Support for Parents of Gifted Children, #2 - Page 4

[FreeRangeMama]

We almost never go to the ped. and when we do I go in and tell her what is wrong and what I want done about it :LOL I really didn't want him labeled as anything either. I am kind of worried about the whole process and how ds will react to it. There is a very good chance that it will make things worse. Then, if we opt NOT to follow up (because we know more than anyone what is best for him) what will happen? I am not comfortable walking this road at all. I am an "off the record" type whenever possible.

[teachma]

Originally Posted by Britishmum

Dropping the subject of dd's birthday has certainly helped with her obsession about death and age. Now that nobody challenges her when she says she's staying three forever, she seems far more relaxed, although I believe she does understand that she's getting older all the same.

We TOTALLY had the same issue with ds when he was 3 until about 3.5 years old. My mom had told him that a particular book belonged to me when I was little, and in the same conversation mentioned that the book was very old. Ds made the connection that I must also be very old, if the book was mine when I was little. Next leap: I was going to die soon. We dealt with major anxiety around that, most of which manifested itself at bedtime with lots of tears and clinginess. I tried every kind of conversation I could think of to reassure him. Strangely, a dismissive statement I made ("You know some people believe that after people die, they come back to life in another form") totally assuaged his fear! Now, of course, he is a big-time believer in reincarnation! He hopes I will come back as a puppy.

About talking truthfully w/ pedi...how could I? Ds is always THERE with me, and I could never talk about him right in front of him. I also wouldn't make a special call to the dr about these issues; I am not sure how he could help w/o medication. And, like others of you, I wouldn't go that route.

[The Lucky One]

Oh, FRM, I'm sorry that your little ds is having such problems.

I have a friend whose dd all but refused to eat for about 3 months after sustaining some severe trauma (car accident related). The girl was 5 and she really started to lose weight and became 'sickly' in general.

I know you said you are opposed to meds. Did you mean psychotropic ones, or meds in general? My friend allowed a short course of a steriod, Megace, for her dd. The steriod increased the girl's appetite to a point that she couldn't not eat. She gained back an enormous amt of weight very quickly and got back on track with her eating and went off the drug and back to life as normal.

Perhaps your ds might benefit from something like that. Maybe just to jump start him.

Just a thought...

2

[koofie]

Ok, I'll admit it - I have not read all the posts. Actually, I didn't even get through the first page - it is nearing my bedtime.

I just want to say to all you mamas of gifted or talented or just , um, kids - please watch them. As a former ?!? gifted kid, I found I could get through school easily. Homework that would take my LD brother 1.5 hours would take me 15 min or less. And I got lazy. Very few times in my life have I had to WORK for my grades, and that includes college. Often I would take classes that were easy for me vs. challenging myself (eg. chemistry). The few times I tried, it was really hard to pull through with just a "C", and eventually I chose career paths that required me to only take those easy classes.

So, I implore you to challenge your kids. Not push, like get upset if they don't get "A's", but challenge. It may mean you have to spend your evenings discussing archetecture through Legos, and your nights boning up on biology, but it is really important that they don't have it too easy, because it may lead them to not live up to their potential. Everything that I have read leads me to believe that you mamas are way ahead of me, but as someone who often worries that I could have done MORE if I only tried, make sure that your kids LEARN everyday, not just get by.

BTW, I think I did ok. I am a teacher, and am finally learning the meaning of WORK, but I only wish I had learned it at 7 or 10 or 12, rather than later!!!

PS - if this makes no sense, disregard. I may be rambling (sp?)

[supervee]

I have no useful input, but wanted to say good luck, FRM. This sounds like a very challenging situation. Perhaps the doc can find a way to help without doing anxiety meds.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by arismomkoofie

So, I implore you to challenge your kids. Not push, like get upset if they don't get "A's", but challenge. It may mean you have to spend your evenings discussing archetecture through Legos, and your nights boning up on biology, but it is really important that they don't have it too easy, because it may lead them to not live up to their potential. Everything that I have read leads me to believe that you mamas are way ahead of me, but as someone who often worries that I could have done MORE if I only tried, make sure that your kids LEARN everyday, not just get by.

BTW, I think I did ok. I am a teacher, and am finally learning the meaning of WORK, but I only wish I had learned it at 7 or 10 or 12, rather than later!!!

I'm right there with you, except that by many definitions, I didn't turn out okay at all. :LOL One more reason I refuse to send my children to school. Goodness, I've got loads!

