or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Does anyone else here just let sleep happen when it happens?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Does anyone else here just let sleep happen when it happens? - Page 4

post #61 of 92
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama
Oh, one last thing – it seems like some people are using some routines but maybe not schedules (like us). Are we talking more about following our children’s rhythms (when possible) or limiting “routines” like quite time and etc.?
I think I mostly follow my children's rhythms, but also have a very, very loose routine where when it seems like the kids are getting tired then it is quiet time. There is no magic quiet time, like 8pm or anything. It changes with what has gone on in the day, how tired the kids are etc.
post #62 of 92
Yea, that's us too.
post #63 of 92
Same here...Cali goes to sleep whenever she goes to sleep, lol

I am glad to find out I am not the only one parenting this way!!
post #64 of 92
I haven't read the previous posts because wow 4 pages! But I wanted to chime in with my opinions.

We also just fall asleep when we fall asleep, but my son is only 10 months which is totally different then a 3 or 5 year old. When he is tired he gets fussy and grumpy and I know he wants to be held and/or nursed, then he falls asleep. I very very rarly work at putting him to sleep. If it takes more than 10 mintues and he odviously isn't interested, ie trying to crawl, screaming/crying when I try to lay him down or nurse him. He usually plays himself out and I snuggle him then put him to sleep.

I think it also takes knowing your child and know what helps to fall asleep/stay asleep. Some nights when I am exhausted and I know he is too, but he won't lay down I have to go into the computer room and rock him. I think it's a combination of the heat, the light and the humm of the 3 computers. Other nights he wants to be laid down and not touched, or he wants to lay down but be snuggled. Just like everything else in child rearing you have to learn their signals and learn what to do with them.

Some kids need schedules to function, especially many high needs children. My stepmom's sisters son is extremely intense, he has some autistic tendancies but not diagnosed autistic. He is extremely intense. He has to have a shedule. He was ask what time it is so he knows when it is time to go to bed, take a bath, read a book, etc. He thrives off it. If you tell him you are going to be a little late leaving for school, he freaks out.

On the other hand I have a friend who is very schedule orientated. At about 1 month old she started her daughter on a schedule for sleeping, bathing, nurseing, etc. When she started solids at 4 months, she ate them at a specified time. The sad thing about this was that the mother unknowingly helped to pretty much wean her daughter. At 12 months she only nursed her in the morning and at night. I am not knocking her because it is very cool that she is still nursing, but there have been times when her daughter wants to nurse at play group because other babies are, but her mother tells her "No, it's not time for bed, you can't nurse yet."

I personaly don't like schedules, I had a hard time waking up for school my whole life no matter what time I went to bed. I am just not an early riser, never have been. So, we go to bed when we are tired and wake up when we wake up. But I think we will have trouble when DS gets to school age because he can't just go whenever. He needs to be there on time, etc. So I feel around age 4 or 5 I will try and get us on a more regular schedule for eatting, sleeping, baths, etc.

I say whatever works for the family. I don't think every child needs to be on a schedule or doesn't need to be on one.
post #65 of 92
I probably have a very loose routine but it's not a routine to get baby to go to sleep. We eat dinner around 7 pm. After dinner I usually give baby a bath, which takes less than 30 minutes. That's our routine. Baby doesn't usually go to sleep at night until after 9 so there's a lot of time after the bath when we are just hanging out. When he starts to show his sleepy signs I take him in the bedroom and pop in the video of his daddy reading him some books. His dad has been deployed since he was 6 months old so we do this to keep them connected. I am not a schedule oriented person, however, so we don't do this every night. My ds still usually goes to sleep at night around the same time every night. He also usually takes naps around the same time every day without any prompting on my part. The only thing I do to "control" his sleep is that I will wake him up at 6 pm if he's still napping. I only do this because, if I don't, he stays up later than I can, which I feel is dangerous.

My 13yo who doesn't have a schedule told me the other night that he purposely went to sleep at midnight even though he didn't really feel tired.
post #66 of 92

It was different with each of my children..

