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Have you ever put your kid(s) in daycare? - Page 8

Poll Results: Have you ever put your child(ren) in daycare?

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 44% (109)
    never have, never will
  • 6% (17)
    no but I plan on it
  • 24% (60)
    yes, part-time
  • 24% (60)
    yes, full time
246 Total Votes  
post #141 of 221
yes, tracymom, no doubt! thanks for making that point.

i haven't read the book, but i firmly believe that we should *all* be compensate for the unpaid parenting and homemaking work we do. until we have that, none of us really making a true choice.
post #142 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by bec
Of course I am. I'm a responsible adult that worries about her children's future.

I don't even get why you would ask this question. Just trying to fan the flames back up?
Ack...no, I wasn't trying to fan the flames (I would have thought the rest of my post would have indicated that, but whatever). Perhaps my wording was off. Rather than "Do you worry?" I think I should have said something like, " *How* do you deal with that worry?". The question was truly asked in good faith. I think it is an important issue, and I wonder how women who are out of the workforce for an extended period of time cope with the economically perilous position that absence puts them in.

It's not just worrying about your children's future, but also about your *own*.

Peace.
post #143 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaydeesac
Ack...no, I wasn't trying to fan the flames (I would have thought the rest of my post would have indicated that, but whatever). Perhaps my wording was off. Rather than "Do you worry?" I think I should have said something like, " *How* do you deal with that worry?". The question was truly asked in good faith. I think it is an important issue, and I wonder how women who are out of the workforce for an extended period of time cope with the economically perilous position that absence puts them in.

It's not just worrying about your children's future, but also about your *own*.

Peace.
Sorry, this thread is getting me a little jumpy and defensive.

The fact that my earning power right now is less than daycare would cost is one thing that makes the decision easier. When my kids are older (maybe school age), I plan on studying to become a lactation consultant. This is work that I feel a calling to, and something that will make a difference in the world, as well as giving me a paycheck.

Until that time, I do feel nervous at times. It is something I think about. If something happened to my husband, I would probably have to sell the house and move in with a family member. If he lost his job, well, he still has a much larger earning power than I do.


Bec
post #144 of 221
The best mothers are the ones that withold judgment till they've walked that mile in the other's shoes, not the ones that sit at home thinking up ways to feel superior to others.
post #145 of 221
Yup. I agree with simonee.
post #146 of 221
I work full time and put my dd in daycare when she was four months old.

cheers
post #147 of 221
I had to with dd, now with ds I never have so he has been home with me since birth I am not happy about putting dd in daycare, I regret it and feel guilt sometimes, but really there wasn't much I could do at that time although I don't like excuses, I should have found a way not to have to do it.
post #148 of 221
Well said, Simonee.
post #149 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloKitty
But at this point in my life I think I can reasonably say "never will" because if DH loses his job then yes I would look for work and if I got it DH would stay home until he found work - we still wouldn't be using daycare because we wouldn't need to.
That sounds like a reasonable strategy, but it just didn't work out that way for us. It was hard for DH to go to interviews or career events or even just get out to a lunch meeting to network, while also trying to care for our son. He had some small contract-type work opportunities come in where he could mostly work from home, but he needed to be available for meetings during the day, and while he was being paid pretty well on an hourly basis, it wasn't steady enough for me to quit and he also wasn't getting any health insurance benefits. So I had to maintain my employment, and we had to make arrangements for substitute care for our son. We tried sitters, we tried an informal arrangement with another AP SAHM, but ultimately we found that a licensed daycare home was really the best environment for our son.
post #150 of 221

never say "never will"

...
post #151 of 221
You should all do what we did! We moved to Australia! No guns! Little crime! (go figure) You are paid 700 dollars every two weeks to stay home with kids! Natual living! Beach down the road! No fears of safety! Unlocked doors at night! Naked babies at the parks and beaches! Its absolutely lovely. Moms can be stay at home mums without fears of income loss. And I mean all this, it is all fact.

