vent-frustration at peoples comments

[mikeynabbysmommy]

I am sure I am preaching to the choir here, but I am so VERY sick of people making comments about my son not sleeping through the entire night.
Yes my son co sleeps.
Yes he wakes up frequently
NO it does not bother me!!!

I am sick of the comments like "He doesnt sleep through the night?" or "Arent you tired?" or "you need to train him" etc
Why do we have to mold our children to fit our schedules? when people ask if I am tired, I just shake my head and say nope. But it really bothers me. He is a baby. If babies were intended to sleep throughout the night, they would be born with that skill. Until he decides he can sleep though the night on his own, I will continue to feed him during the night. I really get angry when people say "You know he only wakes up out of habit, and that he doesnt need that nutrition."
Unless he told you that, then you dont know that! Some days I really almost wish I lived in a more nursing friendly country! It just makes me sad.
One more irritation. When people tell me the reason my son is needy is because I hold him too much. one of my friends recently said that, and followed up with "You know it doesnt hurt a baby to cry." Thanks for that.... really

ok I am done Should I put this away?

[mom2tig99Nroo03]

2

[my-j-angel]

"One more irritation. When people tell me the reason my son is needy is because I hold him too much"


Of the babies I know that are held often ie. mine. vs. the babies that are not held a lot; the ones that are carried more are SOOOOOO much happier than the unheld babies. personally I'll take a happy baby anyday over one that hardly smiles or laughs.

just my 2 cents.

[lauraess]

I hear you mama! I say, If they have the audacity to tell you how to parent YOUR CHILD than speak your mind, tell them what you think, or just ask them to kindly parent their own and leave yours to you. Oh yeah, and tell them babies are to love, not to push away and turn into some unfeeling adult as quick as possible, one that tells loving mamas HOW to love their children!
Ok... I think im finished.
Laura

[TiredX2]

How frustrating.

I don't consider myself to lie, but I definately started answering a different question than most people answer.

First, realize that ALL people wake up during the night. Its just that with adults & older children, they generally put themselves back to sleep (sometimes not even remembering that they woke up).

So, I started answering the question, "Does DC get you up in the night/Does DC get up in the night."

That is a different matter all together.

"How does DC sleep."

"Great! Down at 9, up at 8."

100% true. Neither of my kids got up to play, they didn't leave the bed. Just didn't feel like mentioning that they were nursing 10 times during that sleep. Realistically, DD is more mobile during the night in that she sleeps in her bed part of the time & our bed part of the time.

If you want to educate people, there are many facts you can throw out there:
"Sleeping through the night" is 5 HOURS of sleep (not 10-12 like most people seem to think).
Prolactin levels are highest at night.
SIDS may partially be caused by baby *not* waking up enough in the night.
Sleep cycles are only appx 40 minutes, so anything longer than that does show that the child is "sleeping though" (something, lol).
Etc...

Good luck!

Kay

[annettemarie]

Some of our favorite answers:
Q- Is he sleeping through the night?
A- Laugh hysterically as if the questioner has just asked a truly silly question.

Q- Is he sleeping through the night.
A- We're all sleeping great, thanks. (If feeling particularly snarky, add "Why do you ask" after a little pause)

Q- Aren't you tired?
A- Why? Do I look bad today?

Q- Is he a good baby?
A- Well, he hasn't knocked over a liquor store yet...

Q- You're spoiling him.
A- I'd rather baby him when he's a baby than when he's sixteen.

Q- You know you CAN put him down.
A- Nope, he's like that bus in that movie "Speed"- you put him down, he blows. Trust me, we're all happier that way.

Q- When are you going to stop doing THAT?
A- Oh, in about five minutes,

Q- How can you do that when he has teeth?
A- (with appropriate smarmy look) Well, you know, you don't suck with your teeth!

Q- How do you... you know... when he's in your bed?
A- You know, you can do it other places.
OR
A- Seeing how we're on number 3, you can see we've worked out that particular problem.

Q- He doesn't really need to nurse anymore for nutrition.
A- Well, technically, he doesn't need kissed or hugged either, but we're not cutting him off on that.

My personal pet peeve- when people see me with my three little ones, ages 5, 3, and almost 1, and say "Well, you have your hands full." I try to smile beatifically and say, "Yes, but what a nice way to have your hands full!"

