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UC thread #9...Sept. '04 - Page 10

post #181 of 201
But klothos,
If someone went out of their way to pm you and said "No klothos, birth does not hurt of you do it right, Im sorry that you couldn't let go of youself enough to just open up and get the baby out peacefully. *My* birth was totally perfect because I blah, blah, blah'ed instead of what you did"
Would you not feel totally ofended?

Thats where I am comming from, at least.
Maybe Im just way too sensitive.
post #182 of 201
andrea- i don't think your being overly sensitive and i would ne totally offended. who is anyone to tell you that you should edit your birth story? geesh I'm so sorry someone thinks you could have done it the *right* (ie,THIER) way. for the majority of women birth WILL hurt. how could it not? again I'm so sorry mama! MDC is usually a really safe place but I do find the judgements (and I see a ton on these boards latley) overbearing at times.
post #183 of 201

My UC story that I have posted is an editted version.

Partly because my transport was so intense and difficult to get through, and I wanted the focus of the story to be the birth, not my negative feelings about the transport. But I was on the fringes of what I'd call an anti-UC shitstorm because of (I later realized) a pretty serious error I made in the timeline of my birthstory. Specifically, I said dh called 911 after Nova's head was out. (I hypothesized it was because he was terrified she was stuck- no, *I* was terrified she was stuck, he was worried about the mec, and didn't realize she was about to crown.) So it looked like we were both completely panicked, and dh left me in the bathroom with my babe's head hanging out of my yoni to call 911. Not the way it went down at all!

Today I wonder if I toned it down too much. It seems like I left out so many details, especially the ones from dh's perspective, and little things that I didn't think of including. Like how I thought dh was pushing on Nova's head. (It was kind of turtling, and pushing on my perineum as it sort of pulled back in.) Or descriptions of what Nova looked like after she was born, or how she breathed. Maybe I should have included how I felt with the first responders showed up, or how I sobbed when they loaded us up into the ambulance, and how mad I was at the EMT who said, "It's ok, your baby is going to live." No shit, I know she's going to be fine. I pissed that you're ruining my babymoon. Maybe I ought to have included my perception of the nursery, and the great nurses there, or the pompous pediatrician. Or talked about how odd it was to see my healthy baby laying in a box, nearly 10 lbs, next to these crying, tiny 5 and 6 pounders. Perhaps I should have gone into detail about how my dh consented to vit k and eye drops even though I didn't want them. Or how I was pressured into allowing a CBC ('cause I wanted so much to go home!) even though there was nothing wrong with my baby at all. But although I did consent to that, I put my foot down when the lying ass resident couldn't get a vein, and said I would only allow one more attempt, and that was it- he got an NICU nurse who got it no problem, no crying, on her first and only attempt. Maybe I should have talked about her shoulder, and how the only time she really cried was when someone manipulated it.

But there are so many of these details. I could probably write a 30 page book on my experience. Maybe I will, someday. Maybe I should, perhaps my random musings would help me prepare for THIS birth, this birth that I am so afraid of. This birth that I pray will happen early (but term!) and easily, peacefully. It's hard to know what to write, what to include.
post #184 of 201
Did this happen just once, andrea, and was it recently? i'm going to put my birth story in my siggy too, to see if I'll get any negative comments.

have to go, baby needs me.
post #185 of 201
I didn't feel the need to edit my story to make it sound nicer, because I don't care what anyone else thinks of me and my story. That said, I have never received *any* negative comments directed directly at me. Was this here that this happened, or on CBirth? There's definitely a contingent there that has a very limited view of what consitutes an acceptable birth experienc, and are not shy about insisting that everything else is a tragedy. I find that attitude tiresome and annoying, so I don't hang out there a lot. <shrug>
post #186 of 201

My birth story!

Congratulations to Linda and Mel on the birth of their babies!

Shannon, your birth story was great! I agree with what Linda-BV said...you listened to yourself and you knew what you had to do. Great!

Linda! your birth story was awesome! You go girl! I loved all of the description you put into your story, you described things I felt too but didn't know how to put into words.

Anyway here is my story: be warned that there are pics of my naked butt and me nursing my kids in the links in the story.

