Years ago we read a couple of books by Dr. Ross Campbell called "how to really love your child" and "How to really love your teenager". I don't know if these books are even still in print, but you might be able to find them in a La Leche League group library. My memory may have failed me but as I remember, Dr. campbell is much like Dr. Sears in his approach. He talks about keeping your kid's tanks full with: one on one attention, eye to eye contact and physical touch, every day. I found I had to remind myself to hug those boys even when they began to tower over me!!
Girls seem to be more vocal and willing to talk about their feelings, but, they also shut down (or melt down) quickly when they overload emotionly. Teens are a lot like toddlers....and most of the time the same things work on both. Lots of love and patience and humor!!!