UC thread #9...Sept. '04 - Page 3

[mellie-bellie]

Keeping birth plans a secret

I haven't told too many people my birth plans, but from time to time someone will ask, and I catch myself everso casually talking about having a UC, as if everyone does it and it's widely accepted. Usually after I "spill the beans", I have this weird thing happen where I feel like, "oh no, I just told them a juicy secret that no one is supposed to know". I'm often met with weird looks and tons of questions. Most of the time I'm offguard and feel like I'm being put on trial for my choices, and then I get all defensive and usually mention how I have have 2 successful homebirths with a midwife and this time I'm in another state and can't find a supportive midwife so I'm doing it by myself...this usually ends the conversation. Truth is, I had this UC planned before I even conceived, but I don't tell people cuz they'd think I was outright nuts...but I guess if they factor in the fact that it's either go to the hospital or do it myself, that then my choice for UC is justified. There's also a hospital 2 miles away, so I guess this eases questioner's fears.

Last weekend my aunt stopped over and was talking about my birth plans. I used to live with this woman for a few months when dc #1 was a baby, and she just about cringed at my lifestyle choices (homebirth, child-led weaning, family bed, veganism, etc.). She asks how I'm doing and if I've found a midwife. Basically I sold her the story of not being able to find a supportive homebirth midwife so I'm just gonna do it myself. This news probably threw her in a whirl, but thankfully she didn't start on me about all normal fears surrounding the act of giving birth (i.e. needing medical assistence to do it). Well anyways, just a few days ago I had a yucky nightmare about her yelling at me for my choice to UC. I had actually dreaded seeing her while I was pregnant, since I just *knew* she'd have something stupid to say. Anyway, thankfully she didn't take the conversation too far, cuz that last thing I need is extended-family-induced stress.

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Like a lot of you mamas, I'm busy awaiting these last few days/weeks of pregnancy...I'm so axious to get this labor started and to finally meet this baby. Tonite I burned some sage and was busy painting my belly cast. Baby was happy right along with me cuz my belly was be-boppin' all over

[3_opihi]

But my favorite thing to read was anything by Jeannine Parvati Baker. mostly her articles. here: www.freestone.org or www.birthkeeper.com

Ahhh...Hygeiea. (sorry if I spelled it wrong. i'll never get it right) I love that book. Prenatal yoga was one of the first books about pregnancy I ever read, and it was such a catalyst in me wanting to have natural births. I've been eyeing the Laura Shanley book, so I think I'm gonna check that one out. Thanks!

[Aura_Kitten]

for the interested ~

i just updated my birth story ~ fixing grammatical errors / typos / etc., and also editing the colors a bit. i feel that it totally reflects the essence of the birth experience...

just wanted to share.

blessings all ~

[Dandylion]

Hey everyone. I wanted to thank you all for responding to me. I wanted to let you know also that I am feeling much much better today. Much more calm, much more sure of myself.



It helps to know that there are other moms out there who have and are choosing this same path. It also helps to just relax and breathe and perhaps give my panic some time to dissipate on its own. If it happens again, I don't think I'll be as receptive to any unwarranted fear or worry. Thanks again.

[cottonwood]

Dandylion, what really helped me to be sure of my choice was to allow myself to *not* make that choice. That freedom allowed me to look at the situation more clearly in the moment, without the influence of dogmatic "should's" and "shouldn't's". I think that letting go of yours' and others' expectations/demands really helps get rid of a lot of anxiety over whether something is the right choice.

[TRIBE]

Originally Posted by rainbowmoon

I have been wondering about this for awhile..do you mamas think it's necessary to listen to fetal heart tones during a UC labor/birth? I feel like the nurse doing this at the birth center for my last birth every 15 min inhibited me greatly so want to avoid it I think. but then i also think I would like to also know how baby is doing maybe? I am torn I guess, and would like to hear about other's experiences with this.

I didn't listen to FHT during my UC labor/delivery. I felt intune enough and trusted everything enough that if something were happening I would know it. I did check for it during the pregnancy. Another reason for not checking during labor is I didn't feel comfortable being able to judge was a good heart rate during a contraction or not and did not want to worry.

[laurashanley]

Hi everyone,
Just stopped in for a minute to say hello. I've been so busy the past few months I haven't had time for birth work (or birth play, chatter, etc.). I've just read the last few pages and wanted to say thanks for the nice comments about my book! Regarding dealing with non-supportive parents, anyone who read my book knows this was a major issue for me. Much more difficult actually than the births themselves. But I stood my ground and didn't give into their fears. It's really an ongoing process, even after all these years.

