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My kid is the dumb one...tell me I am being silly.

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
So DS goes to an afternoon preschool which he started this past summer. At first he was put in the red group, which is mainly for 3yo. He's 4, but I didn't really care as it was his first school experience. This fall he graduated to blue group for 4yo (and was looking forward to green group in the spring, which is 4yo entering K in the fall). Well, there is this holy terror in the blue group with him who cannot stop pinching him and DS will defend himself. It was making the teachers' jobs harder so they split him up--by putting DS back in the red group. When he walked in and saw his nametag no longer had a blue sticker on it, he was upset. He's not harping on it, but he mentions it everytime he puts his nametag on or takes it off.

I trust his main teacher when she says he does better in the red group. My sisters and I always played with younger children growing up (and dated younger men--dh is 3.5 years my junior). Still, I can't help feeling that DS is the "dumber" of the two and that's why he was put back.

They've promised to put him in green group this spring but I assume Holy Terror will be going with him. Yesterday DS went to the board to get his nametag and HT chased him away by pinching him repeatedly, while HT's AP mom did nothing. I told HT that DS needed to get his tag and to stop pinching him and she dragged HT away, but I got the impression she was upset with me. Hello?!? Am I supposed to let your kid pinch mine?

She is the only other AP parent in DS' age group, too.
post #2 of 9
She doesn't sound AP to me if she doesn't correct her child. AP does not mean permissive. Is HT older than your child? Perhaps that is why they moved your DS. Also, HT's mother may be a HT herself.
post #3 of 9
Thread Starter 
Physically, they appear to be the same age. Both DS and HT are slated for K in the fall. The mom is the crunchiest person I've met in this small town (frugal living, used wool soakers for all of her babies [going back 10 years or so], etc.). She lets her son make many choices (like yesterday he showed up for school in black stretch pants that were, um, very clingy), but I think she wavers between punishment and permissiveness. I've only seen her discipline twice (well once was the non-disciplining yesterday) and they were extreme. I don't know her that well and am probably making too many assumptions. It's just hard for me to see a child being so mean to mine. I know HT has been at the school longer and his seniority in that way may sway the balance.
post #4 of 9
Putting your ds back down to the red group b/c the teachers can't do their job is completely inappropriate. They need to make a safe learning environment for all students and allowing the pinching is not a safe learning environment.

So, if 2 kids in the 2nd grade don't get along, one will get moved back to 1st? No way. I would talk to the teacher or administrator and let them know they need to find another way to handle the situation. If not, I would find another school for your ds.

If pinching kid can't be taught to not pinch, he should be removed completely from the school, not moved to another group.
post #5 of 9
Are you willing to ask your son's teacher about the group placement -- I mean like you did here, even using the word "dumb"? It's true that she may give you a non-answer or repeat what she already said, but it's also possible she has other thoughts she hasn't shared with you because she doesn't realize the direction your thoughts have taken. Sometimes people torture themselves needlessly because they interpret things differently than they are intended. A quick phone call (out of your son's hearing, of course) may do much to relieve you.

And I wouldn't worry too much about the other mother's reaction. Protecting your son is your primary duty. If the other boy's mother didn't react to stop her son's unacceptable behavior, you had no choice. Really, you didn't say anything harsh. You might want to organize your thoughts in case she confronts you about it, but you don't need to feel defensive.
post #6 of 9
I agree with the posters who said NO WAY! Go back to school, and tell the teachers that the solution to one kid pinching another is not to move one kid back! Esp not YOUR kid. Be a HT yourself.

What DO they expect to have happen is kindergarten? I'd ask, pointing out that MY kid would NOT be getting moved around, or abused, in any way.

Good luck, be tough!
post #7 of 9
I think a lot of good points have been made. I think I would highly question why the other child was being allowed to stay if he was a regular problem. Not knowing the overall situation, perhaps you know/understand that? The fact that he is being allowed to do this repeatedly would make me question whether I wanted my ds to remain in that preschool. Do you have other options?

That said, I don't think the choice to move you ds "down" was nec. a reflection of his intelligence. Most likely he was chosen b/c he was not a bully and not likely to hurt the other kids. They may have gone "down" instead of up b/c of rules about who can be in the about to go to K group? The situation actually reminds me of one we had at our church. My ds ended up not being moved, but we discussed moving him to the K class to get away from a child who was insistent on bullying him. (pretty hard at a church to permenantly kick him out, and the child w/ the issue had developmental issues, long story...) But, they couldn't b/c ds wasn't potty trained and they didn't want to bend the rules for fear everyone wanted to "move up" early. The teacher in the class below called and told me I was welcome to move him to her class b/c she knew he would be fine w/ the other kids and she'd make sure he had fun. In the end, we found satifactory solutions for keeping him in the same class. Anyway, just a thought on why your ds was chosen to move. I would still want to know why they chose to move someone instead of dealing w/ the issue. Your ds cannot be the only one he is bullying, he is probably just the only one reacting to it. 2
post #8 of 9
I think if your son was oblivious to the groups then it wouldn't matter. But he cares, and his movement to the blue group was very important to him. I would go in and discuss it and ask for alternative solutions. He shouldn't be "punished" (in his mind) for the other child's behavior. I also have never heard of this type of grouping in preschool. Is this a NAEYC accredited preschool? (nat'l assoc for educ. of young children)

post #9 of 9
Thread Starter 
Lauren, this preschool has the highest NAEYC certification, it's one of the reasons I placed him there.

Ds likes his friends in the red group, he really (we talked about this) is just sad that the sticker on his nametag is red instead of blue, because he likes blue better.

Still, I intend to be a vocal mama in the PS systems, so I'd better start now by asking what exactly is going on with him and HT.

Sorry it took so long for me to get back to this--thank you everyone for your concern and your ideas!
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