How to shut my father up

[Galatea]

Ds is 6 months old and just got his first two teeth. Now my father keeps saying things like "Not much longer for you to nurse with those teeth!" and "He's gonna bite you!" and suchlike. How do I shut him up? My dad's very overbearing and negative and we live 50 yards away so I can't avoid him. This is my first baby and he hasn't bitten me yet, but I don't know if he will, and if he does, what to do about it, so I don't know how to counter what my dad says. Any ideas?

[captain optimism]

"Thanks a lot, Dad."
"All right, Daddy."
"Okay, Dad, that's very funny. Okay."
"You are so right, being a mom is no picnic."

Roll your eyes a lot.

[Ellien C]

Better me than you, huh?
Yeah and I've got 26 (?) teeth and I'd like to bite you right now.

My husband and I have made a joke of "Do you need me to clock ya?," which is our code when one is truly annoying the other. "Cause I'll do it, if you need me to clock ya." Only funny I suppose because we both know it would NEVER happen.

Any humor to be found in the situation? Could you make a nashing teeth face whenever you dad looks like he's gonna say it? Any denture humor to be made? Oh dad- you're just jealous because you've lost your teeth...

[Changed]

I think the appropriate respons would be something like

"well, he's not going to bite you.?"

Try to keep your best {so why do you give a crap?} look on your face.

That's just silly. If you are aware that he has teeth and are not worried enough to stop nursing why should he or anyone else be?

[jadegirl553]

No advice, just sympathy.

My dad's been making the same types of comments. You'd think he'd know better, too- he's got five daughters and he's an RN. One of these days I'm going to snap, and he'll learn not to question my parenting.

[wonderfulmom]

You could change the subject and ask him detailed questions
about his prostate health. That would distract him.

[Meiri]

I like that suggestion wonderfulmom!:

The other track you could take would be to overwhelm him with factual information. For instance, did he know that when child is nursing his tongue covers his lower teeth? If he gets a half hour lecture every time he hassles you...

Sheila Kitzinger has a great book out with loads of photos and diagrams. If you've got it or can get it (library?) and leave it within reach, show him how this all works. An illustrated lecture?

He'll either learn and be quiet about it, or he'll be quiet about it out of self-defense.:LOL

[Parker'smommy]

How frustrating for you! I know plenty of people that think that when a child gets teeth that the nursing relationship must then end. I usually tell them that you can't suck and bite at the same time. That can raise some eyebrows.

I actually had this same convo with a friend's friend at a bbq on Sat. We are both pregnant with #2 and I was talking about nursing and she brings up that her dd got teeth at 5 months old and so she HAD to wean. I said that I was so sorry that she didn't get the biting resolved because I was nursing my 2 1/2 year old and he has a full mouth of teeth, including his 2 year molars! I told her that when he bit me the first time, I removed him from the breast, turned him around facing outward and did that everytime till he figured out that biting meant no nursing. I also told her that I had a LOT of support and education and attended LLL meetings so I knew what to do. She was shocked that pregnant me was still nursing ( she didn't say anything, but you all know the look that you get when someone is shocked but trying not to act that way!) but said that she did hope to nurse longer this time. I told her to call me and that I would help support her because I felt that support was so crucial in teh beginning.

Anyways.....I like the other poster's comebacks. Just let him know that you are NOT going to wean, and that the two of you will work out any of the bugs!

[mamadawg]

I think the other posters had some good advice (especially the illustrated lesson ). My comeback that I give when I'm asked how long I plan on nursing is that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding through the age of two. I don't know how long you plan to nurse, but that usually shuts people up for me. If we go longer than two, I'll have to come up with something else, but it works for now.

What does your father care if you get bitten anyway? They're not his nipples...You could say something like "better me than you."

[mom2tig99Nroo03]

good suggs given thus far.


i love wonderfulmom's...



you could also ask him "just what makes you think that?"

[Sustainer]

Tell him you know LOTS of mothers (us!) nursing little ones with teeth, and it's not a problem.