But hey, it was a big step and we now have to travel to the states a lot, but just thought I'd let you all know there are other ways if they are options.

With love.
post #152 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by simonee
The best mothers are the ones that withold judgment till they've walked that mile in the other's shoes, not the ones that sit at home thinking up ways to feel superior to others.

Or the ones that sit at work thinking up ways to feel superior to others.


Bec
post #153 of 221
I don't see either of them as trying to feel superior, saying that only causes conflict. As a SAHM, I have contemplated working. Either choice I make will have me feeling I am making the wrong choice. I do volunteer work, which has me leaving my child with my mother sometimes. Volunteer work is still leaving my child with someone other than her mother. So I still feel guilty. Cos sometimes she just wants mom.

It isn't trying to put another down, it is trying to lift OURSELVES back from a place we and society has put us. We can sit here typing for hours back and forth justifying our choices, and it will always ultimately come across holier-than-thou, because another mother will have made the opposite choice and feels like we are slanging her. And this just isn't the case.

For instance, when I wrote above, "I still feel guilty", another mother might take offense at that and think I am saying she should feel guilty too. And of course, that was not my intention. My intention is to convey my aspect of what I am going through, and has nothing to do with anyone else.

This thread is a good place for each of us with our different situations and choices to put forth our feelings of whether we are at work or at home, but to take offense at someone else's perspective is not seeing clearly. It is usually due to an inner struggle for that person who is trying to come to terms with their own choice and therefore is quick to defend it.

If I go to work and a mom says to me "How can you leave your child all day?" the only answer to that can be "It is very hard." End of story. It is a simple question requiring a simple answer. Anything other than that looks like you are terribly insecure with your decision and are almost trying to convice yourself aswell as others that your decision is ok.

Forget "superior". None of us feel that. I think we all feel hopelessly inferior, and trying to come to terms with our new lives as mothers and the sacrifice it entails - at home or at work. Working moms need more support emotionally because they have made a harder emotional choice. Moms at home need more support as they are neck deep in children's problems all day, and have sacrificed their own desires for those of a child. Neither is better. Both are tough.

Let it go. Let the confrontation go. Just lets support each other for our choices here, and not take offense to the comments of a loving mother putting forth her choice and her reasons for her choice. This thread could be a wonderful support thread, one where I read someone write, "I have to work because I need the money and I need the space." and the response is simply, "that must be hard for you. Tell me about it."

With love.
post #154 of 221
What simonee said.

Calm - well said!

I'm 44 - old enough to be mom to some of the moms here. My dd is 17 months old & I work full time and have since I was 18. I hate it and I could hate it even more, but I have chosen to accept it, let it go and hope & work for the best outcome for my DD, DH and myself. I work to benefit of my family not to contribute to their detriment.

Does my attachment to my DD actually suffer because I work? Who knows... maybe, maybe not... there's no way to measure such things other than asking her how she feels about it some day when she's old enough. But I've made the choice I feel is most appropriate and least damaging for myself and my family, and yes, I do work hard to make it be the best I possibly can. But, I also think THE best way for a child to be well attached is to have two emotionally mature, well-grounded parents who are consciously responding to their child with love, patience and understanding. I can't see how the pinacle could possibly be about how many hours an infant's feet have dangled in a sling, or who is sleeping where. I don't believe in formulas that somehow magically add up to some utopian AP parent. Until we have a perfect world (read never) there will never be any perfect parents - even here in AP land. We need to get over all this parading of lists & realize it's not so much about what you do - AP is about who you are.

I found a wonderful, caring DCP and my DD still squeals with delight and runs to me when I pick her up every night. I won't parade my AP credentials 'cause I don't give a lot of credence to those lists. Just rest assured there's no big car or a big house here - we're deep in debt from DH's failed business attempt and we're an AP family. I fiercely love my child with every fiber of my being and have spent lots & lots of years before she was even a twinkle in our eyes planning & thinking of how I would parent her & AP is it.

