Support for Parents of Gifted Children, #2 - Page 9

[Calm]

Sorry I left you hanging there, had some "home troubles", bleh, hack, choke.

Ok, firstly, breathe. Now, breathe. Furthermore... breathe.

This is a good thing, it is. When you start to trust it, you will find you can do more things at will, or feel more in control. You can actually play with it if you like, maybe try to mindread, or use flashcards (like the movies!) and see how you go. Even if all it achieves is a laugh and puts you at ease about things.

About the books, I just found they are Australian, so that might be a factor in their playing hard to get. One title is "With a little help from my friends" - Dawn Hill, but it sounds like I may have to get you some different titles that are easier to get. If you have a spare twenty dollars, go to a book store and scout the metaphysics/spiritual section and - using your intuition to guide you - pick a book that appeals to you on developing the gift. Or the library, if you have one near you that is well stocked.

I am going to find a site I remember looking at, and yet again, I am posting this before I have the link, but i will come back with a link for some online info also. I wish I could meet you. Oh well, later in life perhaps. But in closing for the timebeing, can you meditate? It is important for you to cleanse your mind - clear house so to speak. With some quiet time, watch your thoughts and the space between one thought and the next - expand that space. It is in the nothingness of the mind that "everything" exists. Going beyond the perpetual thought patterns is the problem though, thoughts will try to keep hammering at you and you feel like you can't shut them up. Perservere through that, and don't judge yourself or your thoughts, don't get angry that they won't go away - cos that's just another thought to worry about!

Be back soon, got some searches to do.

Ps, Hi Serenetabbi! Join in anytime, talk around our psychic stuff we have going on here if you like, or join in that too! Great to see all this love and support for gifted children and parents alike!

With love.

[Laughingmommy]

Originally Posted by Britishmum

Nothing to do with being psychic today - but - we did our first dance lesson and it went really well!!!

Yay, yay, YAY!!!!! Very very cool!

[serenetabbie]

Oh my,oh my.
Okay, first on the psychic front;
I woke up last night at 1.17am wondering what was wrong. I wondered where Dh was (he gets off work at 12, its an hour ride home) and layed awake listening for him (or the phone) until 2.20am. He came up, and I asked him what was wrong. He said he left work and went to the market to get coffee for the morning, and was pulled over. I asked him when he left work, and he said late, b/c the person replacing him was late. Then he said, "I got pulled over at about quarter after 1 and sat there for a stinking 1/2 hour!"
These things have happened tome all my life. :

Second; I cannot read any more past page 7 or so. I am crying. You all are so like me, your kids so like DS. I am so happy to have found you all, and so sad that there are others stuggleing with these very same issues. Thanks for sharing... I dont know what else to say, that sounds so, I dunno, tired.

Third; I am having problems with DS in school. He is in 1st. He is very very sensitive (will wear only certain socks, eat only certain foods, hates noise, extreme temps and bright lights). Joesmom told me to come here since some of you are having the very same issues.
T walked at 7 1/2 months, to name one early milestone. He was always the kid who played alone (no wonder in comparison DD looks so clingy). Read at 3 all of the sudden, but did not talk hardly at all until almost 3. He understands mathmatical concepts so easily it amazes me, but will not do the work once he understands it (why? that is so boring). I thought all other kids were like him, until other moms started asking me "is he always like that?".
I have gotten notes from the teacher "t does not pay attention" "t needs to work on his social skills" "t's work is sloppy". She told me at the group meeting that he plays with his hands and it is annoying (yes, it is. he makes people or animals out of his fingers and stages elaborate plays, talking to himself the whole time). Then the gym teacher called me. "t is crying in class and will not participate". He hates to do anything where anyone might see him fail. The music teacher is getting mad 'cause he will not sing (the music and other kids are too loud).
I am not sure what to do. This is a new school, at the other school I was "one of those moms who thinks her son is so smart"... I think I damaged his educational experience there. So at this school I stepped back, like so many of you, and did not say anything except to mention to the lady at registration that he "has a knack for reading". I am so tired of hearing it will all even out, that all parents think thier kids are gifted, that I am bragging, that all children are gifted. Okay, now I am crying again. I just do not want my beautiful child to have the same negative school nightmare I had. That is not wrong is it?

