how to know when to stop having babies?

[chel]

I have 1 dd, 4yrs, DH also has 2sd (13&14) but they only visit for 1 week/yr. So basically dd is an only. While the first 2 yrs were rough, things are now sooooo easy. Maybe i'm just gotten so use to a hectic toddler that I'm having a hard time relaxing. I'm actually thinking about having another. Part of it is just dd growing up. I also think about how I could do things better and that I just want to "re-do" my dd again. $-wise I need to get back to work, maybe I'm just fearful of that.
I would love to hear from everyone and especially "only" familes to see if I'm crazy or if it's just adjusting to a new stage of life.

[calmom]

It's hard to know when to stop. I think you and your dh have to decide together. I know that I'm done because I can't bear the thought of ANY more stress in my life. I just can't take any more.

I also understand wanting to have a "do-over". I have had 3 do-overs and it's great to get better each time, although that in itself is probably not the best reason to have more.

It's a hard decision.

[mich]

We are done at two, DH had a vascetomy.

I am still having a hard time adjusting to a new stage in life. I do not want any more babies, but at the same time I'm having a hard time letting go of my old life. Meaning the last 5 years of raising a baby to toddler, and then repeating it with our second.

I now have more time on my hands and have to adjust and transition into being a mom without a baby/toddler. I feal a little old, and like I'm out of a group I belonged to for a long time. I know it's all in my head.

I know you are looking for responses from parents of onlies, but I realy related to your comment about adjusting.

Good luck

[USAmma]

That is such a personal decision and people "know" in different ways. Some know in their heart and others know for more concrete reasons. For us it was both.

I knew we would have a hard time affording another baby. Right now we are not able to put anything into savings and I'm hoping that we will one of these days!

I want to pursue a p/t career later, and I have to wait until my baby is old enough for preschool or a sitter in order to do that.

We would have to buy another car to fit all of them in.

We would have to buy another plane ticket for going to India and at $1200 each, well you get the idea.

I have suffered through severe mastitis and thrush and PPD and preterm labor and bedrest and meds-- and I think I've reached my limit on that. I cannot emotionally or physically afford to do that again.

I have a special needs baby and my oldest has her issues too. I don't have it in me to take care of another right now.

Dh and I decided that if we have that baby bug again in 5+ years, we'll adopt from India. I'm also planning to volunteer at Children's Hospital when my babies grow up a bit and I have time to do that.

Darshani

[TranscendentalMom]

I feel like the maximum we can afford and can handle physically and emotionally is 2. So that is how many we plan to have.

[isaberg]

Much as I love modern medicine and birth control, I think this must have been much easier when you didn't have control, and just had to see what you got given. :-)

Having a kid is the hardest decision out there. If you get married, you can get a divorce. Take a new job, you can quit. But a child is most absolutely permanent, emotionally and otherwise.

I'm in kind of a similar position - I was an only child and had a great time, but I think I want a big family. Being an only child, though, I have no idea how one deals with more than one child at once. So I'm nerving myself up to take the plunge a second time - or rather, to just give up the birth control and see what happens. Then a little part of my brain keeps saying "You want another kid just so you can avoid confronting the adult world again!" Then the other side of my brain says "You don't want another kid just because you're just afraid of what two children will be like!"

So, no answers. But I empathize with the dilemma!