First few days tandem nursing - how to deal with jealousy? - Page 2

[teachermom]

You're doing great! It's o.k. for her to learn to sleep at night. Sounds like you are handeling it in a loving way. I'm glad that things are slowly getting better.

[Britishmum]

Thanks mamas!

Things are slowly improving. Dd actually chose to eat her pasta and cheese (her favourite, we are having a lot of her favourites at the moment) rather than nursing when I was feeding the baby this afternoon - yeah!

Nights are still challenging, although I have found that if I'm not in the bed for part of the night, she sleeps better and doesnt insist on nursing so much. So I'm doing a lot of the night in the rocking chair with the baby, hoping that we'll break the habit of waking to nurse more easily that way. Not good for my sleep, but better for my sanity!

I also read some mothers' accounts of the sadness of finally weaning on the links you posted, which reminded me why I chose to do this. I think if I can get the number of nursings back under control I can start to enjoy the nursing relationship with her again.

[Britishmum]

Well, we've been tandem nursing for four weeks now! I'm proud to be doing it, but it is still not easy. (Sigh)

The jealousy is diminishing daily. During the day, Dd now tells me that she will nurse 'as soon as the baby is finished' but usually loses interest when the baby is done. Nights are still more difficult, but we have got down to one waking to nurse and then the early morning session.

The problems arise when she wakes at the same time as I'm nursing the baby. I tell her that she has to wait, but she breaks her heart and I feel terrible. It's like she can't cope with it when she's sleepy and at her most vulnerable. I guess eventually she'll come to terms with waiting but it's hard hearing her so upset.

I'm also finding myself feeling less patient with her about the whole thing - somehow nursing her feels grating and uncomfortable, whereas the baby is fine, although when I analyse it, the baby has a worse latch than dd. I suppose it's just nature telling me which child should take priority.

I'm just feeling strange, thinking back to how anxious I was to not let her wean because I was pregnant, yet now having little patience with having her nurse. (not that I show it too much, I try to stay calm and nurturing, even though often I don't feel that way!)

Just venting, there are few people to talk to IRL about this!

[flminivanmama]

I think that - just like if you only had the baby - things will even out soon I find that the first 6-15 weeks of nursing are hard no matter what

you're doing great

[nancg]

I've just had time to skim, so I may be repeating suggestions, but here goes. I'm just starting too (3 yr old DD1 and 3 week old DD2). DD1 isn't reacting nearly as strongly as yours, but is jealous sometimes, despite my hopes (but better than my fears). Two things - when I can't stand to nurse 2 simultaneously for long (need to get up and eat myself, for example), I'll let DD1 pick a song or two and she nurses while I sing, which distracts me and gives her a token nursing (I'm always amused that she doesn't pick long songs, my favorite is when she picks "Row row row your boat"). The other I got from "Siblings without Rivalry" (fantastic book!), which is that whenever DD2 cries the first couple of weeks, I'd ask DD1 when she thought her sister wanted. To my amazement, DD1 would always say "Her wants to nurse!" and will now tell me this whenever DD2 cries without any prompting from me. Somehow, it seems to put the girls on the same team, which is just how I want them to be.

Anyway hope things keep getting better.
Nancy

[Britishmum]

Thanks Nancg - I just ordered Siblings without Rivalry - I'd been meaning to do so for some time.

Last two nights have been better - just waking to nurse once during the early hours of the morning. We still have a fuss when I take her off (she'd nurse forever if I let her) but she did get back to sleep. The real problem comes if she wakes when I'm already nursing the baby - she really freaks if that happens, but she seems to be getting more resigned to waiting her turn. It just makes me so sad though seeing how upset she is.

Naps are causing a big problem as she wakes after just a short time, wants to nurse, but when I try to take her off, she wakes immediately and starts crying and having a tantrum. We end up often having no nap and being cranky all afternoon, but I just can't bear lying there with her nursing endlessly just so that she gets a decent nap. I'm worried that she's picking up the fact that I don't like nursing her now, it's so sad as it used to be a special time, not something I dreaded. Does that feeling get better? Maybe when I'm less tired and stressed by the situation? Or is it going to continue to feel so irritating forever???

But the good news is that during the day when she's not tired, she's less interested in nursing and is OK with the baby being nursed, as long as I give her attention at the same time. She often says she'll nurse "as soon as the baby is finished" but when it comes to it, she's too busy playing to bother. So there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Gosh, it's hard though. I need to keep reminding myself that I'm doing the right thing for her...........

[Britishmum]

Just an update for all you wonderful mamas who gave me advice here!

Things are really getting easier. It's still challenging tandem nursing, but dd is much happier and I'm coping with the irritability of nursing her without her realising how I"m feeling. We are nursing properly in the morning and at naptime, but at other times I'm using strategies like counting to ten and then stopping. She has now almost accepted this, and sometimes insists on nursing,then loses interest immediately. It's like she is testing whether or not I'll agree, and if I seem enthusiastic, she doesnt want to nurse after all.

I still have to grit my teeth sometimes - there seems no pattern to when I find nursing her uncomfortable and when its tolerable, but the intensity of feeling is diminishing.

So thanks to everyone who gave ideas, we seem to be workig things out!

[flminivanmama]