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Have you ever put your kid(s) in daycare? - Page 7

Poll Results: Have you ever put your child(ren) in daycare?

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 44% (109)
    never have, never will
  • 6% (17)
    no but I plan on it
  • 24% (60)
    yes, part-time
  • 24% (60)
    yes, full time
246 Total Votes  
post #121 of 221
Yes, what ABOUT the dads? Another thread, perhaps.

If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, folks. And what makes mama happy varies from mama to mama. Don't take no college degree to figure that one out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd
I have a question - do you WOHMs feel like you have to work harder to maintain a bond with your DCs than you would if you were SAHMs?
Nope. I had PPD so bad that I firmly believe I would have gone into psychosis had I been a SAHM. When I came home, I could focus on my son to the exclusion of just about everything else. He came first and knew it, still does. We have a precious bond.

I hate these doggone animosity threads but it's like a train wreck and I can't help myself.
post #122 of 221
Wow.
Who cares

I think it's legitimate to ask questions of SAHMs or WOHMs for ther purpose of learning from each other, but why do we honestly feel the need to be so divisive. I'm a SAHM now but worked our first year of kids and will go back to work p/t in another year. Each situation has its own set of challenges and rewards and people do what they need to do; ie. what's best for their families.

Sorry, just shocked to read some of the posts. But, then again, it's great to see some honest questions & replies.

And, re: the AP questions (?Playdough?) I do think that bond is one of the cornerstones of AP. But, I don't think it HAS to be Mommy. One of our friends is a fantastic SAHD who coulda written his own AP factsheet. And, I know some absolutely terrific daycare ladies who work there simply because they feel they're doing God's work caring for children.
post #123 of 221
:yawning:

Yes, I am angry, tired of and astounded at how many times I have read this kind of thread in my short time on MDC.

I am a WOHM of a beautiful boy. I have to work to help support my family, provide health insurance (husband is self employed = no insurance), provide some type of savings in the bank (because you don't know what will happen), and : I enjoy working.

I feel that it must be nice for a 24 year old SAHM to be so judgemental at such a young age. I wonder how she will be at 34 (like me). Will she be glad that she has no money in the bank to fall back on if her husband loses his job? Will she be glad that she has not saved for college perhaps or retirement? Will she be glad that she doesn't have enough money to buy her wonderful child a special treat?

Now, I'm NOT implying that every SAHM is this way. Most are great women.. I just feel compelled to try and wake up this particular SAHM.

My husband & I have bought a new home, but still drive a 1994 car and a 1978 truck (like our brand new wheels!!!). But, if you would stop to ask about our life for a moment you would learn that we bought our house 3 months before I found out I was pregnant. That we were living in a trailer that was beginning to fall apart left & right. That we were living next to some very seedy neighbors (drug dealing house next door). SOOO...would it have been the responsible and loving thing to stay there and worry constantly about my son?? Or to have forfeited on our house payments and be homeless just so I could be a "perfect" mom and SAH?? I think not!!

DestinysMama, I would tell you not to bother opening up a daycare in your home, because if you portray this downgrading, "I'm better then you" and completely rude behavior to potential WOH moms - they aren't going to find you a suitable caregiver for their child. I can honestly say that I would never want a person so judgemental caring for my child.

I don't honestly expect this to change or open your mind - but hey, everything is worth one shot. (Actually I don't think she is still reading this thread - hasn't shown her face since page 1 or 2).

To answer a different question raised in here.....I don't have to try harder to bond with my son because he is in day care all day. I HAVE that bond with him and no one will ever break it. (Just ask my husband )

In conclusion to my long post (sorry) ....I applaude those moms who can and choose to stay at home with their children and those that choose or HAVE TO work out of the home, and who do so without a word. The ones that don't judge or criticize, and don't teach such behaviours to their children.
post #124 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by CherylE
To whoever it was commenting about how they thought there would be more SAHM - the way the poll was worded makes it skewed statistically. Why?