Birth of Avery
post #187 of 201
"Im sorry that you couldn't let go of youself enough to just open up and get the baby out peacefully. *My* birth was totally perfect because I blah, blah, blah'ed instead of what you did" "

Honestly, I just have to roll my eyes at this. Obviously there are certain things that make birth easier and more normal and things that make it harder and more dysfunctional. But people do have easy births under the most adverse of circumstances, and people do have hard births even when they've done everything "right." I would really like one of these people to explain to me why my birth was painful, then completely and blissfully painless, then suddenly excruciatingly painful again, when nothing there was nothing from without or psychologically within to initiate the changes. If stress and tension and suffering necessarily lead to more stress and tension and suffering, why did I suddenly feel very, very good? And if feeling good and relaxed and happy leads to an easy birth, why did it suddenly, without any warning, get hard again? The only possible explanation, as far as I can see, is that there was something going on physically that was totally separate from my state of mind.

I know they mean well, but it is a HUGE error in logic to assume that when one's limited experience fits into a theory, that this constitutes proof of the theory and universality of its "truth". Um, no.
post #188 of 201
Jennifer, your story sounded SO familiar to me in parts, lol! Great pictures -- your girl is so sweet -- I tandem nursed my first two too, and I really think it helped in the bondnig between the two of them. Never any sibling rivalry (well, at least not over me. Toys are another matter! :LOL )
post #189 of 201
andrea, i am so sorry to hear someone said that to you. what a limited, closed-minded thing to proclaim. how can anyone judge that??

i don't know if i'd be offended, personally. i'd probably just call them a lot of names... (actually i'd probably hit them w/ some science, psychology, and attempt to broaden their perspective a bit.)

i don't think you're being overly sensitive.
post #190 of 201
Did this happen just once, andrea, and was it recently?
4 times specifically through pm's and the most recent one was about 2-3 months ago.

There was another time I recall, about a month after dd was born. There was a thread discussing what kind of prenatal care uc'ers did. I listed what I had done for myself and got shat on for managing it to death not unlike an ob. The thread was removed.

Anyways, it just hurts that I go out of my way to share something very personal and dear to me (b story) and that others feel the need to go out fo their way and critisize me.

I would be like me clicking on a link in someones siggy to their family photos, and then me noticing that maybe they are a bit overweight. So then I pm them about how to lose weight, and tell them what I eat and thats why Im skinny. They didnt ask for advice in the first place and maybe they are really happy with their body. Maybe they are feeling extra proud that they just lost 10 lbs. But then I butt in with my unwanted and rude comments and stomp a bit on their self esteem.

I have been seriously considering removing my story.

I really should stop talking though because none of you even seem to be understanding me. The story of my life.
post #191 of 201
Awesome story, thanks for sharing. Its too bad that everything seemed to be working against you, but it all turned out good in the end

(And klothos; Im working on it, maybe you should give me a deadline itll make me move faster )
post #192 of 201
Originally Posted by andrea
I really should stop talking though because none of you even seem to be understanding me. The story of my life.
Andrea, I totally get what you are saying. I think it's really awful that anyone would say such things to you, or to anyone, when you did not ask for their opinion or analysis. I hope you don't remove your birth story, although I certainly understand if you do. Our birth stories are very personal things- that's why I have mine on my web site and not posted on anyone else's site. I can emove it at any time if I so desire. It's mine, and I want to own my words completely.
post #193 of 201
thinking about it... even JPB has written that only ONE of her (5? 6?) births was painless.

please don't remove your birth story. every single UC story out there adds to the knowledge well for other mamas, and we can all learn and grow from each other's experience.

on the subject of things we could have done differently: i wish i would have warned my son that i might be very loud + yell / scream during birth. he was so scared. but i was so convinced i'd be quiet again, like i was when he was born, that i didn't give it that much thought. i also wish i would have called him in to see his sister born. i really wanted that for him, and now he'll never have that.
post #194 of 201
Originally Posted by blueviolet
Jennifer, your story sounded SO familiar to me in parts, lol! Great pictures -- your girl is so sweet -- I tandem nursed my first two too, and I really think it helped in the bondnig between the two of them. Never any sibling rivalry (well, at least not over me. Toys are another matter! :LOL )
OMGOSH! The funniest thing, when I read your story I was like, OMGOSH! me too in certain places!! Weird!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading it! It took me forever to write it. So do you have a name for your baby girl? Any pictures?

Ugh the sibling rivalry is not too bad, my 3 yr old does get thoroughly pissed off when I say she can't nurse (for example after she just nursed like 2 minutes before that or when we are out in public and the baby is nursing).

