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Poll: When is it ok for you to mother-lead wean? - Page 3

Poll Results: when is it ok to mother-lead wean?

 
  • 15% (35)
    at anytime that the mother wants to wean (from birth on)
  • 32% (73)
    from 12 months on
  • 36% (81)
    from 24 months on
  • 5% (12)
    from 3 years on
  • 4% (10)
    from 4 years on
  • 4% (11)
    never, it's not ok to mother-lead wean
222 Total Votes  
post #41 of 145
9/14/04 at 12:07pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperMandy
I unfortunatly weaned my ds at 5 months because he didn't care either way (he just wanted to eat, he didn't care how it got to his mouth as long as it happened quickly) and everyone in my life was asking me "When are you going to switch?" "How long do you think you will do that?" and the one that replayed in my head every time I fed him "I'd just want my body back" I regret it now but it is too late and he is thriving.
well, there is a chance at relactation, if you are serious about it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperMandy
What I don't understand is why are formula feeding moms told to wean thier kids by 1 year...
moms who use artificial milk are usually advised to stop using bottles at around a year by their peds etc, because there can be dental consequences etc connecteed with long-term artificial nipple use.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperMandy
Can bf babies not get the ear infections and dental problems associated with long term bottle feeding?
it is not as likely. when a child is nursing, the movements required to do so usually strengthen the jaw, thereby improving the likelihood that said child will not need orthodontia as often as their artificially-fed counterparts, also is believed to have something to do with the increased numbers of kids in speech therapy in comparison.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperMandy
How is comfort nursing different from using a paci? I wouldn't let my children use a paci until they were in school.
*vastly* different. when they are comfort nursing, they are still getting antibodies, fats, proteins, carbohydrates etc, all while being comforted by a human touch at the same time. a paci is strictly sucking. nothing else. also, pacis can get worn out, leading to *possible* choking. (yes, most moms check them pretty frequently, but it has happened...)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperMandy
I have been misinformed, but true to what the posts say, I do not feel looked down on by other moms for my decision. I definately would have done it differently had I found these boards a couple months ago, but that's life. I have to move on and make the best decisions I can from here on out.

what would you like to do differently? maybe we can help

one of my fave quotes is by maya angelou "i did then what i knew to do, when you know better, you do better"

what can we help you know better mama?
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post #42 of 145
9/14/04 at 12:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by playdoh
Pregnancy seems to play a huge part in mother led weaning, most times. So are you asking when is it okay for mom to get pregnant? There are no guarantees whatsoever that her nursling will continue when the milk supply goes low, it's painful for mom, etc.

Should moms wait 2 years or 3 or 4 to get pregnant with #2 so as not to jeapordize the nursing relationship?


right, not all kiddos will continue to nurse while mom is pg. i have a *very* sensitive supply, and my milk decreased rather quickly after i got pg. ds weaned himself (then picked back 8up once dd got here, lol)

in my situation i would say yes, i won't purposely plan to get pg while the nursling is still a baby, partially because of the baby's NEED for human milk, but also because of other issues with my own self and natural child spacing etc... so i at least partially answered you q, even while rambling on...
post #43 of 145
9/14/04 at 12:37pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astoria
I'm extremely committed to the idea that women should not feel forced to do things with their bodies that make them unhappy or uncomfortable.
but, then why even bother having children? I find it very selfish if a mother that chooses to get pregnant and have kids, but then chooses the easy way out, knowing she can be potentially harming her child, and doesn't breastfeed. If a woman doesn't want to be uncomfortable and unhappy, then don't get pregnant, the swollen feet and heartburn justify aborting the child, then, because it's too uncomfortable? so then, yeah, the mother "doesn't like" the feelings she has being pregnant, the heartburn, pains and aches, so then she can go ahead and terminate the pregnancy because HER body is so important, who cares about a poor innocent baby.

