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Help! I'm done with Christmas. - Page 2

post #21 of 43
7/27/02 at 11:08pm

Help Im done with Christmas

Hi Sunmountain I try to simplify Christmas . Our Family is very generous but have asked them to cut back on the gifts. We give gift certificates so our family can get what they need. On Christmas morning we make pine cones with bird seeds to give a gift to nature. This year we plan on making a cake and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. Also have a pre Christmas party. We will ask the guests not to bring gifts but bring hats and mittens donate them to a local homeless shelter.Hope this helps.

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post #22 of 43
7/28/02 at 11:38am
Thread Starter 
Libras mom, I am so honored your first post was on my thread!!!
OK bay crying,,I swear I'll be back and tell you what we've dcided...
post #23 of 43
8/21/02 at 11:27pm
Thread Starter 

bumping myself...ouch!

Well, my very-Catholic mother is now my very-supportive mother in regards to us having a Solstice Party instead of Christmas. But she made me promise to include some "magic" into the holiday for the kids since we won't be perpetrating the myth of Santa any longer...now to explain it to the others. Well, they already think we are freaks, so might as well jump in with both feet, right?
We have decided on a theme of moons and stars, with my snowman dishes and some poinsettia cloth napkins as accents. We now have two palm trees, and will decorate them every year accordingly. I just got rid of all my colored lights and will stick with white now. Ds1 is getting very excited. Now we have to decide on gifts. I want them to be homemade, but I am just pooped with four kids ages 6mo to 8yo. So I guess we'll just have to see about that.
You guys have been such an inspiration!
post #24 of 43
8/22/02 at 1:52am
Sunmountain, that's great!

I mentioned earlier in the thread that my parents had their first solstice party this year. They had a huge bonfire, and we stood around it and drank mulled wine or cider and sang non-religious carols. A lot of the carols that are sung at Christmas don't even mention Christ and some are even attributed to non-Christians. Deck the Halls is an example. I even found a website that had non-Christian carols and pagan words for Christian carols, but I don't have it bookmarked. This was great because caroling was always one of my favorite things about that time of year.

Then we went inside to lots of candles and twinkling lights, a "solstice tree," and a wonderful meal. Oddly, each family just naturally decided just to give one gift per household (i.e. my aunt and cousins gave one gift to my parents and at/home children), so everything worked out wonderfully.

Of course then we had to go to my in-laws super-materialistic Christmas a couple of days later. Blech.
post #25 of 43
8/22/02 at 11:10pm

done with Christmas

Hi sunmountain, your ideas sound great. Im glad you brought up this topic. It has me thinking of the holiday season. I might borrow your sun and moon theme . Happy planning.
post #26 of 43
8/22/02 at 11:13pm
oops. moon and stars.:
post #27 of 43
8/23/02 at 10:28am

Winter Solstice

In our family we have switched to celebrating the winter solstice (as a solstice/christmas hybrid), which for us does not have an association with a gift giving frenzy. My "gift" to my friends and family is a meal of very special (complicated yet yummy) food. We have a beautiful tree (fake but pretty), tons of decorations and we sing christmas carols. Can't do much about the in-laws, I have to admit, but the family core values ar intact.
post #28 of 43
8/24/02 at 4:52am
Wow sunmountain, your worst memory sounds like every Christmas with my in-laws. Fortunately as the family has grown more full of grandchildren and after 8 years of asking for the gift giving to be toned down, it is tapering off. But, we literally still have to bring 2 cars to get the gifts for our family of 5 home from the in-laws. Here's something that I found to work to some degree though and hopefully it will help others. My MIL is also the overly-materialistic type, but her heart is in the right place. She truly means well and for that reason, asking her to give less gifts is like (in her mind) asking her to show less love. Twisted, I know, but that's the way it is. (Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly-she is a wonderfully generous person in many ways.) Anyway, she really feels the need to be giving something, so I started asking her to give the kids/our family things like a year membership to our local Aquarium or a State Park annual pass or anything else of that nature. This works for her (sometimes) because she is still giving something and it works for me because it is something I don't have to find a place for and something we/they won't be bored of by next month. For birthdays, I've convinced her to give them things like a special art workshop or dance class I couldn't fir into our budget. It has been a wonderful compromise!
My kids and I tend to go the route of celebrating the cycles of Mother Earth more and this year I WILL plan an official Solstice celebration no matter how hard it is to get it into the schedule.
Hope the tip is helpful!
Jennifer
post #29 of 43
8/24/02 at 2:05pm
Seems like several different issues are being discussed here.