[allgirls]

Awwwwwww serentabbie...

It's tough isn't it...I have been advocating for my daughter...I knew she was smarter than usual and couldn't explain why her marks didn't reflect it....I don't know how many times I have "felt" like the mom from hell at the schools...now I have matured...the diagnosis was what I needed because now I know my instincts are accurate...

I am sorry...baby pulling at shirt for milk

I will finish post later.

[Calm]

Serene, I don't have experience with school yet, so just wanted to send {{{{hugs}}}}. Could he be understimulated? Also, being afraid of failure is a big one for gifted people. They get so used to being the best at things, and sometimes being 'good-enough' is failure. He sounds highly creative - the expression with his hands etc. Society puts conformity on us and rules, and if we step outside of that box, instead of being labelled creative, we are labelled "ill" at worst, and "challenged" at best. So sad.

Even on these boards, I have seen parents explain some things about their children that sound to me like creative genius, but the advice they are given is along the lines of "take him to a psychologist". I mean,,,,,WHAT? Bring those kids in line, don't let them think outside the box for heaven's sake! Rubbish!

Don't get me started, Or this will be a vent post! Serene, I have no real advice, but definitely loads of encouragement for you. Glad you found the thread.

[oldcrunchymom]

Originally Posted by serenetabbie

I am so tired of hearing it will all even out, that all parents think thier kids are gifted, that I am bragging, that all children are gifted. Okay, now I am crying again. I just do not want my beautiful child to have the same negative school nightmare I had. That is not wrong is it?

Serenetabbie, here's a big HUG for you. Your son is reacting exactly the same way mine would if I had put him in school.

Now, let's get down to business:

1. It will not all even out. This is something I used to say when Hollis was tiny, but now I have to wonder what people are smoking when they say this. A first grader who is doing math and reading six grade levels ahead is going to "even out" by third grade? Really? So he is going to stop learning or regress while all the other kids take a magic leap forward? Mmm yeah.

2. All parents do not think their kids are gifted. Otherwise, why would they crack remarks about OUR kids? Obviously there are some parents who WANT their kids to be smarter, but in my experience it's a fallacy to say all parents think their kids are gifted.

3. You are not bragging!! When someone asks you what your kid is doing, and you tell them the truth, it's not bragging. Bragging is exaggeration for the purpose of inflating the ego. If anything, most parents of gifted kids go through a stage of AVOIDING comparison between their child and others... even downplaying what their kids can do or pointing out all their kids' faults so other parents won't "feel bad." I know I sure did that.

4. Not all children are gifted. All/most children are, or can be, GOOD at something if they put their mind to it. Some children have natural talents. But saying all children are intellectually gifted is like saying all children are retarded (the IQ differential is just as far from the average) or that all children could play basketball like Michael Jordan or paint like DaVinci. It's just not true, and it's not fair to kids to tell them that.

As for advocating in school, hopefully someone can help you there. I chose to homeschool and avoid the whole mess.

[catgirl]

THANK YOU, Ickrause!!!

[allgirls]

It is terrible to tell things your kids are doing and then be told you are bragging or even worse, lying...my Sophia is very verbal at 15 mos but also very shy...she has 50-60 words including garbage and penquin and also puts together a few short sentences....but no one knows because she is shy with people. Plus she is not a circus clown, she won't perform on command but her understanding is immense for her age. Is she gifted? I don't know...I am no expert but I think she is very forward/advanced for her age...and it's more about what she knows, how she reasons than what she can do in my opinion. My friend said it's because I spend a lot of time with her...maybe, but I don't drill her...she wont' learn anything she isn't ready to learn...she is recognising letters now...B, O, S, A in no particular order..she shows me, I answer, that's it.



