how to deal with relatives - Page 2

[shishkeberry]

I just hope what happened to me doesn't happen to you. My Step-MIL asked me when I was in the hospital if Trent was circ'd and I said no. She asked me if he was getting it done the next day and I said no, he's never getting it done. She didn't say anything about it until two weeks later when we were having dinner at her and FIL's apartment. She flat out asked me why I didn't circ Trent and I told her I believed it was wrong and it wasn't my right to remove my SON'S foreskin. So she turned to my DF and asked him what he thought. *Sigh* Fred really made things bad with his comment--we talked about circ'ing before we knew we were having a son and I didn't want to do it-at first Fred did, but I convinced him it shouldn't be done by showing him a video of one being done and he agreed with me (he even said he wished he was intact)--but he told Step-MIL that he didn't disagree with me. It totally made it sound like I forced him into the decision and he had no say in it which WASN'T true! We talked about it and he agreed with me!

Anyway Fred checked his email the next day and there were two from Step-MIL. She was so convinced that Fred couldn't possibly have decided not to circ (of course he would have done it ) that it meant he wasn't the father and I was cheating on him with my best friend. She said I had tricked him this whole time and my best friend(who is a guy) and I were sleeping together and decided on the no-circ and name (they both *hate* Trent's middle name) behind Fred's back. Can you believe her? She even convinced FIL that it was true--they basically said that my son wasn't their grandson.

She also tried to undermine my breastfeeding by giving us bottles and telling Fred he wouldn't be able to bond with Trent if he never fed him, but that's another story.

I don't talk to either of those jerks anymore and they won't be seeing my DS ever again.

[Teresa]

<<She was so convinced that Fred couldn't possibly have decided not to circ (of course he would have done it ) that it meant he wasn't the father and I was cheating on him with my best friend. She said I had tricked him this whole time and my best friend(who is a guy) and I were sleeping together and decided on the no-circ and name (they both *hate* Trent's middle name) behind Fred's back. Can you believe her? She even convinced FIL that it was true--they basically said that my son wasn't their grandson.>>

Did you tell her the truth, finally?
That you were abducted and impregnated by aliens?
What a lunatic!
I hope that this opened your poor husband's eyes to her fragile mental state.
I've heard some bizarre stories about family members who do not support a parent's leaving their child whole, intact and natural.
Yours wins the contest, though and makes me almost appreciate my MIL.
I apologize if I'm making too light of the situation, though.
It's one thing to know of it second-hand, but it must be horrible to have to live with it.
Hang in there!
Teresa

[philomom]

My mom and dad didn't dare say anything. They know that I'm in charge here. My mother in law however, caused a big stink. Seems to think that I don't love my kid right or something. Finally after she pressed and argued with me for sometime I told her off. Told her it was barbaric child abuse. She laid into hubby after that but never me again.

[wtchyhlr]

If this baby is a boy, we will not be circ-ing. DH and I are in full agreement. however, we haven't mentioned any of this to any other family members, his side or mine. I suspect his side will have a cow, and mine is far enough away that they won't... but still, it could be interesting, so I'm watching this conversation because soon it may be me.

(Sidenote, we haven't told DH's family we're homebirthing... if it comes up, we will, but so far it hasn't come up. Dont want to invite the stress of the fight....)

[Karry]

My MIL asked me if I was going to circ Lucas when I was pg with him. When I told her no the first thing out of her mouth was that she had never seen one that wasn't circed. She seems to think that her boys were circed before she could see them intact. During the 60s they did sometimes circ in the delivery room so I guess she could be right.

I was expecting more of a discussion about it, but she didn't say much more about it. I even leave the Fleiss book out, but I don't know if she's ever looked at it.

Just don't mention it until someone asks, and then tell them no. Your baby is perfect the way he is. Good luck.