Here's something that happened the other day that totally surprised me. My kids are now 26, 24, almost 22, and 17. For the most part they've been very healthy, so we haven't had to deal with the whole doctor dilemma (parents encouraging me to take them to docs, me not wanting to do it). But the other day my dad calls and asks if he can talk to my kids about getting vaccinated! I thought that issue had been put to rest 25 years ago! But he heard something on NPR about some epidemic and now he's scared. I told him my kids are adults and he can do what he wants. I would be very surprised if my kids gave into his fears.

Best of luck to all the preggos, and I'll try to stop in more often!
Laura

[StacyL]

How funny, we were just discussing on another thread that, besides the health issues for not vaccinating, that most women are not aware that a majority of vaccines are prepared from a medium made of aborted fetal tissue cell lines. A lot of Moms wrote in saying they stopped vaxing their kids when they learned this shocking piece of info.

[sprinkle pocket]

i haven't been around for a week or so, lots to catch up on and read! this is so great.

as for the one book to recommend, i would recommend laura shanley's. it's possible that after reading one uc book, you'll be inspired to read others. i also like the other uc books out there, but if i had to pick one, that'd be the one.

as for my friend that uc'd with placenta previa, i think she was up/uc, so didn't find out until the birth. i can try and find out more info for you (sorry, i can't remember who asked). i haven't seen her in a number of months, and now live in a different place. i hear she's kind of abandoned her family in favor of becoming a kung-fu master or something...
i do know that she smoked lots, and i mean, lots, of pot and was just reading the other day that this contributes to plac. prev. i'll ask her old neighbor who i'm closer to and who's closer to her and see what other details i can get.

klothos~ thanks for posting your birth story. amazing! you did such a good job painting the picture of it. i think you posted it a while back, but i wasn't in a place to read it, so it was good timing for me that you put up the new version of it. how's the mothering article developing? still so glad you're doing it!

blueviolet~ good luck at mana! i wish i could hear your presentation, too. i've been wanting to get back up to oregon...but won't for a while.

mamajaza, indigolilybear and other past uc'ers~i'm so glad that those of you that have btdt, esp. recently, are staying around to offer your wisdom.

as for dealing with family and the up/uc issure, it is a big one. we've talked about telling people that we're not discussing our prenatal/birthing plans since everyone has differing opinions about it and we don't want to get into it. but last night dh and i were talking about it and dh said he'd say we're not doing ultrasound, etc b/c it's not safe/accurate, etc. so he may have more energy to deal with it than i do...but i think he needs to read more on his own rather than just listening to me before he goes on up/uc activist route!

welcome to all the new mama's!
is the uc thread ever going to become a sub-forum? does anyone know how this can happen? can we chime in on the 'suggestions' thread? maybe if enough of us chime?? i don't know how this works.

as for me, there's *lots* of twin vibes around me these days. i'm growing pretty rapidly, but i know every woman has her own rhythm...dh actually asked last night how common/possible it is to have *triplets* naturally. i was like, don't even start that one! since before conception, it's been an intuitive toss-up for all of us between a girl and twins...watch it be a boy that likes to play jokes and fool people!

i'm playing with the idea of having fake midwifery plans laid with a friend who's a uc-supportive midwife 4 1/2 hrs away. so if anything hits the fan down the road, we can say we had plans to have an assisted birth, we just didn't call in time, oops. the main concern i'm having is that we live in the woods with no indoor plumbing in like 200 sq ft of a camper, limited solar power if it's sunny (usually is), little heat, don't use the allopathic medical model of care at all, and just reek of what cps loves to swarm around. i know i have fears around this and want to look at them and come to peace with them. we have plans to build a strawbale home, but definitely won't even start before the babe arrives at the end of march b/c of other projects on the land.

[Evergreen]

Does anyone else feel kind of awed when Laura S. stops by this thread, like they're talking to a celebrity or something? I'm sure she would hate that, but I'm a dork!:LOL

[Aura_Kitten]

i feel that way too.

of course, i also got all... squiggly... when Thanos from Minimalist Stick Figure Theatre stopped by my LiveJournal. :LOL (http://www.paranoiddreams.com/)

[firecat]

a prenatal question

ok , so I 'm not pregnant yet and I 'm not planning to be for a while, but I am totally sold on the idea of UP/UC. I have a question about prenatal vitamins though, do you all take them or just watch your diet to make sure you get the folic acid, calcium, etc. that you need. I have never been able to take vitamins on regular basis, so that's why I'm asking.
I want to say I just love reading the UC threads and I think all you ladies are great! tia
I loved your birth story klothos, especially with the changes you made and that picture is just beautiful!!

