New Thread for 40+ and ttc - Page 9

[Velveteen]

Nanmama; how much extra work at 41?? How long did it take you? I'm heading towards 43 pretty soon, it sure would be nice to have a bun in the oven before then.

My neighbor had a baby yesterday. Her husband came racing out of the house when he saw me pull up to ask me if I would like to see the baby. She was a beauty, and I actually did OK. The irony of my starting AF while she had a new baby was not lost on me....

By the way Nan, shatki is 46 too, so you do have company. Come on over the Fertile Heart website, and there is tons. One post that said
"Anyone over 45 trying to conceive"? there were over 120 responses!!

[momamuseskim]

well, i feel somewhat better after reading nanmamas post.

i should have started on 1 dec, spotted on 2 dec, bled some on 3 and 4 dec, but nothing like a regular period.

cried alot on friday to my husband. he's like it would be awesome to have another son or daughter, but if it doesn't happen that's ok too.

i'm like upset because we waited too long and now we've missed our chance to have another baby.

i just feel like giving up. i mean, i read and read stuff and just don't understand why it's not happening.

the first time, we did it once unprotected and then the next month we were pregnant.

i mean, i know i'm ovulating, my periods are still regular, 26 days as long as i can remember, we do it on all the fertile days and even before and after.

it's the lack of understanding why it wouldn't just happen.

my grandmother had 16 kids, the last several in her late 40's, early 50's. my mom had 5 kids. i should be able to produce at least 2.

but i'm only 43. i don't feel old. i don't look old and i don't act old. it might be just the i'm trying to hard thing. whereas my husband is all relaxed about it and i'm very intent.

but thank you for your words. i do feel better despite my ranting.

[polka123]

cd 17 & 4 dpo

momamuseskim, velveteen & all & ((((((((hugs)))))

I'm the same age also & have a 22 YO DD & 15mo DS.

DD was conceived on PC pills - no I did not forget one or anything like that. it was fate.

DS was conceived with me having 1 tube/ovary.

Who knows? we gave up when we I got PG with DS.

Does everyone have TCOYF? it did have some good info but I wish more pertained to us older gals.

I wish med. ins paid some of infer. visits ! :

Is anyone using the Vitex, egg whites or anything else mentioned on MDC?

[Velveteen]

I use Vitex Polka, and I just ordered some Preseed, though I don't usually have a ewcm problem. I've read some good reviews on it, and a couple of people swear it helped them despite them NOT having a ewcm problem.

Moma; I have been trying for 13 months. My timing is perfect, I have regular cycles, and I just don't get it either. I underestimated how much the age thing would make a difference. AT 38 years, I 'tried' if you can call it that, one time, and I was pregnant. I didn't even concentrate on my most fertilie day! So I hear you.

[hopeful130]

hi

Hi Ladies: I just got Vitex the other day. Well, it's in the PMS forumula I bought. I also tried the egg white last month but only once. I don't have alot of ewcm. I can't really tell the difference between one day to the next. Always feel like I'm not getting as much as other people. They say you should be able to stretch it and it's gooey like egg white. I don't get that. So, I think next month I'm going to try it every other day instead of every day. I'm going to use a bit of egg white each time. And I'm going to mellow out. This obsessing thing ain't workin for me at all.
You hear good stories and you hear bad stories. You hear of women getting pregnant at 47 with one tube. You hear of women getting pg at 43 while on the pill. You hear the grim statistics from the doctor's that women our age aren't even taken on as patients at fertility clinics because it would bring their conception rates down if they took in too many of us. It's all overwhelming and confusing.
Moma - sounds like you have a great man there. It makes so much difference when you have a reassuring guy.
Mine - he's so much younger and wants one so bad. I think he's doubting I can do it now. He doesen't say that but I can feel it. Sometimes I think I want to give him a baby so bad that I stress myself out too much to conceive.
Oh well, such is life.
Talk to you soon

