please help me before I snap again!

[mamalita]

ugh! Please someone help me! Two out of the past three nights I ended up snapping on DS! I feel like this is a GD and sleep issue. He's 25 months and has always been difficult to get to sleep. But lately - the past few months - it's been a total nightmare. He's never nursed to sleep (even as a newborn) so we have a nurse, cuddle, walk (with DH) combination that sometimes works - in about 45+ minutes. But sometimes, we do the whole routine and he seems about to fall asleep and he pops up and is totally rejuvenated (as if he took a mini nap) this can go on and on and on (for like 90+ minutes). I get very agitated nursing 6-8 times in a row plus he's a nice size (around 35 lbs), so walking can get so tiring (even for DH). These past few nights I've hit a wall of sorts and felt like things have GOT to change. I try to never raise my voice and I'm committed to GD but I'm just losing it in this arena. I just don't know what to do. I feel like he's old enough for some limits but I'm at a loss. It's nearly 10:00/10:30pm before he gets to sleep! We've always had a bedtime routine (bath, etc.) and he's definitely showing signs of tiredness prior to that - so a later bedtime isn't an option. I fear an earlier bedtime will just drag the process out even longer. My marriage is even suffering as DH and I have no time together once DS finally does go to sleep.

I'm so angry at myself for yelling I feel sick inside about it. I'm feeling desperate and at a total loss. Please help!

[Leatherette]

I am at a loss for you. But here is a .

Neither of mine are great sleepers, either.

L.

[hipumpkins]

DD is bit younger than your son but I didn'twant to leave this post "viewed "but not replied to since you seem upset.

Just a couple arbitrary suggestions....
Are his naps to close to bedtime?
Could the breastmilk be giving him that little extra energy?
CAn you give him a sippy cup of water after the 1st nursing? (I don't mean to offend you if you see this as weaning and are opposed that)
Some good advice I read here once but is very hard is, "stay in the moment" When DD wont go to sleep I try (sometimes Ifail) to really enjoy watching her get silly even though it is bedtime. I don't look at the clock and try to remember that this will pass just as her every 45minute wake ups did.
Also can dad put him to sleep every fewnights so you can get a break and DS will learn to sleep with someone else?

Anyway, here are some hugs for you and Ihope things get better soon!!

[mamaduck]

I agree that something has to change. Probably something in his routine. He's obviously not sleepy enough at bedtime. I would look at adjusting or eliminating a nap, getting him up earlier in the morning, or increasing his activity level during the day.

[Perogi]

We're going through a similar issue around here right now too. DD is a little younger than your ds but in the past couple of months everything that used to work to get her to sleep has fallen apart and nighttime is very difficult for us.
I have to respectfully disagree with MamaDuck about him not being tired...I know that my dd is definitely tired and actually ends up overtired and that's what is so difficult about trying then to get her to sleep. I don't know if this is what's happening with your ds but it sounds similar. Also, I have noticed that dd has trouble going to bed when it is still light outside. If she does fall asleep while it is still light I can guarantee that she will be back up within the next hour thinking she has had a nap. Hopefully the shorter days in the fall/winter will help with this because she gets tired when it is light out but fights sleep and then by the time it is dark she is overtired...
Let us know how things go!

[Eman'smom]

Where does he sleep? Family bed/own bed/crib? If he is sleeping in a bed of any kind how about skipping the walking parts, nurse and then one of you lay in bed with him. Your ds sounds like ours and at 23 months we put him in a "big bed" and he loved having his own bed, but that aside, that ment that one of us could lay in bed with him in the dark, still, until he fell asleep. We slowly worked up to to a snuggle and then saying we would come back and check on him later (which we do). Maybe he is old enough for nurse, story, snuggle instead of walking and rocking.

[mamalita]

Thanks so much for the support everyone! Today - with a clearer/less stressed self - I think I know what MAY be going on: I wonder if it's nightmares? This morning I apologized to DS for being a "not nice mommy and spazing out" and he and I talked for a bit (in our own way as DS is still pretty much pre-verbal). Anyway, somehow it came up when he made his "hee haw" donkey noise, and it hit me. He got freaked-out by an illustration in a book a few months ago (really, it was a pretty creepy donkey) and I think he started having nightmares from it. I plan on searching the Nighttime Parenting forum for any tips/suggestions on helping him through nightmares. But now that I realize he's probably AFRAID to go to sleep (poor little guy!!), I plan on just waiting it out - as hipumpkins described "staying in the moment" and helping him get to sleep at his own pace. . .

Forgot to add, we all share a bed and have no plans of stopping anytime soon! Thanks again all!

[kelly1827]

Hi Mamalita! Sorry to hear things have been so rough in the sleep department -- we can empathize here! Our dd started boycotting her naps (which she still desperately needs) right around the time I got pg. Just when Mama could really use a nap too, ironic, isn't it? She'll be so tired she's stumbling around, literally walking into walls, but won't give in to sleep, no matter what alternatives we suggest -- her crib, the couch, in Mama and Da's bed with one of us....the only place she gives in is the car. I've put about 300 "nap miles" on my car since then! She actually said to me one day when I was pleading with her to rest, "I gotta idea, Mama! You put me in my carseat and dwive me awound and I go night-night, 'k?".

A friend of mine with an older child went through the same thing and she said for her it was just a matter of keeping him moving through the sleepy time and then getting him to bed earlier, so he'd get the same amount of sleep. I could see where this might work for us, because no matter how tired she is, she is usually up between 06:30 and 07:00, even more tired. What we're currently trying is "quiet time" -- she doesn't have to sleep, but she does have to stay in her crib and be quiet "so your body can charge up". Part of the reason we've decided to go this route is because the more overtired she gets the more difficult she gets, so I can really feel for you about the snapping thing. When we've done is that we talk about it later, using emotion words she already knows "Mama was frustrated/angry/sad/tired too". Also, there's a Laurie Berkner song called "I'm not Perfect" that explains about being a good, lovable person and still making mistakes, so she just says, " 'sokay -- you're not perfect!".

Hang in there, okay? If it was the nightmare thing, maybe you can make "Scary Donkey Spray" or something (water with a little lavender) and integrate that into his bedtime routine.

[heythere heather]

well, if it's any comfort, I know a lot of babes who have went through that stage! My DS did, at 25 months, for the whole month. I never knew I was so impatient before that, it was my first real GD test! We persevered, and he went to sleeping well again. (that was February). Well, now he's going through another stage. I think for Erik they are often developmentally linked...so right now he seems to be doing some developmental spurting. He needs the security of us in his room, even though he normally sleeps on his own with no problem. So I keep giving it to him. Hang in there, it will likely get better!