[The Lucky One]

Well, ladies, dh, the boys and I are off on a week's vacation at the beach--unless mean ole Ivan forces us to come back home early.

Have a great week and I'll check back in as soon as I'm home. I'll miss MDC.

[Charles Baudelaire]

Gifted homeschool group? Advice, please?

What would you do? I'd like to start up a homeschooling group in my city of about 1 million for gifted children. The secular group just folded and I'm not Mormon (the other homeschooling groups are mostly LDS), and frankly, I really would like my DD to get some socialization...yeah, the dreaded S word.

The thing is, every Mommy and Me group we've ever gone to has ended up being a disaster because my DD is just...well, she doesn't really get along with the other kids. The other kids haven't been bad (well, some of them), but just off in their own worlds. They don't seem to relate to her and correctly or not, I'm wondering if it isn't that asynchrony issue again.

My problem is this: I'd be happy to start a website, drop the URL to all the HSing groups in the area, and get things moving, BUT I'm afraid of the following and want your advice:

1. Moms being PO'd because of perceived "elitism"
2. Being swamped with pushy "My kid is gifted" parents

Any ideas? Would you think this would be a good idea? Would you participate in something like this???? Also, can I actually call myself a "group" if it's just me and my DD for the time being??

[supervee]

What kind of characteristics of other kids do you think would be most helpful to your kiddo? Do you think she would best relate to other kids who are very verbal or into imaginative games or ??? So if you identified these things, then you could advertise for that kind of playgroup? Would that be more of a good fit for her than getting together 10 gifted kids all on different wavelengths or with different interests? Just brainstorming ideas, hth!

[eilonwy]

Charles Baudelaire, I'm having a similar issue, except that I'm afraid to start a group at all because BeanBean is so young that I'm sure people will assume that I'm forcing him to "study." As if you could force an active 22 month old to sit with a book!

I'm not sure if I have any advice for you, but I think that it's a nice idea. Perhaps there's already an organization for gifted children in your area which could help you find other parents? They wouldn't all be homeschoolers, but there would probably be plenty who would be more than willing to take their kids out of class every now and then. Maybe one of the national organizations could help you find parents of other gifted children dd's age. I think that if BeanBean didn't have his cousins around, or other kids to play with, I'd definately look into it. He does really well at the park with other kids, although their parents are somewhat surprised to learn that he's not quite two. Still, that's not really enough to ease my mind, so I'm glad he's got his cousins to play with. My older niece (ChibiChibi) thinks that his behavior is perfectly normal, and that other kids are strange (including my nearly three year old nephew who doesn't speak at all); my mom knows that BeanBean is ahead of the average child, but because he's "not like my kids were," she acts like he's somewhat behind.

I started homeschooling my niece yesterday. We're doing first grade review work for phonics and reading (she's a bit behind but I think she'll catch up in short order) and as soon as I get the books we'll start second grade math. The only problem I had yesterday was that BeanBean wanted to participate; my niece would be sounding out words and writing down letters, and BeanBean would sort of slide in and start pointing. "T! B! M! S!" :LOL It was actually really cute. I thought that he was too young for workbooks and such, but he was really interested when he saw his cousin doing it. Even so, I'd like to wait a few months to make sure that he's actually interested in the notebooks and not just doing what his cousin is doing. I have a feeling that if I gave him one right now, he'd ignore it in favor of ChibiChibi's. :LOL

[The Lucky One]

Well, we're back.

The weather was absolutely miserable. The temperature didn't get above 70 degrees and it poured rain the entire time. Blah! We weren't supposed to come back until Saturday, but came back yesterday instead. Without being able to go outside, we rapidly ran out of things to keep ds1 entertained. We did the malls, outlet stores, some crappy 'kiddy' over-stimulation video game place--heck we even spent an entire day going from Walmart to Lowes to Target to Piggly Wiggly, just to have something to do. And of course, ds caught a cold, just like I knew he would on the gross germ-breeding mall play area.

But, the kids did really great on the drive. Ds1 was an angel and ds2 did awsome too! We had one morning of semi-nice weather and ds1 enjoyed playing in the sand and the spa (big pool was too cold). We used a food delivery service a couple of times after the kids went to bed, so dh and I got some good seafood.

Where's FRM? Any updates on Akira's eating?

Britishmum, I'm glad your trip went well. How sweet of your dd to write letters to her loved ones.

More later...dh and ds1 are at the store and ds2 just fell asleep. If I don't shower now, I may not get to....

