s to you, mama.
I think we wouldn't be mothers to twins if we didn't feel a little guilt. I'm sure mothers of singletons feel some guilt too, but I can't speak for them. When my girls were first home from the hospital I felt like a horrible mother. I remember sitting on the couch crying because I couldn't hold each one as much as I would have liked. I also had lots of ideas of what kind of a mother I was going to be (I was going to exclusively breastfeed, cloth diaper 100% of the time, etc.) but much of that had to be compromised when I had two babies at once. My girls are almost 11 months old now and the guilt is much better. I still have it a little, but I think that comes with the territory of having twins. It helps to talk to other twin mommies who know what you're going through. I joined my local MOMs club just for that reason, although most of the women there don't have the same AP parenting philosophies I have--but they're still mothers and still understand that "twin guilt".
Good luck. It must be really hard with other little ones....I can't imagine. It should get better for you as the babies get older, though. I think it got better for me once my girls started sitting up on their own and didn't need me so much physically.
Also, there's a wonderful online community called apmultiples on Yahoo! groups. There I learned that it's ok to consider yourself an AP mama and not live exactly by the AP "creed." APing multiples is much, much different than APing a singleton. AP is about listening to your child's cues and responding to them. Unfortunately with twins, they often have to wait longer than a singleton does. I hated hearing this in the beginning, but it's true...and my girls seem to understand now that sometimes they just have to wait a minute while I'm with sister before I can tend to their needs. Hang in there.