Where's the evidence that people (current adult around the world) who slept in cribs are worse off than those who slept in their parents' beds or in their parents' rooms? There are plenty of healthy and plenty of dysfunctional folk on both camps.
What exactly are those creatures hiding under the crib that will snatch the baby away and hurt it? I'm being funny but really, you guys make it sound like there are ghosts everywhere in your house ready eat up these babies unless they're in your arms. The world is not that unsafe, babies are not that vulnerable and, yes, like they say "shit happens" and shit can happen with the baby in your arms or in his/her crib. Sorry for the cursing ... just using the saying accurately
As for the argument that in most countries, families sleep together, therefore it's what's natural .... have we considered the fact that they may "cosleep" because they can't afford houses big enough to have separate rooms or afford beds or cribs for their kids or even for themselves. Many sleep together out of necessity!! Give them a bigger house, beds, cribs and see if they refuse it and see if most of them don't automatically put their kid in another room. Maybe cosleeping is uncommon in america (and other industrialized countries) because people actually have to work *against* their instinct in order to cosleep despite having the resources NOT to.
FYI - something being "new" (which in the case of cribs still means a few hundred years) doesn't make it "bad". So the fact that cribs are a newish thing doesn't automatically justify the argument that they are no good. Neither does the fact that most of the world doesn't have them. Most of the world doesn't have access to a toilet or running water ... but aren't we glad we have those, they have really improved our hygiene and prolonged our lifespan. Just because most of the world does something one way, it still doesn't mean it's better or right or more natural.
Lets not assume that we know the workings of babies inside out. None of us really do. So much about babies is STILL a mystery. So to claim that babies *need* to be against their mothers bodies every second of the day is just an assumption. Maybe babies also need to be left to be for some period of time. Granted, in modern day there's a huge push for premature independence on the part of infants/babies, however, let's not overcompensate by shifting toward pushing for over-codependence and enmeshment. Maybe there are negative consequences to not allowing an infant to spend some time alone. Just a thought, but I'm not expert.
Regarding a couple's need for alone time (without baby) in their own bed -- some of you said that you and your DH have this time by leaving your baby in your bed to go hang out on the couch or have intimacy elsewhere... how is baby alone in your bed better than baby alone in his/her crib? From your post, I gather that you do, in fact, leave your child to sleep alone somewhere for some period of time? Well, that's what I do too so why are we arguing? .... it's just a matter of location, location, location.
I also think it's HUGELY important to take the mother's needs into account and it is OKAY for a mother to satisfy her own needs as long as her child is not put in danger. It is imperative actually. And in taking care of herself, the mother can model to her child how to engage in self-care. We are mothers ... we are not slaves nor are we saints nor martyrs nor perfect creatures. There's IS a duty to take care of your baby's mother and of your baby's parents' relationship and, yes, sometimes this means "baby in crib".wemoon
: in college, when my morning classes were over, I'd go to my dorm room and sleep all afternoon and on the weekends I'd sleep until 1pm and the rest of the day, I'd sit around with my friends watching t.v. or just talking. Now from the moment I open my eyes, I am caring for my child full-time and cleaning house and running errands. So, unless you mean that I should sleep with my baby during the night but ship her off during the day so I could lounge -- I don't think the analogy applies.loving-my-babies
: "I truly believe it's impossible for me to suffocate the baby."
Data: "incident data from January 1990 to December 1997 linked adult beds to at least 515 baby deaths, 121 were co-sleeping deaths, that is, rolling on top of or against baby while sleeping; more than three-quarters involved babies younger than three months of age. The other 394 deaths were due to suffocation or entrapment between a mattress and a wall, bed frame, headboard, footboard, bed railings or adjacent furniture."
It's possible! (even if unlikely or safer than crib sleeping)piglet68
: We ARE social animals and, therefore, as our social environment changes, we adapt to it. Once upon a time, children were raised by communities. In some places, they still are. Babies are breastfed by many women, not just their mothers and are handed over from woman to woman so that it can be held at all times while the biological mother takes a break (for whatever reason). Nowadays, we don't all have that luxury (most of us don't). If I had people around taking over some of the breastfeeding or holding or cuddling or changing or even cooking my meals or cleaning my house, then I would imagine that a restful night's sleep wouldnt' be such a big deal and I could just sleep with my baby. But, our current social world dictates that I do EVERYTHING ... and in order to do everything without dying... I need a little sleep here and there and I get that best with baby in her crib.
I can assure you that my baby does not emit distress cries when I finally put her in her crib nicely swaddled after being fed, changed and held all day. If she were emitting these cries, I wouldn't leave her there.
I think it's funny (and sad) that there is even argument among cosleepers about what "cosleeping" means. Is it baby in bed? Baby attached to bed on a sleeper? Baby in the same room? Exactly how many feet away or close by does the baby have to be for it to be cosleeping? Does the baby have to be "touching" mommy or just in the same bed? I'm being sarcastic but also asking for real. Who exactly took the ruler and figured out what distance is optimal for baby?
My point is that each of us is only an expert when it comes to our own baby (and even then, not really). We know very little about other women's babies and, therefore, none of us can dictate what is BEST.