When my daughter was a baby / toddler she went to sleep regularly on her own. Now that she is older it is pretty much the same. She still argues at times, but mostly she goes to bed at 9PM on school nights. She slept in her crib most of the time, but as she became a toddler, she started sleeping with me in my bed until she was two, then I started trying to get her to sleep in her own room by sleeping in there with her. It was easy for her to start sleeping alone because she felt crowded and only wanted me there till she fell asleep. With our son, it has been a whole different story. The first six months with my son, he would only sleep about 45 minutes to three hours at a time during the night and I was up with him constantly. Then we went on a road trip to see family and stayed at a motel, and so he was in bed with us, and he pretty much slept all night long except for feeding. After six months of no sleep, that felt great, so we started putting him in bed with us all the time. Now, he absolutely will not sleep in his own bed at all, and he is two years old now. It's very uncomforterable and I wake feeling sore, but I am getting sleep. How ever, he goes through phases where he wants to nap all day and stay up ALL night, when he gets in these phases, it is very difficult to get him back out of them because if I try to wake him early so that he will go to sleep at night, he gets extremely cranky.. He requires 10 hours of sleep when he is not napping, but actually sleeping, and the problem is, getting those ten hours to happen at the appropriate time. If I was working right now, I absolutely could not handle the mixed up schedule. But for now, I just do it his way, and wishing I had a routine. :yawning: :2toddler:
post #67 of 92
This is a really interesting thread - especially from the perspective of a mum of 2 babies. I would have *loved* to ignore the whole routine/schedule thing - I'm just not that kind of girl, so to begin with we let our boys do their own thing. However, by the time they were about 7 mos I was starting to lose it a bit - never having a moment to myself, and getting stressed about never knowing what was going to happen next. So we started to do a routine which was based on a lot of thought about when the boys usually got tired - basically trying to read their cues and work with them. Doing this has meant that I have a fairly guaranteed time during the day when I can catch up with a bit of cleaning, cooking etc., and some time in the evenings to relax a bit (and come here - and get some much needed support).

Ds1 and ds2 actually have quite different sleep needs, so there has been a fair bit of compromise all round - e.g. ds1 often doesn't need his morning nap if he has woken up a bit later than usual, or he has his afternoon lap a bit later if he slept longer in the morning. Ds2 likes more sleep in the day so has squeezed in an extra nap now and again. They also have slightly different bedtimes. So we are trying to respect their rhythms...

An additional benefit has been that now my dp (a SAHDad) and I don't have to have endless discussions about who will do what, with what baby, and when. This is a real relief and means we can all be a lot more relaxed. I think this is just one of the many compromises of trying to AP more than 1 baby at a time... I have to say however that my babies seem happier with this than with the previous situation - because it means that we are much better at meeting their needs when awake or asleep.
post #68 of 92
I don't know if this has been mentioned (only skimmed after page 1) but for those families where both parents work outside the home, certain time schedules are necessary, so you don't have the luxury of letting your child fall asleep whenever and make up for it by sleeping in the next day. My work right now is fairly flexible, but daycare closes at 6 regardless, so I can't let my DS sleep until 9 (as if!!!) and not make it to work until 10.

Personally, also, I believe that regular bedtimes are healthy. People have natural biorhythms which have been messed up by the use of artificial lights in the evenings and other diversions which keep us up later than we naturally would. A baby who stays up late into the evening would probably, almost definitely not stay up that late if the lights became dim after sunset and everyone was quieter.
post #69 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by sntm
A baby who stays up late into the evening would probably, almost definitely not stay up that late if the lights became dim after sunset and everyone was quieter.
Wouldn't that be letting sleep happen when it happens? Unfortunately, though, in my area, it wouldn't be a regular bed*time*, and it wouldn't help much with an inflexible work schedule. The sun sets here any time between about 4 and 10 pm, depending on the time of year and "daylight savings". It is natural for people in my area to sleep a lot in the winter, and a lot less in the summer. (And to work a lot less in the winter, a lot more in the summer.) When I was in school, coming home in the dark every evening and then trying to energize myself to do a bunch of homework was torturous. Many working people suffer from depression all winter, simply because they rarely see natural light: They have to drag themselves out of bed in the dark, and by the time they get home, it's dark again. In the summer, whole families (including little kids, who will eventually fall asleep in arms or in strollers if they feel like it) sit out on the steps in a party mood quite late. Even after dark, the heat, and the light feeling of excitement in the air, affects people's natural sleep pattern.
post #70 of 92
I haven't read the whole 4 pages because I don't have much time but I wanted to post my opinion..