Because many moms HAVE (in the past) put a child or children in daycare but CURRENTLY are SAHMs! The only options I HAVE put my child(ren) in daycre. No option for "I have in the past but currently am a SAHM".

Also there's no option for "I don't use daycare by my child is cared for by a trusted friend/family member or his/her own FATHER while I work".

Also Dr. Sears is talking about infants. So there is also no option for - "I stayed home while my child was an infant but now that my child is a toddler/preschoolers/in school" they are in daycare/preschool.
YES! I agree with everything you said -- perhaps I worded my post incorrectly.

The OP gave one very vauge option for SAHM's -- "Never have, never will" so anyone in the categories you are mentioning above will have to answer in the way the OP is trying to make proof of.

Also, she put ONE category for SAHM's while she put THREE categories for working moms (or even for planning to work moms). So, the percentiles are smaller for these working categories, with one big HONKIN category for SAHM's. Again, she appeared to have been trying to prove that SAHM's are in the majority here on this AP site, because gosh - how can you bond and thus love your kid if you work!!?????

And, no distinction for age of child -- which I'm glad you brought up. Not that it's not important to have a bond with your older child, but AP is more defined in the roll of a mother to an infant, than a 4 year old. Personally, if my almost 4 year old weren't in some kind of pre-school program, I feel I would be doing him a DIService. He needs and loves that interaction with peers. It's preparing him for Kindergarten (I'm not the home schooling type ). For a 6 week old -- ok, a bit different story there. Personally, I think if at all possible moms should try stay with their babies for the first year (doncha wish we lived in Canada!!) simply because it's easier to bond, breastfeed, etc that way. I know moms who have worked before the first year was up, and continued to breastfeed and AP their baby -- but it is more difficult on them!

Ok....sorry for being so long winded. I just think this "poll" is so skewed and messed up that it certianly isn't a fair snapshot of what AP parents on this particular board do with regards to daycare.
post #125 of 221
I'm curious whether SAHMs have concerns about their financial security should something happen to the primary earner in their family (death, unemployment, divorce, etc.). After all, more than half of marriages (and probably a good percentage of domestic partnerships, as well) dissolve.

Has anyone read "The Price of Motherhood" by Ann Crittenden? I haven't read the whole book yet, but what I have read is hair raising. It's partially about how women who stay at home to raise their children are terribly vulnerable economically should something happen to their marriage. They don't earn any Social Security for their hard--but unpaid--work. They can be left in a real financial pickle in retirement, or in the event of a divorce/death. It is *very* difficult, unfortunately, to take time off from a career and then get back on track--we do not have a sufficiently family-friendly work culture.
post #126 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by zeldabee
Even the sleeping moments, for me.
<grin> Quite right. For us, too.
post #127 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by slightly crunchy
There are some careers (maybe many?) where it just isn't possible to take 10 years completely off and expect to still be able to work in that field and be productive later on.

Exactly. While I think the tide has turned on this thread, I wanted to emphasize this point. I'm a surgery resident and there is basically no option for discontinuing work for a period of time and then returning later, without having to restart residency from scratch (and in the subtle persistance of the good ol' boys network, a SAHM would never get a position.) I was lucky -- my ovaries were compliant and I got pregnant right when I wanted to, so that I delivered right before starting two years of research and only working FT (whereas before I was working 100 hours a week.) Since then, I have made it my number one priority to be present for my son, even taking some career hits for it. I sacrifice almost all my free time to ensure that I nurture my son. I do my job during the day, plus all the housework/laundry/cooking/story reading/etc that can be done during the day (to a degree) by SAHMs. I fully respect SAHMs -- their job is also difficult, but mine is too and in a completely different way.

