Please convince me that I can have a homebirth!

[puddinnpeanut]

So I'm 13 weeks pregnant and still "shopping" around for midwives and I really want to make a decision this week! This is baby #3 for us and I have had two successful unmedicated hospital birhts with an OB! I have interviewed two CNMs and one homebirth midwife. I am so interested in homebirth, but wonder if I really want to put up with the stress of dealing with all of our friends and family who will totally freak out! I have no intention of lying and if we go the homebirth route I will defend my decision to them. However, I'm wondering what will be more stressful, a day or two of fighting for rights in a hospital or 6+ months of defending myself to friends and family! AAHH! Please help! I'm hoping for some encouragement from those of you who have had a successful homebirth! Anyone had homebirth and regret it? Thanks so much in advance!
P.S. My family/friends thought I was crazy for not taking drugs, but I know homebirth is totally out of their comfort zone! I wonder though if it is not out of my comfort zone as well! Up until a few days ago my husband was adamantly opposed to homebirth, then he told me he had really thought and prayed about it and was willing to do a homebirth! Now that homebirth could be a reality I'm a little nervous! Thanks again!(ignore my signature, pregnancy hormones have confused my instincts, ha ha!):LOL

[misfit]

puddinnpeanut, your family and friends can have all the babies they want to wherever they want to and that doesn't really have anything to do with you. It's none of their business and you can tell them I said so.

If you are comfortable with homebirth then have one. I had my first child in the middle of nowhere 30 minutes from a hospital. He was 9#12 and I am 5'3". It was tough but we did it and I have never been more proud, more pleased (or more tired ) in my life before or since.

Take excellent care of yourself, get the best midwife, and have a supportive husband, friend, or doula to assist you. Educate yourself, be prepared for the unexpected and enjoy! I have no regrets.

[earthmama007]

Do they know you are thinking of HB? If not, then why bring it up? Maybe they won't because you had your other two children in a hospital. Just let them know that you guys have found a wonderful MW, when you do, and that you are happy with **YOUR** decision. Do you feel like you have to tell them? I am assuming your DP is all for HB so that should be a huge plus. Your partners opinion would be the only one I would care about.

[Fiddlemom]

go for it! (long)

Puddinnpeanut,

You can totally have a baby at home! You've birthed two babies naturally at the hospital? You're incredible!!!

I had always imagined having my second baby at home, but not the first. I wanted the "safety" and "comfort" of the hospital. Then my doula had me read <i>Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth</i> by Henci Goer and everything changed. I switched from my OB to a team of midwives who specialize in homebirth, and spent a long time contemplating birth center/home. Ultimately decided on home, although I will admit to lying to my parents.

And so my first baby was born at home--9lbs 11oz and I'm not a huge person. I'm SO glad I decided to have the first one at home, especially because of the size of that baby. (The second one was planned homebirth, but he decided to come early, so the hospital it was.) If the opportunity arose, I would TOTALLY have a homebirth again. In the hospital it was like being the cat looking for a closet to have her kittens in, and not finding it. We had to kick out the nurses at first and put one layer of communication between me and the hospital staff to avoid labor dystocia (they were nice, but I didn't want to talk with them) .

Laboring in the hospital without anesthesia or prior natural childbirth experience would have been impossible for me, especially the way our moms were forced to have babies. Anyone who only knows scary hospital births would think you were crazy for going natural. A homebirth is such a different experience because so many of the stress-inducers / pain escalators of the hospital simply are not there. People who haven't had this experience would of course think you were nuts to go through the "insanity" of childbirth (as has been so many women's experience) far from the anesthesiologist.

Unless you have a real need to or want to, I wouldn't bring it up with them. Choose your audience so you can save your energy. Don't invite any of those people to the birth, or agree to call them when you're in labor (if you did any of that with the first two). Let it be really private.

Questions I got from well-meaning relatives:
"Why are you dealing with midwives instead of a first-rate obstetrician?"

Great ways to put off discouraging people:
"That's about a two-hour conversation! Let's set aside some time to talk about that." (big smile, get out your calendar)
" I would LOVE to talk with you about that! Let's set aside a couple hours....."
(let them rant) "Oh! that's interesting."
Buy them a copy of Henci Goer's book and give it to them.