I don't do "bedtime routines" and don't like them. I also wonder often why people start their routines at about 5 PM!
First of all, we have no set bedtimes. I am a SAHM so my children can sleep when their bodies need it and I will be there to assist them (put dd to bed, put her classical music on -she doesnt go to sleep without it- pj's etc.. then I nurse my ds to sleep, and he doesn't have a schedule and he's almost 8 months. he still nurses and sleeps when he wants to. at night he sleeps with me and he nurses all night long as well. It wouldn't work to put them on a schedule because 1)I don't want to and 2)it would be a shock for them because they have always done what they want when they want it. they have never fought sleep, the only "rule" we have would be, when we go to sleep (usually around 11) everyone has to, if they haven't already. but this never happens because by 11 they are both sound asleep, ofcourse.
post #71 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by eminer
Wouldn't that be letting sleep happen when it happens? .
Sort of, but linking it to sunset is more regular than allowing life activities to interrupt and people have innate circadian rhythms because of milennia of sleep cycles which reflect day/night. When I read your post, all I could think about was the movie "Insomnia", where the constant daylight and sleep deprivation was driving someone insane. And I've heard of studies showing the night workers and shift workers tend to have higher rates of disease, etc., due to the impact on sleep, regardless of the absolute amount of sleep they get.

I'm not a fan of "strict" bedtimes, but I think a loose bedtime around 7 or 8 tends to be best for most kids. I've noticed that my son actually sleeps better and falls asleep faster on the nights when we lie down and he doesn't seem tired at all. He'll be having a grand old time and not look tired and then we turn the lights out and nurse and he's out. If he seems tired, it's usually too late by the time we get clean diapers, pajamas, and into bed.
post #72 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by sntm
Sort of, but linking it to sunset is more regular than allowing life activities to interrupt and people have innate circadian rhythms because of milennia of sleep cycles which reflect day/night.
Right, but in most parts of the world, day/night have been seasonally cycling for all those millenia. The clock is a very new thing. For most of human history, there was no "around 7 or 8".

Quote:
When I read your post, all I could think about was the movie "Insomnia", where the constant daylight and sleep deprivation was driving someone insane.
The post about how I get sleepy earlier in the winter? Why?
post #73 of 92
This is along the lines of some things I have read where there is debate about how much of a parent's life should change for a child. There are parents out there who go to bed at 8pm, and by many responses here, that would mean if their child were to stay up until 11pm, then so would they.

I was wondering if parents who go with the child's sleep patterns wake their children in the morning, because once they are at school, that is exactly what you'll have to do. Unless you home school, which is a viable option.

Also, how do you keep the bond with your DP? I don't know how my DH and I would have survived without those 2 to 3 hours of bonding time in the evening when our daughter is asleep. I mean, we would have survived, but as it is we flourish, our marriage is the happiest I have seen anywhere - and I think this is largely due to our time together. And of course, by extension, we have a happy home - which is the most important thing for a child's development.

I have no doubt there are many different ways to keep a happy home and a quality relationship, but it must be a little harder when you are up with children until 9 or midnight. Just wondering, if anyone would like to share with me.

Blessings.
post #74 of 92
Oh, and a last question. What happens when you have more than one child? Lets say child #1 stays up late and child #2 goes to bed early and wakes early. Oh Lordy, what then? Do those parents just zombie around all day living on a prayer for more sleep? Is following a child always the healthiest method, when so many routine babies are doing just fine - and so are the parents? Or is following the children only viable when there is one child? Again, just wondering how others are doing it.
post #75 of 92
I think most children do not stay up very late. For example, I follow my baby's natural schedule and he has always gone to sleep at night by 9 pm except for a few rare occasions when he was up until 10:30 or 11. I have another child but he is much older so I don't need to be up when he is up. We do homeschool so we don't have a set time to get up in the mornings either. However, as I stated in an earlier post, if you have to get a baby or child up for something on a regular basis, their bodies will naturally adjust to the new schedule. They will either sleep more during the day or go to sleep earlier at night. I think the times when this does not happen is when you have a baby or child with a true medical problem or sleep disorder.

I don't feel that this interferes with my relationship with my dh either. I have "quality bonding" time with him whenever I want. Our situation may be a little different because we did not have the alone time before kids like many partners. I already had my older ds, who was 9yo, when we got married. So, I was already focused on a child and my dh new that coming into the relationship. We co-sleep so the intimate times are a bit more of a challenge. I look at it this way, however, the time that my children need to be close to me and need me for everything is such a short time compared to a lifetime of marriage. I think if both partners understand this and agree that that is most important to them both, the marital relationship can flourish. I think there is a new and unique bond that is formed between partners when they commit to raising children together that goes beyond the relationship they had before. I have heard many men say of their wives in a loving and aweful manner, "That is the mother of my children." I know I feel differently toward my dh now that he is the father of my baby. Some men (and women to a lesser extent) have trouble with this change in their lifestyles. They can accept it and even learn to love it if they are willing.
post #76 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by loving-my-babies
I haven't read the whole 4 pages because I don't have much time but I wanted to post my opinion..

