How would you have handled this?
I watch 3 kids - 8yo boy, 7yo boy, and 3.5yo girl. I also bring my 9mo dd to work with me.
The kids aren't used to having a baby around, so it's a real challenge trying to make them understand that they can't leave legos, barbie shoes, polly pockets, game pieces etc. laying around the house. It's a constant battle, reminding and re-reminding them to, "Please pick up your game if you are done, Flora will eat those dice..." They have *alot* of toys, and they really aren't great at picking up after themselves.
Yesterday the 3yo girl wanted to play "Hi Ho Cherrie-o". I asked her to play up on the table and she refused, wanted to sit on the floor. After a few moments she abandoned the game and left it all scattered about. I asked her a few times to please pick it up, but she either ignored me or said, "Ok, after this.". At some point I decided it wasn't worth the battle, and I was just getting mroe and more frustrated waiting for her (and digging cherries out of my dd's mouth while waiting), and I just picked it up. Was this my first mistake?
A little while after that she came down and wanted to play downstairs. I said, "Yes, good idea. I will get your shoes while you take your game back up to your room. (The game *I* picked up, all she had to do was carry the box to her room.) She first sort of ignored me, did that, "Wait first I have to brush my hair.. ok, now I have to eat a cracker.. now I have to put my books in order.." sort of evasion. I was patient, but kept reminding her, "I will tie your shoes just as soon as you put your game away." Not in a mean way, just friendly and matter of fact about it. She finally decided to put the game in the overflowing game cupboard instead of taking it upstairs. I let her try to cram it in there and close the door for about 5 minutes straight. I was trying SO hard to be patient, but I was caring for the baby too and at this point I just needed her to take the flim-flammin' book up to her room and be done with this monkey business already!!!!
So, after about 5 min of trying to defy the laws of physics and mooshing a game into a space it would NEVER fit, I said, "Ok, that's not going to fit. You tried really hard but now it's time to just take it up to your room, please." So, in a snit she stomped her feet all the way up the stairs, put the game in her room, and stomped down. At the bottom of the stairs she said, "There, I put my game in my room!" and stuck her tongue out at me.
This is the what would you do part. Here's what I did, and I don't know if I feel great about it.
For starters, I got mad. I said, "That was really rude! I think you are really wound up and not acting very nice right now and you need some time to cool your jets. You aren't going outside until you chill." She tried to go outside anyway, saying in a sing songy voice, "I am going outside, ha ha.." I physically stopped her, and made her look at my face and firmly said, "No, no you aren't going outside. That's enough. Go sit in your room and think about how you are acting!"
Now, I don't really believe in time-out, but I didn't know what else to do!! I think, generally, the kid that is behaving the worst ist he kid that needs the most attention. But in this case I felt like she needed to go relax, kwim? She was really wound up and we were battling, and I felt like we both needed a few moments apart. (Or am I just rationalizing? I admit it, I was po'd at her and barely holding on to my patience!)
She ended up sitting upstairs for maybe 10 minutes, then she came down and was back to her normally smiley and happy self. All I said about it was, "Are you feeling better now?" and she said, "Yes, can I play outside?" and I said, "Sure!". Later that day, during lunch I tried to once again explain to her and her brothers about the baby choking on small toys. I also told her I was really concerned about those cherries, not just that Flora would choke but that she would ruin the game.
I also tried to explain, without making a big fuss, about rudeness and how it hurts ppl's feelings and we have to be nice to each other. The boys got more out of the rudeness discussion, it was actually a good one.
So, I am interested in other perspectives. How would you have handled that?
I watch 3 kids - 8yo boy, 7yo boy, and 3.5yo girl. I also bring my 9mo dd to work with me.
The kids aren't used to having a baby around, so it's a real challenge trying to make them understand that they can't leave legos, barbie shoes, polly pockets, game pieces etc. laying around the house. It's a constant battle, reminding and re-reminding them to, "Please pick up your game if you are done, Flora will eat those dice..." They have *alot* of toys, and they really aren't great at picking up after themselves.
