Have you ever put your kid(s) in daycare? - Page 2

[wemoon]

I am a single mama. When I left their dad I had to work full-time, so they were in daycare. They had never been before. They were in daycare for about 4 months, and then I found a WAH opportunity through the company that I WOH with. Then, since I had so much more free time, I was able to tinker with eBay and such and was able to start up a sling business. I only sell slings for money right now. I'm totally poor, but I'm home, and with my kids. I felt that being a SAHM was so important that I am willing to give up being rich (hahahahah yea, not in this lifetime!) for being the prime caretaker, rolemodel etc for my kids.

So I am a single work at home mom. It is really hard/scarey sometimes, especially with sales cause I never know what will happen.

[EFmom]

Thread number 805,963 in the Mommy Wars.

I have a career that is very important to me. I enjoy it a great deal and get personal and professional satisfaction from it, and I think it is a job that makes the world a better place. I have no desire to be a SAHM, and I would not be good at it. I love my children every bit as much as you love yours. My kids are thriving, "despite" having been in daycare.

As far as finances go, we could probably survive on my dh's income as a high school teacher. But we would have a drastically lower standard of living. We don't live in a big house, but we do live in a modest house in a good, solid neighborhood in an excellent school system. Were we to try to live on dh's income we would need to move into a tiny apartment in a dangerous school district. I am not now, nor would I ever be a homeschooler. We currently are able to save for our children's college education (enough hopefully to send them to state schools with no debt) and for our own retirements. If I didn't work we would not be able to save a penny.

If you want to be a SAHM, more power to you. I do not. I look back on my own parents and my childhood, and the biggest gift my parents gave me was sending me to college such that I did not have to start out on my own mired in debt. It is not that my mother was a SAHM (she was). I am also old enough now that many of my friends are having to support their parents who failed miserably to save for their own retirements. I see what a burden that is and I'm not going to voluntarily do that to my own children.

[aussiemum]

My kids have been in part-time childcare for various periods of time. Now the oldest is in school, & my youngest is at kindy 3 days per week. I did not have to go back to work/school, I chose to. You can draw whatever conclusions you like from that.

[MPJJJ]

Originally Posted by DestinysMama

I'm multifaceted too, I have many other interests, I can find other activities without going to work or putting my child in daycare.

I NEED to go back to college to follow my dream. My dream is rehabilitating wildlife. I am empty w/out my dream. Mothering is wonderful, but I am beginning to feel stale. Sometimes being a mother is not going to be fulfilling to some mothers. I am one of those mothers. However, I have held off as long as I could, and either this summer or this fall I will be putting my kids on on-site daycare. I am confident that it will be a positive experiance for all of us. It will only be a couple hours a day, a few days a week to start. I know whats best for me and my kids, and living my dream is what will make me a happier mama, and a better mama. It sucks to think that there are other moms out there who think they are better then me, or look down on me, and judge me, because I crave outside experiances.

[nimamom]

I was home with my DD 100% of the time until she was 1 yo. Then I went back to school, for 8 hours a week, when my DH would keep her. When she was 18 months I added working 8 hours a week to the 8 hours I was already in school. When she was 2 1/2 I upped my school hours to 9 credit hours, and I took DD to preschool on campus for those 12 hours. Now, my DD is 4 1/2 and she goes to a Waldorf preschool 16 hours a week, when I work.

I don't know what this makes me. What I have always felt is that I'm pretty much a stay at home mom... but I also am a better mom when I do something outside of the home too, whether that is work or school. I am fortunate that DH and I were able to juggle life in such a way that I was able to stay home with DD as much as I did. But, I have many friends who work and are fabulous attached parents to their little ones!!!

[polka hop]

*

[kerc]

Originally Posted by DestinysMama

The purpose was just to see how an AP board compares to other regular parenting boards I've posted on. I would have thought on an AP board there would be more SAHM's

I suspect there are a large number of sahms. I also suspect there are a large number of people, like myself, who feel passionately about what they do. That's WAHMs, SAHMs, WOHMs. The working mamas get banged around all the time here. There's no real reason for it. We all care about our kids and are devoted to them and since we're here at MDC we all try to be AP. Please remember that martha sears is a wohm.

Originally Posted by DestinysMama
To be honest I have a hard time understanding wohm's. Obviously single parents have no choice but to put your kids in daycare just so you can afford new cars and a huge house? Or so you can feel fullfilled or useful by working? ........... to me my career is my family.

great that your career is your family. but not everyone puts their kids into daycare so that they can buy new cars and a huge house. Feeling a bit argumentative this morning, otherwise I'd just ignore your post. But...my dd was an unplanned baby. I was in my second year of a phd program. If i left, I'd have to start over (if I could get in someplace). I never planned on having kids before my late 30s and was financially and emotionally unprepared for kids. I have always dreamed of being a working woman. So dd is in daycare. In a very loving place, with someone who basically treats her like her own daughter.