[jstar]

i circ'd my son and in hindsight it was largely due to pressures from my parents. don't ask me why i was so affected by their wishes...i really don't know. we didn't do it right after delivery and told everyone we were undecided. (we were) the doc told us we had up to a month to decide. we just let it slide for a couple of weeks and the whole time my parents were 'did you take him in to get him circumcised yet' finally decided to do it. and it was awful. AWFUL

so stand firm with your wishes. i was way too undecided and impressionable. i even asked my cousin who had a baby the month before. she said her ds was totally unphased. well mine wasn't. he was miserable.

if we have another boy i don't want to circ. and dh says we have to because they'll fight over it. i don't care if they fight

i think if i'd been firm with my parents they would have gotten over it. they're so used to the idea that everyone is circumcised. and that just isn't the case anymore

i really just wanted a girl so i didn't have this problem :/

[boingo82]

Originally Posted by jstar

..
if we have another boy i don't want to circ. and dh says we have to because they'll fight over it. i don't care if they fight
..

s: mama, I am so sorry.
You do not have to circ again if you have another boy. Doing it again will not relieve the guilt.. If you have another son you just tell him that when your 1st was born, you thought it would be healthier/better/whatever...but when you learned better, you did not want to make the same mistake twice.

Here are some older threads that might help you.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=191027
http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=110971

[shishkeberry]

Did you tell her the truth, finally?
That you were abducted and impregnated by aliens?
What a lunatic!
I hope that this opened your poor husband's eyes to her fragile mental state.
I've heard some bizarre stories about family members who do not support a parent's leaving their child whole, intact and natural.
Yours wins the contest, though and makes me almost appreciate my MIL.
I apologize if I'm making too light of the situation, though.
It's one thing to know of it second-hand, but it must be horrible to have to live with it.
Hang in there!
Teresa

Oh, my DF *hates* her now. Can't stand her at all. Neither of us has either spoken to her or seen her since the incident. His dad still calls us, but Fred doesn't call him. Luckily, she just got a job down in SC so they live 650 miles away now And now I truly believe in karma--last weekened we came home and his dad had left a message on our answering machine. It said that Step-MIL had been bitten by a spider and it was bad enough to put her in the hospital--I can't help it, but I LMAO! Stupid cow, that's what she gets! I wanted to call back and laugh at her, but that would have been bad.

[Charles Baudelaire]

Originally Posted by apmammaof2

Hi everyone,
I am a newer member and have not posted much. My DS is due any day now and DH and I have decided not to circ. I've been putting off telling my mom and dad about this for a while as I know they will not agree with our decision and I will have to really hear about it and I do not need that kind of stress during my pregnancy. I have all the info to give them that DH and I reasearched and that my midwife gave us, but to be completley honest I am just plain scared to tell them, Why should they even care? he is OUR son right. Well, this I know but nonetheless it is still a major issue for me. Anyone else delt with this and have advice to share?

Hey, my DH was completely in favor of circumcision, and it's lucky we ended up with a girl and it became a nonissue.

That being said, though, I've been passing on relevant bits of information (THANKS, MDC MOMS!) and he's now in favor of letting the kid decide when he's old enough to do so. Here are the top ten convincers for my dead-set, stubborn-as-a-mule DH:

7. Babies CAN feel it.
6. Knowledge of the way the procedure occurs
5. The fact that most doctors don't even use topical anaesthesia
4. Staph infections (there was a recent thread on this)
3. The fact that penis foreskins as a source of potential difference between your boy and other boys aren't an issue until maybe age 13 or so.
2. The argument that it's genital mutilation

And now the biggie:

1. THE FACT THAT YOUR KID'S PENIS CAN GET INFECTED & FALL OFF, AND THEY'D HAVE TO UNDERGO GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

That last one changed his mind VERY quickly.

[Charles Baudelaire]

Originally Posted by shishkeberry

Anyway Fred checked his email the next day and there were two from Step-MIL. She was so convinced that Fred couldn't possibly have decided not to circ (of course he would have done it ) that it meant he wasn't the father and I was cheating on him with my best friend. She said I had tricked him this whole time and my best friend(who is a guy) and I were sleeping together and decided on the no-circ and name (they both *hate* Trent's middle name) behind Fred's back. Can you believe her? She even convinced FIL that it was true--they basically said that my son wasn't their grandson.

She also tried to undermine my breastfeeding by giving us bottles and telling Fred he wouldn't be able to bond with Trent if he never fed him, but that's another story.

I don't talk to either of those jerks anymore and they won't be seeing my DS ever again.

Oh, my God. What a frickin' LOON she is. Wow. My jaw is just plain on the floor.

[A&A]

My MIL's reaction was, "Oh, you two will do anything to be different."



Yes, that's right. We left our son intact just to be rebellious.


NOW she's anti-circ, though! We've worked on her over the last two years.