Yesterday the 3yo girl wanted to play "Hi Ho Cherrie-o". I asked her to play up on the table and she refused, wanted to sit on the floor. After a few moments she abandoned the game and left it all scattered about. I asked her a few times to please pick it up, but she either ignored me or said, "Ok, after this.". At some point I decided it wasn't worth the battle, and I was just getting mroe and more frustrated waiting for her (and digging cherries out of my dd's mouth while waiting), and I just picked it up. Was this my first mistake?
A little while after that she came down and wanted to play downstairs. I said, "Yes, good idea. I will get your shoes while you take your game back up to your room. (The game *I* picked up, all she had to do was carry the box to her room.) She first sort of ignored me, did that, "Wait first I have to brush my hair.. ok, now I have to eat a cracker.. now I have to put my books in order.." sort of evasion. I was patient, but kept reminding her, "I will tie your shoes just as soon as you put your game away." Not in a mean way, just friendly and matter of fact about it. She finally decided to put the game in the overflowing game cupboard instead of taking it upstairs. I let her try to cram it in there and close the door for about 5 minutes straight. I was trying SO hard to be patient, but I was caring for the baby too and at this point I just needed her to take the flim-flammin' book up to her room and be done with this monkey business already!!!!
So, after about 5 min of trying to defy the laws of physics and mooshing a game into a space it would NEVER fit, I said, "Ok, that's not going to fit. You tried really hard but now it's time to just take it up to your room, please." So, in a snit she stomped her feet all the way up the stairs, put the game in her room, and stomped down. At the bottom of the stairs she said, "There, I put my game in my room!" and stuck her tongue out at me.
This is the what would you do part. Here's what I did, and I don't know if I feel great about it.
For starters, I got mad. I said, "That was really rude! I think you are really wound up and not acting very nice right now and you need some time to cool your jets. You aren't going outside until you chill." She tried to go outside anyway, saying in a sing songy voice, "I am going outside, ha ha.." I physically stopped her, and made her look at my face and firmly said, "No, no you aren't going outside. That's enough. Go sit in your room and think about how you are acting!"
Now, I don't really believe in time-out, but I didn't know what else to do!! I think, generally, the kid that is behaving the worst ist he kid that needs the most attention. But in this case I felt like she needed to go relax, kwim? She was really wound up and we were battling, and I felt like we both needed a few moments apart. (Or am I just rationalizing? I admit it, I was po'd at her and barely holding on to my patience!)
She ended up sitting upstairs for maybe 10 minutes, then she came down and was back to her normally smiley and happy self. All I said about it was, "Are you feeling better now?" and she said, "Yes, can I play outside?" and I said, "Sure!". Later that day, during lunch I tried to once again explain to her and her brothers about the baby choking on small toys. I also told her I was really concerned about those cherries, not just that Flora would choke but that she would ruin the game.
I also tried to explain, without making a big fuss, about rudeness and how it hurts ppl's feelings and we have to be nice to each other. The boys got more out of the rudeness discussion, it was actually a good one.
So, I am interested in other perspectives. How would you have handled that?
: ) i would model a more acceptable way for him to say it. "i like to be asked like this: could i please have some bread and butter"? i wonder what the 3.5 y-o would've done if you'd said, "i don't like being spoken to like that, i prefer this: i put the game away, i'm ready to go outside."
:
I had earlier attempted to help the 3yo brush her teeth and pick out her clothes, but she wouldn't cooperate. I always let her pick her outfit, but after a few times of asking her to come pick out her clothes for the day I told her I couldn't wait any longer and she'd have to wear what I picked. She was a little mad about that, but that didn't result in much.
Her parents spank, so I imagine she doesn't talk back to them like that. I don't want to label her enabled or coddled, she's just a 3yo testing her limits and being a real pain in the hiney. Like I said, I've been through it all - I know this stuff passes, I just need some advice on what to do in the meantime.
