Our Friend's Body was Discovered Last Night

[BrooklynDoula]

One of my good mama friends for the neighborhood lost her husband this week. He didn't come home from work on Wednesday and they found his body on the roof of a church he was working at. The media is speculating about foul play. I spent most of the night at my friends house and was there again this morning. I am coordinating donations from the neighborhood friends for her and we are going to work on an obituary and asking for donations from the community more broadly (the story has been all over the news here, so I would like to see some good come out of so much media coverag of his death). My friend is now a single mom to a 2.5 year old. It is so hard for me to think about how she will explain this to her little girl. We were all really close to her father because he took the whole summer off of work to care for her. We all spent a lot of time playing togther in the park and traveling to the beach and such. He just went back to work last week.

Anyone here lost a husband? What was the most helpful for you? What did you need/want?

Anyone have to explain the death of a parent to a 2.5 year old? Any suggestions?

Thanks.

[glad2bhome]

I am so sorry for your friend's (and your) loss. I thought maybe you could check out a bereavement group in your area for your friend. Maybe ask the leader of the group for suggestions about comforting and providing for your friend.

My deepest condolences.

[GoodWillHunter]

Megan, that's absolutely awful! Gracious. Is your friend a part of any church?

[BrooklynDoula]

We have found a church to do a memorial service (her godmother is a member) but they are not active in any church.

How could I find a local group?

Thanks

[3 little birds]

No advice, I am just so sorry.

[lisamarie]

I am so, so sorry (((HUGS)))).

My dh died when my ds was 3 1/2. In talking to him about our loss, I contacted a local family grief and loss group. They helped guide me in to how and what to say to my ds and also what children's books that might be helpful to him. Maybe contact your local hospital or Children's Hospital to see if that can provide you some names of some family grief and loss groups. They can be a wonderful place to receive counseling for both parent and child, a great resource for books and its so comforting to know that you aren't alone in your grief.

My thoughts are with you~

Lisa

[rainsmom]

I lost my first dh when my ds was 2...... I can say right now she is lucky to have so much support already from how you described the neighborhhood friends. That alone will be a comfort. To have people who care, who will most importantly be there to listen......


Hugs to your friend!

[chalupamom]

Two good friends lost their spouses this year and what they told me was they really appreciated the people who didn't "go away" once the initial shock wore off. That is, once the memorial is over and everyone's gone back to their lives, that's when the real support is needed in trying to create a new life and routines and so on.

So hang in there with her. Call, write, invite her places (don't assume she'll be too grief stricken to come to dinner - although she might be, but don't assume), offer to take her child every now and again so she can catch a movie or have some quiet time. Also, offer to help with paperwork or taking notes at the social security office, and for insurance and stuff. These meeting can get really hairy and someone who is already in shock may not remember everything she should.

And a hug for you, too, in your grief. I'm very sorry for your loss.

[pugmadmama]

I'm so sorry that your friend has died.

[Raven]

I am so sad for your loss and for your friend's family... They are lucky to have a friend who is taking the time to care for and support them through such a hard time.

I agree with chalupamom - making yourself available after the intitial "buzz" of activity is more than valuable. It takes such a long time to rebuild your life and the love of dear friends can make such a difference.

[Ms. Mom]

Megan, I'm so very sorry for you and all who have been touched by this loss.

I would like to recommend The Bereavement Book by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff. It's an excellent book on Bereavment and dealing with loss. I'll secound contacting a Bereavement group in your area.

As for children, all you can do is explain it simplistic for now. At 2 1/2 a child cannot comprehend death. Usually, around age 5-6 a child will start to understand death. Try to stay away from saying things like "he's asleep" as that can be frightening to a child (thinking they may to to sleep and never wake up).

All I can offer for advice is to be there - listen to your friend. Say her husband's name often, try to help out around the house and just be you

I'll hold you all in my thoughts.