What to say when your family says, "Maybe you won't be able to bf!" - Page 2

[prudies]

It's so awesome that you've got all this support (LLL, the doula, etc.) lined up now! Way to go!

I would just nod to the inlaws and say, you're right, it can be really hard. That's why I feel so lucky to have the support of LLL (or the doula).

[Meiri]

them: "Maybe you won't be able to bf!"

you: "And maybe you'll wake up and have forgotten how to eat? or breathe?"

At some point the illogic of their ASSumptions may need to be challenged.
I honestly don't understand people who assume failure. Drives me nuts when I get crap like that from my family (DH and kids), and I ask them every time "why do you assume I'm incompetent?" "why do you assume you, or I, will fail?". I figure if you don't try, then you've assured failure, but anything else is unknown until you get there.

Sure you might have difficulties, but much more likely is that you'll have smooth sailing. And even if you do have difficulties the vast vast majority can be overcome. But that's all a long long way from "can't".

[Galatea]

It is vital not to let people visit you right after the baby is born. Also keep them away for a few weeks. We were at a hospital and the grandparents were waiting the whole time and so I gave up on trying to bf ds after he was born. Luckily he was smart and we got the hang of it the next couple of days. My milk didn't come in until 5 days, though, and ds lost a lot of weight. I knew he was fine, though, and bf is easy and awesome for us. We have had no other problems.

I read, don't have any formula in your house 'cause then you can't give in. You KNOW you are going to bf and succeed and that makes all the difference.

Don't let them near you until you know what you are doing!

[HelloKitty]

I remember when I told my mother I was going to BF her first comment was "We'll see." I was like "What does that mean?" and she said "Ha - you won't last six weeks." Gee, thanks for the encouragement there Mom.

Then when DS got his first tooth or course she decided I must be quitting BFing then (he was 4 months old), kept commenting that "the first time he bites you you'll stop BFing". Didn't matter that I told her he bites me all the time and I swallow the pain and get on with life

She finally stopped commenting once we got past the year mark and she noticed I wasn't stopping anytime soon! :LOL

She made the same mistakes about co-sleeping. You just have faith in yourself that's all that matters! People say stupid comments not realizing they are stupid.

[mum2 4]

Milk pride

While some women look back on their bf experience with rose colored glasses no matter what it was like, others cannot abide having anyone nurse longer, better,happpier etc than they did. Milk pride gets in the way and the nasty or unsupportive comments may flow from people you always thought were in your corner. At least you have a heads up on who are going to be your cheerleaders- those nieces and nephews. Get them to run interference for you as you role model a positive approach to bf.A healthy baby and a happy Mom will give the others pause but as others have warned, there are always comments, questions, and fingers ready to point. so giving really boring replys will work eventually. Or change the subject and ask them impolite questions...

[Bleu]

To answer the original question, maybe you could smilingly and chirpily reply, "Yes, and maybe you'll become senile, inpotent and incontinent!"

Of course that might be interpreted as hostile.

We took our son to Europe for two weeks and breastfed more or less continuously. We have lots of pictures of him breastfeeding in Paris.

edited to add: Okay, on a more serious note (now that I have read the whole thread instead of just imppulsively posting a reply off the cuff!) -- great that you are making freinds via LLL. That is probably my tippy-top suggestion, to find/make a community of new moms and more experienced moms to support each other and to make for at least one context in which breastfeeding is normative. It would be extra-cool if you could get your husband to become friends with the dads, too, so he gets influence other than his family about baby-raising. Dr. Sears & LLL books & web sites have info for breastfeeding fathers, too -- maybe you could get him studying those.

Good luck -- you'll be fine! It's just the most wonderful thing in the world, all of it.

[Gidget]

Originally Posted by mum2 4

While some women look back on their bf experience with rose colored glasses no matter what it was like, others cannot abide having anyone nurse longer, better,happpier etc than they did. Milk pride gets in the way and the nasty or unsupportive comments may flow from people you always thought were in your corner.

forgive me if someone already pointed this out, I did not read over the whole thread again. But, some also take offense at anything you do differently than them. They feel so guilty and/or judged ( even if no one cares) that they think anything you do differently is an indirect attack on thier own parenting techniques and skills. In other words, they think it is all about them.