Annette

[nova22]

I could be wrong, but wouldn't you get LESS sleep if your baby woke up and was crying from another room? I guess you could let him cry but if you want to tend to him, you have to get completely out of bed, walk down the hall to the other room, and try to sooth the baby to sleep after he's completely awake. When my babies wake up, I roll over and nurse them to sleep before they have a chance to cry. I get plenty of sleep this way.

My personal pet peeve- when people see me with my three little ones, ages 5, 3, and almost 1, and say "Well, you have your hands full." I try to smile beatifically and say, "Yes, but what a nice way to have your hands full!"

I hear that all the time because my two are both so young. They're 11 1/2 months apart. Someone had the gall to look at them, laugh and say, "Oops!" No oops there, buddy. Did it occur to you that I love my kids? OOPS yourself. I like your response Annette, I'll keep that in mind next time!

And ((((hugs)))) to the OP, those comments get very frustrating!

[soccerchic21]

When people comment to me that I holding DD too much or co-sleeping isn't good I just say that they are only this young for such a short time in my life and I want to enjoy as much of it (them wanting to be close to me) for as long as I can.

[Liam's_Momma]

Originally Posted by soccerchic21

When people comment to me that I holding DD too much or co-sleeping isn't good I just say that they are only this young for such a short time in my life and I want to enjoy as much of it (them wanting to be close to me) for as long as I can.

ITA, soccerchic. Don't they also marvel at how happy and/or content dc is as well? That always gets me... You wonder when it will hit them...

[prudies]

Annette - those responses are hysterical.

I'm lucky, I don't really get a lot of comments about my parenting choices. But I do notice a lot of people asking me how long my DS sleeps at night. It kind of bugs me. Like it's something I should really be caring about, and I just don't. Since we got breastfeeding established (go LCs!), we co-sleep, and I only partially wake up to feed DS. Anyway, glad I found this thread because it gives me some beter ideas on what to say...

[bec]

What I do at night with my family is not subject for discussion. Period. I don't discuss it, unless I am in the mood for it.

On a side note: nightweaning does not mean night sleeping! I very rudely discovered that when my first was a little over two and I was pregnant with my second. I was so sore and tired, I needed the relief. She was totally fine with night weaning, and that was some relief. But it did nothing to affect her night-waking.

And, no, I don't sleep "train" my children.


Bec

[mikeynabbysmommy]

I love the responses! I couldnt stop giggling at them. esp

Q- You know you CAN put him down. A- Nope, he's like that bus in that movie "Speed"- you put him down, he blows. Trust me, we're all happier that way.

:

I think the number one thing someone has said to me ever, was at some point, I dont know how it came up, but my 4 year old has a big big big mouth and someone was commenting on him being a good sleeper, and she perked up "as long as he sleeps with mommy!" (coulda hugged her, she said it so sweetly) and the lady says to me "MOM! Babies die that way!!" I was quite rude to her, lol I dont take attitude with people often, but I said back quickly "they do from calling the wrong person mom too" and walked away. I was livid!
I am currently going through a struggle with DH... he has the same ideas as me, he agrees with me on everything, but he doesnt follow through really well. I will put DS down on the floor for a while to play, but once he starts whining and fussing, I will put him back in his sling, provided its safe (I dont like having him nearby in the sling when I have to cut or reach in the oven for obvious safety issues) but DH will put him on the floor or in his jumperoo to play and play video games (grrrrrrrr) and let him whine and fuss, and sit there and say "I dont know what you want buddy" SO frustrating! then what really gets me is that he has the nerve to say later "I dont know why he isnt as comfortable with me as he is with you" DUH!
I think I need to sit down and have a nice TALK with him about those stupid games.

I should add to this, that my overall foundation took a bit of a beating, when we visited my mother a few months back. My mother was always my role model for breastfeeding, she did it with myself, and my sister, well until 2 years of age. I always looked up to her as a nursing god in a weird way. Well we were in a hotel in Reno visiting family for my aunts wedding, and I was sitting off in some couches in the lobby NIP (covered, I have yet to be comfortable enough anywhere to be bare), and my mom commends me on being very discreet (I could care less if people know what I was doing!!) and she says that she would recommend that I cover the babies feet, because people will know what I am doing because he is wiggling his toes. My mother fell off of a very large, very delicate pedestal. It almost shook me so bad I felt like crying, because I always thought she was this great advocate, and I found out otherwise.