I think once we become mothers, we are no longer #1. and it's clear, if my child is #1, and I have 2 things on the line, breastfeeding or me feeling good about MY body, I will choose what comes first, my children. when was having children all about me?
post #44 of 145
9/14/04 at 12:38pm
Thread Starter 
Supermandy- you can relactate if you want! If you are interested, you'll find TONS OF HELP AND SUPPORT in the support and advocacy forum, just ask for help there or PM me!
post #45 of 145
9/14/04 at 1:27pm
I think its OK for a mom to wean when she starts to resent the nursing relationship whenever that is. I voted 12 months because I think babies really need bm at least that long. For me, we have been nursing almost 26 months now, and its getting old. I have cut back nursing because I was starting to resent dd and those old cow feelings. I think it is most important for a child to have a loving mother who doesn't feel stressed about how she is feeding her child one way or the other.
post #46 of 145
9/14/04 at 2:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
but, then why even bother having children? I find it very selfish if a mother that chooses to get pregnant and have kids, but then chooses the easy way out, knowing she can be potentially harming her child, and doesn't breastfeed. If a woman doesn't want to be uncomfortable and unhappy, then don't get pregnant, the swollen feet and heartburn justify aborting the child, then, because it's too uncomfortable? so then, yeah, the mother "doesn't like" the feelings she has being pregnant, the heartburn, pains and aches, so then she can go ahead and terminate the pregnancy because HER body is so important, who cares about a poor innocent baby.

I think once we become mothers, we are no longer #1. and it's clear, if my child is #1, and I have 2 things on the line, breastfeeding or me feeling good about MY body, I will choose what comes first, my children. when was having children all about me?
I don't think anyone here is saying that breastfeeding is all about the mother. What IS being said is that a mother needs to feel comfortable with the nursing relationship and that it would not be good to continue it if there was some kind of resentment/discomfort on the part of the mother that she was unable to overcome.

I believe you said in a PP that you weren't comfortable with nursing your DS past 6. The same thing you are stating above could be applied to you at that point- that it shouldn't be about you and your comfort, only your DS and if wants to keep going you should. Everyone has a different level of comfort and unfortunately some woman's bring them to wean very early.

One positive thing that I have taken from this thread is that clearly the risks of not breastfeeding to 12-24 months needs to be ingrained in woman so that they will WANT to overcome their personal discomfort and continue to avoid giving their babies the risky alternatives.
post #47 of 145
9/14/04 at 2:53pm
I've thought about trying to rebuild my milk supply. I'm afraid of it though. I'm afraid of my family thinking I'm crazy. I know I should only think about me and my baby but realisticly that won't happen. They weren't even supportive of "normal" bf...this would be way out of their comfort zone.

I'm afraid it will be beyond hard and turn into frustration for me and ds. I've also gone on birth control that dries up milk. I'm totally willing to come off of it but has it done perminant damage to my milk, will my milk be contaminated and for how long...

