Are there GD mama's here with many small children? - Page 2

[MamaOui]

Just wondering if there are more of us out there. I am not having the greatest week with my patience. I find my relationship with my four year old ds to be very challenging lately. He's such a bright and sensitive guy and he needs an incredible amount of one on one attention that I just can't give to him right now.

Does anyone else have a child that seems to need much more one on one time/ direction/ stimulation than the other children in your family?

[CurlyTop]

"Don't blame the lettuce" that is just classic! Thanks, Sledg! I think that equally applies to myself - when I am not growing perfectly, GD'ing perfectly, it is simple to blame myself rather than adjust my growing conditions. I just love it and will use this one often

My trouble has been with one of my DDs hurting the other. Things on this particular thread that I plan to use ASAP are getting down there and playing with them together, and upping the humor and tolerance to imperfect home conditions. Why didn't Norman Rockwell ever paint a scene of kids sledding down stairs in sleeping bags? Now that would be realistic!!

Thanks for the thread, great topic, I appreciate you guys.

CurlyTop

[atomicmama]

Originally Posted by sledg

Merpk, I use a mantra of sorts too It's helpful. Mine sounds silly on the face of it: "Don't blame the lettuce!" I started using that when I read a book by a buddhist monk. He had given a lecture using the example of growing lettuce, and said that when we plant lettuce, if it doesn't grow we don't blame the lettuce. We check whether it needs fertilizer or water or sun. But when we have problems with family or friends, we blame the other person. If we work to understand them and know how to take care of them they'll grow well like the lettuce. So it was all about not blaming the people we have problems with, but working toward understanding, and how if we can show we understand we can love people and give them what they need and things will change. After he gave the lecture he went outside and encountered a young girl and her mother, and the young girl looked at her mom and said something like "I am your lettuce, help me grow" and the mom said the same to the girl. So now that is my mantra "don't blame the lettuce." My children are my lettuce, and I need to help them grow.

Maybe it's odd, but it helps me calm down when things are not going well and gives me perspective.

Thank you! I really like your philosophy. I'm going to try it! 2

[3 little birds]

Curlytop,
If it's any consolation, my twin girls went through a hurting each other stage at about the age your girls are at. First one dd would bite the other. This lasted a month or two. Then the other twin would bite for a month or two. By this time dd#1 was over the biting stage. We mostly used distraction, and giving them time apart one on one with a parent (to the store perhaps). I realized that they were ALWAYS together and perhaps they were getting frustrated with the constant companionship. Anyway, it was short lived, though upsetting while it was going on, because they really are best friends.

HTH!

[Magella]

Mamaoui, my oldest daughter (nearly 5 years old) is someone who needs an incredible amount of interaction and time. She just dominates the whole family! Sometimes it's incredibly hard trying to meet her needs while still giving my 3 year old and 8 month old the attention and time they need. She's always right there demanding . It's hard to even speak to my other kids without her interrupting and demanding my attention. I often do not know how to make it better or easier. It's as if, in the words of Lawrence Cohen (who wrote Playful Parenting) her cup is never full. It helps, sometimes, to arrange for one on one time with her while the others are napping or when dh is home to help. She also seems to get bored easily, so it's a little better when she's in preschool or we have interesting things to do together. Involving her in everything from cooking to cleaning to changing diapers helps too. We also spend time with each set of grandparents once a week, so she gets lots of extra attention then.

Sometimes, though, it's just never enough for her and we just muddle through as best we can. She doesn't nap, but I do expect her to rest every day, usually when the others nap, and I take some time for myself then to recharge. If anyone else has any ideas for coping with this, I would love to hear them!

[MamaOui]

nak

Thanks for the responses.
Sledge, I was planning on homeschooling, but I am rethinking that for ds#1 based on his personality. I find we all do better when we have frequent outings and social interaction. My nursling is too distracted for me to type right now.

[Magella]

mamaoui, I also hoped, for a long time, to homeschool but have also decided against it (for now anyway) because of my daughter's personality (and mine and how the two mix). That's actually why I decided to send her to preschool last year. I wasn't planning on it because I believed so strongly in homeschooling, but I gradually came to think that maybe our relationship would improve if we had a little time away from each other and she had her very own space to make friends, grow and express herself. So I found her a preschool with a philosophy much like our own, and during the school year there is much more peace in this family. We are planning on sending her to kindergarten in a year, although it was a difficult decision . But we can always change our minds later.

[bente]

We really should start a tribe!

I have three kids ages 5, 3 and 1. I have found that GD comes really easy to me, but it is all the other stuff that pushes me off the edge.
My dh travels quite a bit and I am often alone with the 3 for long periods---that is when I am prone to loose it.
I do not have a connection with like minded mamas here so I can get burned out out. I do have a wonderful friend who has one child age 6 and we are great support in the AP sense, but with the number of children it is very different. I also have a sister who is great and we connect. I think it is great to get out of the house and meet people (ONLY people who are likeminded and will support you).
So if my dh stopped traveling and by some miracle I came across my tribe here in real life---things would be REALLY great.
I do agree with the other poster, when things are good, they are really good!!!! Watching them growing and learning together and becoming so close is all a mama really needs (well that and buckets of coffee!!!).

[MamaOui]

My dad just offered to help me pay for pre-school(after being with ds#1 and ds#2 for 2 hours LOL). Money was an issue because I want him to go a particular pre-school if I am going to send him. Ideally, I'd like to homeschool, but I'm not there yet.

I am fortunate enough to have some great peer support IRL and I find MDC to be wonderful in that dept. too.