My 10 year old who is dyslexic sounds very much like your child, not introverted, just not quite able to be "like the others" but we didn't know why. She has learned to be "good" in class but now I think I have done her a terrible disservice...she is very musically talented, sings like an angel and we are now focussing on what she can do rather than what she can't...I tried so hard to help her learn to read that I may have "evened" her out...I refused television and all other forms of media to try to force her to learn to read...of course this caused her to miss out on a lot of things she might have learned...she used to be so "in her head" creative...like your child, creating whole worlds with just her imagination...out trips with her in the back of the car were so entertaining!

My husband said something so simple and so profound to friends of mine who were expecting..."just figure out what kind of child you have and go from there" It's so simple...but schools only tend to expect one kind of kid...the kind that sits in a row of seats and obeys...I wasn't that kid and neither are my children...only one out of 3 are like that.

What do I do? I live in a small town...I have access to a lot of resources and I am tapping into them...but the main thing is trust your intuition and stop worrying about what others think...your child is the way he is and nothing can change that. So you must advocate and teach the teachers...

Good Luck and hugs to you and your little one.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Britishmum

As for things evening out, that comment drives me insane. I've said it before, but I'll say it again. If things always evened out, then my dh would not hold patents for his work, or else every other engineer in the country would hold as many as him. It did not even out for him, it did not even out for me, and I'm fairly certain that things will not even out for my children.

When people make that comment I"m soooo tempted to ask them if, in their opinion, things also evened out for Mozart or Einstien. But that would be taken as an backhanded way of bragging, wouldnt it?

Someone here has a signature that reads "If everyone grew up according to early indications, we'd have nothing but geniuses." Every time I see it, I want to toss my cookies. I wonder if anyone really honestly believes that. I mean, if it was true, why would so many people be worried about their children from a very early age?

My niece is a very bright little girl, and I'm homeschooling her this year. She's spent two years in the public school system, she went into Kindergarten about 8 months ahead but when she finished first grade she was a full year behind. We've been doing first grade work in everything but math, and it looks like she'll finish the first grade work before Thanksgiving. After turkey day, we'll start second grade. I've looked over the curriculum, and I anticipate her finishing it by Pesach. My sister was telling someone at work how awful the public schools were, that ChibiChibi is so far behind, and they said maybe she was behind because she wasn't capable of doing the work. No, she's more than capable, but if you're an enthusiastic, outgoing, exuberant child and you also happen to be a black girl, you're going to get screwed over in the public schools. :

[eilonwy]

Wow, I remember my first dentist visit like it was yesterday... I actually enjoyed it. I can still remember getting a toothbrush and toothpaste and a balloon at the end. I asked if I could have another balloon for my brother, and the dentist offered me a toothbrush for him too. "He doesn't brush his teeth." The dentist looked horrified and then I laughed hysterically and said "he hasn't got any!!" I thought it was so funny, especially the look of horror on the dentist's face. :LOL It's still funny, even 25 years later. :LOL

Seriously, though; isn't bribery on that list of "ten things you should never do with a child"? I think I'd have busted a gut at the alphabet suggestion, too.

I'm sorry I don't have anything constructive to say, I can't really relate to your predicament. I really enjoyed trips to the dentist and the doctor as a child. My mother would explain what was going to happen, and we'd sit and mess with people which we always found entertaining. BeanBean is young, but whenever he gets worried about something he just asks to nurse and as long as he can it's all better.

[Calm]

Laughing - http://www.bepsychic.net/tutorials

Try that one, I haven't yet, but am going to.

