quit smacking your sister

[maryellen]

This post is actually for my neighbor (I'm just struggling with baby issues)..Mona has 14yo son and 11yo daughter. And Nathan absolutely cannot walk by or be in the same room with Jami without smacking, or pinching, or pulling hair or punching. It's so weird - in our house I can barely get him to talk - and everywhere else he is so polite and so soft-spoken. Mona talks about him being angry alot and there are also some jealousy issues as Jami is very attached to Mona. Mike (the Dad) drives truck and so is away most of the time....I'm wracking my brain trying to come up with some resources, some advice, some alternative (herbal?) therapies to help smooth Nathan's attitude and adjustment. It's a tough age for kids. Any advice???? thanks

[Jish]

I don't have children this age either, but I'm hoping that someone in that place will come up with some words of wisdom for you.

[SueDid]

Has this always been going on or a recent thing? Unfortunately these things are usually much easier to stop when children are younger, if he's been doing it all along it's going to be much harder.

When our older two were about 3 and 5 or so the younger would sometimes lash out by hitting her brother when she was frustrated. One day I'd had enough and told him to hit her back if she hit him again. Just in the shoulder, hard enough for her to feel it. They both looked at me incredulously, LOL, but sure enough a little while later she socked him in the arm and he socked her back. She didn't do it again for a long, long time.

I imagine the situation you described would end up in a fist fight if that method was used. Hitting was never acceptable in our house so never escalated to the point that your neighbor is dealing with. I'm not sure I have any advice without knowing the family at all. If he has anger issues they really need to be dealt with or he could end up abusing his own family some day.
Sue

[andi_3k]

OK, First of all the kids need to be told in NO UNCERTIAN TERMS that this is not acceptable behaviour. Both of them. If punishments are not work counseling may be in order. the arrgessiveness of the boy towards the girls is distrubing and I would hate to see it escalate. or for them to formulate the idea that hitting is an acceptable way to treat females.
It's also important that this not turn into verbal abuse. My younger brother and I were very physical when we were growing up, when we got out of the "it's ok to hit" ( I was 18 he was 15 and it stopped cause his best friend gave him h*** for it) he took a more passive aggressive route and I can now not spend anytime amount of time with my family without leaving in tears.