[mama24-7]

Originally Posted by wonderfulmom

You could change the subject and ask him detailed questions
about his prostate health. That would distract him.

Great response! Or ask him if he's tried Cialis, hope he hasn't had the 4 hour erection they mention that would require immediate medical attention! LOL.

My husband's gmom said the same thing. Yuck!

Sus

[loving-my-babies]

Lilly, I just realized our babies are so close in age. check the Pittsburgh thread, I responded to you there about meeting, let's get together soon and chat with the rest of the group!

[velcromom]

It seems it's usually people who have never nursed a baby with teeth that say that kind of thing so I like to ask them, "oh, really, is that what happened to you when you were nursing your baby?" and all they can do is stammer that "um, no, well that's just what I hear..."

But with parents the distraction technique is invaluable... I love the suggestion to bring up prostate health! :LOL

[HelloKitty]

I had a lot of people say that to me too - all of whom had never breastfed. DS got his first tooth at four months and it was the first thing most people would say. I got tired of constantly explaining that no women still breastfeed after the baby gets teeth. You get bit you deal with the couple seconds of pain and move on with your life!

I never did come up with a really clever comeback though.

Kitty

[mthomas]

the few times I did get similar comments I'd just say something like "well, our species prob. wouldnt have made it veryfar if every mama who got bit quit nursing"

[azyre]

Maybe call him on the message behind his "need to wean" comments.

"Do you have a problem with us continuing to breastfeed?"

"If you feel uncomfortable about our breastfeeding, I'd rather you just said so, so we can talk about it and help you feel better about it"

"we plan to feed until x, and commenting about needing to wean isn't going to change that, even if you think thats what we should be doing. So please stop trying to influence us, it is upsetting"

I know this would be uncomfortable but better to get it out in the open than have comments ongoing, and have Dad feel like it might work if he harps on at you. Just be prepared with 2 or 3 or 4 statements about why you will continue to feed and loop them to his arguments. I think something from Katherine A. Dettwyler's natural weaning, WHO recomendations, a statement about the benfits to your child/parent relationship, and a statement about your right as a parent to make decisions alone should cover it

As for biting, my DD has bit intermittently, always as a result of being bored on the boob, and being in a teething frame of mind. I know for some people biting gets quite a problem, but I think many of us get bit a handful of times and in the scheme of things it is not a big deal. It surely hurts, you will probably yelp quite loud and remove the baby from the breast. Those natural reactions are probably enough of a response to get the message across it isn't welcome, and then if it continues you can spend your efforts anticipating and preventing it happening. Plus I found biting with teeth gave me more warning than chomping down with gums, which hurt as much but didn't start with a little warning pinch, that has alerted me to a few threatened bites So there goes that theory about weaning for teeth!

[BrettsMama]

How about "REALLY? Is that what happened when YOU were breastfeeding? Oh, you didn't breastfeed? Then why are you giving out advice?"

Or a simple, "I will deal with that when it happens but I will not be weaning him so please stop saying that."

Sorry, I'm having a snippy day and I'm just so tired of hearing so much negative stuff about bfing.

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by azyre

Maybe call him on the message behind his "need to wean" comments.

"Do you have a problem with us continuing to breastfeed?"

"If you feel uncomfortable about our breastfeeding, I'd rather you just said so, so we can talk about it and help you feel better about it"

"we plan to feed until x, and commenting about needing to wean isn't going to change that, even if you think thats what we should be doing. So please stop trying to influence us, it is upsetting"

Maybe you could just say something like "Well, I hope it doesn't bother you too much when we're still breastfeeding when he's 2 years old."

Originally Posted by azyre

I think many of us get bit a handful of times and in the scheme of things it is not a big deal.

[Sustainer]

Originally Posted by Sustainer

"Well, I hope it doesn't bother you too much when we're still breastfeeding when he's 2 years old."

I just got another idea. Every time he says something, respond with this same sentence, but keep adding another year on each time.

"...when he's 3 years old..."

"...when he's 4 years old..."

Maybe eventually he won't want you to go any higher and he'll stop provoking you.