Maybe I'll move to Australia - sounds wonderful to me!
post #155 of 221
My daughter goes to a babysitter during the days, but our situation requires it. She had a parent home with her for the first 14 months of her life, though. I had a year of paid maternity leave, and then my husband was a SAHD over the summer. With him deciding to go back to university to persue further education, we had no choice but to start sending her to a babysitter. We obviously couldn't survive on zero income. I'm not working for the "huge houses and expensive cars," like the original poster suggested. I'm working to support my family. :P

My husband will be a SAHD in the summers, until he graduates. She currently goes to a sitter around his school hours, so she's rarely there more than 5 hours a day. She's on a waiting list for both the daycare on his campus, and on campus where I'm working. I'll feel better knowing she's close by during the day, and if she's at the daycare at my work, I can go nurse her during lunch hour and breaks.

In a perfect world, I would love to be a SAHM until my daughter is in school full-time. But unless I want to be living in a cardboard box, I have to work. Sure, it's kind of sad when I stop and think that someone else is caring for my child, but I know that she enjoys her time there with her other little friend. And hearing her giggle as she runs to the door when I ring the sitter's bell, is the best sound in the world.
post #156 of 221
I voted never have, never will but I do leave Ryland with my sister often. Dh and I go out about twice a month or so and she and her BF come over and hang out - but usually Ryland is already in bed and he's very bonded to her so he loves to have her here.
post #157 of 221
I've never put Bran in daycare...we don't see the need for it for our family... Although I did used to work in one, so I guess if I ever decided to work in another one, I'd get to bring Bran to work...
post #158 of 221
In worrying about the financial future of my children...
Yes, I worry about it. We have a good life insurance plan if something should happen to us. DH is self employed and we have no retirement fund right now. Right noow our focus is our little children NOW, not later. My hope is that DH and I are giving our boys a solid fondation of love and support for thme to be the best they can be and love themselves and life.
My parents never had much on terms of savings, my Dad had a small life insurance plan, died at an early age and my mothere was left with not much at all. I will paying student loans my entire life probibly and dont regret my education one bit. I dont regret that my parents could not afford my schooling but sent me there anyways. I loved my father more than anything and that he had no "what if" money doesnt make him less of a parent. In fact we had a better relationship than friends who paid for school with a personal check had with their families.
Not to say that financial planning is wrong, believe me I would love to have saving money. Right now that is not our goal. At some point, I will have to go back to work to make our life less stresfull. BUt I hope to be able to work flexible hours and still be ariound for most of the wonderful things my children do.
CALM< maybe I'll move to Australia. I have thought about even Canada. They get a year maternity I think. The US has no worries about family bonds. Have a baby, leave them ASAP and get back to work. No wonder most of the countries that support families have less crime. Goes back to the Continuum Concept..
post #159 of 221
On the topic of Canada, yes we have a year of maternity leave, and they're talking about bumping it up to two years. We get a minimum of 55% of our income, but most companies will bump it up to 80-100%. Because I was making my full income for a year, and we were already used to living on one income, my husband and I were BOTH able to stay home with Brynn for her first year, which I think was a great experience for all of us.
post #160 of 221
Quote:
Originally Posted by DestinysMama
To be honest I have a hard time understanding wohm's. Obviously single parents have no choice but to put your kids in daycare just so you can afford new cars and a huge house? Or so you can feel fullfilled or useful by working?
Would it be OK, in your book, for a man to go out have a career? Would it be OK for a woman who didn't have kids to go out and have a career? I come down to: if it's OK for a man (with or without kids) and a woman without, why not a woman with kids? Men NEVER get asked if they plan to quit their jobs when they have children? Why do we continue to put theses expectations on women?

For what it's worth, I consider myself more Continuum Concept that AP, but I still read the boards. And no, I don't find it's a contradiction at all to be AP and working (for a parent of either sex).
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