I prob. don't belong on this thread anymore

Thank you, though, for answering my questions and for support. I think it's amazing I get more understanding from internet strangers then the people in my life.
post #48 of 145
9/14/04 at 6:09pm
I personally want to bf my babies til the age of 2. I would not be comfortable with weaning earlier. I don't like the idea of viewing the weaning process after 2 as either totally led by the mama or the toddler, I just can't see it as something a parent does to a child or waits for the child to do themself. It seems more like an ebb and flow in the relationship as it goes on. I already see it with my ds at 21 months. I don't totally surrender to his every whim without taking my needs into consideration, and I don't subject him to my needs without considering his. It's a balance, and I couldn't prescribe the exact balance we reach to anyone else, it wouldn't be likely to fit.
post #49 of 145
9/14/04 at 6:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperMandy
Can bf babies not get the ear infections and dental problems associated with long term bottle feeding? How is comfort nursing different from using a paci?
Long-term breastfeeding is not associated with ear infections or dental problems the way bottle feeding is. A breast is what is meant to be in a child's mouth, and it is healthy. A pacifier is an unnatural breast substitute and it is not necessarily healthy.
post #50 of 145
9/14/04 at 6:25pm
Velcromom, yay, exactly what I was thinking. Motherhood is about finding your personal balance. For the past five years, Ive given myself completely to my children and that felt right, but now it's about finding some mommy time, some outside interests, some other reasons for being alive, although I adore my children, I am more than a mother. As far as bfeeding goes, I went to over 2 with both, but if a mommy has the feeling that this isnt right for her, that's ok. It's hard in the mainstream world to find the strength to buck the pressure, and the judgment. I just so completely believe in ebf that it wouldnt matter what anyone said, plus my family are supportive, but I could imagine for some women it's different. I mean, dont we all have our insecure places-maybe yours is not bfeeding long enuff? Imagine the insecurity of a woman who for example doesnt nurse because of "booby damage". Isnt that just sad? I think so, I know my husband will love me no matter how far my boobs sag, but for some women, they just dont have that, and they care alot about it. It's too bad that our society doesnt promote sagging boobies as the ideal! The goal--to sag as low as they can.
post #51 of 145
9/14/04 at 6:26pm
Oh, there are THREE pages in this thread...
post #52 of 145
9/14/04 at 7:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanie Mama
One positive thing that I have taken from this thread is that clearly the risks of not breastfeeding to 12-24 months needs to be ingrained in woman so that they will WANT to overcome their personal discomfort and continue to avoid giving their babies the risky alternatives.
I gotta say, I don’t think questioning whether women who don’t bf are fit to be parents at all (as loving-my-babies did above) is a step towards this goal! Support, guidance, and information are good advocacy tools; shaming, judgment, and hyperbole are not.
post #53 of 145
9/14/04 at 7:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaydeesac
Support, guidance, and information are good advocacy tools; shaming, judgment, and hyperbole are not.
Where did I do that?
post #54 of 145
9/14/04 at 8:04pm
I said anytime. I want to say 12 months on from a health standpoint, but I can't. In the same spirit that I believe people who don't want to have children shouldn't, I believe women who don't want to breastfeed shouldn't.

Sigh.
post #55 of 145
9/14/04 at 8:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by alie
It's too bad that our society doesnt promote sagging boobies as the ideal! The goal--to sag as low as they can.


i'm there baby! finally a goal i dont have to work towards acheiving, rofl



okay, sorry, back on topic
post #56 of 145
9/14/04 at 8:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
but, then why even bother having children? I find it very selfish if a mother that chooses to get pregnant and have kids, but then chooses the easy way out, knowing she can be potentially harming her child, and doesn't breastfeed. If a woman doesn't want to be uncomfortable and unhappy, then don't get pregnant, the swollen feet and heartburn justify aborting the child, then, because it's too uncomfortable? so then, yeah, the mother "doesn't like" the feelings she has being pregnant, the heartburn, pains and aches, so then she can go ahead and terminate the pregnancy because HER body is so important, who cares about a poor innocent baby.
Because having a child is less selfish than not having a child. Because breastfeeding at all is less selfish than never breastfeeding. Because the world is not black and white. Because the attitude of "Why bother if you're not going to be perfect" encourages people not to try.
post #57 of 145
9/14/04 at 9:34pm
Quote:
Because breastfeeding at all is less selfish than never breastfeeding. Because the world is not black and white. Because the attitude of "Why bother if you're not going to be perfect" encourages people not to try.
Except, for some people, breastfeeding is not something you try to do, but something you owe your child.

People talk about "trying" to breastfeed. You know, if it works out. No one (who has not had problems in the past) talks about "trying" to carry a baby to term. But statistically, you are more likely to have a premature baby than be physically unable to bfeed.