[chel]

I'm a SAHM, who wishes I would have worked part-time. I quit my job as a RN to stay at home with dd. I had only worked for 7m as I got pg right after school (not planned). Being a mother was a hard adjustment and after the 1st yr would have liked to get a part-time job, but wouldn't make any $ if I had to pay for daycare.
Since dd was 6m I've taken dd to the YMCA so I could work-out with DH. When dd was 2.5yr I put her in a 3hr/2day/week Mother's Morning Out. More for dd but also gave me a little break. DH works super long hours and never would take care of dd and I needed a break. When dd turned 3yr we started the Parent's Night Out at the YMCA that is twice a month/4hrs in the evening so DH and I can have our Date Night. This Sept. dd school is now 4.5hrs/2days/week.
All in all, yes I do let other people watch my dd. I have now family close by and friends that are busy/working/have enough of their own to help watch mine.
My dd has really blossomed from all these experiences.

[Marsupialmom]

When I was a single mom I HAD to. Needed money for food. I did manage to make it as little as possible though. My husband was my boyfriend and he shifted his work schedule so my son was in day care for only 1-3 hours a day.

When I had to go back to work in OCT because my husband was on strike my mil took care of the kids.

I breastfeed my children 27 months (he went to day care), 4.25 years, 30 months (or so).

My kids still co-sleep when they want.

My kids are homeschooled. Which is a struggle when you have to work full time.

I have cut down working to 2 days a week. I wanted to quit but these 2 days affords us a few extra's. Like being able to buy son exactly what he wanted for his birthday.

I think it is sad that you think day care automaticly equals less of the parent. Yes, there are people that are self centered that put their kids in day care but that should not be an automatic assumption.

[Fleurette]

"I love being a sahm and wouldn't have it any other way. To be honest I have a hard time understanding wohm's. Obviously single parents have no choice but to put your kids in daycare just so you can afford new cars and a huge house? Or so you can feel fullfilled or useful by working? I never really wanted a big career I guess so I just don't get it, to me my career is my family."

Um...well, can I just say as a fulltime WOHM, I DON'T do it because it necessarily affords me a bigger house or car but I HAVE TO OR MY HOUSE IS GONE! Honestly, this type of comment always makes me scream in anger. Do you really think ALL wohm work because they want bigger and better? Some may, but please, please, please don't lump us in with all the others because some of us who are married still need to work in order to have the necessities. It would be nice if we could move to a less expensive area, but around where I live, it honestly doesn't exist.

Please, don't judge. I use daycare fulltime and I'm proud of what I do to keep my kids in a safe, wonderful neighborhood with parks and great kids to play with instead of living with a stressed out mother and father who can't pay the bills and lose their home.

[Parthenia]

I love my jobs as a mom and as a WOHM. We just bought a house, which is not big, or fancy, but it was the right thing for us to do. DD's health has improved (we lived near a dusty recycling plant, which caused lots of running noses and sinus infections), and we're able to save for the future. We could not afford to pay our mortgage, put healthy food on our table, and keep gas in our old crappy cars, put money in a college savings for dd if I didn't work.

Because we like to, because we have to, and because it's really not anyone else's business or concern of what works for *our* families. I pass no judgement on SAHM, more power to you that it worked for you. So don't try to "understand" why an AP mom would WOH, just don't judge. Understand this--my choices may not work in your family and vice versa.

I've always felt that AP practices really make the lives of busy working parents much more manageable than more "mainstream" practices. I hope this sheds some light on how some of us WOH and AP.

I marked that I put my child in full time day care. We eased dd into full time care at 3 months. It was on the campus where I work, I could bf on my lunch break, they were AP friendly, and she was loved and cared for by wonderful people. I missed her every minute we were apart, but I knew she was in safe place, and I could walk over and see her anytime I wanted. We'll do the same thing with our next baby. I don't regret it for a second. I would rather not have to pay someone to care for my child, sure! I'd rather take her to work with me, but I haven't found a work environment that I enjoy where I could do that. BTW, I breastfed DD until she self weaned 2 months shy of her 5th birthday (will do the same with dc#2), and she co-sleeps with us whenever she wishes. I CD'd for several months (til it stopped "working" for us), and plan to CD dc#2 and make it work...I'll stop with the credentials. I hope you get the picture.

