Dr. Phil says no co-sleeping! Argh!

[irishgreengables]

Did anyone see Oprah Tuesday when Dr. Phil told a woman that it was abnormal for her children to sleep with her and that it has to stop? The woman is engaged and the fiance was upset about the woman co-sleeping. I was enraged. He said that children should never sleep with their parents and that studies show that they regress when they do. Thanks Dr. Phil for setting us back!

Peace (but not to Dr. Phil),
Paula

[velveeta]

Paula,

I cracked up that you are witholding peace from Dr. Phil! I was really surprised, too b/c I generally agree with him.

I am glad that my mother didn't listen to people like that when I was a little girl. I would have been so sad not to have been able to sleep with my mama!

Having said that, it did make me wonder about kids who *need* to sleep with their parents, and kids who will be okay if they don't. I had some deep fears that I didn't deal with until I was an adult. So, I really needed my mother in order to feel safe and protected.

And I think that may have been part of what was going on with her kiddos. I mean, the parents were divorced, and that is very hard for those kiddos. Still, I wondered if Dr. Phil made his suggestion in order to preserve the new relationship. I think those children probably *do* view the new step-father to be as an outsider.

So, I think their need to sleep with their mama is probably intensified at this time!

Anyway, I am just babbling.

I am interested to hear what others have to say.

Jean

[Arduinna]

Of course he is wrong. But the guy bills himself as a "life manager" why would anyone take parenting advice from him?

[kama'aina mama]

They ran that show again! Oh lord! The first time it ran this place went nuts! Run a search for "Dr Phil" and you will find several very angry threads that ran to 3 and 4 pages! I know there was one in Talk Amongst Yourselves, one in Nightwaking/ Family Bed and one here... Mothering even dedicated the front page (here, online) to articles about co-sleeping benefits in response. One of the moms here was asked to read part of a letter she wrote in response for the Oprah show to use on a response program. (Look for a thread called 'Take that Dr Phil', or something to that effect.)

[AdinaL]

I haven't seen this - and I am staying away from him - because I am sure my mother will find him and let me know that she agrees with him.
It seems like everything I have heard is that he views children as difficulties that relationship must overcome. Everything about the relationship coming first and all that seems very coutnerintuitive.
I don't have any kids yet and I already don't like him!!

[PapayaVagina]

I also saw this show when it originally aired a few months ago and was surprised that he thought that children sleeping with their parents was "never a good idea".

I do normally like Dr. Phil though. Did anyone see the episode where he was talking to teens about their sexual promiscuity? That was a powerful one! These girls were on there talking about how a kiss was more important than oral sex and they did oral sex as favors and it was just like a hand shake.

[velveeta]

Yes, I saw that show. It is amazing, isn't it? And Dr. Phil does say lots of cute things sometimes. Like during a show about anger, he was telling a story about loving, silly things he did with his kids, and I could see that he was a great parent.

And, on this particular show, he did say that sometimes there are good reasons for kids to sleep with you, like if they're scared or if they're NURSING (hooray!). And, to me, those kids who were getting a new step father definitely fall into the "scared" category.

I don't know *exactly* how it will be with my kiddos, but since I would never even let my dogs sleep in another room, I probably wouldn't be too comfortable with my kids in another room, either.

My poor kids! I can just see it now... "But, Mom, all the other 12 year olds have their own rooms!"

Hee hee hee. I will probably just let them do what they want, and then when they move out, I will sulk briefly.

But, back to Dr. Phil... I do like his views on a lot of things, but I think that too many people see him as THE expert, and they fail to realize that THEY have the power to change their lives without someone like that. It's kind of like the medical doctor deal for me... you know, "please consult your doctor before thinking about exercising or changing your diet because YOU couldn't possibly do it without help."

Bluh, anyway, that's my $0.02 plus tax!

Jean

[oceanmommy]

Dr Phil says some smart things, he says some stupid things too. I don't agree with some (much ?) of his parenting advice. He reminds me of a gumball machine in which the words just pop out when you put the penny in and turn the crank. He says whatever comes to mind, and that can be good or it can be bad, IMO. I saw that show with the teen girls, and I have seen shows (mostly the ones with couples trying to work it out) in which he really shines. He can be funny and smart, he can give great advice and criticism, but he can be wrong too. He is just some guy after all.

to him that he criticized co sleeping, especially for kids who sound like they are going through a big transition in their lives. I bet they'd bond better with the new husband if he just let them cosleep all together, family bed style. You'd think he'd be glad they wanted to include him on their cozy lifestyle (they didn't exclude him did they ?)

[MyBoysMommy]

First, a disclaimer -- we don't co-sleep, just didn't work for us, but I have nothing against it. I don't think Dr. Phil's right to say it's never a good idea.

However, iirc, the new husband was very uncomfortable with the idea, so I think that that may have been his big concern. Dr. Phil's best when it comes to relationships, I think.

I *loved* what he had to say to a woman who asked him if the married man she'd been sleeping with for 20+ years would ever leave his wife -- "Girl, you couldn't be dumber if we cut your head off!" Seems harsh, but on the follow up show, she had dumped the loser and made a life for herself, complete with a nice *single* guy.

[lilyka]

I can kinda see where the fiance is coming from (I mean really unless it is your kid do you really want to spend your honeymoon year with kids in the bed) but Dr. phils comment was way out of line. Perhap If fiance doesn't ever want kids in the bed they should reconsider matrimoniy. There were lots of good things Dr. Phil could have said about adjusting to life as a step parent, making sure parenting plans line up before you commit to marraige etc. . . but nooooooooo he had to get his usual case of verbal diareah and start spouting horrific male centered parenting advice.

[rachelle-a-tron]

Doctor Phil sucks!!!!!

Co-sleeping is the best thing we have ever done for our family!

Granted its not for everyone but I certainly don't think that it is "abnormal!!"

[JessicaS]

Dr Phil is not a pediatric psychologist. Isn't he a relationship counselor?? what is his field anyways??

I sent them a nasty letter when they first aired that program.

[velveeta]

Originally posted by Yammer


You let your 12 year old sleep with you?

Ah, I don't have any children. I was just kidding.

But, if my non-existent 12 year old wanted to, he or she would certainly be welcome as there would likely be some reason for that need.

Jean