[Magnoliamama]

It's interesting what some mamas have said about support. I never thought about it, but honestly, I find myself avoiding particular types of outings with some of my mama friends who only have one child because they simply (these particular mamas, not all mamas with one) do not understand the logistics of moving two babies under the age of two, entertaining, feeding, diapering, etc is all so much more complicated. Eating at a restaurant or going somewhere big (like the zoo, where they can go-run and crawl- in different directions or decide simultaneously that they hate the sling and the stroller)....ok, I'm babbling. My point is, that support is important, and I have found myself avoiding those mamas who just look at me like I'm crazy when I'm out with my two kids and I have to redirect my almost 2 yo 15 times in a row while simultaneously entertaining the 11 month old, and I can't look at their precious little one and ooh and ahh over whatever accomplishment they are making at that moment because for goodness sake I'm busy! LOL! I always feel pretty unsatisfied after an outing like that - like I dragged my kids around against their will. I'm almost anticipating the birth of several of my friends' 2nd children with a sick glee, like, "oh wait and see how it is and then you'll understand me." hmmm. support. I don't know how to get it except from DH, which is certainly the best place for me.

[MamaOui]

Originally Posted by BlueDragonflyMama

I'm almost anticipating the birth of several of my friends' 2nd children with a sick glee, like, "oh wait and see how it is and then you'll understand me."

:

[Sasha_girl]

Originally Posted by MamaOui

Just wondering if there are more of us out there. I am not having the greatest week with my patience. I find my relationship with my four year old ds to be very challenging lately. He's such a bright and sensitive guy and he needs an incredible amount of one on one attention that I just can't give to him right now.

Does anyone else have a child that seems to need much more one on one time/ direction/ stimulation than the other children in your family?

Yes, yes, yes. I just posted a thread about my 5 year old. She is more intelligent, more sensitive, more interesting, more playful, more cuddly, more intense, more maddening than almost any child I have ever seen. She is a firecracker. On one hand, it's great. We're never bored. She is a blast to talk to, because you never know what she's thinking.

Conversely, she's the child who likes to stand upside down at the top of the stairs, knowing that you are nursing and can't get up. She's the kid that can try every ounce of your patience and question why on earth you are gd'ing in the first place.

I've not yet figured out how to balance her Jeckyl and Hyde, but it's great to have solidarity here.

[elephantheart]

hi! I have 3 kids, and I'm pregnant with my fourth. My oldest is 4, then a 2yr old and a 1 yr. old.
I am so happy to find this thread!
I don't really find it that hard to GD, now that I've gotten the hang of it. but we are a very relaxed, low-key family. I'm homeschooling my kids, and I do my best to just be relaxed and have fun through out the days. I don't really schedulte too many outings with all the kids unless I know I'll have a couple other supportive adults along to help me out, like my husband and my mom.
I also try to keep things pretty routine for the kids throughout the day so they'll know what to expect. It keeps them a lot calmer.
And I totally agree that as long as my (and my husband's) expectations for what I'll be able to get done throughout the day are kept pretty low, I rarely get stressed out. I just had to convince myself that I stay home to give my kids the best care possible, not to keep a clean house. So if something needs to be done, I wait until my husband is home, or the baby is napping or something and just do as much as I can at that time. I never fool myself into thinking "I have to get this done NOW!" That's just setting myself up for a meltdown.
I have had to be pretty picky about what other moms I hang out with. If they're the moms with one kid who are obsessed with a clean house and all these tiny parenting details, I just can't hang around them. It stresses me out! I have to hang out with other laid-back mommas or people who understand my priorities. When my kids are grown up, they won't remember fondly that mom was always folding the laundry. They'll remember that mom was there to play and have fun with, and always had time for me. That's what I try to keep in mind.

[elephantheart]

My middle daughter is my high- needs kid. She will have meltdowns sometimes and I can't even figure out why. I do my best to figure out what' going on, and help her out, but sometimes I just have to let her know I love her, I'm here, and when she wants to tell me what's wrong, I'll be there to listen. But I have to do something right now. My oldest daughter is good about helping out in this respect, too. She'll sit with her sister and try to talk to her and find out what's wrong. I just tell her, I can't help fix the problem if you don't tell me what's wrong. This usually will calm her down enough to either get her to realize she can't even remember why she's upset, or to tell me about it so I can fix it for her. My kids have really gotten to a good point, though, where they play together pretty well most of the time, and keep each other entertained. It's always changing though. We've gone through times when I thought I had just gone overboard with all these little kids and there was no fixing it now! lol. But someone's always growing and changing, and things work themselves out in the end.
I really love that lettuce bit, by the way!

[MamaOui]

bumpity bump

I want to do an update to see how things are going for everyone on the GD front.

Some major changes for us lately. All of them for the better.

#1- My ds#1 is thriving in a fabulous pre-school. Which dh and I are struggling to pay for, but it's woth it.

#2-We have stopped being around my parents, as they seem to have a negative effect on all of us.

#3 -I am not yelling on a daily basis anymore. I usually lose it once or twice a week, but we announce that "we are starting all over again" and we don't feel stuck in a rut.

#4-We have greatly reduced our TV viewing and man what a change in our behavior.


It does seem to be getting a bit easier except for when I am sleep deprived. Wow. Those nights spent up while dd#3 has a rough night stuffed up or cutting a tooth make for challenging days the next day. It's so much harder to be "there" for your kids when all you want to do is sleep. So on those days and we eat sandwiches and cereal.

[MamaOui]

Oh...and just re-reading this thread is helpful.

[Summertime Mommy]

i have 4 kids, 6,4,1, and 5 weeks. I'm glad I found this thread, will post more when not naking.