DestinysMama, my question to you is why is it hard to understand that we do what's best for our families, even when other people don't think it's best? Has this type of vocal criticism and scrutiny deterred a homeschooling, co-sleeping, or non-vaxing family? I suppose it sometimes does, and frequently strengthens a family's resolve that they are doing the right thing.

[sadean]

EFMom- I love you 2 You have most aptly illustrated how I feel.

I see little direct corrolation between being "AP" and being an exclusively SAHM. Yes, many SAHM are AP (as illustrated by the wonderful SAHM mothers here), but many are not. Many WOHM are AP (as illustrated by the wonderful WOHM mothers here), and many are not. One does not HAVE to be a SAHM to BE AP, nor does being WOHM automatically kick out of the AP "club".

Me? Yes, my children have spent varying amounts of time in OTH childcare. We have tried to limit it as much as possible and have succeeded, except for a 6 month period, in keeping it down to PT (2-3 days per week), but the majority of the time DH and I have both been working OTH and have relied on center daycare and a wonderful AP preschool, on at least a part-time basis. DS#1 is in school now, so he technically is in OTH care FT. DS#2 goes to preschool/childcare 3 days per week and cannot wait to get there in the morning.

I have also taken a stab at being a SAHM and found myself depressed, bored and desperately lonely. It hasn't worked for me. DH works in retail and barely covers the bills when he is working FT...it all makes for a very unhappy family. So, currently I work FT, he works PT and we live comfortably, though certainly not extravegently. That I work doesn't mean I don't love my children and don't miss them when I am not present. It does mean that I spend every waking moment I am with them being focussed and attentive to their needs, and I personally think they get more "bang for their buck" that way. I respect and admire women (and men) who are able to make SAHP work. They are giving their child a unique gift. But so are the many WOHP...the gifts just may be different. But no less important or "AP".

[Bellasmom]

Why do I work outside the home?
Because my husband's job (part-time) does not have insurance. I think that to allow my family to be uninsured would be negligent.
Because I have a wonderful husband who works part-time so that he can stay home with dd every morning.
Because my husband's degree (bio-medical illustration) is very specialized, and there are not any full time jobs for him available in our area at this time.
Because I have a wonderful boss who lets me pump as much as I need to, work flexible hours, take dd to playgroups in the middle of the day, and understands that my family comes first.
Because it would be nearly impossible for me to find a part-time research job, because experiments sometimes take several hours or several days.
Because I am doing what is best for my family.
We are fortunate to have a wonderful daycare provider whom my dd loves very much, flexible schedules, and flexible goals. If I could be a SAHM right now, I would be. I intend to be someday. But is a matter of weighing all of the important things for your whole family in lots of different areas and doing what is best for the moment.

Angela

[PurpleBasil]

Why does so much of Attachment Parenting literature (Sears and API come immediately to mind) emphasize that part of Attachment Parenting is avoiding prolonged mother-child seperation, especially when the child is under three?

If it isn't part of Attachment Parenting to have the mother-baby relationship protected against seperation, then why do the majority (if not all) of these AP authors include it in APing? Are they misinformed/wrong?

Honest questions.

[chalupamom]

Wouldn't it be so great to live in a world (as the OP apparently does) where everything is so simple: black or white, this or that? To think my life is complicated by so many shades of gray. I should probably get rid of them as soon as possible so that I can go around thinking that every thought I have is 100% correct.

The conflation of "daycare" to encompass any kind of situation and any reason whatsoever where mom specifically is not within eyesight of her children is bizarre, disingenuous and misleading at best, mean spirited, disrespectful and inflammatory at worse. Why only four choices on the poll?

I've had my son in daycare full-time, part-time, an au pair (who taught him Portuguese!), with a relative, in pre-school, and now with me full time (I am also my family's sole financial support). Life shifts and changes and we've had to shift and change with it. Does it make a difference how I felt about the situation? If I had a job I loved and was good at, then I'm bad? But if I "cried my eyes out every day" then it's o.k. because I felt really, really awful about leaving my son? What if I was secure in the knowledge that in my absence his care was superlative? At any given moment I knew my son was in excellent hands - I never left him in any situation I was ever unsure of and that's all anyone really needs to know.

I'd like to know the OPs checklist for appropriate maternal behaviour: nursing (check), slinging (check), cosleeping (check), delayed or no vax (check), homeschooling (check), with the kids every breathing moment (uh...).

So, do I fail some kind of OP motherhood exam? No matter - I'm a great mom, my kids are happy and healthy and every now and again they get to charm someone else with how cool they are while I attend to some adult business.

Anyone who thinks the last is a problem can quietly look the other way. There's nothing to see here.

What a piece of work.

[dancingmama]

Usually I just ignore threads that start out with this kind of tone. But somehow just felt like writing this time.