She went from nursing once every other day for the last 6 months to nursing almost every single time my newborn does---every two hours---its kinda wearing me out. I decided about a week ago that I wouldn't nurse them at the same time because it just was uncomfortable and I couldn't ever get them in good positions. My boobs are way huge and I have to hold the boob up for the baby and that just makes it super difficult to nurse two kids at the same time. We are also dealing with thrush so sore nipples REALLY hurt when 3 year old teeth are digging into them!!! ouch!
post #195 of 201

My birth story....

I had a very bad experience with my OB with a miscarriage last fall, and couldn’t change docs due to insurance issues, so I decided to try UC. I went to my OB initially to confirm pg and authorize my insurance for coverage in the event of an emergency transfer. I had the initial blood work, and a u/s at 24 weeks, and then I just stopped going to my appointments without formally notifying them. I had met Sue, the CNMW at my initial visit. My dh was on board with the UC idea. We were ready, and I always told my family (who was very worried) that I was not going to stay home just for the sake of staying home, and I assured them and dh that I would go to a hospital if I felt anything was wrong. I would not risk my life, or the baby’s.

I had very strong BH the last 4 weeks and lost part of my plug 2 weeks before the birth. I know I was about 3-4cm dilated the last month, (I remember how it felt after my m/c and I had a two inch red stripe on my rear, supposedly an indicator). I had no internal exams, since no one had seen me since 24 weeks. I was awakened suddenly at 3:45 am Sunday Sept. 19th with a very strong contraction that was NOT a BH. I instinctively ran for the toilet, and my water broke with a SPLAT all over the tile and half in the toilet. It was clear with flecks of vernix. I was 40w 4 days. I called for dh, and he started setting up towels and tarps on the floor from the bedroom to the bath, and started to fill the pool. My next contraction came ten minutes later, very strong. They were about ten minutes apart the first hour, and I walked a lot. Then things suddenly picked up in intensity and speed. I was about 5 minutes apart, then three minutes. I was singing through the contractions, “Ohhhhh OOOOOOO Ohhhhhh” but they were coming so fast and hard it was like I couldn’t catch up. I labored standing, leaning on my hands over the kitchen table for a bit, then on my knees with my upper body over the side of the bed. Then I tried to get in the pool, but it was cold! We have a rental, so maybe the water heater was auto-set to shut down at night or something. I tried to get in the tub after the hot water came back a little but I couldn’t fit in any kind of comfortable position. I went to the toilet and stayed there.

Suddenly, it was just like one LONG contraction – just never ending. I couldn’t get any rest. They were so powerful and intense. I could not be left alone for a second. I just held my dh’s hand as he stood in front of me, as I roared and screamed. But it went on and on and on - for about two hours. I began to pray aloud over and over, “Jesus, have mercy on me... Jesus, have mercy on me.” I was totally incoherent. I began saying. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t have this baby!” My dh just kept saying, “You’re doing great honey.” I had this totally irrational, yet very real desire, to be instantly placed unconscious and have the baby CUT out of me. I did not care. I would have gladly had a c-section at that moment. The pain was so intense. Then I said, “I’m going to be sick,” and dh ran for a bowl. I threw up hard twice into it. And then suddenly everything STOPPED. It was like flipping off a light switch. I became instantly clear headed, and coherent, the pain was gone, and no contractions. I sat there for a while then started to wonder if this was normal, and told dh to go get me a pg book. I was in the resting phase! So, we sat there and waited. I think I dozed off for a moment. The contraction came about a half hour later, but was so powerful again, and very quickly picked up speed. But something was different than before. I was having what I knew must be back labor. That pain on top of the regular labor pains was absolutely excruciating, and unbearable. The only word I can think of is electrocution. It felt like a 12” strip on either side of my spine in my lower back had a lightning rod attached to it, and I was being electrocuted every two minutes. Then my body began involuntarily pushing SO HARD. At least three pushes on every contraction, which were now 60-90 seconds apart. But I knew something was wrong. I looked down with a mirror, and everything was quadrupled in size with swelling, and I knew that was wrong. I put my finger inside, but couldn’t feel up far enough to feel anything but swelling, no cervix, no head. I couldn’t feel the baby in my canal. It felt like my body was pushing against a closed door. I knew this was very bad and every alarm bell in my body was going off, saying I needed help. I told dh, “Something’s wrong. We have to go – we have to go NOW – call 911!”