Go for it!!!

[earthmama007]

Hey there, I just got sent this site It might give you some ideas too.

[jessitron]

Is the worry about what other people will say the biggest negative of home birth? What matters is what you and your husband think. It's your baby.

You might be surprised by other peoples' reactions. Many people who would never consider a homebirth themselves will respect you for your choice. I'm not quiet about it at all - I tell everyone who asks where the baby will be born. So far, one aunt tried briefly to object, but as soon as I started explaining the reasons that home birth is safer, she changed her mind. She's the only one who said anything negative! My parents and his parents are both fully supportive. If any of my friends or family members disapprove, they're keeping very quiet about it. Maybe I'm just lucky, but not everyone gets a hard time!

[puddinnpeanut]

Thanks so much for your responses! As of right now I am heavily leaning towards homebirth! I called the homebirth midwife and she was actually attending a birth so I'm guessing I won't talk to her until tomorrow!
I don't know if I would say family and friends are my biggest concern, of course I worry about the safety of the baby and myself! However, I know the family/friends thing is an issue I will HAVE to face and hopefully the safety issue is one I will not face! We have talked to our parents about homebirth, both sets strongly disapprove! Ironically dh's parents were both born at home, but they say that it was different
I had a heart to heart with my mom yesterday and told her I knew she did not agree with homebirth, but wanted to know if she could still be supportive and present to watch our two other kids during labor and birth! She said, of course, she just loves me and worries about me! She was present for the birth of dd and ds and was not intrusive at all! Some people we have chosen not to invite, like my sister, whom I love dearly but she is an alarmist type who freaks over everything and I could not deal with her tension! Anyway, I hope I have not given you too much information! I'm just hoping for some positive reassurring vibes! I guess unless we lived in a bubble their is no way to avoid some tension over this issue! I guess I should be used to it by now, we have "bucked" the system on lots of other things so far, like keeping our son intact, natural childbirth, cloth diapers, tandem nursing two toddlers, co-sleeping,etc.

On another note I was too chicken to try homebirth for my first, I applaud all of you who have the courage to do it! I ended up having pre-term labor at 31.5 weeks hospitalized/bedrest and then gave birth at 34.5 weeks so I would not have been able to have a homebirth anyway! Then after the pre-term scare I was too nervous to go the homebirth route for fear it would happen again, but I had a 9.7 lb. baby 8 days before my due date! So I think I'm ready to take the plunge and try homebirth! Thanks so much, please keep the encouragement coming!

[guestmama9907]

You can birth any way and any where YOU want! If you are concerned about the safety aspect of homebirth start reading! You will soon find that it is safer to have a planned home birth with a midwife than a hospital birth, the c-section rate drops dramatically along with alot of other unneccessary interventions. You go girl!

[Elyssia]

all my kids were born at home and i can't imagine doing it any other way, the hospital freaks me out
i say that if you can go w/o meds in the hospital
then doing it at home will be a walk in the park

as a pp said, there is PLENTY of evidence out there that planned homebirth is not only safe, but SAFER than hospital birth
start reading and look for birth stories too, you will feel better and better about your decision

as for the naysayers, screw them
(ha ha)
you will waver b/t wanting to educate them b/c you love them and want them to believe as you believe
and you will sometimes be angry if they don't or if they are pushy and refuse to listen
as long as YOU and your dh believe in yourselves and in your midwife, that is what is really important
it really sounds like your mom can be swayed w/ more info about homebirth
invite her to a prenatal, when people meet midwives and see how professional and totally competent and educated they are, they often feel a lot better
avoid arguing, ask the people who are concerned to write down what their concerns are so that you can address those concerns carefully w/ well thought out responses - and back it up w/ research
you can probably even ask your midwife her stats - what is her transfer rate? her csection rate? what does she do in case of . . . . . ?
safety is just not really an issue in a low risk pregnancy
there is the rare true emergency, cord prolapse, placental abruption, transverse baby (tho' my twins were transverse and w/ some patience they turned on their own )
there is usually plenty of time to get to the hospital if you need to

and i will repeat, if you could do it in the hospital, you will be in heaven at home

best of luck!