[TiredX2]

We had the four year check at the ped's today. Dd did better than last year, but it was still terrible, and somewhat embarrassing.

Britishmum--- have you talked to your DD about this? How about her doctor?

When DD was younger she refused to answer questions at the ped because she though the dr was making fun of her (by asking stupid easy things that of course she knew ). We explained to DD that the doctor was not trying to be rude, just didn't know what kind of questions to answer. We explained to the doctor that no, DD did not know her name, she knew how to read. She didn't know how old she was, she could count to 100. And so on.

From then on the doctor asked much more devopmentally appropriate questions (for example, her last check up was at 5. One of DD's best friend went for her 5 year old check up to the same doctor the same month. Doctor asked DD questions like, "what books are you reading?" "Do you like Ramona books?" if she had been writing any stories, if she liked school. The doctor asked DD's friend if she could draw a person, if she knew how to spell her name, etc...).

Just an idea. I also try to give DD an idea of what many kids her age are currently doing. She was getting REALLY mad a friend of her's for messing with her reading. They were taking turns reading books (this was when both DD and friend were still 4). DD would read her book to her friend. Then her friend would "read" a book to DD--- random words, made up story, etc... DD thought she was just being "lame." It never occured to her that the vast majority of four year olds are not independent readers.

Slightly T, but this came up last weekend with DH. He was saying how a friend of mine is so involved with her kids (K & 2nd grade) because she knows *exactly* what is going on in the books they are reading and he barely knows what DD is reading. I was like, "Uhhh, they *can't* read. She knows what they are reading (when it is chapter books) because she reads the books to them." Ah ha.

[NoHiddenFees]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

I thought that he was too young for workbooks and such, but he was really interested when he saw his cousin doing it. Even so, I'd like to wait a few months to make sure that he's actually interested in the notebooks and not just doing what his cousin is doing. I have a feeling that if I gave him one right now, he'd ignore it in favor of ChibiChibi's. :LOL

Out of lurk mode.

I recently purchased the first level of Right Start Math with an eye to start DD1 gently with it sometime after her third birthday in December. At the same time I purchased the four Sinapore Math Earlybird workbooks for supplementation as necessary. DD found the books and wanted to read them (they are very colourful). I explained what they were and she wanted to "try" them. Two weeks to the day later she'd finished all four, excepting the writing exercises. Since the first day, she asks (perhaps too gentle a word) to "do math." Now we've made a good dent into Right Start (I LOVE, love, love this program) and am waiting for Singapore Math's Power Math to be restocked.

Long way of saying the Singapore Math books are workable for pre-writing young children.

Back to lurkdom.

[NoHiddenFees]

Originally Posted by Britishmum

I'm wondering if I should get something more and let her choose to do it if she wants. What would people recommend? NHF, do you have links for those programs you mention?

Only got a sec - nak.

www.singaporemath.com
www.alabacus.com

Many people complain about the costs of manipulatives for Right Start (about $120), but if you stick with the program, the manipulative pack comes with pretty much everything you need for five years. I purchased Level A, the manipulative pack and the Math Card games book. The cards come with the manipulative set and some games are part of the basic program, but the games book has many more ideas, plus enrichment games for mathematically gifted kids (unfortunately not labeled as such for the most part).

[FreeRangeMama]

Where's FRM? Any updates on Akira's eating?

Thanks for asking. Within 2 days of our appt. he started eating again out of the blue. He is still very limited on what he WILL eat, but eating is eating so we aren't complaining. One day he ate a whole loaf of bread with peanut butter!! Very strange. He did remarkably well at the appt, though when the doc joked that she was looking for a kitty in his ear he looked at her funny and said, "no!". He doesn't get that kind of thing at all.

I had dh take him out of the room and discussed many of my concerns and told her about how advanced he is in some areas and how in others (socially and emotionally) he lags behind. I also tried to explain to her how his allergic reactions to corn affect his behaviour. I don't think she believes the food reactions which kind of irked me, but she was very open about everything else I had to say.

She referred us to a ped. that evaluates children for autism disorders. It will take a couple of months to get in to see him, but at this point we feel it is the right path to follow. We will take it one step at a time and follow Akira's lead. If at any point he seems negatively affected by any of it we will stop immediately. We are just going with our gut here and hoping it is the right course of action.

On another note, his anxiety has improved drastically with his eating. He has also made some huge leaps. It is like talking to a different child. It always freaks me out when this happens, its like every so often someone takes MY boy and replaces him with a new one. He spent a whole walk to the library explaining the difference between evergreens, or conifer trees, and deciduous trees. He also discussed the changing of the seasons and night and day with me. Where does he even learn this stuff?