And regarding the question of WOH being prohibitive of AP -- most if not all of the wives of my male colleagues stay at home. Of those wives, none are what I or they would describe as AP. Babywise is common, as is FFing by choice, as is CIO, as is the attitude of "thank God my husband is home so I can get out of this house and get away from the kids." Some of it may be justifiable, some of it probably isn't. But in the dreaded AP head-to-head, I think despite (or because of) being a WOHM, I'd come out on top.

And my lovely delightful intelligent healthy son seems to be none the worse for daycare since a young age. A virtual thanks to Megan, his fabulous AP DCP.
post #128 of 221
I WOH, and am deeply attached to my children.
I get to surf MDC at work, and hang with my kids at home.
Perfect.

post #129 of 221
I have read every post, voted, and still have yet to figure out the point of this thread. .

You know, I see sick kids where i work. Some very sick, or critically injured. I have had hysterical, screaming mothers hand me their blue, breathless & pulseless children...and I have yet to meet one of them who wasnt glad that i was there to care for her child.
post #130 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetbaby3
I have read every post, voted, and still have yet to figure out the point of this thread. .

You know, I see sick kids where i work. Some very sick, or critically injured. I have had hysterical, screaming mothers hand me their blue, breathless & pulseless children...and I have yet to meet one of them who wasnt glad that i was there to care for her child.
No doubt.

Hmm...didn't we 'meet' on one of these threads a few yrs back????
post #131 of 221
Yes we did! Ahhhh, the memories
post #132 of 221
And i think i said the same thing!

Why, some may ask? because it can easily sum it up for me, and well, its true. Sadly, its true, and it continues.
post #133 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaydeesac
I'm curious whether SAHMs have concerns about their financial security should something happen to the primary earner in their family (death, unemployment, divorce, etc.). After all, more than half of marriages (and probably a good percentage of domestic partnerships, as well) dissolve.
Of course I am. I'm a responsible adult that worries about her children's future.

I don't even get why you would ask this question. Just trying to fan the flames back up?


Bec
post #134 of 221
Bec, this whole thread is a flame.
post #135 of 221
Quote:
You know, I see sick kids where i work. Some very sick, or critically injured. I have had hysterical, screaming mothers hand me their blue, breathless & pulseless children...and I have yet to meet one of them who wasnt glad that i was there to care for her child.


Bless you, sweetbaby3. To me that says it ALL.
post #136 of 221


From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
post #137 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaydeesac
LiamnEmma.

I loved everything about your post, especially this:



It's attachment PARENTING, not just attachment MOTHERING. (sorry for shouting, this just gets me )
Couldn't have put it better myself. My dh is a sahd, and works part time at night and weekends. I didn't even see sahd as an option on this poll.

My dh is WAY more MOTHERLY than I could ever wish to be. (I am a really LOGICAL person...) I feel we are making the best choice for our children, even though I am a WOHM. By choice. And Not for a big house and two fancy cars. Because someone else's parent gave up on them, and I don't want to see that teenager end up in prison, or dead.
post #138 of 221
You know SB3? I feel the same about my job. I work with behavioral autistic children who I love. Everyday I get to see them grow and learn. So much joy.

I also get to come home and love up my sweet ds and cuddle with him. The bond that one has with their child is purely theirs and to discribe it would be letting out some great secret place in their hearts.
post #139 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaydeesac
Has anyone read "The Price of Motherhood" by Ann Crittenden? I haven't read the whole book yet, but what I have read is hair raising.
Yes, read it. I don't agree with all her recommended solutions but her analysis was excellent. And she is really on to something. Whether we are home or not, working or not, we are not valued for our contribution to the world.

That should be something that unites us, not divides us.
post #140 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by misfit
Yes, read it. I don't agree with all her recommended solutions but her analysis was excellent. And she is really on to something. Whether we are home or not, working or not, we are not valued for our contribution to the world.

That should be something that unites us, not divides us.
Another vote for that book. Folks, the "mothering wars" are exactly what the status quo is happy with. A united mom front would be a scary thing to the institutions that keep all of us down.
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