ARRRGGGH ! MIL cut my boys' hair ! - Page 3

[MamaToLance]

Wow, after hearing the subsequent phone call part of this saga, it sounds like she will never change and there is a possibility that she'd do something like this again if given the chance. I agree with many pps that I would never let her have unsupervised visits with your sons and would question whether any visits at all are warranted until the boys are old enough/big enough to defend themselves. I can't imagine what your sons must be thinking/feeling about what their grandma *did* to them. There is no way that either could comprehend someone doing something so obviously against their wishes and not taking their feelings and words into account while doing it. Grandma is not a person I would want my children around, especially since she has no respect for their personhood or individuality. IMO, after thinking this through, I can't say that I would ever let them see her again unless they actually asked to do so and even then only with supervision.

I think the most important part of all of this is that your boys understand that you completely disagree with what Grandma did and that you have stopped her from doing so if you could have.

[Stevie]

Originally Posted by Shann

Great idea, Greaeball ! I may just let their hair get super long, then let them go out and have a couple days of hard play outside and get REAL dirty and not give them baths for a few days, and then take a pic of them in the shirts(maybe with their middle fingers stuck up at the camera) and send the photo to her and say "From your dirty, longhaired, girly looking grandsons ! @#$% You !" (I am kidding of course, so don't flame me, people ! But the thought DOES occur ! LOL !)

Actually, I like this one LOL!

[TiredX2]

Great idea, Greaeball ! I may just let their hair get super long, then let them go out and have a couple days of hard play outside and get REAL dirty and not give them baths for a few days, and then take a pic of them in the shirts(maybe with their middle fingers stuck up at the camera) and send the photo to her and say "From your dirty, longhaired, girly looking grandsons ! @#$% You !" (I am kidding of course, so don't flame me, people ! But the thought DOES occur ! LOL !)

Shann--- I don't care if you send her a picture or not, but I want one!!!!

[Kirsten]

Unreal! I would be so angry - I AM so angry, just for you and the boys!

I would mail her a letter letting her know that it was absolutely wrong of her, not her choice to make, disrespectful to the boys, etc. I strongly agree with the idea of not taking the boys to see her until their hair grows back to the original length. I would never allow unsupervised visits (or even visits of any kind in her house - isn't that where this occured?)

To the boys, I would let them know how sorry I was it happened, how wrong it was of gramma (I use the term loosely - I would start calling her by her first name when referencing them, which is petty but I don't think she really deserves the loving term at all). I would let them decide if they want to go to the hair salon to get it "redone". Not that that can make anything much better but at least they would get to decide how they want it to look from this point - just evened out (did she do a total hack job or actually have some skill in haircutting? Not that even if she was the world's best haircutter, it would make it the slightest bit ok but YKWIM) or an entirely different look than how she left them. I suppose she assumed you'd have to go in and get it done in something she'd consider "appropriate" so maybe in that case I wouldn't but just an idea to let the boys make a choice in the hair change in a little way at least.

Hey, I just thought of something! Do they have a pierced ear? If they want that, that would be a good dig! Maybe send her a pic of them in pink shirts with earrings but the short hair....

Sorry it happened. A lot of times, I read posts and the mother is mad about something someone did or said and I sometimes think they are overreacting - not this time! An outrageous disrespect - I agree that if she'd overstep the boundaries about this, what else will she do? Take them to get baptized or vaccinated or something else that should be a parental decision? Never again - screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me. Don't give her the chance. I think you can be an adult and a good person/parent and still "punish" her - for lack of a better word - by not letting her see the boys for a year at least. Who needs grandparents like that??

[Shann]

Meiri, I get the feeling that you took Allgirls WAAAY too seriously ! I think she was being "tongue-in-cheek."

[DaryLLL]

Originally Posted by Shann

Meiri, I get the feeling that you took Allgirls WAAAY too seriously ! I think she was being "tongue-in-cheek."

I agree. That was obviously a revenge fantasy, not a real suggestion.

Kind of like The Revelation of John in the Bible.

Your poor sons! Poor you!

My ds is 13, has shoulder length hair, dyed black with 3" blonde roots, huge blue eyes with long lashes, earrings in both ears. He also doesn't shower enough. He wears huge black pants with chains.

And he does get mistaken for a girl still.

Your ex-MIL would loooove him. Good thing is, he is as immoveable as a Mack truck at this point. He could squash her like a bug (revenge fantasy).

[Meiri]

Meiri, I get the feeling that you took Allgirls WAAAY too seriously ! I think she was being "tongue-in-cheek."

Could be, in which case I apologize. I have to deal with DS going off into fantasies like this a little too often. He'd not do whatever, but he's not what I'd call joking either.

[Shann]

Tired, I may just get the picture made and send you one anyway ! LOL ! I actually think my boys would enjoy doing all the stuff i described !

DaryLLL, I like what you said about your ds's look ! My sons would LOVE to look like that as well (I may let them !) Hell, I like that look for them !