[katja]

When dd was very tiny, I couldn't believe the people who asked if she was a good baby. How can you respond to that? "No, she's horrible!" Really now. One women asked me that, then proceeded to ask if dd sleeps through the night (when she was about 5 months old). I was already irritated with her, so I just answered, "I don't know. I really don't." It was true anyway. DD never woke up and stayed up, and I usually don't remember the night nursings. Even now, I think she sleeps through a lot of nights, but I couldn't tell you for sure. But at this moment she is a little sleeping beauty!

[Mama Rana]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

My personal pet peeve- when people see me with my three little ones, ages 5, 3, and almost 1, and say "Well, you have your hands full."
Annette

i get this ALL THE TIME and i only have one!!! it's usualy when i'm grocery shopping with ds in a sling. argh!!

my usual response when people ask if he's slepping through the night is to laugh and say, not even close. but i may pick a new retort after this discussion!

Originally Posted by nova22

I could be wrong, but wouldn't you get LESS sleep if your baby woke up and was crying from another room?

i've read that parents who let baby cio often learn how to slepp through night wakings. that sounds horrible though so i hope it's not true.

[mikeynabbysmommy]

Originally Posted by UUCCMom

i've read that parents who let baby cio often learn how to slepp through night wakings. that sounds horrible though so i hope it's not true.

Actually I knew a few people who had trained themselves to sleep while their children cried. I had a certain friend once, who when I went over to stay with her for a week, would sleep in the morning while her son wailed in the crib (you can imagine how horrified I was, and how ready I was go home!) I gave him a few mins thinking she was getting up, then I realized she wasnt, so I went in and got him and took care of him.
The thought of sleeping though your childs cries horrifies me.... what if they were crying because of something very wrong instead of just night waking? (IMO if they are crying at all, they need something, but I mean emergency vs everyday crying)

[KKmama]

Re the "good baby" comment...

It makes me really, really sad. My 1st was a relatively easy baby (sure seemed that way to me, anyway--we had no problems), but he strongly preferred *me* and dh over anyone else. Our 2nd is a super mellow baby who *very* rarely cries and is willing to let others hold him. Everyone comments on how he is an "easy" baby. It makes me sad because I feel like they are insinuating that ds1 was "difficult" (and frankly he wasn't), and I also think it would be easy to overlook ds2's needs because he's not a complainer. We try really hard to give him all the attention we gave ds1. (Just because you're mellow doesn't mean you don't need lots of lovin', too.)

[Meiri]

Back when mine were that little, it occurred to me that *I* don't sleep through the night, and at the time it was true. Before kids, I was often up once in the night to toddle off down the hall...

Now if I can't even get through the night, why in the world would I expect a BABY to do so?

Maybe if you're getting that question often you can turn it around and ask the nosey one how many hours constitutes "through the night" and if they sleep through as many hours as they are expecting your baby to.

[mommaluv321]

I personally had more problems w/ ppl on the fact that i co-sleep, my step-mom is ALWAYS saying "you better get that baby out of your bed, youll never get any rest!!!" I finally (a few mos ago) told her that if after 3yrs of her telling me that, I still hadn't done it and wasn't planning to, to which she replied " well are you gonna put the new baby in a crib?" What part of co-sleepin DIDN'T she understand??? AAARRRGGG another thing that is OT, my dd was always getting compliments on how well she ate her vegatables at 2 yrs of age to which i replied "Ofcourse she eats her veggies, she's a vegatarian!"

[HelloKitty]

I feel your pain. I've gotten so many comments about co-sleeping or EBF that it's just commonplace. Now that I am pregnant I get them more then ever. Usually - for both cases whether it's BFing or co-sleeping the question is "What are you going to do when the new baby comes?" I've taken to short answers "Tandem nurse", "we have a King bed" that kind of thing. I think they expect me to say "Oh God I just don't know what I'll do" and when they don't get that reaction they shut it.

[nym]

I'm such a bitch to people who ask stupid questions. My family doesn't because they know better, and while I know some of them don't agree with what we are doing, they would never ever say anything. But DH's granny bothered us for a year about DS cosleeping with us. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and told her that the day she moved into our bed was the day she had any say on what went on in it. That it was none of her friggen business, and if she continued, I would ask her every time I saw her if she was sleeping through the night, where her visitors slept, how often she got up for the bathroom, when she went to bed, if she had a night time snack etc.

She didn't say anything again.

When strangers ask questions I ask why they care. Some reply that they are just wondering and I ask them that I am wondering why they would care about the sleeping habits of a stranger.