Laurel, it's so good to have a guide to help us navigate through this! It sucks that any woman has to walk this path, but it is good to have a "big sister" so to speak, to give us her insight and let us know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
I think one of the things that's got me down is that M seems to be in the same worried it will never happen place I've been in for a few cycles. Before, he was optimistic and kept telling me it will happen and reminding me that my passion was clouding my judgement of where we really were. Now, we're starting to discuss the "what if"s and that scares me a lot.
But then it doesn't. Sometimes it just feels right. Like I think about how I've always said I wanted to adopt, and I think, yeah, this may be right. Like maybe I need to rethink how many children I want to have (b/c if we adopt, we will most likely not stop TTC -- even though it won't be front burner, I'm never going back on the pill, and I don't want M to get snipped until after we have at least one bio-child).
And yeah, I'm still in that space of wishing there was an easy way to talk to my sister
Oh, and I also feel like I jinxed myself into this somehow. B/C when I first joined here, one of the first people I identified was our dearest Adina (she had similar cycles to mine when she went off the pill, too). So, by identifying with 'dina, did I jinx myself? No. Absolutely not. But a small, extremely superstitious part of me can't let go of the thought (nor of the thought that I have personally jinxed Adina back -- isn't that CRAZY!!!! I think I'm a meglomaniac!!!! But remember, that's only a small, small part of me, not the rational part...)
Golly, we need some more hugs, don't we!
And some BELLY BLESSINGS!!!!!!!!!!!