I don't do "bedtime routines" and don't like them. I also wonder often why people start their routines at about 5 PM!
First of all, we have no set bedtimes. I am a SAHM so my children can sleep when their bodies need it and I will be there to assist them (put dd to bed, put her classical music on -she doesnt go to sleep without it- pj's etc.. then I nurse my ds to sleep, and he doesn't have a schedule and he's almost 8 months. he still nurses and sleeps when he wants to. at night he sleeps with me and he nurses all night long as well. It wouldn't work to put them on a schedule because 1)I don't want to and 2)it would be a shock for them because they have always done what they want when they want it. they have never fought sleep, the only "rule" we have would be, when we go to sleep (usually around 11) everyone has to, if they haven't already. but this never happens because by 11 they are both sound asleep, ofcourse.
There is a big difference between having bedtime routines and putting babies on schedules, just so you know

My dd is one and would easily stay up until 10:30/11 pm if we let bedtime drift like that. When she was younger, she wouldn't fall asleep until 12 or 1. In our house, there is no of course.

I think the dynamic is different when you have a sleep fighter. They don't need schedules, but they do need HELP falling asleep. My dd is happiest when her sleep is regular. It isn't respectful of me to let her sleep patterns get out of whack.
post #77 of 92
Thanks, Alysia, that was what I was looking for, and it is true about the relationship dynamic being better when they father (or mother) your child. I was also wondering about this though, but forgot to post it in my first post -

"if you have to get a baby or child up for something on a regular basis, their bodies will naturally adjust to the new schedule."

When this is mentioned by people who let sleep happen when it happens, I think this is the opposite of that. To wake a child is not going with their natural sleep cycles. They may adjust to a new schedule, but that is still one we have given them. Know what I mean? I am trying to see how a family can follow a child's sleep patterns and not fall over themselves at some point.
post #78 of 92
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calm

Also, how do you keep the bond with your DP? I don't know how my DH and I would have survived without those 2 to 3 hours of bonding time in the evening when our daughter is asleep. I mean, we would have survived, but as it is we flourish, our marriage is the happiest I have seen anywhere - and I think this is largely due to our time together. And of course, by extension, we have a happy home - which is the most important thing for a child's development.
.

Well, right now I am a single mama, but when I was with my X, we did not feel like our kids somehow ruined our relationship. In fact the kids were the best part of our realationship. When we were hanging out as a family, doing family activities we were the happiest. I just don't understand the notion that kids are somehow such a huge burden or strain on a relationship! My family IS(was in my case now) the relationship. The reason we seperated had nothing to do with "quality time", that is for sure.

If children can so easily ruin a relationship, just by being themselves and being around.... then I question the relationship from the get-go.
post #79 of 92
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calm

"if you have to get a baby or child up for something on a regular basis, their bodies will naturally adjust to the new schedule."

When this is mentioned by people who let sleep happen when it happens, I think this is the opposite of that. To wake a child is not going with their natural sleep cycles. They may adjust to a new schedule, but that is still one we have given them. Know what I mean? I am trying to see how a family can follow a child's sleep patterns and not fall over themselves at some point.

I rarely have to wake up my kids for school. The first couple of days I had to wake the oldest one up, but I did so very gently, I would open up the blinds so it was light in the room, mention to her that it would be time to get up soon. I would just go about getting myself and my youngest ready, not being quiet or loud, just go on with life. I would then turn on the lights in the bedroom, mention again that she would need to get up and get ready for school. I go take my shower. Only one time was she still not up after that point, so I had to physically pick her up and bring her to the living room with me.

This was only the first week of school that this happened. My son has always gotten up in plenty of time on his own. And quite honestly, if my children really didn't want to get up, I wouldn't make them.
post #80 of 92
Quote:
Originally Posted by eminer
Right, but in most parts of the world, day/night have been seasonally cycling for all those millenia. The clock is a very new thing. For most of human history, there was no "around 7 or 8".



The post about how I get sleepy earlier in the winter? Why?
Eminer -- meant to be joking about the movie Insomnia (prob should have put a smiley in there). Just remembering how hard it was to go to sleep when it was bright out when I was working nights.

Even with seasonal cycles, the change is very gradual, so quite different IMO than going to bed at 8 one night and 10 the next.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Co-sleeping and the Family Bed
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Does anyone else here just let sleep happen when it happens?