[nanmama02]

a few more thoughts..

moma: the only thing I have seen in your messages that I would consider adjusting is the amount of BD that you do. Your dh is 45 and probably could use a day off in-between dances to build up some strong swimmers. I think that's what they suggest in TCOYF (a book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility", which I highly recommend). The other thing is, are you charting your temps? I have used a website called fertilityfriend.com and you can chart there either for free or get way more detailed and pay a little bit. It's extremely informational and also has boards for women over 40. Charting over the course of a few months can give you proof of what your body is doing and lets you feel more like you're in control of what's happening..
hopeful: I would definately recommend it to you as well. And have you told your dbf your feelings that he's pressuring you and you think he'll leave you if you can't reproduce? He may ease up if he knows how you feel, REALLY.
God bless you both on your efforts. But remember to love yourself no matter what happens. And the same to you other ladies of course!

[hopeful130]

Thanks nanmama for the advice. Dbf knows how I feel. I think he was under the impression we would conceive right away. The thing is, we were together for six years. I told him five years ago that I didn't have much time left. We ended up breaking up for that very reason. Well, two years later - here we are again. Only, now, he's ready for baby. He realized in the time we were apart that I was the woman he wanted to spend his life with. So now, he's ready and eager because of my age and the fact that he feels ready now. If it doesen't work, it doesen't work. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I don't think there are any guarantees in life. I can't say whether or not he'll stay or stray. Our love is strong. He is my best friend. There is just always this underlying insecurity I feel at the thought of not giving him a child because I know he wants it desperately.
Anways, enough of that.
Today is cd1 for me. I'm sad but not at all surprised. I could feel her looming for a long time.
Gonna try the bd every other day this month. Have an appt. on Wednesday with the fertility specialist. I am scared but excited for that. Hope he checks my numbers as I'll be on day 3 which is perfect for fsh and estroidial levels. Although, I know, after that I'll be so scared about the numbers I get back. Anyone else have experience with that?
Gotta fly. Talk to ya'all soon.

[momamuseskim]

thanks nam.

yeah, i found another site, tryingtoconceive.com, and found a thread about that. that doing it too much can not be beneficial.

i don't chart anything. about 12-14 days after i start, i get a pain in my side. i hadn't associated that with ovulation. then when i was on the various boards and learned about the temp charting and cervical mucus and all that, and then learned that that pain was ovulation.

so we do it that week. i've been on fertility friend, my monthly cycles and a couple of other ones that predict ovulation, and i pretty much ovulate on that day that is predicted. so we do it the three days before, and the day of ovulation and a day after. plus a lot before and after that week.

so, yeah, maybe not so often would help. and just relaxing.

[polka123]

cd 20 & 7 dpo

how's everyone doing?

I'm in the wait so .............

[hopeful130]

Hi Polka. I'm on Day 4 (day three according to my re). I went to the fertility specialist yesterday.
I'm nervous as usual.
Bloodwork today for my FSH and thyroid and estoidial levels.
Next month, do the clomid challenge.
Also call the doc on day 1 of next month to arrange an appt for HSG, ultrasound, check everything is working etc.
After that, if still not pg, moving right along to IUI.
Wow - he's not wasting anytime but I'm glad because I don't have time to waste.
He said the average woman runs out of eggs at 41. But he said also that's not conclusive and it happens alot in women older.
I'm soooooo scared about my numbers.
He asked when my mom went through menopause. She was in her fifties. He said that was good and it was also really good that my cycles are always 28 days.
Sooooooo, I guess that's my update.
How's everyone else doing?

[momamuseskim]

wow, a women runs out of eggs at 41?

gee i feel really great now *sarcasm*

why am i even trying to get pregnant? i'm 43, i have no eggs left. no wonder i can't get pregnant.

