Please Help me Before I am Completely Insane!

[Peony]

DD is a handful, she is 19 months old. She only says uh oh, momma, and daddy so communication is an issue. She had always refused to sign, will point to some things, and is just starting to understand a couple of simple phases, like "go get in the bath tub". She is strong willed, will scream for a long time when I won't give in to her, if she sees something in the store she likes I have to physically pry her away while she' is hitting me. I no longer give her the item that she is screaming about, but then she doesn't want comfort from me she just wants to hit me so I lay her down, sit with her and talk to her, then she wants up, but only to hit me more. We do these over and over again ALL DAY long. Yesterday I lost it and just started yelling at her, I have a nasty cold, I just couldn't take it anymore. Today is looking to be a repeat of yesterday. She just wants everything, I let her play with anything that isn't breakable or dangerous, but it is always the hot cup of coffee or knife that she is screaming over, another item just doesn't work with her. Any suggestions?

[allformason]

Hang in there

Hang in there! If you show your frustration, she will react to that. Stay calm, and she will stay calm. I would keep trying sign language. It sounds like she is just having a hard time communicating. You can do it! Just take a deep breath, when you start to get frustrated. Keep smiling, it will get better.

[Magnoliamama]

Here's what we do with some of the same situations with my toddler, now 23 months, maybe some food for thought for you:
Keep trying to use sign language to communicate - we started using it in earnest when DD1 was about 20 months old, and it made a dramatic difference. We used the signingtime videos - they worked like magic to teach all of us, and now signing is a fun game we play as a family.

Regarding the store: I don't take my DD1 to the store unless I absolutely cannot avoid it. We have been doing this for about 6 months, and basically, I've decided to wait out this difficult toddler stage before going to the store with any regularity. So one of us grocery shops after the kids are in bed, or one of us takes the little one and leaves the big one at home. It was always ending in some kind of stressful situation, and it wasn't any fun for any of us. If you have a significant other or someone who can help you with this, that might work.

Regarding hitting: When DD1 hits me, I calmly say "ouch, hitting hurts. Hitting hurts mommy. I can't let you hit me." And I back away and walk away from her. She has stopped every single time within seconds.

[thoesly]

Are you willing to consider an alternative to sign language? Our speech therapist (all of my kids have special needs) said that some kids just won't or can't do it. My daughter was fine with it, but my oldest boy wouldn't do it at all. For him, the key was pictures. We gave him a selection of pictures (hand-drawn, stick-figure type -- quality of artwork is unimportant) of allowed items and let him choose what he wanted. He was also one of those kids who wanted things he couldn't have, but giving him the pictures gave him a focus, and also gave him ownership of his choices (he knew he could have anything he had a picture of, and he got to choose which one he wanted first). It greatly helped his frustration level. Pictures won't slow down language development anymore than sign language -- they're just a different bridge.

I've heard of moms using pictures at the store, too -- "Here's a picture of an apple. Can you help me find the apples? Oh, good. Now, here's a picture of . . ." It makes the trips longer, but more peaceful. I've never tried this, though, so I can't attest to it -- I simply can't do the store with mine very often, and then, only for really short trips.

[allbrightmama]

theosly- I love the picture idea! It makes so much sense. My son has actually opened books to show me something he is trying to communicate that I am not understanding. Of course sometimes I do understand but the item is still off limits! I can see how the pictures would give him a sense of control and the confidence that he is communicating effectively.

Sometimes ds just needs to know that we understand what he is trying to communicate. I will respond with something like, "That is a beautiful balloon! I see that you want it. I like it too. We saw a balloon at Grandma's house didn't we? I hope we see them next time! Bye-bye balloons!" Then in the most excited voice I can manage I ask him to help me look for the apples or start talking about something else like the lights on the ceiling or the baby on the magazine cover, or the grape on the floor...

I do tend to get strange looks but SOMETIMES it helps us keep the screaming at bay.

I think you are already doing the most important thing which is to be there for her while she loses it and to comfort her as much as she will allow. Hang in there!

[Peony]

Thank you so much. All had wonderful ideas. I have to be brief, dd ended up with bilateral ear infections, she finally fell asleep. Thanks again.