the hospital nursery while they sleep because they're afraid of not watching the baby. I would be a wreck if my baby were in a hospital nursery. I really don't think I could handle it. I need my baby nearby, and I don't fear squishing them in the bed; I know I won't. Others feel safe and more comfortable when baby is safely put in a crib in a closed room. I don't mind people holding my baby (depending on whom) and others wouldn't let folks hold their baby at this age, for instance, and still others think I'm too overprotective or ruled by my instincts. I too wonder where the difference might lie.
post #38 of 106
Thread Starter 
Piglet, I think it has ALOT to do with social conditioning.

I would have never put Emma in my bed for fear of killing her. I wouldn't have with Meg for a long long time. Same reason but this time I was told that I would kill her by a neonatologist. SHe may have been very right, Meg was preemie and on monitors. It took me learning and reading ALOT to realize that I wouldn't kill her. Seriously.

I finally put her in my bed with me a few months ago out of sheer exhaustion and after one night I knew I could never ever forget that she was there but I slept MUCH better. I was MADE to fear bedsharing.

That said I see cosleeping and bedsharing differently. If you can't share a bed that's FINE. The next move should, IMO, be cosleeping in perhaps a crib sidecared or something like that. IF the CHILD can't sleep in the same room as the mother, then I'd consider a seperate room.
post #39 of 106
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post #40 of 106
I can only speak for myself but my co-sleeping issues have nothing to do with social conditioning....I just have a difficult time sleeping in general. If the conditions are not just right I find it almost impossible to fall asleep. Any noise or light or the wrong tempature can *really* effect my ability to sleep soundly - or at all. ANd I can in no way have *anyone* touching me while I sleep. I don't know why I am this way - I just know that I am.

Like I said before I did co-sleep with DD for 15 months and while there were definate pluses - I do love to snuggle in the morning and roll over at night to nurse and not worry about her in another room - as far as a good solution for getting *sleep* it was horrible for me. I had no fear of rolling on her or anything like that. Heck I *wanted* to co-sleep with her because it sounds so 'nice' - but for me it just wasn't good *at all*. I couldn't move because she would wake up everytime I turned over, I couldn't side-car her because she had to be pratically on me to sleep any lenght of time, I couldn't sleep soundly because of all the 'baby noises' she made......it just wasn't a good thing for me.....but it was what she needed and there was nothing I could do about it.

We will see how this new baby sleeps.....and hopfully it will be a better situation for all of us.....

(FYI - I really have nothing against co-sleeping, in fact I recommend it to everyone I know - it just isn't the best fit for *me*)

Now that dd is in her own room DH takes over the nightime duties when she needs someone (which is only about 1x a week ) I caught this the other day and it just made my heart melt...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v2...c/sleepweb.jpg
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