[hopeful130]

Well moma, didn't mean to scare you. I didn't like it much when he said it but doctor's all have their opinions and they're opinions certainly aren't the "be all and end all".
Assuming we have regular af's and we are healthy I see no reason we aren't producing quality eggs.
If we are having regular periods, obviously we are ovulating.
I'm sure veleveteen and the others know too because they temp. If you have a thermal shift, -you are ovulating
Also, I read another site of women who are all in their forties and are ALL pregnant with little or no intervention.
At our age we can't let the words of few affect the way our bodies operate.
I've decided to start to empower myself. I know it may sound dumb but over and over in my head I sit quietly and say to myself "My body is in perfect working order. I am able to reproduce and I have many eggs left".
Something like that anyway.
We need to be calm and believe we are capable of this. You hear every single day of women who are having babies at our age. EVERY DAY.
I won't let any doctor tell me I can't. And I can't blame my doctor for saying that because he told me that he has many women in his clinic who have had successful pregnancies in their forties. A woman he had just gave birth to twins at 43 last month. With no intervention other than HSG. Sooooooo - let's keep our chins up.

[Velveteen]

Well hopeful, after I read your first post, I was going to get on here and talk about empowment, visualization, positivie thinking, etc. Plus, doing all we can for ourselves. Then you posted again and said it all

Women in their 40's get pg and have babies all the time. Albeit, it might take a little longer. If you are cycling, ovulating, you can still get pg.

the book I keep talking about is all about a 43 year old women's mission to get pg again. She has a daughter already, and she needs/wants to be pg again. She is married to a younger man, and the pressure is on. She takes a personal odyssey of empowment, and sure enough, she gets pg and delivers a healthy girl.
While I am waiting to become pg, I am doing everything I can to be healthy, positive and just the place for a growing baby.

[mom_in_training]

I don't think 43 is over the hill at all. If it were, I wouldn't have a younger sibling!!!! (who is now over 30, so this was a long time ago)

[hopeful130]

Thanks Velveteen and Mom in Training. I love to hear positivity. You know how sometimes you doubt your own sanity and abilities and question everything. It's so important to get and give support to each other.
Velveteen, what is the name of that book. Sounds just like the book I want to write. LOL Really, thought about it though because there's not alot out there. I would love to read an inspirational book like that.
I went in yesterday to have my bloodwork. Now the office is off for THREE WEEKS and no results until January 3rd as far as TSH and other hormone levels. Velveteen, did you have your levels done ever? I'm nervous as hek about those. Kind of don't want them back until after Xmas anyways.
Well, hope all of you have a wonderful weekend. We're putting up the tree this weekend and the decorations and stuff. Should be fun.

[hopeful130]

Yeah, that book. You allready told me about it. I must have been in a haze that day. It's called "Inconceiveable". I'll try to find it but it might be hard. I went to Chapters the other day and they didn't have much. Where did you get yours?
When is your birthday by the way Velveteen?

[polka123]

cd 1

: : reboot : :

dammit

[nanmama02]

cd 5

Hey Polka, right with you sister. And AF knocked me out this month. When the cycle is longer, it always hits harder...
But I won't let this one bring down my holiday cheer.. I LOVE Christmas and want to make it very special for the family I have without being bummed out about the family I still want, you know?

Happy thoughts and love to all..

[Velveteen]

Man Polka, I am so sorry! Enough is enough, right??

[napless]

Hi everyone!

I'm still lurking - waiting to congratulate each of you when it's your turn.

I'm now 18 weeks pg and finally feeling better. The surge of middle trimester energy has yet to appear though.

I send baby dust, and the best of wishes, to all of you.

I too conceived both of my sons effortlessly (at age 36 and 38). This time (at age 40) I was shocked when it didn't happen immediately. It took a full year - but it did happen - and without any intervention other than reading TCOYF and paying more attention to CM. I was getting very discouraged and starting to think that it wasn't going to happen - and then it did! I'm now 41. The baby will be born when I'm 42.



Ellen