[Pelgie]

Glad to see we are not alone

I just stumbled on this thread tonight and am very glad to see that there is a community out there with some of the same concerns that we have. Our ds has studied the details of everything since he was a baby. Around 12 months he started naming letters and by 15 months he knew them all. By 18 months we realized he was reading words and now he's almost 2 and can read at least 200 words (tries to read every sign he sees anywhere- example, read "air bag" in the car today). He also speaks in very long discriptive sentences like: "Leaves are falling from the trees. They are organish, yellowish, greenish, and brownish."

We hesitate to admit this to anyone (except his grandparents) for fear that people will think we are making it up or trying to be competitive (ds is shy in social circles and doesn't often read words in front of people he doesn't know well). My mother (a recently retired elementary school teacher) thinks we should home school him so that we can individually tailor learning in a way that works for him and keeps him engaged. We are seriously considering this.

I didn't have time to read all 11 pages of this thread so at risk of repeating something that may have already been discussed- are any of you homeschooling your gifted children? If not, what other routes are you trying to be sure that education is engaging for them?

[oldcrunchymom]

We're homeschooling. Similar to your son, mine started reading very early and now that he's 8, most of his academics are around a high school level. On the flip side he's not especially mature for his age. Combine these two and you can imagine how he'd cope in a regular school environment. Homeschooling is absolutely the best thing for him. (Note that his smarts aren't the only reason we're homeschooling though--I have many other reasons for choosing that path.)

[NoHiddenFees]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

Seriously, though; isn't bribery on that list of "ten things you should never do with a child"?

I think sometimes the use of bribery can be appropriate. Even Alfie Kohn is on record as saying that bribery won't hurt during toilet training, because there's really no intrinsic motivation component to using the toilet in later life... we just go. OTOH, I would never bribe or reward my children for getting good grades (not that I'll be giving them grades... but for the sake of argument), for cleaning their room, or anything like that because they should be working toward their own sense of self worth and initiative.

Shameless brag: DD1 finally came out of the closet and let us know she can read. We've avoided asking. She's pointed out a word here and a word there before, but never read us something cover to cover.

[Silliest]

You you, and to all in this thread who may not have come across these yet...

Some sites pertinent to raising gifted kids: (each site has resources dedicated to standard schooling and home education)

www.hoagiesgifted.org
www.gtworld.org
www.tagfam.org

These apples of ours don't fall far from the tree.
Learning to help my gifted kid has revealed all sorts of things about my own giftedness that I never knew.

I'm glad for *both* of our sakes that we're unschooling.
It's taken me over ten years just to *de*-school enough to be interested in real learning again!
Now, with the kids, I have a perfect excuse to indulge myself in all that exploratory self-directed learning-for-the-pure-joy-of-it that I missed out on the first time around

[Calm]

Hey, I've got a question for homeschoolers that has been asked ad-nauseaum, but here it is again. Does it affect them socially? Do you do other things social to create relationship development? I have a few years before I have to decide which road to travel for schooling, but homeschooling appeals, especially as we are a travelling family. But my small person is not comfortable around large groups (at the moment) and if this characteristic remains, I am not sure if it would be better for her to be home schooled, or not. Instinct tells me to keep her out of school, but is that delaying an inevitable learning curve? I was terribly picked on at school from grades 3 until grade 7, and I will go to any lengths to avoid that happening to DD.

[eilonwy]

Ah, yes, the worries about socialization. I wondered about this briefly, and then I realized that the "social" experiences I had in school were more than enough to convince me never to send my children. Think about it: when's the last time outside of school that you were put into a room to "socialize" with about 20 other people, all of whom were within about 8 months of your own age? Even in college, it's not like that. After you graduate high school, you're supposed to know how to interact with people of all ages, and if the majority of your socialization happens in school, you've only ever spoken with people about your age. It's just not terribly realistic.