[TRIBE]

Originally Posted by Evergreen

Does anyone else feel kind of awed when Laura S. stops by this thread, like they're talking to a celebrity or something? I'm sure she would hate that, but I'm a dork!:LOL

Yup lol, same thing when she posts over on cbirth. She is a celebrity to us after all

[TRIBE]

Originally Posted by firecat

ok , so I 'm not pregnant yet and I 'm not planning to be for a while, but I am totally sold on the idea of UP/UC. I have a question about prenatal vitamins though, do you all take them or just watch your diet to make sure you get the folic acid, calcium, etc. that you need. I have never been able to take vitamins on regular basis, so that's why I'm asking.
I want to say I just love reading the UC threads and I think all you ladies are great! tia
I loved your birth story klothos, especially with the changes you made and that picture is just beautiful!!

With my last pg I watched my diet closely and made up my own variety of vitamins that I needed based on my diet. My main ones were Omega's, floradix for iron, calcium, B & E vitamins. I don't think i took folic acid but i was drinking a lot of OJ with my floradix so I dont think I worried too much.

This time I am taking a prenatal b/c I had so much nausea that the thought of taking all of those pills made me gag. And floradix being slightly sweet really made me gag as I had some sweet aversions earlier on.

[laurashanley]

Evergreen - I'm actually flattered. I don't think you're a dork at all.
Laura

[Telepathy]

I just wanted to tell all you mamas that listening to our baby's heartbeat with the fetoscope every night is one the best experiences of my life. As a future dad, it has allowed me to feel so connected to this baby. I feel that by the time the baby is born, we will already have an established relationship that is all ours. Not getting "introduced" to each other by a Dr. or a nurse.

Since men can't feel what the expecting mother feels, it is easy for us to kind of be "left out" of the experience and I think this perpetuates the notion that pregnancy and child birth are a "women thing", which spills into raising children becoming a "women thing" too. In my case, I've felt like such a big part of the process, because we both want it. I think that having the UC has "forced" (not that it was really forced at all) me to become as involved and educated as possible and I have to say that it is giving me the most awesome side benefit of really connecting me with this baby and making our little family so much more closer and stronger.

I get to play with my yet-to-be-born baby almost every day. We play "tag, you're it"! I'll be playing around with the fetoscope and the baby will find it and give it a good kick or punch. I'll move it and the baby will find it again. How many dads do you hear that get to play with their babies before they are born?! Whatever your answer is, it should be a lot more.

[Aura_Kitten]

my partner always loved putting his ear to my belly and listening to our little ones.

eta ~ a couple weeks before Elyssa was born, he checked my dilation (i was dilated to about 3 cm for weeks before her birth), and he was able to feel her head moving under his fingertip, inside the amniotic sac. he said that was one of the most awesome experiences of his life.

[cottonwood]

Ony wrote: "I think that having the UC has "forced" (not that it was really forced at all) me to become as involved and educated as possible and I have to say that it is giving me the most awesome side benefit of really connecting me with this baby and making our little family so much more closer and stronger. [...] I feel that by the time the baby is born, we will already have an established relationship that is all ours. Not getting "introduced" to each other by a Dr. or a nurse.

I love that. s Thanks for writing it!

[Lula's Mom]

I love what you said too. And to think that English isn't even your first language!

[sprinkle pocket]

firecat~for prenatal vitamins, i definitely prefer eating food over vitamins, so i eat a good variety of simple organic foods. however, i use a form of, well, i don't know what to call it--self-checking?, it's along the same lines as muscle testing, but i use my chakras (since muscles get tired of testing and chakras just keep on spinning) to check if i need the vitamins. i have rainbow light and new chapter prenatals and they seem to offer different things to my body/babe. so i check which if either/both i should take and how many. it tends to be different everyday, but never has it indicated that i needed a full dose of either. i can only guess that it's because their nutrients are so accessible to my body, being food-based and with probiotics included in them, coupled with my other intake (food, nutritive/herbal teas, etc) that i don't need a full dose? don't really know. anyway, that's what i do. hth

i too enjoyed this thread before conceiving and gained quite a bit, so i could start from the beginning, rather than trying to learn once i was pregnant.