I HATE it when people get on these boards and make some holier-than-thou, contentious and argumentative statement, and then sit back and watch.

Mostly, I feel like if you are happy, TRULY happy, in your life, you don't feel the need to do this. You don't feel the need to come on these boards and state why you love yourself so much and you just don't understand anyone who does it differently. If you are truly happy, you are generous with others. If you are truly happy and comfortable in your skin, you not only accept others, but welcome them and all you can learn from them (because everybody has something to teach). You don't put up barriers. You don't us-and-them everything.

[zeldabee]

I went back to work when my son was 8 weeks old. I had no choice at all--unless I wanted to live in a homeless shelter, that was the only way the rent would be paid. (I was still supporting my son's father, sort of hoping that he'd step up to the plate and at least contribute financially...I finally asked him to leave in June when my son was 9 months old.)

Eight weeks is just to soon for any mother to go back to work, especially a mother like me who wouldn't even consider giving her baby formula unless there truely was no other choice (e.g. I was on my deathbed). I was only just then adjusting to being a parent! I was just then really falling in love with my baby, as the shock wore off.

He's been in full-time family day care since that time. It broke my heart to leave him there the first day, but at the same time, I knew he'd be ok, because the DCP I found really loves the kids she cares for.

I knew when I met her, after having visited many other DCPs during my pregnancy, that my baby would be ok with her. I'd chosen someone else, and had thought, well, ok...she's competent...I'd tried to reassure myself. Then for some reason I saw Consuelo on another list, and went to see her. I saw the way she was with the two kids who were there at the time. I knew this was where I wanted my son to stay while I was at work. I felt so relieved.

And he *is* ok. He's more than ok--I truely believe that his life is enriched by being there. Consuelo's older teenagers are very involved with the kids, and help her. There are two other toddlers there full-time, and they're like brothers to my son. There are a few other kids who are there more occasionally. There's a new baby there now. My son loves it there--he's always happy to see me when I come to pick him up, but sometimes he doesn't want to leave. He loves Consuelo...he's attached to her, and she to him.

We co-sleep, he was a sling baby until very recently (he's a big boy!), I have no plans to wean him until he wants to. I am very attached to my son.

He is thriving. We have a roof over our heads. Things are very, very hard for me right now, but things could be so much worse, and I have much to be grateful for.

[mirlee]

This is a topic that has been addressed many times in this community.

Why do I work? Before I had my son, I spent many many years in school to do the thing that would make me happy. I have a very successful career and am an expert in my field as is attested by the positions within my professional organizations I have held, the requests for speaking engagements that I receive, the invitations from organizations such as the NEH and the NHPRC which I receive regularly to make recommendations to funding worthy projects to preserve history in this country. I am a professor. My student fully enjoy my classes and it provides great fulfillment to me to know that I am helping to educate the next generation in my profession. I get the chance to share my expertise, my experience, and to excite students about the profession.

I am also a very fulfilled wife and mother. My family is my first life always. In order for us to have the life we have. Working makes that possible. I feel that I would be cheating my family if I did not work. We have had opportunities and will continue to have these because of what I do. We get invitations to exciting events because of my involvements. We travel because of my involvements.

My son has been in a daycare situation since he was 9 weeks old. Did I go into this lightly? Not all. I was devastated to put him there. It hurt everyday. How could someone take care of him as well as I could? Would he eat? He nurses constantly, how will they ever get him to have a bottle? Will they respond to him as well as I do? For the first month my head spun. But, he did fine. He is now in pre-school, and I see that this experience has been good for him. He is a thriving creative force.

I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I am sorry that others feel they need to criticize and look sideways at those of us who have made different choices. Everyone makes the choices they feel are best for their families. It would be nice if everyone can respect the idea that even though we share similiar goals and ideals, we are all leading different lives. What works for me, probably won't work for you and vice versa.

[Viola]

I put mine in preschool twice a week when she was 4. A lot of people might consider that daycare. One of my friends always referred to it as such.

[Cloverlove]

I am cutting alot of slack to the OP, because, well, I remember being a young attached sahm. I always thought "If we can do this, anyone can."

I didn't realize how priorities shift as you get older. When I was 24 it was ok that we weren't saving, that we were accumulating debt, that my degree was becoming useless and I was totally dependent on dh. It seemed like we had time to take care of all these things.

Now I am 31, with 2 kids, still dependent on dh. I've seen his salary almost quadruple since we first started out and yes, I am starting to feel really ready to have part of my life back, after 6 years as a sahm. Dd is 3 and I planned to wait until she started school to go back to work, but now I don't think I can wait that long.

I unabashedly voted no, but I plan to.