The ambulance was pulling into the driveway literally 60 seconds after he made the call, (there’s a fire station 200 yards from our house) and suddenly there were 4 medics in my bathroom and me sitting on the toilet in my bloody night gown in AGONY! They gave me oxygen, and realized I was already pushing and they all yelled, “DON’T PUSH DON’T PUSH!” and I said, “Stop yelling at me!” They couldn’t get me down the stairs on a stretcher so they tried this chair device which didn’t work because it was too painful, so this medic carried all 170 pounds of me in his arms down the stairs, and he was very patient to wait the seconds between ctxs/pushes to do it.

At the hospital, a nurse checked me and said I was 7.5 cm, but my body wouldn’t stop pushing. My OB’s CNMW, Sue, arrived 30 minutes later - she was not pleased when she realized they hadn’t seen me since 24 weeks. She checked me and I was 9 cm with unbelievable swelling in my vulva and perineum, and a very swollen lip of cervix. Meanwhile, I was still dying from the back labor. I asked what my options were for pain, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to push this baby out with that electrical feeling. I got an epidural. I tell you what, that epidural was my best friend at that moment. It killed the back labor, but not the feeling of contractions, just dulled them a bit. Sue said she didn’t think it would be possible for the massive swelling to go down. Sue said she would let me rest for 30 minutes then we would have to discuss “options.” I knew that meant “c-section.” Just then, our priest arrived and gave me a blessing. When Sue came back, ALL the swelling was gone and she said it was a miracle – I think the blessing did it. I was complete and could start pushing. However, my epidural had been turned up, and now I felt NOTHING. After two hours of feeling ALL pushing, I was like, “Push WHAT?” so they turned off the epidural. They had me on my back, in the C position holding my legs up and I tried to THINK “push!”

I ended up pushing for three hours – mostly on my back, sometimes on my side. He wouldn’t come down. The whole time Sue kept saying, “Wow, the baby looks great, he’s tolerating this really well!” On the monitor his heart rate was always 135, 140, 125, etc. It took forever for me to crown, he was at the entrance of my vagina and wouldn’t budge. I was totally feeling again, and I had an instinct to turn on all fours, but Sue wouldn’t let me. Finally, he crowned and in the mirror they had set up I saw Sue reach up with scissors in her hand, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, “No!!! Sue, PLEASE don’t cut me!!!” And she yelled, “Then you better get this baby out on the next push!” And I said, “He’s coming NOW!!!” And I pushed with all my might through all the pain. He came out to his ears, and on the next contraction seconds later, Sue grabbed his head with her right hand and pulled, and pressed down on my belly with her left hand, and he came flying out all at once. It was so violent, that move that she did.

Sue yelled, “I’ve got MEC!” and immediately cut the cord and Alex was totally limp like a rag doll. It was the most terrifying sight. She yelled for NICU, and took him to the other table and started rubbing his chest and waving oxygen under his nose. My dh held my hand and we prayed the Hail Mary over and over while they tried to get him to breathe. Five minutes later, the NICU team arrived and continued working on him, and he started to pink up. His Apgars were 1/1/7. They took him away to NICU, and my husband broke down sobbing at my bedside.

I tore a little – a first degree labial tear, and a small vaginal tear, and got about 3-4 sutures. We went to NICU an hour later, and I got to hold my son. He had an IV in his head where they were giving him some fluids, but he was breathing room air. They kept him there for two days. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I shook violently on and off for two days. The neonatologist wouldn’t let me put him to my breast, even though my milk had not come in, and they said he couldn’t eat anything for 48 hours. This made my lactation consultant very angry, since she knew it would help baby and me. She said docs make her job very difficult. Meanwhile, I had been chastised privately by my midwife and the resident neonatologist for what I had done – i.e. trying to have him at home alone. All the guilt was laid squarely at my feet. My LC asked if it was true what I had done. I really had a good sense of her, so I told her my story. Turns out she is an advocate of homebirth, and she was the only one who applauded me for trying, even though it didn’t work out. She said, “Good grief, you didn’t have a homebirth – you had a home labor!”

NICU sent him to the next nursery down, not the general one, for another four days, before he was released. My milk came in on day three, so he only got 1 day of formula, and then I put him to the breast on day five. He nursed like a champ! I refused silver nitrate eye ointment in Alex’s eyes at birth, and refused vaccinations (had to say that one more than once) and circumcision. He was kept there about two days too long, and we think they were being overly cautious as there was literally nothing wrong with our son. Every check or test was negative, and he was 100% healthy. Overall, though, all the nurses were wonderful and gave us great care.