Kirsten, they already have both ears double-pierced, which is part of what makes her so mad ! What else could I do to piss her off??

[Greaseball]

What else could I do to piss her off??

Would they wear nail polish? Flower stickers on their faces? Pink tye-dyed shirts?

You could tell MIL that without their long hair, you have to come up with other ways for them to look like hippie girls.

[Shann]

They HAVE been known to wear nail polish, Greaseball ! And they probably would do the rest too. I LIKE the idea of the hippie girl look ! But to complete the look I will have to keep them out of the showers for a few days, which I dont think they would mind anyway....i generally have to fight with them to get them in the shower as it is. So that part should be easy. I'll just stop bothering them about it and let them decide when they clean up next ! LOL !

[Greaseball]

Yeah, the idea is to get her to see that they'll look even more like girls without their hair, and she'll wish she had just left it the way it was.

[reilly's momma]

Ok, no one's suggested it yet, so I might as well

Dresses?

But only if they want.

[hunnybumm]

I don't really feel like reading 3 pages worth of posts so I will first post my reaction then I can skim through a few of the posts.

I can't believe your MIL! I would be so Fing pissed! Your pour little boys. I don't think I would "ground" your MIL but I would allow her limited visitation. Don't let her watch your boys anymore. She can only see them if you and SO are there with her. Maybe a few years of that and she will think twice, or your boys will be big enough to fend her off.

I truly am mad just reading this. Luckily my ILs live states away (DH is military) and they would never do something like that, DHs dad actually has pretty long hair. BUT I could see my grandma doing something like that, not cutting the hair but definitly forcing the children to do something I don't agree with to get her power trip.

Again I feel for your family.

[Krystal323]

ok this isn't your mom, but your boyfriend's mom?? BF of how long?? How long have your boys known her?? FTR I've only let my kids stay alone w/dh's mom a few times, and I've known her 10 years and love her to death!

Someone said--""i'd just tell her that refusing to accept a child's non-consent on something being done to their bodies sets very dangerous precedents, and nobody that violates your kids' boundaries gets to be around them without you there ever again.""

I agree completely--what is the matter w/her that she's basically teaching your kids that their feelings/opinions concerning even their own bodies don't matter?!? And that hers DO?!? This, to me, is a huge red flag of bigger issues at hand than just the hair (although I am so very sorry about their beautiful long hair!) I wouldn't want my kids around this woman alone ever again if I were you.

How do your boys feel about it btw?? Are they angry like you are, or are they taking it better than you lol ??
Their feelings should be the force behind whatever action you take IMHO. If they really don't want to see grandma ever again, honor that! But certainly don't let them go there alone anymore--they're still young and need your assistance dealing with this type of cruel bullying, esp coming from a family member they're suppose to be able to respect and trust.

So sorry HTH

[Krystal323]

+++++++). Other issues came out, including the fact that her son and I have never been married and have had 2 kids "in sin" (GIVE ME A BREAK !!! It's not 1950 anymore, lady !).+++++

ok, sorry, disregard the first part of my previous post--I understand now!

This is really insane--total overstepping of boundaries and seriously abusive toward your poor boys! I shudder to think what other poisonous things she said/did to them while you weren't looking...

evil woman

[Krystal323]

maybe they'd cope better with the different hair if you got them some of those colored spikerz gels?? They could get several and make a rainbow mohawk! I bet grandma'd really love that

[girlndocs]

Hey, that's a great idea! Let them dye it beautiful colors! I'm not even thinking as a way to piss of MIL here, either ... just that it might be some consolation over the loss of their hair & a way to adjust to having it shorter, and enjoy it anyway ... iykwim ...

[Book Addict Jen]

Extensions & a kilt.

[HelloKitty]

This is just horrible! I can't believe she behaved this way towards you and her grandchildren. For all the times I complain about my MIL she would NEVER go that far!

I would definetly not allow her to spend time alone with them for a very long time if at all. She clearly does not respect your feelings and their feelings. A grandmother should spoil her grandchildren - not torture them! Seems to me that she is more concerned about what others might think then she is about their feelings.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I think the girly look ideas are great! hehehehehehehe

[Shann]

We have talked stuff over (with the boys as well) and we have decided to go for the "dirty hippie girls" look for awhile to piss her off and to make a statement... fingernail polish, makeup, grubbiness, etc etc. (and if they like it, they can keep looking like that, as far as we are concerned ! We don't have hangups about gender appearances) Plus, we talked things over with the boys, and they made it VERY clear to us (without our prompting or "swaying" one way or the other) that they do NOT want to see her again ! They were so traumatized by her actions that they seem to be finished with her for GOOD ! So we plan to shock her eith a pic or something of her "dirty hippie girl" grandsons, and then remind her that that is the LAST she will see of them ! I personally have no problem with this, and I am very happy that the boys chose this way to go ! As far as we (and apparently they) are concerned, they have no grandma on that side. Good riddance !