My son is a very outgoing, sociable guy. He runs up to strangers in the park and tells them about their cars and airplanes and whatever else happens to be on his mind. :LOL At the age of two, I can tell that he's already more socially adept than I. My niece is the same way-- she's seven years old and she has no problems talking to people. She's getting plenty of social interaction (and she'll be getting more once I get my secular homeschooling group off the ground) even though she's not in school. She talks to the neighborhood kids and kids in the park, and she met a 5 year old at LLL & had a playdate with her. ChibiChibi is a very sociable child, so she invents opportunities to socialize which I never would have taken at her age. It's just their personalities-- they're outgoing kids.

If your child is not terribly outgoing, sending them to school won't change that. It'd be nice if school was an easy answer, but I went to school and I still didn't learn to socialize at all until my third semester in college. At 19, I finally learned how to make friends, and it was only because I was addicted to percocet that I was able to relax long enough to do so in the first place. I always say that if my mother had waited until I was socially ready to start kindergarten, I'd have started when I was 19 years old.

[catgirl]

Originally Posted by Pelgie

are any of you homeschooling your gifted children? If not, what other routes are you trying to be sure that education is engaging for them?

We are homeschooling ds, 5, although he went to pre-school. Somehow I couldn't see making someone who started reading independently the week he turned three sit in a classroom learning letter of the week and counting to 20!

Socially this is WAY better for him, I think - we're lucky in that we have a large local HS population including several young, gifted boys, so he has plenty of kids to play with and some intellectual peers too. I saw that although his pre-school was a terrific place and the kids were generally very nice, he didn't really have much in common with most of them (other than being 4 and cute). They didn't really "get" him, and the feeling was mutual, even though they were all pretty nice and friendly to each other.

Added to that, he's not able to focus well in large groups (it's too exciting and distracting), but loves one-on-one attention from adults, so HSing seemed the perfect situation. We're both loving it - he's learning a bunch and he also has social experiences, both formal and informal, at least 5 days out of 7. HTH

[Silliest]

another couple of links ;->

the first is a list of articles rebutting various common objections to homeschooling

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/...es/042998a.htm

the second is John Holt's response to common objections (John Holt is awesome!)
http://www.naturalchild.com/common_o...ons/index.html

[Queen of Cups]

Hello, all! Its nice to "meet" everyone in the thread - I've skimmed through some of it. (11 pages is a lot!)

My son is only 4.5 months old, but we're watching him closely to see if he's gifted. My husband and I are both very gifted - in fact we met at a high school for gifted students! Everyone just expects our kids to be gifted, also. While it would be nice for us to have that in common with our kids, I certainly won't be upset if that's not how it turns out.

Having said that, I am seeing signs that Killy is gifted. I have a book (that I lent out - argh!) and the title is something like: "Raising Your Gifted Child: Ages 2-7 Years Old" or something along those lines. It stressed that generally schools don't test for giftedness until about 3rd grade and gave lots of suggestions for parents of gifted kids younger than that. It said that research has shown there's no way to accurately predict if a child will be gifted before speech develops, but the best indicators in babies are visual awareness, the ability to respond to verbal cues, and unusually long attention spans. Killy was holding his head up to look around at one day old, and the first thing everyone says about him was that he seems VERY aware compared to other babies his age. By six weeks old he knew to open his mouth if I said, "Where doe the paci go?" and he made the sign for "mommy milk" at about three months old. He loves to have books read to him, and can sit through reading a whole book more than once in a row and loves it. (His favorite is "Mr. Brown Can Moo".) In fact, another book he LOVES is a book that has photographs of Teddy Bears dressed as people - he's just fascinated by it. I wonder if he sees the humor in it already... My uncle said Killy had an "interesting" sense of humor at six weeks old!

Its weird, because whenever we go out people always stop to comment on Killy. No one can believe he's only 4.5 months - he's big for his age, but his socialization is much closer to that of a 7-9 month old, which is what most people guess he is. I always feel a little weird at LLL meetings, because he's so much bigger than other babies his age and he's sitting up and making faces at everyone and laughing at the toddlers antics while other babies his age are just laying in their mom's laps, being cuddled.