1) Anti-materialism. You want less gifts from extended family? The idea of gift certs for lessons or family memberships to parks or museums seems great! Also a gift cert to a bookstore or crafts store might work, if y'all like books and CDs, or crafting. Yule is about presents, I happen to like giving and getting them, but we don't go overboard, and live hundreds of miles away from extended family, and don't visit them at this time. I think it is a good thing to give away old toys to charity and get new stuff, if Grandma insisits. They get to show their love, and the poor get stuff too.

2) Coming out of the closet with pagan leanings. For christians to consider, Jesus' birth was assigned Dec 25 as a nod to other gods of ancient times who were also associated with the winter solstice. The Roman Satunalia and the gods Mithras and Osiris were all celebrated on or near that day. So Jesus is the reason for the season, while a catchy saying, is actually the reverse.

3) Songs to sing. There are many carols not specifically religious in tone. Jingle Bells, Over the River and Thru the Woods, White Xmas (it mentions xmas, but not Jesus' birth specifically, it seems more concerned with good will and the beauty of nature), "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire," any Santa song (think of him as the Holly King, with all his horned god representatives), Rudolph, Home for the Holidays, Blue Xmas by Elvis, All I want for Xmas is my 2 Front Teeth, the Chipmunks' cute versions of songs, I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, Holly Jolly Xmas, Walking in a Winter Wonderland, Here We Come A-wassailing, etc. If you just like the Little Drummer Boy and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, as I do, and want to sing them, the Goddess will understand, I bet! Why do you think there were goats and cattle in the barn, where Jesus was born? Horned gods! (LOL, just my opinion, of course!)

I think we humans, at that time of year, all have a craving for lights, candles, fires, hearty food, trees, wreaths, snowpeople, special clothes, songs, and gatherings with family and friends, including gift exchanges, as we can afford it. It is the darkest day of the year, and we want to say, bah, we will survive! Whichever god we assign to the holiday is up to us.

I will amend the above by saying the Jewish people's tradition, while also concerned with miraculous lights, were a desert people, in a warm climate, so didn't have the same emphasis as northerners did, on evergreen trees, for example.

Blessed be! Daryl
post #30 of 43
10/5/02 at 2:41am
Last year we bought tickets for us all to go to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra! It was wonderful! We still talk about it! We are making more 'memories' as the years go on. We remember the concert, not what folks gave us! We also make candy & cookies every year! The time spent cutting out shapes in dough is so much more fulfilling than shopping! And who doesn't like a box of cookies/candy? We made potpourri oranges studded with cloves too as gifts. And we always get about 40 pounds of mandarin oranges to give away! They are the BEST!
post #31 of 43
10/5/02 at 3:49am
I'm not religious and dh is not practicing but we love to celebrate holidays! Just tonight he got down our Halloween decorations - we all had so much fun putting them up. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and Xmas.
I understand trying to downplay the consumerism (especially pink, plastic, made by Mattel stuff! ugh!) aspect. Good idea someone had to request stuff like:
books
cds
computer games
zoo, kid museum, etc. membership
kid theater tickets
book or music store gift certificates
art supplies
gardening supplies
gross motor stuff like jump ropes, hula hoops, balls, etc.
I have found lots of good stuff in two catalogs - Hearthsong and Chinaberry. They have websites - their names with www. before and .com after. I just got a Hearthsong order (early for Xmas) with the NEATEST book - it is called The Apple Cake. Check it out! Also ordered some neat stuff like named above.
We like to focus on decorating, seeing family and friends, volunteering, choosing gifts for others, music, fun activities like caroling, making gingerbread houses and cookies, writing cards to our friends and family, taking family photos, donating toys/food to needy families.
Good luck figuring out what will work for your family!
Kirsten
post #32 of 43
10/5/02 at 11:47pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks for bumping this up, guys!

All of you have such good suggestions. We've dropped the bomb on everyone. They were all really great about it, and understand our reasonings. We ARE the freaks in the family, so none of this comes as much of a surprise to them LOL!
The in'laws that usually come to our xmas eve party were excited about our decision to change it to a Solstice celebration, since that comes earlier, and won't interfere so much with other xmas obligations they have with other relatives and work related parties.
We told them this is our practice run year, so to bear with us.

I will be checking out this thread as the holidays draw closer, and letting you know how it all is going. Wish I had more time to thank you all individually, but I am taking it all to heart, the links, the song suggestions, etc...