For me, it is about changing my view of bfeeding. It is not a gift I give to my child. No more than my womb is a gift, no more than the love in my heart, the food on my table, the clothes on their backs. I *owe* my children those things because I chose to bring them into the word. Sure, some people will not be able to provide those things, or provide them all the time, or provide them in the way that is "the best" but that doesn't change what the *base* expectations should be.
post #58 of 145
9/14/04 at 9:36pm
I did just want to clarify:

I do not think that any woman should choose to not have children based on not being able to bfeed them. (any individual is, of course, free to make that decision, but I do not support forcing that decision)
post #59 of 145
9/14/04 at 9:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiredX2
People talk about "trying" to breastfeed. You know, if it works out. No one (who has not had problems in the past) talks about "trying" to carry a baby to term. But statistically, you are more likely to have a premature baby than be physically unable to bfeed.
post #60 of 145
9/14/04 at 10:27pm

choice

I would much rather prefer to see a child self-wean, and a mom be able to breastfeed for as long as possible...BUT

I have to take into account that everyone's experience differs. My personal experience of BF was very hard. I went into it very gung ho, very...militant, almost. I refused to buy bottles or have formula in the house (turns out I did end up having a tiny can from the childbirth educator, good thing b/c my newborn DS refused to nurse when we got home from the hospt...long story) anyway, I say all this to illustrate that I was convinced I was going to BF no matter what. I didn't really think I'd have a problem....I have always been a very goal-oriented person, used to achieving them, and I just didn't consider that I might have trouble. I would say at that point I was somewhat judgemental about FF and people who didn't want to BF.

Hah. How funny life is at slapping us around and making us a bit more humble. I have since learned not to judge like that. I still feel that everyone should at least try. But if the BF relationship is not working...if baby is hungry and miserable, mama is tired and miserable...to the point where it is misery for both--I think it is a personal decision to decide to wean. And of course some people do have medical issues.

In my case, my son weaned easily, in fact he preferred the bottle immediately and became a much calmer and happier baby. Heck I don't blame him, he had such a latch problem that he rarely got enough to eat from the breast, and this boy was hungry from the get go. (He more than tripled his birthweight by age 1 and at 18 months is 36 inches high and weighs 30.4 lbs!!!. That is not to say I am happy that he ended up being primarily FF (I did pump for awhile). But in our case our relationship and bond was greatly helped by NOT BF, as odd as that sounds. I had a good supply (bolstered by pumping round the clock) but we just could not get that latch issue solved. I worked with LL..they were great. But it wasn't working. And it wasn't that I resented him...I think he was beginning to resent me! Like, why does she keep stuffing this boob in my mouth when I can't get any food!!?

Not all BF problems result from maternal discomfort, pain, emotional resistance to it..Sometimes baby really has trouble and getting past that can be hard, very hard. I have to say in the end I decided to give it up because I didn't see how my poor crying, hungry screaming boy was benefiting (other than from the medical benefits of the milk itself) His emotional difficulty with the learning process was such that I just decided I couldn't go on. I know it sounds incredible, all babies are born to suck unless they have a real medical problem, and he could suck from a bottle but why not from me? I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever know. The LL lady suggested maybe the nurses in the hosp. were too rough positioning him because he wouldn't let us ever touch his neck without screaming. I don't know. he also had reflux that didn't improve til he went on Zantac. Maybe it was a combination.

So.... I guess I have to say mother-led is okay, BUT I would hope that the needs of the baby would be taken into account. I think if DS had really resisted the bottle or shown signs of even more distress, I would have struggled on (despite the PPD I was developing and the utter and complete lack of sleep, and his own displeasure with it.) I would hope that if a mom decided to wean, it would be done very carefully and for really good reasons....not on a whim or because it's inconvenient. But again, I must say, I just don't judge anymore...who knows what someone's issues are and what they say publicly may not be what is really going on.

I do wish there was more support in this country for BF. I think a lot of people still view it as somewhat "out there" and unnecessary, which is sad.

Whew this turned out to be long. I guess everytime I write or talk about it, it is like therapy for me.
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