My midwife did a good job, I think, given that I didn’t make her job very easy by “surprising” her the way I did. I would never attempt a UC again because of the type of labor I had. I would want a midwife there to help me through it, if I had such a tough labor again, since my dh is really not equipped to be a good labor partner, though he tried. And I would not want to be at home with a baby coming out looking the way Alex did. Maybe next time I will do it at a birth center, I don’t know. I have a lot of conflicted feelings about this right now. My husband was angry initially, and blamed me a little too. But he apologized, and he doesn’t fault me for having tried.

I totally cannot relate at this point to women who describe puttering around the house, etc. through labor, or kissing their husband, or having a pleasurable birth since mine was so intense and hard. It's just unimaginable. Sorry this was so long. Thanks for listening…
post #196 of 201
Andrea, I'm perplexed. It seems to me that all the replies here have been sympathetic. What are you meaning to convey that we're not getting? I'm sorry you're not feeling supported.

Stacy, I'm glad you posted your story here. I replied on our due date board, but would be happy to talk more about it here, or even by PM if you'd rather. I totally support your decision to transfer, but it's hard to read the hospital part, it really seems like they could have handled things better. I do have a question -- do you know what prompted the midwife to go into emergency mode when he crowned?
post #197 of 201
StacyL~ I'm sorry that your planned UC turned out the way it did. It's good that you were able to birth vaginally, at least..... and that your babe is healthy.

You said:I would like to hear any comments, since it may help me to process this.

well, stacy, I looked up swelling in my "Heal your body" book by Louise Hay, which I don't neccessarily think of as totally true, but is one persons interpretation of mental causes of physical problems.... and the author believes that swelling is caused by "Being stuck in thinking, and clogged painful ideas"... Do you think that that could have a relation to why your labour progressed the way it did?

I'm only trying to help you in digesting what happened and why, as that is how I deal with my issues. I believe that there is a reason for any physical "problem". But of course there is exceptions to everything, and having your first baby *is* usually quite "intense".

My first DD did not come out of me without me screaming and yelling (most painful for me was the dilation of the cervix ) I was in so much pain I don't think I recovered for *months*... I was in so much pain, I reached a point where I was willing to die. Torturous and excrusiating, but when I saw my baby buddah, I was so amazed... all that for this little person!! And she came out of me! Before I had her, I thought "birth-shmirth", it's going to be easy as PIE.... HAHAHA, thought everything else (my body, the baby, maybe a higher power). So before I had my second DD, I was prepared for that again, fearing the worst, and she was born "like butter", as BV once said. :

Hopefully if and when you have your second child, it will go a lot more smoothly. And hopefully you will get a peaceful homebirth that you deserve.

It's really too bad about how the states make people pay for their doctors and MW's... I have never paid a penny for any doctor or MW I have seen here in Canada. It really puts you in a weird position if you don't have the funds to pay for a good MW if you really want one.

Do a lot of you in the states have UC's partly because of the cost of "hiring" a doc or MW?
post #198 of 201
I have never paid a penny for any doctor or MW I have seen here in Canada. It really puts you in a weird position if you don't have the funds to pay for a good MW if you really want one.
I think that only Ontairo fully funds midwifes, and maybe BC? And I know that in YK, NV and NT you cant get one at all.

Andrea, I'm perplexed. It seems to me that all the replies here have been sympathetic. What are you meaning to convey that we're not getting? I'm sorry you're not feeling supported.
I just often see that people miss my point and never really feel where I am comming from. IRL I have an unnaturally strong ability to read people and it frustrates me to no end that I am unable to do it over the internet. Despite our problems, this is one of the main reasons why I feel that dh and I are soulmates. He "gets" me and I "get" him, while it seems that we are not on the same wavelength as the rest of the world. We have no friends :LOL (seriously...) It is a lonely yet empowering feeling.... I often wonder why I am so different than everybody but feel it must be for a reason...
Ive tried to re-explain it a few times it and just cant do it so... I will stop blabbing and frustrating myself, I cant get the words to do what Id like them to do.
post #199 of 201
Well thank you for correcting me, andrea. I did know that people in other provinces had to pay for MW's, but totally forgot about it. i'm in B.C., and I didn't have to pay for my MW. So I guess it's just bc, and ontario that don't have to pay for MW's, not all of canada.
post #200 of 201
StacyL ~ i am so sorry that happened to you! but, i'm glad it turned out ok.


do you have any idea what caused the swelling? i've never heard of that happening! have you seen a doctor??

although, w/ my first baby, i had never heard of a "normal" vaginal birth leading to so much swelling the mama is unable to urinate afterward ~ and it happened to me.
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