Thank you so much!
post #33 of 43
10/6/02 at 1:02am
After reading all of these posts I really have to think about the way my family does Christmas every year. Christmas season always makes me happy. I want it to be filled with joy and family. Not materalistic, stress and unhappiness. Every year dh and I spend one day with my family. I love being with all of my brothers and thier 4 kids. But every year it seems to be way out of hand. We finally started drawing names between my brothers and I. I think this year I want to do something entirely different. All of you really effected my way of thinking. I think I have decisions to make. Thanks for enlightning me
post #34 of 43
10/6/02 at 1:39pm
I wish that I enjoyed Christmas, but every year it gets more and more out-of-hand.

Dh has five siblings, numerous nieces and nephews. He used to have two sets of parents, untill Dad passed away.

Due to leading and pressure, they still exchange with everyone. Dh won't stand up to them, nor will he help with making presents. I make almost all of the presents, because I am an artist, and we have a VERY limited budget.

This year I started early, and I am nearly done. I refuse to be up at 3 am this year, tired and worn out, ragged from trying to meet expectations. I did more for special people on my side this time around, because I resent that I am expected to provide a gift for Jims' nephews' live in, who I've never met, or Jims neices' boyfreinds' daughter, and not for my beloved cousin.

Most of the folks on Jims side have more money and less kids, and a whole lot of judgement for the choices we made--stay at home mom, ect. Jim feels put down by them, always has, and I haven't completely "unplugged the Christmas machine" yet because of his sense of pride. But last Christmas my sister-in-law, who bragged about how much MONEY her grown son spent on the holidays, turned my hand made gift face down and scowled. Merry effin' Christmas, peace on earth, I guess...

I wish that I had the guts to just put an end to it all, and I admire you guys, Sunmountain. At this point, we have 16 years of habit behind us, and my compromise is to start early, so I can preserve the time in December for stuff that means something to me...like making "bouquet vouchers" for people in the community to turn in for flowers next summer.

Good luck on your celebration, it sounds so fun!

dlb
post #35 of 43
10/6/02 at 10:29pm
Thread Starter 
One thing my two SILs do is get the same gift for everyone, or make up fun baskets for each family. One year we all got lamps the SIL got at Sam's club--cheap!
post #36 of 43
10/13/02 at 12:23am
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post #37 of 43
11/7/02 at 5:12am
Okay folks the season is upon us so I thought this thread could use a little kick in the pants! As I said before I am really trying to steer far from the commercial side of the holidays this year (for spiritual as well as financial reasons) so I told my kids that rather than by gifts for each other and grandmas and grandpas, etc. we would be making gifts. They are 8,5 and 2 and 7mos. and they were thrilled with the idea.
I told them i would help them and if they had ideas of what they wanted to do for each other they should let me know.
My 8 year old immediately came up with the idea of recording herself reading some of her little sis's favorite books so she could have her own personal books on tape to listen to. I though that was such a great idea for her to come up with!
We'll work on ideas for the rest of the family and someone earlier made a good point that this will help them appreciate more what goes into giving a gift. Now, to start making these gifts and follow through with the goal! Oh yeah, and I better start planning the Solstice celebration.....
post #38 of 43
11/7/02 at 11:31am

materialism, commercialism, consumerism....

I'm sick of the 'isms!

We have tried so hard over the years to downplay the commercialism side of Christmas, but it keeps creeping in again and again each year. So, once again I feel like I am fighting againest all of society to make our family holidays meaningful and stress-free.

When the children were small, we began having an annual name drawing on Thanksgiving each year. We wanted to make it a tradition so that when they were grown they would not go broke buying gifts for everyone. Now that some of them are grown, with families of their own, we are grateful that for this established tradition in our home. The little ones are already excited about the upcoming drawing and wondering who's name they will get this year.

We have already started making gifts, some of which we will offer for sale at our Church Christmas Craft fair. Over the years the extended family has come to expect small homemade gifts from us, and mil has even taken to doing the same.

We have been having midsummer's night parties for many years now, and I'd love to celebrate the winter solstice this year. How do some of you celebrate the solstice in the midst of the other holiday mania?

b.
post #39 of 43
11/7/02 at 11:48pm
We do the name drawing thing with extended family too (for the grown-ups), but MIL thinks she should still by gifts for everyone besides. : At least everyone else pretty much sticks to it. Gotta put kiddos in the bath-I'll touch on the Solstice celebration later...
post #40 of 43
11/8/02 at 12:20am
DeAnna, I refuse to be the one to buy gifts/send cards to dh's family (they are all overseas). If he's not going to do it, then it doesn't get done. I've also made sure that his family know that (in a nice way!).

I've also stopped sending Christmas cards. The stress of having to buy them, write them and mail them was too much. Not to mention the $1.05 postage per card, plus the cost of the card!!!
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Personal Growth & Spirituality  › Spirituality › Help! I'm done with Christmas.