Ok I Need HELP!

[Jessica36]

My oldest ds, Josh, is 4, going on 40 okay he will be 5 in Nov. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, chemical issue in his brain, already did diet and everything else and yes I know he is young, but I had it at his age too, so he is on Concerta, has been for about 7-8 mo. The last 4 days he has been a holy terror. Sunday he snuck out of the house to play. His punishment was taking away all but one of his stuffed animals and spending time in his room, while his little brother and I went outside and played, Daddy was in the house with him.
Monday morning he woke up before everyone else helped himself to fruit snacks and then sprayed Alcohol hand foam all over the kitchen. So the kids went to DC and DH discussed it all with them. He had an awesome day at DC, we talked about what happened in the morning again and spent time being together.

Today I was aware of him and woke up as soon as I heard him and it wasn't soon enough, he helped himself to 5 packages of fruit snacks (I thought they were put away up high by DH) He spent the morning before DC in his room, he doesn't understand why he is in trouble. He thinks it's funny. My DH keeps saying we should spank him, I disagree and he isn't fighting me on it!

So we will be putting a HIGH lock on the food cabinet today, but any idea what I can do to help him understand, he is only 4.

Thanks! You guys are the best!

[mamaduck]

I'm sorry things have been so rough. It sounds hard. Kudos to you for not spanking him!! I enourage you to hold your ground on that resolve.

I don't want to sound too critical. We do fruit snacks too, as a "treat" for now and then... and I know that they are a lot of fun. But I think if my kids started sneaking into them and gorging on them then I would simply stop buying them. Its a logical consequence. And fruit snacks are not a necessity by any stretch. Not only that, but the dyes in them are very likely making your son's behavior worse.

I think that staying in is an appropriate logical consequence for sneaking out unsupervised. It makes sense to me. However, I would not have confiscated his teddies. What do his teddies have to do with his behavior? There is no logical connection. No reasonable lesson there about cause and effect. Do want him to follow the rules in order to keep his toys? Or do you want him to follow rules because he has learned to care about safety? And most of all, I object because I think that kind of consequence has the power to make a child angry and resentful, and that those feelings will build and eventually be acted out in even worse behaviors.

The consequence for spraying foam around the kitchen should be requring him to clean it up plus do something to earn money and replace the foam.

I would also be interesting in trying a "problem solving" approach with him -- I think it could be helpful to ask him to suggest some specific ways to solve specific problems that you see. For example, "Jash, what can we do to help you remember not to steal food?" He might be able to come up with some helpful things himself.

[Jessica36]

Thanks! Yes Fruit snacks are now banned, actually on a high high shelf as of course I found a ton on clearance.sale and bought them! :

The toys, reason for that is while he was in his room, he was throwing his toys, but I see your reasoning. I was also trying to do a cause and effect, just backfired, hence why I came here .

Ok we did have him clean the foam, Yay Me! LOL

Problem solving, we have tried that, we ask why, how we can help, what we can do. He always answers I don't know.

Tomorrow we are going for allergy tesating since his little brother has a ton of allergies. I am "hoping" we actually find some. I am also considering making the whole family GF, since Zach and I already are.

Thanks!!!

[mamaduck]

you wanna send me the fruit snacks? ;wink

[Jessica36]

Sure Though I think DH will end up eating them first! LOL

[Heavenly]

My son has ADHD as well although I don't label him. I would skip the allergist personally and go to a naturopath. A naturopath can detect food sensitivities, not just allergies. My son is off wheat, dairy, sugar, msg, chocolate and yeast. If he has any of those things he is out of control, aggressive, screaming and throwing fits and not listening to anything or anybody. It is amazing to see how just one bit of something can affect him. It was hard to take everything out but we're used to it now (been doing it for 4 months). I would try elimnating all these things - oh and food dyes - and see how he does.

As for the discipline I so understand how hard it is to discipline these little guys. I know in my frustration I sometimes go overboard and make the discipline too harsh. It sounds like you are doing great to me!

[Jessica36]

Well the allergist is covered by insurance and since we pay out between medications, Zach's supplemental neocate and Dr's visits about $300-$400 dolars ever 1-2 mo, I am taking the allergist. I am actually on an elimination diet with my youngest, see sig to see what we are avoiding, just need to convert DH and Josh!

[SRHS]

We're a Feingold Family!!

My ds's food sensitivites were making him miseralbe and noone else wanted to be near him ...breaking my heart fo rhim...read about the Feingold diet in an April Mothering Issue (April 03 I think) and tried that, joined the Organization and WOW has life been different since then. He is still "SPIRITED" but it is SO MUCH BETTER!!!! His problems were all sensitivities, none were true allergies. Hope you find the answers you are looking for, but if the allergist doesn't find a true allergy, lok up elimination diets and try them out on your own...food sensitivities overload a kid's neurological system and they 'act it out' in many different ways.

Good for you for seeking the food connection!!

Susan
PS It was IMMENSELY easier with all of us on the diet...

[Jessica36]

Thanks Susan - We tried the fengold in the past and it made no difference, not saying we won't again though I do think him testing positive to mold and tree's is a big thing. When we go back, we will be testing food's also.

[SRHS]

I had allergies as a kid and finally in adulthood had my tonsils removed because they continuously got infected...like infected (from sinus drainage from allergies) I'd go on ABT for the 10-14 days, be ok for 7 and then we'd go right back at it...It was really dragging my immune system down, since I had my tonsils out, I haven't been sick a DAY!!! NOT ONE DAY!!!! What a difference it has made in my life...

ARE allergy shots a possibility? I did pretty good when I was one those, but when I got married to a guy in the USAF and we moved every 2 years and had to get retested everytime we moved, I gave those up...But they were insisting on doing the pinpricks vs just a RAST test....And I could get all the Motrin and Claritin and Rhinocort I could use for free...so I took that option...until I finally got my tonsils out...thta was a lifesaver!!!

Good luck, hope you find soemthing that works and eases all the sumptoms!!! Sometimes someone else's problem is a bigger problem for the ones around him!!!

My Best, Susan