At least things are on the upswing (for now). Take each day as it comes

[oldcrunchymom]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to introduce myself on this thread. I signed up on MDC a couple years ago but have only recently started posting. I'm homeschooling two very different gifted kids and I look forward to participating in the gifted threads here. I recognize a name or two from the other gifted boards I post on.

My son Hollis is 8.5 and he is the mathematician and scientist. Annika, 6.5, is the artist and "closet gifted" child. She is very social and tends to hide what she can do around other girls, which is one of the many (many) reasons I hope to keep her out of school.

[LeftField]

I went to the Singapore math link to view a sample page of the EarlyBird program. There's one for preschool and one for kindergarten, but they show the same sample pages, so I'm not sure of the level of difficulty.

Miquon Math is another program that I've heard great things about.

[eilonwy]

FRM, I'm so happy to hear that Akira's eating again. BeanBean is willing to eat food, but not from me unless he's in the car (strapped in, rear-facing carseat). He always asks to nurse. I ask him what he wants, run down a huge list and he just shakes his head and says "Nursies, I want nursies!" over and over again. I can't imagine what I'd do if he wouldn't take food from other people, or even nursies from me.

I don't know why I'm so hesitant to buy a workbook of some sort for BeanBean, but something about it strikes me as very, very wrong... I think maybe it's because I'm seriously tense and would want to go through it systematically, page by page, and I'm not entirely confident that he's up for that. He's probably more than ready, but maybe I'm not ready for it. I never thought I'd be one of those parents who tried to hold their kids back, but now I'm apparently having issues with that... I guess I've got something new to think about.

Today, BeanBean brought me a foam letter "T" which was liberated ages ago from my mother's house. "T," he said. "T, t, t, t. T is for Toyota!" He was so pleased with himself, I just had to laugh. I haven't done any work with him for ages, really, but I'm teaching my niece phonics (because she never learned! : ) and apparently he's been paying attention. Not that I used Toyota as an example, but the boy loves cars and has to get them involved in everything. :LOL

My daughter is seeing a urologist again tomorrow. Her last bloodwork (from her family doctor) was a test for a specific genetic disorder which can cause liver inflammation (which two prior blood tests indicated) so I got online and googled "neonatal cholestatic hepatitis abnormal renal function" and came up with an article from Pediatrics 7 years ago about two children who's cases seem uncannily similar to Miss BooBah's. I am, at the moment, printing a copy of the article for the urologist. I'm hoping that he'll say something like "we'll look into it, but I think this is very unlikely. You should relax, your little girl just has reflux and will be fine." Deep down inside, though, I just know that's not what I'm going to hear. When I read this article, something clicked. The only differences between BooBah and these kids were very small; they were boys, for example, and both the products of "uncomplicated deliveries" while BooBah was born by emergency c-section. They were older than BooBah when they got sick, but they had to get *very* sick before anyone noticed.

There are some serious drawbacks to being nerdly; only a nerd can truly worry the way I'm worrying right now. When I read the article, it made me feel sick to my stomach; part of me thought "Oh my God, I hope this isn't what's wrong with her" and another part thought "Finally, an answer!" Well, here's hoping that I'm entirely wrong, and that I'm worrying for nothing. :

[oldcrunchymom]

eilonwy, I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I haven't been around here long enough to know her full history, but I hope you can get a dx soon and get her on the road to recovery.

As for the workbooks, I say if your son wants them, go ahead and let him have some. You don't have to stand over him and watch him. Just treat them like another toy. My son started writing letters at 12 months and workbooks and learning software were the only things that saved my sanity. The rest of the time he was constantly on me to teach him stuff. Since he hardly slept it was exhausting. We actually read Dr. Seuss's ABC so often that it fell apart and I had to buy another copy.

Ah, memories...

[FreeRangeMama]

Educational games are the only thing that saved my sanity as well :LOL He loved the workbooks too, but it took to long to use the pencil while a mouse click was so much faster. Plus, he lives in fear of not doing things perfectly and he just couldn't make perfect letter or some shapes (octagons are still a challenge). These things weren't a concern with the comp. It was necessary for the downtime for both of us, plus he learned so much that I never would have thought to teach him at one year. He has always been too far ahead of me :LOL

I hope all goes well with your dd's dx eilonwy. I will keep your family in my thoughts